A/N: Ok, one of you is in charge from now on with poking me with a stick when I forget to update. I'm an idiot. But on the plus side, I have a story that I'm very excited about posting almooost ready. I'd tell you what it is, but that'd spoil the surprise. Enjoy.

A life of crime

"I need to read slower." Rory pouted jokingly, sitting at the kitchen table.

"Why?"

"I'm out of baby books to read."

"Buy more."

"I have, but they're not getting here until Wednesday. And I feel bad reading stuff that's not relating to her." She pointed at her stomach, laughing. "What if the next book has the answer to how to do everything perfectly and make sure she's not a serial killer and I won't read it and therefore we'll have to visit her in jail?"

"At least she has you, you can share your knowledge about life behind bars.

"Hey!" She pouted again.

"You've got to admit, it's sort of funny that out of the two of us, you're the one that's been arrested."

"Hilarious."

"I wish I'd seen it."

"If you'd been there to see it, you could have stopped me from stealing the stupid boat."

"If I'd been there, I would have clocked that idiot in the face. He should have stopped you."

"Jess…"

"Nope. I'm your husband, I'm allowed to hate that fucking jackass."

"You hated him before you were my husband."

"You left me to go back to him. It's my prerogative." He pointed out. Standing up, Rory hugged him, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He smiled, putting the spatula down and giving her a quick kiss. "Your life, you can do whatever you want."

"I wanted you, but you scared me."

"And you loved him."

"Yes. I love you more than I ever did him though." Rory tried to reassure him, a sad smile on her face. "I just…"

"Sh." Jess turned to face her, cupping her face in his hands before kissing her again. "I know. Don't be sad."

"But…"

"I said sh." He smiled, kissing the tip of her nose. "Kid, cheer your mother up for me." He rubbed her stomach with his thumb.

"Delegating your duties to our daughter?"

"Only in the interest of not burning dinner."

"Excuses." She smiled, ruffling his hair before sitting down again. "She won't be a serial killer though, will she?"

"Highly doubt it." Jess replied, focusing on the food in the pan again.

"I'm sure that's what Ted Bundy's parents said." Rory giggled. "When's food gonna be done?"

"Some time in the near future."

"Helpful."

"As always." He smirked. "What time are you seeing the doctor on Thursday?"

"3. Can you make it?"

"Yes."

"You know you don't have to make it to every single appointment, right?" Rory smiled, grabbing a peanut from the bowl on the table.

"Yes."

"Yet you're still coming."

"Yes." He stated.

"I love you."

"I know." Jess smiled, turning off the stove. "Dinner."

"Hey, Matt." Rory greeted, walking in the Truncheon office on Thursday.

"Whoa." Covering his mouth with his hands, he grimaced. "I didn't mean that in a bad way, I just haven't seen you in a while and you're…"

"About the size of a small country?"

"Nah. You're gorgeous." The man smiled, giving her a quick hug. "Am I forgiven?"

"Always. How's Jane?"

"She's good."

"Tell her I said hi. And you should come for dinner soon."

"Will do. How's my niece today?"

"Kicking, wanna feel?"

"Yeah." Matthew replied enthusiastically and she took his hand, placing it on her bump.

"Matt, hands off my wife now." Jess smirked, walking in the room. "Seriously, doing this in the office I work in is a bit obvious."

"We can't help ourselves." Rory flashed him a smile, waving. "Ready to go?"

"Give me five minutes to reply to an email and I will be."

"I'll continue groping your wife in the meantime." Matt grinned, earning a glare from Jess.

"I will kill you."

"You say that 50 times a day and never do."

"One of these days, I'll run out of patience."

"Okay, Felix, go send your email and stop being mean to Oscar."

"Why do I have to be Felix?"

"Jess!" Rory glared this time, making him smirk.

"Yes, master. Going."

"Can you teach me how to do that?" Matt grinned as soon as Jess was out of the room.

"I think it only works for me."

"Too bad." Moving his hand away, he tilted his head towards a couple of chairs, waiting for Rory to sit down. "She's seriously strong."

"Tell me about it."

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm good. Enjoying it. Or trying to anyway."

"You know that if you need anything…?" He trailed off and Rory smiled.

"I know. Thank you."

"I like helping, it will give me something to hold over your heads when I need baby time and I want to borrow yours."

"I'm sure you won't get many objections from either one of us when it comes to borrowing Brett."

"I better not." He smiled again. "Do you need a drink or something while you wait?"

"I'm good, thanks. I'm not keeping you from work, am I?"

"Nope. I'm on a break."

