A/N: Here we are. The last chapter. Thank you so much for your reviews, they brightened my day. XXX

Disclaimer: I'm tired of disclaimers. Merry, would you do it for me?

Merry: Of course, LotrFanUntoDeath.

(Turns to the audience) LotrFanUntoDeath doesn't own Lord of the Rings.

7. Aragorn is devoted to Arwen. Deal with it.

It took Aragorn, Boromir, a pot of grease and a whole evening to drag Frodo down the tree he had attached himself to. While Merry and Pippin distracted the Mary Sue, poor Sam ran around flapping his hands.

By the time the day arrived to depart from Lorien, tempers had run a tad short.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o 0o00o0o0o0o0o0

The Lord and Lady of Galadhrim bid them farewell. Galadriel them handed them all gifts from Lothlorien. (The Mary Sue wondered why her gift was a framed convex mirror… The Lady gave no explanation.)

The company got into the boats; Aragorn, Frodo and Sam into one, Boromir and the younger hobbits into another and Legolas and Gimli into the last. To no one's surprise, the Mary Sue came flying (gliding) and deposited herself in Aragorn's boat, assuring everyone that she didn't weigh a thing.

Much to her disappointment, though, Frodo's eyes were covered. (He was wearing a new invention of Legolas's. It allowed him to see, but prevented anyone from seeing his eyes. Legolas called it shades.)

The Fellowship set sail.

The Mary Sue turned to Aragorn.

'Hey, Gorniekins, you don't have a girlfriend back at home, do you?'

Gorniekins glared at her to convey the message that she was the last person he wanted to discuss about his betrothed with.

Error: Message sending failed.

'Do you?' pressed the Mary Sue.

'Yes.'

'What? Oh... you mean that Arweny chick. Well, too bad for her, huh? When are you going to tell her that we are together now?'

Stony silence. The others were looking everywhere but at Aragorn.

The MS continued;

'Oh come on. She'll get over you. Seriously, what were you thinking? She's soooo ugly and slutty!'

'How dare you talk about the Undomiel like that?' growled Frodo. Even Pippin was shaking with fury. Aragorn didn't utter a word. Sam slowly edged away from him; a vein was jumping in the Ranger's right temple.

Legolas remembered the time Aragorn discovered a rude poem Lindir had written about Arwen. The Elf had come out of it sporting a black eye and a bald head. This wasn't going to be pretty...

'Ugh, that hair! I'd die if my hair was so BLACK. Hasn't she even heard of highlights? And what's

with the...'

'Boromir!' Aragorn barked, making everyone jump.' You first order as my steward is to make sure that the darkest, dampest cell in the dungeons of Minas Tirith is infested with vipers, centipedes, rats and tarantulas, understand?'

'Got it.' Boromir said, grinning.

'She thinks she's soooo pretty, seriously, who does she think she is, Bella Swan? The way she talks! Dumb bitch.'

Looking absolutely calm and serene, Aragorn broke the oar he was holding into two with his bare hands. Frodo gulped and reached for the spare oars.(He had wondered why there were two... Elves were a wise folk.)

'Seriously, Arry, don't let the Elves-save-themselves-for-their-soulmate stuff fool you. She being the greedy slut she is, I bet she has...'

WHAMMMMM!

Sam was standing on the boat, his feet well apart. He was holding his saucepan like a club. The Mary Sue lay unconscious.

'It wasn't very gentlemanly of me, Strider,' he said panting. 'But I just couldn't take it anymore.'

The Fellowship were silent for a few seconds, soaking in the beautiful silence. Then the cheers erupted.

Aragorn and Frodo grabbed the Mary Sue's limp form and flung her bodily onto the river bank. (They didn't aim for a heap of dung on purpose, of course...)

Singing praises for Sam and songs of victory, the Fellowship of the Ring sailed down the Anduin. They later faced countless perils and fought many a foul foe, but none more deadly than the evil they just escaped from.

'Row row row your boat,

Gently down the stream;

Kick the stalker up her pants

and listen to her scream'

0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o00o0o0o0o00o0o00o0o0o0o00o0o0o0 o0o0o0o0o0o0

A/N: Don't forget to leave a review! :)