And so, another chapter of OFUA:TLA appears. I present it to my readers with joy, pride, and mild sleep-deprivation-induced confusion. Also, turns out that if you don't go online for roughly three days, a whole lot of message pile up in your inbox...and I've yet to check my actual email account. Heh...
I would also like to dedicate this chapter to one of my readers, who will be leaving for basic training soon, and to the military as a whole. Our government may not please us with every single thing it does, but the men and women in the military deserve our support and appreciation. If you're not American like me, I hope you still appreciate your country's military and support them as best you can.
Serious stuff aside, please enjoy the latest chapter! Which, somehow, got really really long when I wasn't looking...
The evening after OFUA:TLA's first seminar saw Lupe wandering the corridors of the school, trying to find her way to her detention. A Fire Nation guard named Lee had told Lupe where to go that afternoon. But of course navigating OFUA:TLA at night, in the dark, through nonsensically winding hallways, all the while worrying about those crazy lemurs attacking her, had caused Lupe to become very, very lost.
She paused at the intersection of five corridors, and tried to recall what Lee had told her. "'Go to the Staff workrooms and help our painter make his paints,'" Lupe muttered to herself. "Couldn't have included a map with that, nope, of course not…"
Well, the Staff workrooms were near the Staff Section, right? And the Staff Section was in that huge, imposing tower on the side of campus opposite the student dorms. So, Lupe just needed to head for the Staff Section, right?
Staff Section it was. So, uh, which way would that be?
Lupe chose the first hallway that caught her eye and started walking. It wound around on itself several times before ending before a mural of dragons. Exasperated, Lupe turned around to go back the way she came—only to find herself staring at the Blue Spirit.
Now, Lupe loved the short "School Time Shipping," where Katara chose the Blue Spirit over Aang, Haru, and Zuko. Because technically the Blue Spirit was Zuko, and thus Katara was choosing Zuko anyways. Plus Zuko's method of asking Katara out was just adorable.
But the Blue Spirit himself was not adorable. In fact, he was kind of creepy. Thanks to the mask, you couldn't see his eyes, or any part of his face, so you couldn't guess at what he was thinking. The two swords slung over his shoulder didn't help put Lupe at ease. To make things even more ominous, someone or something extinguished two out of every three lanterns in the halls after nine, making it hard to see. And the Blue Spirit was standing against the light, so most of his front was in shadow to Lupe's eyes.
Forget "creepy," Lupe decided. This was actually more along the lines of "terrifying."
"Um…heya there," Lupe chuckled nervously. "I'm sorta lost."
The Blue Spirit tilted his head sideways. It may have been meant to be curious, but to Lupe it just looked menacing. And in the dark light…
…oh, Mary, Mother of God. She had just met the Blue Spirit in a dark alley. Hallway. Whatever. That was one to write home about.
Without saying a word, the Blue Spirit turned around, gestured for her to follow him, and walked off. Lupe hesitated, but even if he was scary and intimidating, he was a Staff member, and he probably knew his way around better than Lupe herself. And even if he was scary, well…he was an alter ego of Zuko…
Lupe grinned to herself and hurried after him.
The Blue Spirit led her down several hallways, occasionally turning with no previous warning. He never bothered to pause and wait for Lupe, or to glance back to see if she was still following, despite setting a pace so fast Lupe had to run to keep up. The empty halls echoed more than usual, so it almost sounded as if a group of people were trying and failing to sneakily—
Hold up. That was a group of people trying and failing to sneakily walk through the halls!
The Blue Spirit came to an abrupt stop at a T-intersection of the corridors, and held his arm out at chest level. He caught Lupe in the chest as she failed to slow enough in time, and pointed. Lupe craned her neck around the corner to see whatever—or whoever—it was.
Apparently, Lupe wasn't the only student out of the Student Section that night. A herd of other students, mostly girls from the Water Tribe and Fire Nation divisions, were walking down the hallway. Several of them were giggling…including one that looked like a middle-aged man. It was kind of creepy, because he had a deep voice that wasn't meant for giggling. Man, what was with all the creepiness tonight?
The Blue Spirit put a hand on her shoulder, and gently guided Lupe back down the hallway. "What's going on?" She whispered to him. It was clear the Blue Spirit didn't want the group of students to know he and Lupe were there, but what was he doing sneaking around with her in the first place? Maybe some of the more devoted Zuko fangirls would want to glomp him, but he was too intimidating for most of them.
Of course, Lupe's question went unanswered. The dim light made it hard to see someone standing still in the dark spaces between lanterns, so when Toph suddenly appeared, it was only the Blue Spirit's hand slapping over her mouth that kept Lupe from screaming.
"What's with the student?" Toph hissed as Lupe gasped for breath. "Ah, forget it. We gotta hurry, or we'll miss it!" At that, the blind Earthbender began to run silently down the hall, heading towards whatever "it" was.
"Miss wha—" Lupe was cut off as the Blue Spirit grabbed her wrist and tugged her along after Toph. The Blue Spirit was just as stealthy as he had been in the show. Sadly, Lupe wasn't as well-acquainted with stealth as the canon characters were, and there might as well have been an elephant lumbering through the school.
Lupe was seriously considering digging her heels into the floor and demanding they either explain the situation or drag her (knowing the Blue Spirit and Toph, they'd have opted for the latter) when they turned a corner and stopped in front of a group of canon characters…and Anjilly and Karen. Karen was nibbling on a dull snickerdoodle stilletto, apparently trying to bring it to a point. Best of both worlds, Lupe supposed - Karen got her sharp cookie, and could eat it too. Anjilly, meanwhile, was eyeing Karen skeptically over a steaming mug of tea.
