Welcome to another chapter of OFUA:TLA! I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender, and technically you lot own your students. But I'm still accepting more vic-ah, students! Get them in!

As a note, I've decided to cut the Questionnaire part from the applications. It's only cluttering up the messages, so leave it out. I'm just using it to get a better grip of your knowledge of canon, but I'm portraying you all as drooling fanbrats anyways, so it's pretty much irrelevant! :D

Lupe stumbled out of Basic Canon with the rest of the Fire Nation and Air Nomad students, her head still hurting from all the screaming caused by the cheated Zuko fangirls. Alright, maybe she had been one of them. So what? She was entitled to her freedom of speech!

She had also conveniently forgotten that the school did not allow freedom of speech.

"To 'What's In A Name,' Air Nomads and Fire Nation-ers!" Karen declared, following the students. "Come on! Move it! To the Fire Hall! Earth Kingdom-ers, Water Tribe-ers, you guys can go sleep now."

"Whaaaat?" Lauphen Staar whined. "But I wanna sleeeep!"

"Then you shouldn't have been a Bender," Karen sniffed like an offended noblewoman. "I mean, Benders have to train themselves day and night to master their element. What, did you lot think you could master Bending in a day? Didn't anybody see Ms. Megdaline's little Fi-yah!bending accident?" Several students shuddered at the memory of the purple flames called Fi-yah! that actively sought out hair to burn in. Lupe was just glad her own hair hadn't been caught in the blaze—she needed it to look pretty so she could catch Zuzu's attention, gosh-darnit!

"Sleep! Yes!" Vera Moretti moaned, almost toppling over. She was a Waterbender, and feeling extremely happy about it just then.

"Yeah, you'll need to sleep now," Karen observed, tone dangerously sweet. "After all, the Waterbender students have secondary training sessions every night until midnight."

"Whaat? No fair!" Carsten D protested. "I totally didn't sign up for this!"

"Honey, nobody told you what you were signing up for," Karen explained patiently. "If we had, you never would have signed that contract in the first place. But you did sign it, and we do own your soul, so you know what? You have absolutely no say whatsoever in what happens in your life! Why, if one of us willed it, we could force you to do fifty push-ups right here, right now, and you'd have to obey us!"

"Whaaat?" Elise, a non-Bender from the Earth Kingdom, flinched back. "But I don't like gym!"

"You don't? Aw, poor baby." Karen flashed a wicked grin. "You'd better learn to like it, because you're a non-Bender, and if you expect to be able to keep up with the Benders like most non-Benders do in fangirl stories, you'll have to work just as hard as them! Harder, even, maybe…now give me two hundred pushups, worm!"

Elise began her push-ups as Karen grinned maniacally over and munched on a cookie. The Water Tribe and Earth Kingdom students quickly vanished to the dorms, and the Fire Nation and Air Nomad students wandered the halls a bit until someone came to a door that looked suspiciously like the sanctuary door from the Fire Temple—well, that's what William GP said. Lupe wouldn't know, having never seen that episode.

"How do we open it?" Fyre Elaine wondered, poking the doors tentatively. She flinched back, as if she was half-expecting something to reach out and grab her.

"I think we have to open it like they did in the series," [-] observed sagely. "Can we get five Firebenders over here? Hey, Lupe, you're a Firebender, right? Okay, you…hey, short kid in red! Uh…Carden, was it? Jessica…? Okay, Jess, you two."

"I'm not short. I'm of a medium height…" Jess muttered darkly, going over to stand with Lupe before the door. Fyre Elaine joined them, declaring she was "the best Firebender in the whole world!" Several other Firebenders, mostly Zuko fangirls, muttered their disagreements.

"We still need two more! Come on, like half of you are Firebenders!" [-] yelled to the group of mostly fangirls (with a few fanboys scattered here and there). William GP was shoved forward by someone, and before he could disappear back into the crowd [-] had grabbed his arm and positioned him on one end of the Firebender line, next to Fyre Elaine. "One more person…"

"I'm a Firebender!" A Hispanic girl declared, shoving her way to the front of the group. Lupe blinked at seeing another Hispanic person here, but guessed she really shouldn't be that surprised. "My names Isabella Rose, and I'm the Avatar! Nice to meetchall!"

