Author: Raven Shadowrose

Rating: M

Pairing: ?/?

Summary: Sequel to Epiphany, Jeff and Dixie are trying to have a baby, what happens when it is likely to be more difficult than they first thought?

Disclaimer: I do not know or own any of the characters from Casualty, any original characters and the story are my property and I do not give permission for either of them to be used.

A/N: This is a direct sequel to Epiphany, please read that first to understand this story :) Reviews are welcome :)

Thank you to BeethovenRIP, olivia. c. king1 and chan. nelson4444 for your reviews and support, enjoy :)

Chapter Forty-Six.

Jeff sat by Dixie's side as she breastfed Sam, he still felt honoured that Dixie allowed him to sit with her as she breastfed their son. He loved watching her and Sam together, there was something so natural and beautiful about a mother feeding her child. Dixie's milk was the best thing for Sam, it had everything that he needed for the best start in life. Jeff stroked Dixie's hair as she fed their son, he always felt close to them both at this time. Dixie was born to be a mother and it made him happy to know that he has given her the chance to have everything that she wanted. He loved playing the role of daddy to all of his children. John and Sophia were in bed for school and he was hoping to connect with Dixie a little bit now that she had been home from hospital for over a fortnight. He wanted to spend time with Dixie and make sure that they made time for each other. Sam is developing quickly and gaining weight as he should be. It pleased Jeff to know that all of his family is safe and sound. Dixie had come through the birth safely and Sam was born healthy, it made him happy to know that he was doing his job of looking after them properly.

Jeff watched as Dixie burped Sam and then gently lay him down on his back in his cot, she gently held his hand and stroked his cheek as he fell asleep, it made Jeff smile, Dixie was a loving mother to their son and his kids. 'Goodnight Little Bug, see you in the morning.' Dixie kissed Sam's head and gazed down at their son. 'He's getting bigger Jeff, I look at him every day and I notice how much bigger he has got.' Jeff stroked Sam's head and noted that his hair was growing more now.

'That's all thanks to his mummy feeding him and giving him everything that he needs.'

'And his daddy too, he needs us both.' Jeff checked the baby monitor and made sure that the volume was turned up, he picked up the other monitor and held it in his hand.

'Come on princess, our Little Bug is well fed and sleeping, now it is time for his beautiful mummy to get some rest.'

'Have you got the monitor?'

'Yes, don't worry princess.'

'Okay, that's good.' Jeff put his arm around Dixie and guided her out of the nursery and into their bedroom, now that Sam was asleep it was the perfect time for him to get close to Dixie again. He wanted to make sure that she was all right and coping with looking after Sam, looking after a new baby was hard on all new mothers and Jeff wanted to look after Dixie.

Dixie climbed into bed, she sensed that Jeff wanted to talk to her about something and she wondered what it was. Jeff got into bed too and she snuggled up to him. 'Dixie, you are all right, aren't you?'

'How do you mean?'

'Looking after a baby is hard work and I wonder if I'm helping you enough.'

'Of course you are Jeff.'

'What are you going to do when I go back to work?'

'Don't worry love, I will be fine. Nadia will be here to help me. What about you?'

'I'm going to miss you, the kids and Little Bug. I feel like I'm going to miss so much of his development while I'm working.'

'I will take lots of pictures and call you when anything happens.'

'I wish that paternity leave was longer than a month.'

'Me too.'

'I'm just worried that looking after Sam might be harder for you when I'm back working twelve hour shifts.'

'You said it yourself, you're only going to work days so you can spend nights here.'

'Even so, I'm worrying that I'm abandoning you and the kids.'

'Jeff, you're not abandoning us, you're going to work.'

'Are you sure?'

'Very, I love you Jeff and you're not abandoning me or the kids.'

'Okay, you're right.' Dixie put her arms around Jeff and hugged him tight, she didn't want him to feel like he was abandoning them. He would always do his best to provide for them.

Jeff took comfort from having Dixie cuddled up to him, it was nice to be so close to her. Dixie's belly had got smaller and it was easier for them to cuddle up now. He wanted to talk to her about things and see how she felt about them getting closer again. 'Dix?'

'Yeah, what is it love?'

'I wanted to see how you felt about us and I want you to know that there isn't any pressure on you to feel ready for us to start having a physical relationship again.'

'You're sweet Jeff, I think that I will be okay in another couple of weeks.'

'It's all right if you're not, I want you to take all of the time that you need princess.'

'Thanks Jeff.'

'I don't want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable during our lovemaking. I know it will take some time for you to get back to normal.'

'It will do, I am looking forward to being with you again though Jeff.'

'Don't rush it, I want you fully recovered.' Jeff kissed Dixie on the head and he held her close. 'I do want to stay close to you in other ways though, I'd hate for us to lose the closeness that we've always had.'

'Other ways, what do you mean by that?'

'I've been reading up on ways that new parents can keep their relationship close and work on their togetherness.'

'What did you come up with?'

'They suggested massage and cuddling up to each other like we're doing now.'

'Okay, how about we start now.'

'Are you sure princess? You're not too tired?'

'No, I'm not, can I start?'

'All right Dix, I will put myself in your hands.' Jeff lifted his arms as Dixie lifted his shirt over his head, he wondered what she would do, he was looking forward to her massaging him.