"Hey guys, what took you so long?" Sokka called. He was standing between Yue and Suki, who were glaring at each other openly. One of Sokka's arms was loosely wrapped around Suki's waist, and both of her arms were draped on his neck possessively. Yue had a slight pale-blue glow to her, as if her anger activated her moon powers.
"Meh, the Blue Spirit here thought he'd drag a student along," Toph jerked a finger at Lupe. "Beats me why he would, though. She could barely keep up all the way here."
"A student?" Karen took the cookie out of her mouth and squinted at Lupe. "Hmm…Lupe Gabriella Hernandez, Fire Nation, Dual Dao swords?"
"Uh…yes?" Lupe was terrified. She was face-to-face with Karen! In the dark! Without the handy influence of a plothole to make Karen act sane!
"Nice to have you here?" Karen looked behind Lupe, to where the Blue Spirit was standing. "Uhh…and you brought her here why, again?"
"He's got a cruuuuuush," Toph cackled. Lupe frowned and turned to shoot down the younger girl's claim—the Blue Spirit was too creepy to have a crush on her—but stopped when she noticed something rather interesting. The Blue Spirit had taken his mask off.
And now Lupe was looking at the guy who'd fallen onto her from the plothole earlier that day.
"You!" She gasped, pointing.
"Him," Karen agreed from behind Lupe. "Hi Marshall. I must ask, why'd you take off the headband? It was pretty sweet."
"Zuko never wore a tie-dyed headband with his outfit," Marshall answered. "It'd kind of ruin the effect."
"Wait…you…you're…you're the Blue Spirit?" Lupe gaped. "But I thought that was Zuko!"
"Well, yeah," Marshall agreed. "But he's sort of put that stage of his life behind him, now that he's Fire Lord and all. I showed up, with all my random martial art knowledge and great artistic abilities, and got recruited to wear the mask."
"Sorta like that one Zorro movie with Zorro's successor," Karen put in.
"Or the Dread Pirate Roberts," Anjilly nodded before taking a sip of tea.
Everyone sighed.
"Okay," said Karen, "so, after the Monty Python movie night - "
"When are we having that, anyway?" Anjilly asked.
"Whenever we find time between all these pathetic plots the students keep pulling. Anyway, after Monty Python, we're going to watch The Princess Bride and as many Zorro movies as I can find."
"A princess bride is pretty self-explanatory," Aang said, "But what's a Zorro?" His arm was linked through Katara's, which bugged Lupe. That should have been Zuko next to Katara!
"Hey, guys!" Haru ran up, closely followed by Combustion Man. The latter was carrying a bag, which was thrashing violently. Combustion Man's Raven Eagle eyed the bag hungrily. "We caught something weird on our way here," Haru explained. "I was hoping Karen or Anjilly would be able to tell us."
"Sure, bring it out," Karen shrugged. "Not making any promises, though. I'm no Aang."
"Okay," Haru held out a hand to Combustion Man. Combustion Man gave Haru a glare (or it might have been an exasperated look - it was hard to tell with him) and held the bag up to the young Earthbender. Haru put his hand in, and pulled out...
"...And I have no idea what that is," Karen blinked at the black bird with yellow eye markings.
Aang released Katara's arm to walk over and poke the bird's yellow beak. "It...sorta looks like a cross between a mynah-bat and an eagle-mynah," he said.
"...I guess that'd make it a mynah, then?" Karen surmised. "Whatever that is."
"Didn't a student have one of those?" Anjilly frowned, trying to remember. "Sofi...something...?"
"They're coming!" Toph hissed. "Places, everyone!"
The staff's reaction was immediate. Zuko, Iroh, and Jeong Jeong raised and lowered their hands, somehow using the movement to dim the fire in the lanterns to mere embers. Marshall grabbed Lupe's arm and dragged her into a small niche in the wall while the rest of the staff took up positions in the shadows. Karen and Anjilly's cookies and tea disappeared, and the agents quickly unfolded a metal net and laid it out on the floor. Then they rushed to the very end of the group near Lupe and Marshall and went perfectly still. It was uncanny how well Karen's clothing blended into the darkness, though Anjilly's bright green tunic was nearly luminescent until she ducked behind a pillar.
Several people were giggling a ways down the hallway, and Lupe peered around the corner of the niche to try and see who was coming. Marshall stuck his head out as well, and because he was quite a bit taller than Lupe, he wound up resting his chin on her head. Lupe considered telling him off, but she didn't want to ruin whatever the Staff was planning. Doing so would probably result in pain. Lots and lots of cookie-induced pain.
Shadows flickered over the wall, and a group of students rounded the corner. It was the same group Lupe had seen not too long ago, when the Blue Spirit—Marshall—showed her. Several of them were whispering to each other, and as they approached Lupe could make out what they were saying.
"Those freaky lemurs must be asleep by now," Danish giggled. "We can sneak past them no problem!"
"Huanzhe here will take care of Karen and Anjilly…" Fyre Elaine patted the shoulder of a middle-aged man who bore a great resemblance to Zuko and Ozai. He grinned down at her, one of his eyes twitching sporadically. Fyre Elaine quickly removed her hand.
"…and Zuko will be ours!" Ashee Bieber crowed. Lupe frowned. Zuko, theirs? Ha. Not likely. Either Lupe would get him, or she'd help convince him that Katara was his one true love. Because she obviously was.
"Maybe there'll be real food in the Staff Section, too," Jessica Carden suggested dreamily. "Not steamed vegetables or rice or tea, but actual, wholesome food. Like potato chips…"
"And we can gang up on that stupid Mary Sue, Suki!" Isabella Rose cheered. "Because she's a...Mary Suki!" Scarlet Johnson, walking next to her, cackled evilly.