"Um…you're Fire Nation," Lupe pointed out, gesturing to the girl's clothes.

"Oh, that's 'cause I'm from the Fire Nation originally. And, I'm half Water Tribe." Isabella waved a hand dismissively. "But never mind that. I'm the Avatar!"

Silvery sand suddenly blew through the hallway and condensed before Isabella into the vague form of a woman in a qipao. Did you create me? The Silver Sandwitch screamed.

"Er…no," Isabella blinked. The Silver Sandwitch blew away. Everyone stared after her for a moment.

"That was random," Sofia finally said.

"I think we should get used to random," Somariel remarked. She dusted some leftover silver sand off of her red Fire Nation uniform. "Please just open the freakin' door before something else happens."

"Oh. Good idea," Isabella nodded, and inserted herself between Lupe and Fyre Elaine in the Firebender lineup. "Okay, Benders! On four! One, two—"

"Four? Why four?" Meep wondered in the crowd.

"Because I like four," Isabella scolded her. "Come on now, on four! One, two three—"

"Pi!" Lauphen Staar shouted happily. Isabella smacked her forehead with her hand in a perfect example of a facepalm.

"One," Isabella gritted her teeth, and this time the other Firebenders all managed to drop into vaguely Firebender-like stances. They all had very different ideas of what sort of stance a Firebender would use to get ready to launch a fireblast, however, and wound up looking like those people who paint themselves all one color and freeze in a weird position in a park to raise money for charity. "Two. Three. Four!" They each thrust a hand towards the door, Fyre Elaine and Isabella letting out what could vaguely be construed as "battle cries."

A tiny lick of flame was Lupe's result, not even managing to make it a foot past her hand before dying out. Isabella didn't even manage that, and William didn't do any better. Jessica managed to get a two-foot-long shot of reddish flame out before it flickered away.

Fyre Elaine, however, had some very interesting results. She released a stream of purple fire that shot over her head (managing to settle some of itself in her hair on the way) and headed directly towards Andy, Ashee, [-], Lauphen, and Sofia, who all stood behind her. Those whose hair was set alight with purple flame looked horrified for a moment, then reached up to gingerly touch their heads.

"It's…not even…hot," Sofia stated, brows furrowing in confusion. "But…it's…she's a Firebender…"

"Er…" Fyre Elaine grinned sheepishly. "Come to think of it…when it asked if I Bended anything, on the application…I…wrote 'Fyre.'" All the assembled students, even those with their hair in purple flames, stared at Fyre Elaine with near-identical "really now?" looks on their faces.

"You should have thought before you wrote something like that!" Karen appeared in the midst of the students. "Remember, none of the staff except me and my partner learned English writing as a primary writing style! They all use Chinese characters!"

"Where the hell did she come from?" Jessica Carden screamed.

"Silly child. You should know better than to question some things," Karen scolded. "Have a cookie as punishment." And she handed Jess a peanut-butter cookie.

"Oh…oh my goodness…actual food…" Jess's eyes widened in what was almost worship. She, like everyone else, had managed to not eat any of the jook at breakfast that morning, and by now, due to the training she had gone through with everyone else, she was understandably starving.

Sadly, so were the rest of the students. A fight over the cookie quickly broke out, and in the confusion, Karen opened the doors to Fire Hall and strode in, whistling a jaunty tune. She also snatched the cookie back, and began to munch on it contentedly as she walked through the barrier of flames protecting the stage.

Once everyone had realized they could enter the Hall, and that the cookie was mysteriously gone, they filed in grumpily. Karen smugly pulled out another cookie, and enjoyed it thoroughly (making sure the students knew) before dusting the crumbs off of herself.