Dixie placed her hands on Jeff's shoulders and she moved them down his arms, she stroked her hands down his arms a few times and then moved them back up to his shoulders. She ran her fingers over the tattoo on Jeff's arm, she liked it, she didn't normally like tattoos, but on him it was perfect. Dixie felt some tension in Jeff's left shoulder and she moved her hands over it. 'Jeffrey, have you been carrying heavy things on your left arm again?'

'Maybe, why?'

'Because your left shoulder is all tight, you really need to balance the weight between both arms.'

'Okay princess, you're the boss.'

'Don't you forget it.' Jeff smiled, he liked Dixie's bossy side. Dixie gently massaged Jeff's left shoulder until she felt the tension in it release and then she moved her hands down the middle of his back.

'You're good at this princess.'

'Do you think so?'

'Yeah, I do.' Dixie barely heard Jeff speak his voice had gone that quiet, she loved touching his bare skin and caressing it with her hands. She knew that Jeff was relaxing and enjoying her touch as his breathing had relaxed and slowed down and his eyes had closed. Dixie moved her hands around Jeff's waist and she rested her head on his back, she pressed gentle kisses against his shoulder and held him close to her.

Jeff sighed in pleasure, Dixie massaging him had relaxed him a lot and he was feeling the benefit from it. He wanted to keep their relationship as close as it was before Sam was born, if they didn't make time for each other then they risked starting to argue and he didn't want that. 'I think it is your turn now princess,' Jeff said quietly and he turned to face Dixie.

'I think I'll have to leave my bra on, it can be uncomfortable without it.' Jeff moved until he was sat behind Dixie and in perfect position to massage her body.

'No problem princess, does it really hurt?'

'No, I am just producing milk properly now and I find that just before feeding Sam or expressing milk it can be a bit uncomfortable and I feel a bit full.'

'Are you feeling like that now?'

'No, I've just fed him, I might do in a few hours though.'

'Is there anything I can do to help you?'

'Feeding Sam helps me feel better so don't worry.'

'Okay, I know that you can get infections and so on, if there is anything I want you to tell me and we'll get you checked out.'

'I will, I promise.'

'Good.' Jeff helped Dixie take her top off, he wrapped his arms around her and held her against his bare chest. 'I love you my princess.'

'Love you too Jeff.' He rested his hands on Dixie's shrinking belly and caressed it.

'You're so beautiful my love.'

'I don't think that my belly will ever be the same, I know the stretch marks that are there now probably won't go away.'

'You got those bringing our beautiful little boy into the world. A few stretch marks don't make you any less beautiful, you're always beautiful to me my love.'

'You're sweet my Jeffrey.' Jeff smiled into Dixie's shoulder and he pressed a kiss against her skin.

Dixie closed her eyes as Jeff's hands began gently rubbing her belly and then moved his hands up her sides and to her shoulders. She felt the straps of her bra being moved slightly down her arms and she sighed quietly as Jeff's hands worked their way over the muscles in her shoulders and back. Dixie relaxed and she let her hands sit in her lap, Jeff's hands gently touching her skin was making her feel wonderful. Dixie was happy that Jeff had suggested they massage each other, she felt closer to him than ever. Dixie remembered Jeff massaging her the night before the operation to open her tubes so that she could get pregnant to calm her down and help her sleep, she was experiencing the same feelings now as she had then. Jeff's strong arms moved around her and held her close to him. She snuggled into him and rested her head against his shoulder. 'Thank you Jeff.'

'For what?'

'For this evening, I feel all nice and relaxed now.'

'I do too.'

'Thank you for making me feel beautiful too.'

'I mean it, you are my beautiful wife.' Dixie felt Jeff move the straps of her bra back up and into position. He rested his head on her shoulder and held her close. Dixie felt his breath on her neck, it felt comforting and reassuring. Having Jeff's arms around made her feel safe and loved, she knew that he would always protect her.

Jeff lay back on the pillows on his side of the bed, he felt more relaxed than he had done in a long time. 'Dix, come and lie down with me.' He lifted his arm and Dixie rested her head on his chest, her hand moved and rested across his stomach. 'I like that we can lie like this, it is nice to feel our bare skin touching.'

'I know, you're always so warm Jeff, I like it.'

'Do you?'

'Very much, I love it.'

'Good, I'll be your hot water bottle whenever you need me to be princess.' Jeff stroked Dixie's hair and moved it away from her face, he kissed her head and wrapped his arms around her. 'Get some sleep my princess. I will take the next feed so don't worry.'

'Is there enough milk in the fridge?'

'Yes, I checked before we came upstairs.'

'Don't forget to heat it up,' Dixie said and yawned.

'I won't forget. I want you to get some sleep Dix, you're tired.'

'I think that I am.'

'Rest princess, I will take care of our Little Bug when he needs feeding.'

'Okay Jeffrey, goodnight.' Jeff smiled, he heard the sleepiness in Dixie's voice and her eyes started to flutter shut.

'Goodnight sweetheart.' Jeff kissed Dixie's head again and he watched Dixie as she slept for a few minutes. Jeff checked the baby monitor had enough power to last the night and that the sound was turned up, he placed it on the table and faced it towards him so that he would hear it right away when Sam woke up. Jeff checked that Dixie was sleeping, she needed to rest and he was going to make sure that she had the chance to do so. Once he was certain that she was sleeping Jeff closed his eyes and went to sleep himself.