"You just want her out of the way so you can get Sokka," she teased. Isabella Rose gave no denial.
"Y'know, I'd've thought Andy and Joe would be all over this plan," Amy Ochanian remarked softly. "But when I went to ask if they wanted in, I couldn't find them…"
"Be happy you didn't," Moon Dragon shivered. "I, uh, have the room underneath Andy's. I've got a pretty good idea of what they're up to."
"Eww," Carsten D wrinkled her nose. "I totally didn't need to hear that."
"Meh," senor dangao pickle shrugged. "Notpony/notpony's never held much appeal for me."
"Okay, that just sounds grosser," Nicole Jackson rolled her eyes. "Remind me never to read your M-rated fics. If there are any."
"It's probably best to forget about the subject," Sofia Jayne Owens advised. "And focus on what sorts of experiments I'll do on Aang when he's in my clutches. Don't you agree, Ari?" Arizona Mason, Sofia's closest friend at OFUA:TLA, gave a noncommittal sound of agreement and returned to gazing dreamily ahead. "What about you, Emma?"
Emma gave a start. "What? Sorry, I was thinking about how cool Toph is…"
"She'll die just the same," Zuna muttered from the back of the group. The Mai fangirl apparently emulated her idol by adopting her persona—namely, by being depressing. Next to Zuna, Owlson Pierce gave her a nervous look and sidled a bit closer to Somariel.
"Shh!" Vera Moretti hissed. "I think I heard something!"
"Like our stomachs rumbling?" Allie Doyle groaned. "I really hope they don't serve that jook goop tomorrow morning at breakfast. Or those gross pickled vegetables…" Lupe could only agree with that. Pickled vegetables were disgusting.
"No, I think I heard it too," Christina Soh piped up. "Sort of an angry muttering? Kinda sounded like Sokka's voice?"
"It might be Newton coming back," Sofia suggested. "I sent him ahead to scout a while ago. He should have been back by now." Seeing she was getting blank looks, she sighed. "Remember? Newton, my mynah bird?" Not getting any response, she threw up her hands in exasperation. "Why doesn't anyone remember my mynah bird? Nathan, I explained it to you earlier today! Don't you remember?"
Nathan Hofstad was just opening his mouth to reply - likely with a no - when Zuko shouted, "Aang, Toph! Now!" The lanterns flared to life as Toph and Aang, on opposite sides of the hallway, stepped out and Metalbended the steel net on the floor up to the ceiling. Everyone in the student group was standing on it, and they were thrown flat by its sudden upwards motion. Rivets on the edges of the net melded into the metal of the ceiling, effectively pinning the wayward students far above the floor.
"See? I told you it was an awesome idea!" Karen bragged to Anjilly. "Aang, Toph, great work!"
"Eh," Anjilly shrugged, taking another sip from the mug that had reappeared in her hand. "I've seen fancier, but you're right - it did the job admirably."
"What's going on?" Ashee Bieber squeaked. "Let us down!"
"Ow! Your foot's in my face!" Isabella Rose snapped at Moon Dragon. "Move it already!"
"I'm very disappointed in all of you," Anjilly informed the students. "You lost me ten dollars. I bet Karen you'd try to bribe the lemurs with lychee nuts. But sending Shiri, Daniel Clemens, and William GP to drug the lemurs with an illegally-obtained sleeping powder rubbed into lychee nuts? Where did you even get sleeping powder?"
"Lana—I mean, Freeranger," Sofia answered. Her face was pressed against the ceiling, muffling her words somewhat. "After you took away her Shame Bombs, she started experimenting with some things she found around the school. I think she used a plothole to get some of the ingredients. One of them was this awful shade of not-purple, I think she called it 'bled'…"
"Huh?" Karen frowned. "How'd she find a portal to IAHF? They're only supposed to deal with the Avatar universe. Maybe I shouldn't have put her in the room where that Bled Bomb went off…"
"Bled Bomb?" Sokka gave Karen a quizzical look.
"I was experimenting with bled as a possible color for the Water Tribe/Fire Nation students," Karen explained. "It, uh, sort of exploded and painted this one room bled. I had to send an order form to IAHF for some of Arthur's mashy turnip thingy to get the bled out. Smell still hasn't faded…"
Anjilly groaned. "Karen, please don't start experimenting with awful badfic color combinations. I know they're an OFU tradition, but the Sue color spectrum is hazardous to one's sanity. I mean, urple's bad enough, and I've nearly been blinded by wilver and bleen on several occasions, but now this bled thing..."
"What's bled?" Aang asked, going back over to Katara to put an arm around her waist.
"The most evil combination of blue and red you'll ever find," Karen shuddered. "Apparently a couple of canons from the Hetalia OFU created it one night with the help of a massive plothole. It's got the power to blind on sight, and can't be removed unless you use Arthur—he's a canon character from Hetalia, personifies England—well, you need some turnip dish thingy of his to remove bled. I got my hair painted bled once. That wasn't a fun month…but at least it wasn't urple..."
"Why didn't you just wash it out first thing?" Shiri called.
"W-well, I didn't know if turnip-smelling hair would be very attractive for Ludwig…" Karen muttered, going red. Lupe surmised this "Ludwig" was Karen's crush/Lust Object.
"Excuse me, Karen?" Marshall stepped out of the niche, pulling Lupe with him. "If it's all right with you, I'm going to get this one started on her detention. I need someone to help me mix paints before I get to work on the yearbook designs."
"Lupe!" Jessica Carden cried. "What are you doing down there? Why are you spending time with the Staff?"
