Spike was having a hard time processing the information, "how the hell did this happen?" he asked. Scarlett's expression was almost emotionless, and Spike considered once more his previous thought about her having two personalities, "are you a bloody schitzo or something?" he asked bluntly, "I thought you wanted lust and passion, pet," he added. "And I got it, don't need to explain anything else," she replied, got on her bike and raced away.

He was astonished, he certainly wasn't expecting this. Women, he thought while walking back to the flat. When he arrived, Angel was already back, time to drop the lil bomb and I wager the sod is gonna blame it on me, I really hope he does, 'cause I really wanna punch something. Spike grabbed a beer and confronted his grandsire, "uhmm, you may wanna know, mate, that the bird doesn't want to work with us, she changed her mind." Angel looked up at him and replied, "how so?"

Spike felt something was amiss, he had expected Angel to act more shocked, or angry, or even accuse him. Instead, Angel said, "that's a pity," which made Spike even more suspicious. "You are a terrible liar, Liam, you bloody knew it already, didn't you?" he slammed his fist on the table, right on Angel's papers. The older vampire simply replied, "yes, Spike, I did know," and Spike could tell, by the look Angel had in his eyes, that his grandsire was blaming him. "You think this is my fault, ain't it?" he shot at Angel, who simply remained silent.

Spike grabbed his coat and left, he was mightily pissed off and wasn't gonna put up with Angel's bullshit. He already was infuriated about Scarlett cutting him off without any explanation. He didn't do or say anything that might upset her. He couldn't figure out why she'd do that, and it was driving him insane. He was attracted to her, he liked shagging her, he liked the way she made him feel free, and he was sure she was attracted to him and felt freedom too, so her reaction made no sense to him.

He spent several hours in the bar, half expecting Scarlett to show up, and after two bottles of whisky, he was certain she wouldn't show. He wasn't going to call her or show at her door either, he knew it would infuriate her. Or maybe not, he tried to convince himself, but he had the feeling she would be mad, so he ended up going back to the flat.

The following day Angel was at the butcher's when he spotted Scarlett walking in, he greeted her and after some small talk, he mentioned that Spike somehow picked up that Angel knew her decision of not wanting to work with them. They walked a couple of blocks and sat on a bench in the park, not knowing that Spike was watching.

Spike felt his anger grow, sodding bastard is putting moves on her, he must have filled her head against me. He got as close as he possibly could without the other two picking his scent, just enough to hear their conversation.

"... but I don't know how to handle it, I've never been in a situation like this, like I told you yesterday, I don't know what to do," she was saying. "I always acted on instinct and usually worked out fine, but this time I'm scared to act on instinct, so I'm following my brain, and honestly I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not. And I'm not someone who is easily scared."

"You're afraid to get hurt?" Angel asked.

"Yes, I am, but that's not the only thing. You have no idea what I've been through, Angel. You men approach things differently than us women. And being the way I am, a vampire with a soul, who happens to be a girl, I had trusts issues regarding men..."

Is she telling him the same thing she told me? Spike felt hurt, he was beginning to wonder if that tale of her not having been with anyone in two decades was true or not, he certainly didn't like being played. Is she putting a move on him?

"... and he shows up twenty years later in my life, with a soul, no less, just like me, and suddenly I realized that -no offense to you- he's the only one out there that I feel I fit with. And I cannot do anything about it, because who am I to force someone's feelings? He just sees me as a fuck buddy, and at first I felt that about him too, and now I don't even know exactly what I feel, except that I feel something. I don't know what to do." Scarlett finished and buried her face in her hands.

Angel patted her back, "give it time, don't over analyze it, or it'll be worse."

Spike blinked, he wasn't expecting this, but now it made sense why she flipped the way she did, she was having a major battle of wills between her soul and her demon self. He felt partially guilty because some of what the bird had said was true, he had seen their encounters as just sex. But he also knew he cared for her, after all she was an anomaly, just like he and Angel were.

That night sleep wouldn't reach him, he kept analyzing every single conversation he had with her and what he overheard from her conversation with Angel.

[...] I always wondered what passion and lust felt like. [...]

[...] I felt I could trust you that you wouldn't stake me in my sleep.

I felt I could trust you. [...]

[...] How did you manage to be all by yourself all these years, pet? No one to talk to, no one to vent your frustrations, no one to shag, no one to share your happiness and miseries, no one to love.

I shut down most of those feelings. [...]

[...] I didn't want to be alone. [...]

[...] Humans are afraid of me, and vampires hate me because I have a soul. [...]

[...] I cannot risk getting involved with a human, knowing that I'm an immortal and they are not and that I cannot do anything to change that. [...]

[...] He shows up twenty years later in my life, with a soul, no less, just like me, and suddenly I realized that he's the only one out there that I feel I fit with. [...]

Spike realized he finally understood the puzzle that were Scarlett's thoughts and feelings: the moment the bird realized Angel and I had souls, she wanted to fit in, make herself a group of friends. The moment she knew Angel was her sire, she regarded him as family figure, a friend, a brother, that's why he knew she didn't want in the agency before I did, she confided in him. That's why he knew why, while I didn't know shit. And when she knew I had a soul she regarded me as a love interest, she was already attracted to me before she turned, she didn't think it twice before shagging me. But she didn't have feelings back then, or she wouldn't have taken me to her place. Or if she did have then, she didn't know it.

[...] I always wondered what passion and lust felt like. [...]

Spike felt guilt slowly creep in when he realized that by 'lust' she actually meant 'love', and I wager she wasn't aware at the time, that's why she flipped. He hated being responsible for messing with Scarlett's feelings, even when he hadn't meant to. She already had enough pain as it was and now he was adding more to it, and the worst was that he wouldn't be able to apologize if she didn't want to see him, and not without revealing he spied on her. Yup, I'm royally screwed.