I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender, or indeed, many of the students.
Now, an announcement or several.
First, I would like to warn all those who have submitted students that nothing here is being taken seriously. NOTHING. You will be portrayed as drooling fangirls who only came to have a shot at your Lust Object. Everything that can be canon, will be canon. Zutara? Yeah right. If you wanna see that in here, or if you want Tokka, or Hatara (Haru+Katara), sorry, no. Despite being a Tokka shipper myself, I will not portray them as such, due to that NOT being canon.
Second, I am still accepting student applications. My student limit is 100, and I have...what, not even 20 currently? Yeah, get those applications in! See above for warning.
Finally, please everyone give props to the lovely Caelum Blue, my dear beta, who has been a bigger help than you might think. She also has a character here...who you will know when you see her. ;)
Lupe stared at the bowl before her. "What…is this?" She poked at the mushy white contents of the bowl with her spoon, and made a face as it gave a gloopy sound. Was gloopy even a word? On either side of her, William GP and Jessica Carden were giving their food similar suspicious looks.
"It's jook!" Iroh informed her, ladling a sizable glob into the bowl of [-], who was sitting across from Lupe. "My nephew says it's delicious. Taste it! It's almost as good as my tea."
"Huh? You make tea?" Lupe looked up at him. Iroh stared at her for a moment, then shook his head and moved to the Water Tribe table to give Allison Doyle a double serving (as punishment for muttering "tea's nasty," no doubt). The Waterbender gave it one look, turned green, and rushed for the door of the cafeteria. Several other squeamish students followed her.
"Could you read the semester schedule?" William whispered to Meep, who was on his other side. She shook her head miserably. "I don't read Chinese! Practically nobody here does! How are we supposed to know what classes we have to go?"
"Attention, students!" Karen swept dramatically into the cafeteria, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the lemur perched on her head doing a silly dance. "Since most of you obviously don't know how to read Chinese, I'm here to inform you that all students are required to attend Basic Canon in fifteen minutes in the Avatar Hall. And, since you obviously couldn't read the map, that's the huge hall in the south wing with the spiral in it. Did anyone think to bring their campus maps with them? No? Why, I'm so surprised…"
"Is Zuko teaching it?" someone called out.
"Hm? 'It'? I'm afraid I've no idea what you're talking about," Karen replied sweetly. "Could you mean the Hall? Silly thing, you, Halls can't be taught! Oh, you meant the class, didn't you? I'm sorry, but you won't see him until…oh…no, I really can't ruin the surprise!" She giggled as the fangirls started to moan in disappointment. "Anyways, just follow the large blue arrow signs to Avatar Hall for Basic Canon. And yes, I did use a blatant Aang-tattoo reference there. Aren't I funny?"
"You're as funny as a shark," Freeranger, still upset over the loss of her shame-bombs, muttered. A cookie whizzed past her ear and hit a bowl of jook, splattering the substance over several students and making their faces turn a sickly green.
"I'm sure you don't want to know this—which is why I'm telling you—but the staff has all been equipped with your shame bombs, Freeranger," Karen grinned manically. "We're expecting them to be a most useful tool against the fangirls. Look at what they did to Andy, after all!" Several people shuddered—Freeranger sulked and scratched at the floor with her nails. She had declared that she had no nation in her application (the Freeranger walks alone), so the staff had excluded her from sitting at the nation-designated tables and forced her to eat on the floor. ("Well, we can't just give you your own table! That'd be unfair to everyone else!" "Because we so obviously care about everyone else!" "Shut up Karen.")
"Karen! Stop distracting the students and let them finish their breakfasts!" Iroh shouted. Ihro, a flying lemur that had been helping him serve the students, flew in with a kettle of tea in its lower paws. "Oh, the tea is here!"
"Yeuch, tea," someone said, sticking their tongue out. Everyone who had actually WATCHED the series froze, then dove under the tables for cover. Just in case.
It was a wise decision.
Mental note, Lupe thought as she brushed some soot off her sleeves. Iroh likes tea. Then she looked around at the room she'd just entered. "This is Avatar Hall?" she asked. It was generically Asian, with paintings of dragons and huge animals covering the paper walls. She could vaguely remember having seen a documentary of Asian temples in school once, and supposed this looked pretty authentic. Although the stage lined with razor-wire hadn't been in the documentary. Maybe she'd missed that part.
"Students, please take a seat!" Iroh announced from the stage. "I will inform you of this class's expectations for the semester, tell you how you may pass, and then administer a basic quiz that should give us a baseline for what to expect. Going by the answers several unnamed students gave on the questionnaire included in the registration form, we don't have very high hopes for some of you. Lemurs! Distribute the forms! In the meantime, please welcome Karen Elaine DuLay, who will give an announcement before introducing the teachers to you."