"I got lost and Marshall dragged me here," Lupe called. "Why didn't you guys tell me what you were planning? You know I'd have been all in!"
"Well, you had detention," Somariel muttered guiltily. "And, uh, you're pretty enthusiastic about Zuko and all…"
"I think Ms. Hernandez can leave now," Anjilly advised Marshall. "Go mix your paints. We'll deal with this matter."
"Hey, that girl's not wearing her uniform skirt!" Katara pointed to Ashee Bieber. "I thought the female Foggy Swamp Tribe Waterbenders were allowed skirts."
"Ew! I'm not from that freaky swamp! And I am not wearing a skirt!" Ashee screeched. "I will kill anyone who tries to make me wear a dress or a skirt!"
"Reeeeally now?" Karen grinned, face lighting up as she realized yet another way she could torment a student. In a sing-song voice, she called, "Oh Suuuukiiiii, would you care to assist me with something? As a coworker bonding experience, after all that animosity over the whole bringing-Yue-here thing…"
"I'm still not happy with you," Suki shot a glare at Karen, then across Sokka at Yue. The Moon Spirit began to glow brighter, and shoved her nose into the air haughtily.
"But you are the resident expert on getting people who hate skirts to wear them," Karen said, shooting a grin at Sokka. The Water Tribe boy flushed with remembered embarrassment.
"Let's go before the cookies start flying," Marshall suggested to Lupe. He tugged on her arm, guiding her into another hallway. Screams of rage drifted from behind them, as well as the distinctive sound of Karen cackling.
"So…how do you mix paints?" Lupe asked. She tried to ignore Ashee's shouts about the "stupid Mary Sue Suki" attacking her.
"Well, mostly it's black and colored ink sticks," Marshall replied. "I've got most of them mixed, but they need to be pressed into stick form before I can start properly."
"What's in them?" Lupe wondered.
"Oh, charcoal for black, ground lapis lazuli for blue," Marshall said, waving a hand. "And mineral and plant dyes for other colors, and glue for consistency. That sort of thing. But Karen seems to think the deer-horn glue smells bad."
Lupe covered her mouth with her sleeve and stirred the pot of glue before her. Marshall was fanning the fire under the pot, rambling on about how cheese cloth was best for straining the glue after cooking it, and what sort of animals made for the best glue. "Young deer is best," he chattered happily, "especially the horns. It's said that young deer horn glue is the purest, and makes the best ink. You have to be sure to powder the horn good, though, because otherwise the glue will be lumpy, and lumpy glue makes for lumpy ink."
"Uh-huh," Lupe grunted, trying to breathe as little as possible. She strained to keep her arms moving, but the sticky mixture in the pot was doing its best to prevent that. Marshall's constant stream of what Lupe considered useless information was starting to deaden her brain, putting the rest of her on auto pilot.
Not that Marshall realized she wasn't listening. "I got the powders for the colors from the Earth King. Turns out the Earth Kingdom has a bunch of good sources of rocks for ink coloring. But then, they are the Earth Kingdom, right? It just makes sense. So, the blues are just beautiful, they really are, and the reds, oh, I was floored when I saw how bright they are! The blacks are what we're working on now. Jeong Jeong and Iroh helped me make soot for the blacks last week. We just need the glue finished, and we can combine it with the soot and press it into sticks."
"Is the glue almost done?" Lupe moaned, leaning away from the simmering pot of glue to gasp for breath.
"Just a bit more," Marshall assured her. "Anyways, the soot is from special pine wood I got to handpick from a huge shipment Karen ordered. The stuff I didn't want to use for ink soot I'm gonna use for carving in my spare time, just for something to do, you know? Sokka mentioned wanting to carve something for a girl, but I'm not sure if he meant Suki or Yue because he's driving Suki mad with only talking about Yue until Suki jabs him in the side and that'd be kind of interesting to draw, don't you think? But Sokka really can't carve, so whoever he's trying to bribe with carvings isn't gonna be so happy, y'know?"
"Sure," Lupe gagged. "Am I done yet?"
"Keep stirring while I grab the soot from the cabinet," Marshall advised. He folded his fan and stood up, walking about ten feet away to the cabinet that apparently held the other ingredient for the ink. Lupe adjusted her sleeve over her mouth and tried not to breathe deeply. The room her detention was being held in was roughly twenty by fifteen feet, and filled with all kinds of art supplies. Canvases were propped against the walls and tables, and brushes littered almost every flat surface available. Lupe supposed it was Marshall's work room, when he wasn't brewing foul substances in it.
Marshall pulled a Tupperware container filled with black powder out of the cabinet, and walked back over to Lupe. "Could you put out the fire?" he asked, unsealing the lid on the Tupperware. "I can take over stirring once the soot's in…" Careful not to spill any soot outside of the pot, or even on the lid, Marshall began to pour the black powder into the pot of glue.
"Can I stop now?" Lupe hissed. Marshall pulled out a small brush and cleaned out the Tupperware container, then took the stirring stick from Lupe. Grateful to be able to get away from the foul smell of the glue, Lupe stumbled backwards to a fairly clear area and sucked in a deep breath. The air wasn't much better, but at least she wasn't directly inhaling glue fumes. Could you get high off of those? Lupe wouldn't be surprised if you could…
"So, I'm thinking I'll use the Gong-bi method for making the student yearbook portraits," Marshall began. "But Karen mentioned wanting them to be done before the second semester starts, because she wants me to start teaching a class then, and I can only do one student a day if I use the Gong-bi method—oh, that means I'm making them really detailed and accurate—so, if I use Gong-bi I can only get one student done a day, but I'm getting a late start as it is, sooo…"
"Okay, stop there," Lupe sighed. "I have no idea what you've been saying for the past…how long have I been stirring that pot of glue?"