"He's a lazy fuck that needs to get off his ass right now." Chris mumbled, walking in the room.

"Go to hell, Chris." Matt replied, rolling his eyes.

"I was just in there." He pointed at his office door, waiting for the coffee pot to fill. "Your idiot sent us another manuscript, by the way."

"On one hand, I feel really good at being famous enough to receive unsolicited crap. On the other one, I really wish it was good unsolicited crap."

"Maybe next time." Rory smiled before looking at Chris. "How are you?"

"Hanging in. Will be better as soon as I've had more coffee. I'm sure you know how that feels."

"I've been there."

"Sorry, that wasn't like a completely insensitive thing to say or anything, was it?"

"You're fine, Chris, don't worry."

"Good." He smiled, filling his coffee cup.

"Hey, none for me?" Matthew pouted, looking at his coworker.

"Make your own damn coffee."

"But you love me."

"I loathe you."

"Pumpkin." He laughed.

"Fuck off."

"What's up?" Rory asked, trying to understand the conversation.

"Chris lost a bet so now he has to answer my share of emails, letters and phone calls."

"Ouch." Rory giggled, trying to look sympathetic. "Sorry, Chris."

"Never mind him, it'll teach him not to argue with me."

"No, never mind him, I'm better looking."

"She's married, you jackass. That doesn't figure in."

"She's not blind, she can still have an opinion."

"You're both equally dashing and charming."

"Coward." Chris smiled, before letting out a deep sigh. "The gallows are calling my name. Drop by more often, Rory."

"I'll try."

"Don't forget us after the baby's born, we'll cry." He laughed, waving before walking in his office again.

"It's true, we will." Matthew added, grinning.

"I'll see if I can remember."

"You hurt me, cruel woman. I got you a baby present and everything and you say stuff like that."

"Didn't I tell you not to…"

"No. Don't remember anyway. Must be getting old."

"Matt…" Rory drew out his name, smiling. "Thanks."

"Told you, getting in your good graces."

Standing up, she gave him a half hug as he stood up as well. "You're a really nice guy."

"Only with nice people."

"Oh, now you're hugging? Seriously?" Jess chuckled, walking back in the room.

"Next time, we'll be having wild sex against the bookshelves downstairs."

"Say that again. I dare you."

"OK, not that the testosterone display isn't amusing, but we need to get going." Rory waddled to Jess, running her hand over the back of his neck.

"We're gonna be early as usual, don't panic."

"But what if there's traffic?"

Shaking his head, Jess kissed her quickly before waving at Matthew. "Finished all the urgent stuff, I'll proofread the articles for the zine tonight."

"Very productive. See you tomorrow."

"Bye, Matt." Rory waved quickly as they headed towards the stairs. "How was your day so far?" She smiled, squeezing Jess's hand.

"Long. Could have used way more you." He leaned over, kissing her cheek. "I get far too bored all day."

"I'll give you a picture to put on your desk. It'll be adorable."

"Not that pathetic yet, give me a couple more years."

"You better have a picture of the baby or I'll pout." She giggled as they got in the car, buckling their seatbelts.

"I'll be with the baby a lot, I don't need a picture."

"But, Jess!"

"Let me hang on to some things, ok?"

"Oh, fine."

"Hey, guys." Laura greeted them as they walked in the office. "How are you?"

"Not bad." Rory shrugged. "Fat, tired, nothing new."

"Are you staying off your feet?"

"As much as possible."

"Jess, should I trust her?"

"Yeah." He smirked, nodding.

"Ok then. All good with you too?"

"Can't complain."

"You should, it will make me look much less whiny." Rory smiled, walking to the scale and slipping out of her shoes at the same time.

"But if I do, then you'll tell me I don't get to complain since you're the one who's a million weeks pregnant."

"I have no idea what he's talking about, Laura."

"Men, right?" The doctor smiled, recording Rory's weight in her files.

"I'll shut up now." Jess rolled his eyes, sitting down.

"Sorry." Rory smiled, ruffling his hair as she sat on the consultation table.

"It's ok, I'm used to the abuse by now."

"And taking it so stoically."

"Of course." He smirked, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear as the doctor took out the blood pressure monitor.

"Calm and quiet now, I need to check this."

"Sure." Rory smiled, relaxing her arm. A couple of minutes later, Laura pulled the cuff off, smiling.

"You're looking good. Everything's on track so far. You still eating well?"

"Yep."

"No drinking, no smoking, no drugs?"

"No."

"Sorry, had to ask."

"Are there really people who go "yeah, shot up last night"?" Jess asked.

