THE MIND OF AN ANGEL
Disclaimer: if you think I actually own Evangelion, then you must really be retarded….
AN: IMPORTANT! In the series Toji loses his left leg. Here he does not. He is still unable to use them but I thought I should warn you in advance.
Chapter 6: Forgiveness, part 1
They all left the school grounds shortly after that. All of them walked in relative silence to Nerv. Shinji was uncomfortable the entire trip. Not only because he was contemplating what he was going to say, but he was still so incredibly hungry.
As his stomach gave another gurgle, both Hikari and Kensuke turn to look at him.
"Shinji, are you still hungry?" asked Hikari as she raised an eyebrow.
"Impossible!" immediately responded Kensuke "you practically ate the entire bag…"
Shinji tried to come up with a lie, but his stomach interrupted.
"Shinji did you even have breakfast?"
Shinji turned to see Hikari, thankful she had come with an excuse for him.
"I didn't have time" He turned his attention back to the sidewalk. "And I'm still recovering from the attack"
"Well Shinji, there's a cafeteria near the Hospital in Nerv…" she began "You could eat there after we're done."
"Yeah…I guess"
They arrived at Nerv shortly after. Shinji swiped his card so they wouldn't have to go trough security. They went directly to the hospital and when they got to Toji's room they stooped in front of the door.
"Ill go first" said Hikari "You two wait here"
With that she entered the room.
Shinji tried to get a peak of Toji, but he couldn't see anything before the door closed. Kensuke sat down in a chair nearby and Shinji quickly joined him.
After only a few seconds Hikari comes out of the room with a look of worry.
"What's wrong?" asked Kensuke as he stood up.
"He said he wants to talk to Shinji first…" They both turned to face him.
Shinji swallowed. He wasn't quite ready to talk to him yet…
You must.
He stood up slowly from the chair and made his way to the door. He stooped as his hand touched the knob. Both Hikari and Kensuke knew this was tough for him. He closed his eyes and opened the door.
He entered the room and closed the door, facing the door. He finally turned around.
The room was the same as any other one in the hospital. Between the two beds sat Toji in a wheelchair. He looked better since the last time he had seen him. He looked the same as before the accident.
Toji gave him a small smile.
"I was wondering when you were going to finally visit".
Shinji looked down to the floor.
"Toji… I want to say I'm--"
"If you say you're sorry, I'll punch you right here" Toji scooted closer as he said this, pointing a finger at him.
Toji sighed before continuing
"I wanted to talk to you, because Hikari was telling me that you blame yourself for what happened"
Toji rolled to his side.
"I want to tell you…that I don't blame you"
Shinji looked at him.
"Toji it's not so easy… I could have done something; I could have stooped the whole
Thing from happening."
Shinji went to sit on a bed before saying:
"I was right there... Do you how it feels to rip your friend apart, not being able to do anything about it?"
"More than you know Shinji"
Shinji lifted his head and looked at Toji.
"Shinji I was sitting in the plug watching as the angel beat Ayanami and Asuka, and then it almost killed you"
I never took his side into consideration…
"When you said you weren't going to fight it… I wanted to tell you to kill it, even if it killed me…"
Shinji noticed that Toji was having a hard time talking at this point.
"Do you think I wanted to see all my friends die?"
I didn't even know he was conscious when it…
"Shinji, I don't blame you for what happened, there was nothing anyone could've done to prevent it…"
"Toji… but I almost killed you…"
"Damn it Shinji, Misato told me it was a program in the Eva, and if you use that logic I tried to kill you"
Shinji looked down to the floor again. No matter what Toji said he still felt guilty.
Why do you deny his logic? You have seeked his forgiveness, and now, you reject it?
I just can't!
"Toji… I just can't forgive myself for what I did so easily…I'm sorry--"
Shinji felt the impact of Toji's fist on his left cheek, and almost fell off the bed.
"What did I tell you?" he almost screamed at him as he scooted closer.
Shinji turned to look at him, wincing at the pain in his cheek.
"Both Misato and Hikari have told me how you've blamed yourself!"
Toji was screaming at this point.
"And now, you don't want to forgive yourself, even though I do!" He screamed
I didn't know he was so serious about this…
He forgives you completely, and holds no resentment toward you. Why do you not understand that?
Toji then calmed down and took some deep breaths.
"Now" he said pointing at him "I am going to say this one last time…"
Toji took one last breath, then said:
"Shinji…I forgive you…"
Shinji closed his eyes, took a deep breath…
And decided.
"Thank you Toji…It means a lot to me…" he said felling a tear at the edge of his eye.
Toji smiled at him.
"Awwww, what's wrong? Gonna cry?"
Shinji wiped the tear from his eye as he laughed with him.