"Two hours."
"I've got no idea what you've been talking about for the past two hours," Lupe nodded. "It's been stuff about ink, and brushes, and how wolf fur is better than wool, and all sorts of things that are just going over my head. Isn't there anything else you like to talk about? Like, I dunno, a hobby, a good show you saw lately, something juicy from a magazine?"
"Um…painting's my hobby," Marshall shrugged. "I don't know what magazines are."
"Then something, anything, you find interesting?" Lupe sighed. "There's gotta be something!"
Marshall blinked at her for a few moments before shrugging. "Well, I wouldn't really know," he admitted. "I was only created three weeks ago. I'm not sure what kind of things I like, don't like, find interesting…"
"You…what?" Lupe frowned. "If you're only three weeks old, how come you know so much about art?"
"It came with the name," Marshall explained. "Marshall Arts, so I have great artistic talent. I'm also pretty good at fighting. But otherwise…yeah, I know virtually nothing about the world."
"So…you've only got three week's worth of life experience?" Lupe blinked. "Oh wow…that's harsh. Pobre hombre, probablemente ni siquiera estado en una cita…uh, I mean, poor guy."
"…What?" Marshall looked over Lupe, eyebrows drawing together. "What did you say?"
"I said 'poor guy,'" Lupe clarified.
"No, no, before that," Marshall shook his head. "Um…pooh-bray home-bray…"
"'Pobre hombre, probablemente ni siquiera estado en una cita'?" Lupe repeated. "Basically 'poor guy.' Just, in Spanish, not English."
"What's Spanish?" Marshall asked. Lupe stared at him in disbelief. He couldn't seriously be asking her…no, you couldn't fake that level of blankness. Marshall really didn't know what Spanish was.
"It's a language, developed in Spain," Lupe said. She made circling motions with her hands to help herself think. "It, uh, it's pretty common in the southern parts of the US, really similar to Portuguese but different, spoken in Mexico and most of South America…?"
"Um…you've only raised more questions," Marshall admitted. "Remember, I don't know much about things other than art and fighting. And I still don't get what 'Spanish' is. You said it was a language…?"
"Yeah," Lupe nodded slowly. "You don't know what a language is…?"
"No. Well, wait," he added, putting a hand to his chin. "I've heard of it. Anjilly tends to rant about it a lot. She says it's really important and that no one respects it. But I never got to ask her what it is."
"Uh…it's hard to explain…" Lupe considered the problem. "I suppose you could say a language is a way of saying something differently. We're talking in English, which is one kind of language. A minute ago I used Spanish, which is another language. Spanish lets me say pretty much the same things as English, only in a different way. You have to learn languages to understand them, but most people learn their first language from birth so its second nature to them. Sometimes people grow up bilingual, like me, because their family speaks both languages around them. That's why I know Spanish and English, I was raised in a family that spoke both."
"So…Spanish is another method of saying things?" Marshall's eyes lit up. "Then, if I say 'A book tightly shut is but a block of paper,' in Spanish it would be…?
Lupe stifled a groan. "Un libro bien cerradas no es más que un bloque de papel."
"Amazing!" Marshall's eyebrows shot up until they were almost a part of his hairline. "How long does it take to learn a 'language'?"
"For kids, you learn it until you're in elementary school," Lupe shrugged, "but once you're an adult, it takes longer. Five, six, seven years? More?"
"So, if I asked you to teach me…?" Marshall's eyes were practically sparkling.
"Wait, teach you?" Lupe paused. "I, um, I'm not sure if I'm qualified to teach people…plus, I have classes…"
"I'll talk to Karen about it!" Marshall said. "You can be my assistant, help me organize things and stuff, and teach me Spanish then! Maybe I can get you extra credit with it, or have you excluded from the late-night training sessions Karen's going to start springing on you guys at random next week…?"
"Woah, she's gonna do what now?" Lupe's eyes shot wide open. "I—yes! Sign me up or something! Please! Anything for sleep!"
"Really?" Marshall's face lit up even more, if that was possible. "Thanks…thanks! Wow! I…I can't wait!" Lupe was tempted to roll her eyes when something occurred to her.
"Hey…there's an interest," she blurted. Marshall's face returned to blank. "You don't know much about yourself, right? Because you're only three weeks old?" Lupe reminded him. "But you want to learn Spanish…so, there's an interest of yours. Languages."
Marshall's eyes started to bug out. "You're right!" He exclaimed, a huge smile starting to spread over his face. "I do like the thought of learning a 'language'! I'm learning about myself!"
Lupe was instantly reminded of a saying from a poster near her locker at school. "'Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere,'" she quoted. Marshall stopped smiling to stare at Lupe.
"Wow," he said. "That was lovely!"
"I guess…?" Lupe ventured a smile of her own. "Um…you stopped stirring the glue."
"What?" Marshall looked down. "Ah! And the fire's still going!" He reached down and grabbed the pot, trying to lift it off the stand. It was warm from the fire licking its bottom and the glue being heated, and so naturally it burned his hand. "Ow!" The pot tipped over, spilling its contents onto the ground and wrecking a couple of canvases.
"Woah! Careful!" Lupe cried, darting forward to try and pick up the pot. Her boot landed in the middle of the glue-soot mix, which hadn't been stirred enough to deserve the revered title of "ink." It splashed up onto her pants, effectively ruining them. Marshall stumbled backwards, running into Lupe. The two crashed to the ground, ruining another canvas.
"So sorry…" Marshall muttered guiltily.
"You're gonna make me stew glue for another two hours, aren't you?"
"Actually, what with cleaning, it's going to be more like three hours…"
"I hate my life."