"All right, students, welcome to What's In A Name, an OFU favorite that deals with the creation of lemurs. That's right, lemurs. Because lemurs should not be made. There's no excuse to make one." Karen gritted her teeth. "And the making of them gives me very homicidal urges that I'm forbidden from acting upon unless you are a Mary Sue and I have already charged you. So don't you dare try me." Her glare had everyone shrinking back in their seats before a cheerful grin replaced it and she clapped her hands together. "So, allow me to introduce this class's first guest—the much-misspelled Ty Lee!" The applause Karen tried to start died miserably as a girl in a pinkish outfit with a bared midriff and a braid cartwheeled onto the stage.

"Hi everyone! I'm Ty Lee!" she grinned. "You'll never use the characters for my name, but in Roman characters it's spelled Capital-T-Y Space Capital-L-E-E! That's my name! Ty Lee! Know it! Use it! Don't misspell it, please! And that's all! Bye!"

"Class dismissed." Karen turned and walked backstage, leaving a class full of very confused Air Nomads and Fire Nation-ers.

"That's…it?" Lupe wondered.

OFUA:TLA

"Hey, Lupe!" Lauphen Staar yelled as everyone was filing out of class. "Wait up!"

"Yeah?" Lupe turned to see Lauphen, along with [-], Sofia, and Meep, running towards her. Sadly, Meep was at the back of the group, and didn't realize they were stopping until she'd collided with Sofia and [-]. This led to the three of them crashing into Lauphen, who, of course, fell onto Lupe. The five students lay there for a moment, trying to figure out how the hell they had ended up on the floor.

"Ooh! I liiiike it!" Andy sauntered over, wolf-whistling. "Can I join in?"

"Huh?" Meep looked up, confused. "Join what? Did I…did I just fall?"

"I fell!" Lauphen exclaimed in surprise, hauling herself upright, eyes wide. "Did anybody else see that? I fell!"

"Ympf mpftng n mm," Lupe mumbled from the bottom of the pile. Everyone quickly got off of her, babbling apologies and blaming everyone else for the incident (except for Meep, who was still marveling over the fact that she fell). Andy was more than a little disappointed to see such a promising situation break up so awkwardly.

"Anyways," [-] clasped his hands together and turned to Lupe as soon as the mess was sorted out and everyone was standing (to Andy's sorrow). "We were going to go investigate the Library. Would you like to come?"

"Library?" Lupe turned her head to give [-] a bird-ish side-look (that's how she thought of it, because she remembered hearing somewhere that birds turn their heads sideways to get a better look at things, and she thought acting like a bird was cute and might attract Zuko). Now, Lupe had nothing against libraries. She rather liked most libraries. But her grandmother was a librarian, and insisted on absolute silence wherever she was, even if it was a playground full of children. Neither Lupe nor any of her cousins were particularly fond of the old woman.

"Yup! So come on!" Lauphen seized one of Lupe's arms, and Sofia grabbed the other. They must have been practicing this, or else they were just naturally good at it, because they proceeded to drag a shell-shocked Lupe down the hallway. Andy, wondering if this was going to lead to anything interesting, followed after them quickly.

In no time at all, they had found their way to yet another pair of huge doors. "This seems to be a recurring theme," [-] noted, rubbing his chin. "All right. Anybody know how to open this door?"

"Not a clue." Lupe squinted up at it.

"Hey guys!" Meep called. The group all looked down to see Meep had opened a small, nondescript door situated just next to the larger doors, where it would be easily overlooked in favor of the grand entrance.

"I knew that was there," Sofia said after a short pause. "I was just…waiting to see if anyone else caught on."

"I should see if Iroh will convince Aang Took to teach me how to bake his fruit pies," Lauphen mused. Everyone looked over at her for a second, then shrugged and followed Meep into the Library.

Lupe, the last one to enter, stopped in the doorway. Her head began to spin dangerously. The library was filled with shelves five times taller than her, maybe more, all filled with Oriental-style scrolls.