"Hey Toji…." He began.
Toji looked up to him.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks…."
"Don't mention it…" was Toji's response as he punched him in the shoulder. "But there is one condition…"
Shinji raised an eyebrow.
"Shinji…If you ever, ever again find yourself in a situation like the thirteenth…"
Shinji's face turned to that of concern, waiting for Toji to finish.
"I want you" he continued, "To promise me, that you'll do the right thing"
Toji was almost crying now, Shinji couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Even if it means killing a friend" his voice was starting to crack up "Promise me!"
Shinji didn't know where this had come from, but he had to be completely sure.
Is he serious?
Silence.
Shinji mulled the implications of what Toji was asking him…
Would I ever kill a friend for the benefit of others?
Shinji answered that question the day of the thirteenth, but now that he knew the full implications of what could happen, he wasn't so sure…
He knew what Toji was saying was right, he couldn't risk the life of others for that of one, but could he ever actually do it?
"Toji…--" he started before being interrupted by Toji
"Promise me!"
Shinji swallowed before answering.
"Yes Toji…I promise"
Toji wiped the tears of his eyes, before saying:
"Thanks Shinji…"
He scooted to the door and signaled him to leave.
"Could you tell the class rep to come in when you go?"
Shinji headed for the door, and stopped in front of Toji.
"Yeah I'll tell her…and Toji?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks…"
"Eh, what are friends for?" was his response as he chuckled.
Shinji gave him a small wave goodbye, and left the room.
Kensuke and Hikari had been sitting nervously outside the whole time, and it only got worse when they heard Toji screaming.
Kensuke decided to break the silence.
"Are you sure Toji was gonna forgive him?"
"Yes I'm sure"
A few seconds after that, he stood up and started pacing around the hall.
To both they're relief's, Shinji came out of the room shortly after.
Kensuke turned around immediately and was about to ask him how it went but noticed a bruise on his left cheek.
"Shinji what happened?" asked the class representative as she stood up.
He shrugged his shoulder. "We're good, but Toji wants to talk to you now."
Hikari blinked, but made her way into the room.
Shinji sat down as Kensuke finally snapped out of it and sat next to him.
"So what happened?"
"Well…"
"--And well, he forgave me…"
"Huh…" was the only response he got as Kensuke sat back up.
This relative silence only lasted a few seconds as Kensuke turned to see the door.
"Do you think we should spy on them?"
He sighed.
Always the same…
"Oh come on…" he answered.
"You know the class rep has a thing for him right?"
Shinji raised an eyebrow and turned to look at him.
"What?"
"Why else would she visit him so much?" answered Kensuke as he stood up and headed for the door.
Is he kidding?
No, they indeed both share mutual feelings for each other.
With this new piece of information, Shinji stood up and joined Kensuke, who was already opening the door slightly.
Shinji peeked trough the small crack.
"—and she hopes you get better."
Toji chuckled as he said, "Thanks for checking on my sis, rep."
She smiled before saying "Is that all you wanted to know?"
"No, I wanted to ask you something else…"
Shinji could barely see anything, the crack in the door was maybe half an inch wide, but he could hear the conversation.
"Ever since you started visiting me here, I realized something."
Hikari, sitting in the bed opposite of him, suddenly raised her head.
"You helped me with my sister, with me, heck you even brought me lunch"
Hikari was blushing now, locking at Toji in the eye.
"I can't believe I didn't see it before."
Toji moved his hand over Hikari's and asked:
"Hikari?"
Hikari raised her head to look at him, tears in her eyes; he hadn't called her by her name before.
"Will you be my girlfriend?"
"Yes…" Shinji barely made out, as tears started falling from Hikari's eyes.
Both Kensuke and Shinji closed the door, exchanging looks and both smiled.
Of course Kensuke's smile was a more mischievous kind.
Shinji sat back down, as Kensuke pressed his ear on the door.
After a few minutes Shinji started shifting in his seat.
Then he remembered.
"Hey" he asked to Kensuke, who was still eavesdropping.
"Yeah?" he asked stepping away from the door slightly.
"Do you know where Asuka's room is?" he said.
"The devil's?" he asked while looking questiongly at him.
Shinji simply nodded.
Kensuke bit his lip for a second before pointing to a room two doors down.
I guess its time I visit her…
Shinji stood up, and started walking toward the room.
AN: yes im still alive and so is this fic.
the title is twofold here, forgive shinji and… ME! Feel free to hate me in the reviews
Please….
Why was I gone? Two words: summer reading.
Not very hard sure, but you try reading ALL BUT MY LIFE and not fall uncoucius.
I also went to the comic con, and asked Samuel L Jackson a question.
(PS: is questiongly even a word?)
Awesome huh? Expect a chapter this week.