Zerkz flicked a nightcrawler off his leg, too deep in thought to pay it much attention. He was thinking about Suki, and how skilled a warrior she was, and how amazing she was with her fans. And she'd clearly put a lot of work into her training, too. Why else would someone so young be the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors?
It was too bad there weren't many other Suki fans. If there were, he would have started a club to counter the "Down With Mary-Suki Club" the Boomerang Babes had begun. Actually, maybe he could still start that club. That one Water Tribe guy, Sunan, he seemed like the sort who wouldn't mind joining, if asked.
At least Suki taught Bestiology 101. Too bad he wouldn't have that class until tomorrow. The day was Wednesday, in the fourth week of classes, and there was supposed to some sort of test at the end of the week.
The Earth King—Kuei, although students were forbidden from calling him that—fiddled with a laser pointer/clicker thingy. Someone really needed to figure out what they were called, not that there was any sort of hint to an author there. The Earth King somehow managed to dim the lights in the Earth Hall and pull up the day's presentation. Looking extremely pleased with himself, he stepped forward and began to speak.
"Class, today will be a review day," he informed everyone. "You will have a test on...uh...what was the name?"
"Fry Day," Haru said.
"Oh! Yes. You will have a test on Fry Day on the basics of the Earth Kingdom that we have covered so far. To make sure you know the information, we will be going over the very basics of how the Earth Kingdom is presented in the series. I hope you will all find yourselves with 100's once the week is done."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Toph grumbled. She was leaning against Bosco, lazily picking her nose with one finger. "Just turn the slides on."
"Um, Toph, he already did," Haru informed her. Toph opened her mouth to say something—likely insulting—then closed it again. She folded her arms and blew at a strand of hair tickling her upper lip.
"Well, anyways, let's take another look at the mighty Earth Kingdom," Earth King Kuei suggested. He pointed to the slide currently up, which read "The Mighty Earth Kingdom." "It is the largest of the four nations in terms of land mass, and also in terms of population. Much of our land was conquered by the Fire Nation during the War, and many villages were forced to work like slaves in order to retrieve valuable natural resources for the Fire Nation."
"The Fire Nation also took Earthbenders away from their families, and imprisoned them on metal rigs in the middle of the ocean," Haru added. "Earthbending in many rural areas of the Earth Kingdom has suffered greatly."
"But that's for later in the semester," Earth King Kuei finished for Haru. "Let's take a look at the people of the Earth Kingdom." He changed the slide, and a wall of text with a picture of eight Earth Kingdom noblewomen popped up. "People in the Earth Kingdom tend to have what you would call "Asian" features. However, like your Real World Asia, the Earth Kingdom is huge, so there are a lot of different ethnicities, which means there are a lot of different genetics. Skin tone, for instance. In the Earth Kingdom, we have skin tones ranging from very dark, like Guru Pahtik, to tan, like the Sandbenders, to light, like those people who come from far north or south of the equator. Members of the nobility have lighter skin tones, possibly due to ethnic differences from peasants or the fact that peasants have to work in the sun all day while nobles can stay inside. Earth Kingdom citizens have brown or black hair, which we tend to keep long and pull up into buns, topknots, braids, or emu-ponytails."
"Where are the blondes?" Ishi Bananas called.
"There aren't any," Haru replied. "I don't know if Karen or anyone else has made this point with you yet, but the Avatar world does not have blondes. Suki's hair is sort of reddish, but that's the furthest the deviation goes. As an Asian fantasy world, dark hair colors are common."
"As for eyes," the Earth King continued, "we usually have brown, green, or gray eyes. Citizens of Kyoshi Island may also have blue or blue-green eyes."
"What, no fancy colors?" Elise. No last name. said. "What about purple? Or red or something?"
"Ah...no," said the Earth King.
"Not fair! I mean, the Fire Nation gets yellow! That's cool! And we've just got boring old green and brown?"
Haru and the Earth King exchanged glances. "Well," said Haru, "given the war and Fire Nation colonization, it is possible to have an Earth Kingdom citizen with yellow eyes...but that'll be covered at a later date. So, moving on..."
"Is it my turn to talk yet?" Toph piped up. She had finished picking her nose, and had moved on to her toes.
"Not yet," Haru apologized to her. "We've still got to talk about clothing and the Earth Kingdom emblem. You're up after that."
"Meh…more time for my toes," Toph shrugged. Earth King Kuei clicked the next slide up.
"As you can see from these two pictures, there is a huge variation in what peasants wear compared to nobles," the Earth King said, pointing at the screen. "Nobles wear much more colorful clothing with more complex designs, whereas commoners' clothing is simpler and comes in muted tones. You can identify a person's socio-economic status by the amount of color in their outfit. Yellows, bright greens, and the like are more commonly worn by nobles, where darker greens and browns are often seen on peasants' clothing."
"Also, men in the Southern and Western parts of the Earth Kingdom tend to wear their hair in topknots more than men in other regions." Haru pointed to his own topknot with a grin. "You can tell the difference between Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation topknots by the fact that ours are usually more rounded, like a bun. Also, we use green bands to secure them, not red."
"In Ba Sing Se, noblewomen wrap their hair around wooden supports and adorn it with flowers and jewelry." Earth King Kuei reached up to tap a noblewoman in a picture on the screen. The white sheet rippled eerily from his touch. "There are lots of different types of hair supports, too, meaning you can match them with your outfit."
"And people in Omashu wear turbans," Haru finished. "As well as tunics over robes or pants. Their clothing is usually paler in color than normal Earth Kingdom commoners wear, too."