So…many…scrolls…

"Hey! We can't read this stuff!" [-] exclaimed angrily. "Where's the English?"

Oh dear. Students.

Everyone froze, then slowly turned to their left. A huge owl stood perhaps fifty feet from them. He was the perfect size for the shelves in here—the topmost scrolls would only require him to stand on his tiptoes to reach them, and that was only if he didn't use his wings. His feathers were dark brown-nearly black-on his back and the outside of his wings, and white on his front.

There's no need to stare. It's quite rude. He sounded almost affronted, if giant talking owls can sound affronted. I am Wan Shi Tong, He Who Knows Ten Thousand Things, the "Head Librarian," as it were.

"A talking owl! AWESOME!" Meep screamed, launching herself forward towards Wan Shi Tong. Before she got ten feet, however, three larger-than-the-ones-Lupe-had-seen-in-the-zoo-or-on-TV foxes had jumped on her, pinning her to the ground.

I'm afraid my Knowledge Seekers will prevent any attempts at…I believe the word was "glomping"? Yes, that was it. Glomping. Wan Shi Tong ruffled his feathers, and Lupe tensed to run, in case he was about to attack. My Knowledge Seekers will prevent all attempts at glomping, or similar outbursts, in this Library. Now get out.

"But we're here to read stuff!" Lauphen protested.

"It's all in Chinese!" Sofia shot at her fellow Airbender. "How are we supposed to read it anyways?"

I don't care what you're here to do. Whatever it is, you will undoubtedly abuse the knowledge you gain here. Wan Shi Tong pointed to the small door with his wing. Now get out. All five of you.

"Oka—wait. Five of us?" [-] looked around. "Where's Andy?"

A scream came from several floors below. Not a scream of terror, however—a scream of joy. Wan Shi Tong winced—or he did something as close to wincing as an owl can get.

I believe… He hesitated. I believe…she may have just found the erotic section of the Library.

OFUA:TLA

"Hello everybody! Welcome to Platonic Love!" Karen flashed everyone her usual insane grin from the stage of Fire Hall. "Are you all enjoying your first day of OFUA:TLA?"

"NO!" all the students roared in unison. Platonic Love, a noon-to-one class, was for the Fire Nation, Earth Kingdom, and Water Tribe students. Those lucky Air Nomads had no class until one.

"Excellent! I'm doing my job right!" Karen pulled out a cookie, and waved it in the air to taunt the students before shoving half of it into her mouth. "Mmm…cookie."

"I hate you!" Allie sobbed from the back of the hall. Karen smiled contentedly and finished off the cookie before clearing her throat to begin.

"This is Platonic Love," she lectured. "In this class, you will learn about the different types of love; romantic love, including physical relationships, and platonic love, which should be a new concept for most of you. Platonic love is indeed a form of love, but it includes none of the romantic or hormonal desires that fuel most of your Mary Sues and OCs."

"Why not just say the words?" Andy yelled.

"Wh—excuse me, Miss Roseanne, but what words might you be talking about?" Karen flushed deep pink.

"I'm talking about the words you're not saying!" Andy rolled her eyes. Karen began to stammer something about not knowing what Andy was talking about, but Andy cut her off. "Sex! Sexual! Fucking! Those words!"

To the great amusement of most of the hall, Karen turned a deep scarlet and buried her face in her hands. "Mmgf…eeargh…" She choked out.

"Er. Allow me to take over." Iroh walked out from backstage and patted Karen on the back before speaking to the students. "This class will cover platonic love, from familial love to friendship. We will have several lectures about romantic love later in the semester, but for now, you're stuck with platonic. Teachers will alternate to instruct you on different topics." He half-turned to gesture to someone behind the curtains to come onto the stage, then returned his attention to the students. "And now I will introduce to you the first two teachers of the semester—Zuko and Sokka."

The two boys nervously stepped out from behind the curtains into full view of the students. For a moment, there was dead silence, even from the lemurs perching all around the hall.

Then pretty much every female in the room got to her feet and stormed the podium.