"Welcome, everyone!" Karen swept in dramatically, nibbling on a chocolate chip cookie (the students, who hadn't dared touch the jook, drooled enviously). "First off, I would like to introduce you all to several newly-discovered lemurs that I met after going over the registration forms with Sokka late last night—NO, Miss Roseanne, NOTHING HAPPENED. DON'T MAKE ME GET THE BLEACH." A cookie flew past Andy's head, and Karen calmed down enough to continue speaking. "Please meet Kaatara, Mei, Tai lee, and Tai-lee." The lemurs in question swooped over the students' heads, chattering loudly. "One of you—no, I will not say who—created these lemurs when you misspelled the names of certain characters. May they be a reminder of what happens when you can't be bothered to check your spelling! And they aren't the only misspellings we have, oh no... Students, I would like to introduce you all to Marshall Arts! He was created by a misspelling of 'martial arts,' and will be our art, calligraphy, and yearbook portrait professor and consultant for the year. Everyone will be required to attend a private painting session, supervised by lemurs, for the OFUA:TLA Year One Yearbook. Said yearbook will be sent home with you to commemorate your amazing and fun year here. Yes, I was being sarcastic when I said 'fun.'" Marshall Arts came in to stand next to Karen, gaving a friendly wave to the students. He wore a gi—in Lupe's mind, "one of those stereotypical karate outfits"—that had been tie-dyed. A similarly colored piece of cloth was wrapped around his head. Karen nudged him, and he walked off the stage—or rather, backflipped and acted very much like a stereotypical ninja.
"Next, we have the lovely Silver Sandwitch!" Iroh announced. There was a gust of otherworldly wind (Aang's hand could be seen briefly behind the fluttering curtain), and a large pile of silver-colored sand drifted onto the stage. It coalesced into the vague shape of a lovely, anorexic young woman with what were probably chest enhancements. Since she was made of sand, it was hard to tell if she was wearing anything at all, but the slightest impression of a qipao could be perceived. Lupe, of course, did not know what a qipao was called, and thus mentally referred to it as "one of those closes-on-the-side, slits-at-the-thigh dresses stereotypical to China."
I hate you all.
"In case you can't tell, she's a spirit. And she's not very happy with whoever created her." Karen pulled out another cookie and began to eat it. "Oh, and she can't eat 'people food'…so if she's around during meals, make lots of noises of pleasure and taunting remarks. And hey, if she tries to kill you, she's only sand! She can't really hurt you! Unless you ingest her…then I don't know…" The agent frowned in thought, then looked speculatively at the (presumably scowling, due to the aura of malice radiating from the sand-cloud) spirit. "Anyone care to try eating parts of her and see what happens? Miss Roseanne, if you say what you are undoubtedly thinking, I will murder you painfully."
Andy slumped backwards in her chair, frowning. The shame bomb had worn off sometime during breakfast (to the displeasure of most), and she once again wanted to get some action. Apparently, she would not be getting any right now. What a shame.
"Okay, Silver Sandwitch, you can go now," Karen informed the spirit.
Oh, thank you. I am so grateful to have your permission. As the sand drifted off in another unearthly wind (while Aang's blue-tattooed hand was again seen behind the fluttering curtain, bending said wind into existence for her), Karen and Iroh exchanged evil, conspiratorial looks.
"Finally, we have a very special guest." Iroh looked positively gleeful. "He was discovered by a PPC Agent years ago, and requested specially to be given a post here. Please welcome our Head of Fruit Pie Production (For Staff Members Only)…the hobbit Aang Took!"
A small blur whirred past the students from the back of the hall, and jumped as only an Airbender can do to land next to Iroh on the stage. "Hi everyone!" the tiny Airbender waved. He was about half the size of Aang and had very large, hairy, bare feet. "I'm Aang Took! I was created via a capitalization mistake, and now I've been allowed to work here!"
"Also, to all you Aanglers—having two Aangs around does NOT mean more for you. Unless by 'more,' you mean lemur-swarming." Karen offered the hobbit a cookie, which he gleefully accepted. "And if you see Aang Took going through the halls laden with fruit pies, you are not to attempt to glomp him or steal the pies, under pain of a lemur swarm. Or a projectile cookie. Mai's been showing me how to throw them with more accuracy and deadly force, so I really don't think you should tempt me to test out how much better I've gotten."
"Thank god she isn't sharpening them…" someone in the back of the auditorium—[-], it sounded like—muttered. Sadly for him, the hall was designed so that any spoken word, in the front or the back, could be heard clearly by all. Okay, maybe the spirits were involved a tiny bit…
"Sharpen them? Of course!" Karen developed a smile not unlike that of a sugar addict who has just been locked in a candy store after a month-long deprivation period. "Thank you, [-]! You're a genius! I should sharpen my cookies!" [-] slid down in his seat as every students' eyes turned to him. Thank goodness their cell—ah, dorm—room doors automatically locked once everyone was inside.
"I think we've covered everything," Iroh put in nervously, eyeing the look on Karen's face as if she had just been given explosives (which the Staff intended to never, ever allow as a preventative measure). "Why don't we introduce the teachers?"
"Hm? Oh, great idea," Karen nodded. "Students, your teachers for Basic Canon…"
Zuko. Zuko. Please, Zuko. Lupe begged silently.
"…are…"
Aang. Sokka. Toph. Several people began to chant softly.
"…Iroh, Gyatso, Pakku, Gran-Gran, and King Bumi!"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"What? They're the old, wise mentor-types that know pretty much everything. The perfect teachers!"
The students erupted into chaos.