"Not here, but I saw a few when I was working in the free clinic. You'd think they'd lie better." Smiling, she looked at Rory, her hand feeling her stomach. "And since you don't look happy right now, I'll change the subject and tell you everything feels fine here as well. Nothing that raises even the slightest bit of concern."

"Sorry, I don't like the thought that some people do that voluntarily to their babies. Blame it on hormones."

"Don't even get me started with the number of things I cried at during pregnancy." Standing up, she picked up the heart rate monitor, moving it closer. "Go on, babe, calm your mom down with your strong, awesome heart beat."

"This never gets old."

"Nah, it doesn't." Laura smiled as the fast rhythmic noises started coming out of the speakers. Wiping a tear away from the corner of Rory's eye, Jess smiled.

"Sap."

"That's your daughter's heart, you scrooge."

"I know." He whispered again, squeezing her hand.

"I'm not doubting your knowledge of that fact, just your lack of joy over it."

"I'll dance later." He ran his finger over her cheek, smiling.

"Boring pregnancy is proceeding as boringly as before." Laura grinned, stopping the machine. "Heartbeat's good. Now to measure you and then you can pee in the cup and go."

"I feel like an athlete with all the regular testing."

"The only thing in your life that will ever make you feel like that." Jess smirked.

"I think there may have been a sugar rush and a late night viewing of Chariots of Fire that made me think I could run once."

"My bad. You're totally ready for a marathon."

"I like to think so, yes." She grinned, moving to give the doctor a better reach.

"Why aren't you panicking?" Rory smiled, poking Jess's ribs later that night.

"Was I supposed to?"

"Yes."

"Sorry. Should have sent me a memo or something, I had no idea." He smirked, leaning over and kissing her quickly. "Anyway, you were the one worried she's gonna be a serial killer a few days ago. Why aren't you panicking?"

"I reconsidered it. The list of female serial killers is very short."

"At least she'll go in a blaze of glory."

"We're not that far from New Jersey, she can go killing there, they abolished the death sentence."

"Reading up on this, huh?"

"I was bored of baby development books. Screw it, as long as we don't drop her on her head, we can't do too much damage."

"Have you been replaced with some sort of alien?"

"Very likely." She giggled. "It's all starting to seem so stupid to me. Every book says a different thing and they all claim they're right."

"And?"

"And I'm bored and tired and I'm seriously sick of feeling guilty every time I read something unrelated to the baby."

"You've seriously been feeling guilty? I thought you were kidding."

"Yet you claim you know me."

"Stop stressing." He kissed her forehead again. "Don't keep her in the basement, feed her at regular times, give her books, go to school crap. Not that hard."

"You forgot the part where we teach her how to read all those books."

"I'll start on that the minute she can see properly."

"Can you at least wait until she can walk and talk?"

"No. Nowhere near as important."

"Silly man." She smiled, picking up his hand and bringing it up to her lips. "If mom could raise a kid at sixteen…?"

"We'll be fine." Jess reassured her. "Stop worrying."

"I did."

"You started again."

"Shit happens."

"Don't make me distract you."

"We have to work early tomorrow." She pointed out. "Admit it, we're really not exciting any more."

"You were in bed at 9, at least I lasted until a respectable hour."

"I'm growing a baby."

"That's no excuse, we should be up partying while you can."

"I can't drink and my usual lack of grace when dancing is furthered by having a giant stomach weighing about a million pounds."

"Told you you should have skipped dessert."

"Mean." She laughed, moving her head close enough to kiss him.

"Also, in no way did I mean that you should be up dancing earlier."

"What did you mean then?"

Lifting his eyebrows incredulously, Jess waited for her to catch on.

"Oh." She blushed, biting her lip.

"We have to take advantage, really. We're not getting any for a long time after Brett's born."

"Right, 'cause that will be the only thing on our minds with a newborn at home."

"You're still gonna be hot. I can't help it."

"Uh-huh."

"Listen, I don't care if you're 80 and covered in wrinkles and with gray hair and all that shit – you'll still be the most beautiful woman in the world to me, got it?"

"Jerk, didn't I tell you you can't say stuff like that?"

"Cry and I won't make you breakfast."

"Oh, first making your pregnant wife cry and now threatening to not feed her? I may need to call Taylor's cousin."

"Need saving, huh?"

"Urgently."

"Huh. Maybe I'll tie you down so you can't call."

"Oh, crying, lack of food and restraints? Now I'm really calling them."

"Shut up." Jess smirked, covering her mouth with his.

"Freedom of speech is guaranteed under article 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human R…"

"Rory."

Laughing, she kissed him back, sliding her hand under his shirt. "Shutting up now."