Earth King Kuei changed the slide, this time to a wall of text imposed over the Earth Kingdom emblem. "You've all probably noticed this symbol in various places around campus," he began. "Primarily in locations where Earth Kingdom students are supposed to go. It can be found on your uniform's belts and on the bookbags of Earth Kingdom students. The design is based on ancient Chinese coins from the Real World. Earth Kingdom coins are also modeled after the emblem."
"The emblem is meant to represent the figurative and literal depth of the Earth Kingdom," Haru added, "the depth of its citizens and the deep layers of rock Earthbenders are able to manipulate."
"Rock! Land! Yes! Please tell me it's my turn!" Toph bolted to her feet. Before Haru or the Earth King could say anything, she turned to the audience. "As a member of Team Avatar, I've traveled the Earth Kingdom extensively, and as such I'd like to think I know a thing or two about its landscape. There should be pictures on the slide that—"
"Um, Toph, it's still on the slide with the national emblem," Haru whispered. The sound carried to the very back of the Earth Hall. Toph went bright pink, and muttered something unintelligible. Earth King Kuei changed the slides to one titled "The Land," and Haru whispered for Toph to start over.
"So, uh…land!" Toph recovered her line of thought. "You may have heard me mention not too long ago that I have traveled quite a bit, and as such, I've learned about the different terrains of the Earth Kingdom. Due to my unique method of sight, I can tell you things about the ground that you wouldn't be able to learn otherwise. First, however, I would like to ask you to consider the shape of the Earth Kingdom—Kuei, can you go to the next slide quick? Is it up? Thanks…all right, what does that look like to you?"
"It kinda looks like Europe, Asia, and Africa," Cyrus Windfall—who was delighted to be able to answer a question of Toph's—shouted enthusiastically. "That bit up on the top left, your right, could be Europe, and then to the east it could be like Asia, and underneath it is sorta like Africa!"
"Interesting observations," Toph shrugged. "Not that I know what you're talking about, since I sorta can't see anything that's not made of metal or earth. But—and I'm pretty sure Karen talked to you about this Saturday before last—the geography just doesn't line up. It may look a lot like the Real World's Europe, and Asia, and Africa, but if you impose a map of that area over the Earth Kingdom you'll see just how unlikely that is."
"I think we could explain it better if we knew what the Real World's Europe, Asia, and Africa actually look like," Earth King Kuei commented.
"Probably," Toph agreed. "Until then, let's continue. Go back to the other slide." Kuei complied, and Toph continued. "There are two different kinds of forests—those composed mostly of coniferous trees, meaning ones with needles like pine trees, and those composed mostly of coniferous trees, like oak trees. Both kinds of forest appear in the Earth Kingdom. They can even be in the same general area, transitioning from one to the other.
"Another…uh, what was that word Karen told me to use? 'Ecosystem'? What does that even mean…? So, another 'ecosystem' that exists in the Earth Kingdom is swamps. Swamps are like forests, only the ground is mostly covered in water. The Foggy Swamp Water Tribe lives in a swamp, and as you may have noticed from the Foggy Swamp students, they don't wear pants. Karen never gets tired of that."
"'Pants are an illusion, and so is death,'" Haru intoned in a fairly accurate rendition of Karen's voice. Toph and Bosco snortled, while Earth King Kuei frowned and scratched his head in puzzlement.
Zerkz wasn't paying full attention, though. He was too busy thinking…wasn't that Sunan guy a Foggy Swamp student? He was sorta weird…
"The Si Wong Desert, the only traditional desert shown in the series, is also found in the Earth Kingdom," Toph continued her lecture. "I was stuck in it for a few days, and let me tell you, it's not fun. Harsh sun, shifting sand—after a little while I couldn't see at all! Everything was all fuzzy…but there's a huge rock in the middle that's magnetic or something, whatever it was. It's the only solid land in the whole desert, but it's got a bunch of buzzard-wasps living inside it in a bunch of artificial caves they made. Sokka tried eating some of the goop off the wall—what an idiot, huh?"
"There are also a lot of mountains in the Earth Kingdom," Haru took the clicker-thingy from Earth King Kuei and changed to the map slide, and pointed to a mountain range along the Earth Kingdom's southern coast. "They're all situated along coastlines, or near water. As you can see, the Si Wong Desert borders some mountains as well. Karen said she…uh, "googled" deserts, and found out that they usually have mountains on one side that trap clouds and rainwater."
"Another interesting fact: the North and South Poles can be classified as deserts, too," Earth King Kuei put in. "A desert is an area with little or no rainfall, and few—if any—kinds of vegetation."
"Hey, we have more slides to get to," Toph butted in. "The final type of terrain commonly found in the Earth Kingdom is plains. The land south of Ba Sing Se is supposed to be arid plains."
"The Earth Kingdom also has a good amount of natural resources," Haru changed the slide again. "While it's true that we have lots of coal, precious metals and stones, and rock for building material, that's not all. Our land is very fertile, allowing us to cultivate a wide variety of crops. These crops, and wild plants, allow for the animals of the Earth Kingdom to be well-fed and strong.
"The forests of the Earth Kingdom are another important resource. Timber from the Earth Kingdom is used for construction, firewood, and creating carved decorations such as statues or beads. Seeing as the Fire Nation cleared away many of their forests—which were of the tropical variety—a long time ago for their war effort, the Earth Kingdom is the main source of wood in our world. We also have a great variety of trees, which give various types of wood to be used."
"Our people are also an important resource," Earth King Kuei held up a finger. "Citizens such as the Mechanist invent amazing machines that can be used to advance our standards of living. Older innovations include the postage and sewer systems of Omashu, which are among the most advanced in the Earth Kingdom."
"Plus the postage system makes for a great superslide," Toph snickered. "Haru, what's next?"
"Ah…looks like the government," Haru changed the slide again. He turned to Earth King Kuei expectantly. Kuei, who had just started playing pat-a-cake with Bosco, took a moment to realize someone was looking at him and glanced up in confusion.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Government," Toph blew at a strand of hair tickling her nose.
"Oh! Right!" he exclaimed, leaping back to his feet. "The Earth Kingdom is what is called a 'confederate monarchy.' At the top is the Earth King—me. In Ba Sing Se, there are also various ministries that oversee different sections of the government - Long Feng, for instance, is the Minister of Culture. Then there are the rulers of various regions of the Earth Kingdom. While these other regions are considered mostly autonomous, they still send troops and some monetary support to me in Ba Sing Se. It's been argued that I should simply be called the King of Ba Sing Se, instead of the Earth King, because I technically don't have much control over other monarchs—like the King of Omashu—or some of the various tribes that inhabit my kingdom."
"Plus you've been a figurehead most of your life," Toph added, sticking her finger up her nose.
"That too," the Earth King looked down sadly. "I took the throne at the age of four, which gave Long Feng the chance to take control as the Grand Secretariat of Ba Sing Se. Since I never had much political power growing up, I wound up ignorant of everything that was happening in my land."
"Whatever," Toph flicked a booger towards the audience. Amy Ochanian and Ishi Bananas dived to the side, barely dodging it. Midori B.M. only saw it at the last minute, and threw herself backwards onto Cyrus Windfall's lap, creating a rather awkward situation for the two.
"Um, so, King Bumi is an example of the ruler of an autonomous region," Haru took over. "He rules the city of Omashu and presumably the surrounding lands. While he must answer to the Earth King, he has mostly free reign over the land under his control."
"Meaning he can use his city's postal system as a super slide whenever he wants," Toph grinned. "He has it good."
"I still haven't gotten to ride it," the Earth King pouted. "Things have been too busy lately."
"All right, you two, let's move on." Haru half-smiled and changed slides. "Food in the Earth Kingdom."
"Seeing as the Earth Kingdom is the largest of the Four Nations, there is quite a bit of variation in what people eat in the different regions," the Earth King explained. "This is similar to what Karen says you see in Real-World China, where foods from different areas have different spices and flavors despite being basically the same. Rice is a common staple throughout the Earth Kingdom, and the basis for many kinds of dishes. Wild game and domestic animals also vary, allowing for a wide variety of foods."
"And the most common drink we have is tea," Toph finished. "Iroh makes the best, but there are a lot of places to go for some if you can't afford the prices at the Jasmine Dragon."
"The most common types of tea are lychee, black, and green," Haru added. "There's also jasmine, ginseng, rose, and a variety of other teas. White Dragon is one of the rarest and most delicious, but you have to be careful not to use the poisonous White Jade by accident."
"There's a typo in the series involving that, actually," Earth King Kuei interjected. "Before Iroh escapes from the Boiling Rock, a guardwoman named Ming brings him White Jade tea. Seeing as the White Jade plant is poisonous and should never be consumed—as Iroh learned the hard way early in season two—we can only guess the Creators forgot about that point."
"Next, spring," Haru changed slides. "Spring is an extremely important season in the Earth Kingdom, since it's, well, ours. Each nation, and its element, has a corresponding season. Some people think that's when the nation's Bending is at its strongest, and that the highest number of Benders are born during that season." He paused, then added, "Anjilly wanted me to point out that this is more fanon than canon, but it is an interesting interpretation. Anyways, as I said, the Earth Kingdom's season is spring, when plants are reborn and renewed, animals shed their winter coats, and most animal babies are born."
"Basically, spring is the season of the earth," Toph scratched the back of her head, "and it's also the season when I met Aang and the team. Appa was shedding like mad about then, and while his fur makes great material for wigs and beards and stuff, it left this trail that let Azula follow us."
"I think they remember that from the series," Haru reminded his fellow Earthbender.
"Whatever."
"So, moving to the final topic…" Haru clicked up the next slide. "Cultural basis in the Real World. I'll admit, I have no idea what Chinese or Korean things look like, but apparently they're similar to hairstyle, architecture, and geography in the Earth Kingdom. Also similar is the fact that China, like the Earth Kingdom, has multiple ethnic groups. Karen says there are about fifty, with the Han—whoever they are—being the most numerous. Traditional Chinese designs bear close similarities to Earth Kingdom clothing designs, excluding the fact that Earth Kingdom citizens wear greens, browns, and yellows, while the Chinese could wear pretty much any color they could afford."
"And with that, we conclude today's review session," the Earth King beamed at the class. "We hope you all pass your tests with flying colors! After the tests are over, we'll begin to study the various locations around the Earth Kingdom, such as towns and landmarks. Have a nice day!" Haru turned to the end of the slideshow as the lights in the student's section brightened. Zerkz really didn't have anything to say to the huge cookie and the words "This presentation brought to you by a crazy chick who really likes cookies"—it was kind of true.
Hm. That Sunan kid would be getting out of "Water Tribe Warriors" in the Water Hall about now, right? Zerkz might as well go hunt him down and propose the idea of the Suki club to him…
Hopefully you learned a few things, and have been entertained by the shenanigans of yourselves and your fellow students.
I would also like to ask all my registered students to-if they can-send in a detailed description of their ideal Avatarverse outfit. When I say detailed, I mean detailed-if I don't get enough detail in your review, I will start firing questions at you like there's no tomorrow until I have enough information to paint a proper mental picture. Things like color, cut, the lengths of various parts and smaller things like trim and buttons and fabric patterns (if any)...I want them all.
Hm. I could really go for a burger...