A/N: Review, pretty please. You all rock my very awesome purple socks.

Cyanide and a teaspoon of sugar

"Hi!" Rory greeted the two young boys as they opened the door to Lane's house the next day.

"Aunt Rory!" They exclaimed in unison, hugging her.

"How are you, guys?"

"I'm good."

"I'm good too!" Steve grinned, showing off his teeth. "My tooth fell off last night!"

"Hey, mine fell last week!" Kwan quickly cut him off, opening his mouth too.

"Did the Tooth Fairy visit?"

"Yeah, I got a dollar!"

"So did I!" Steve glared at his brother. "Aunt Rory, how did the baby get in there? Did you eat it?" He pointed at her bump, an inquiring look on his face.

"Don't be stupid, mom told you how babies are made!" Kwan interjected before Rory could reply.

"Mom, Kwan called me stupid!"

"Kwan, apologize to your brother immediately." Lane appeared from the bedroom, a frazzled look on her face. "Hey, Rory. Give me a second."

"We don't have to go if you're too busy."

"You kidding me?" The other woman laughed, shaking her head. "Zack, I'm leaving, you're in charge." She called behind her before walking up to the boys, putting a hand on each of their shoulders. "Did you apologize?" She looked at Kwan and he sighed.

"I'm sorry."

"Like you mean it." Lane scolded him again.

"I shouldn't have called you stupid and I'm really sorry I did." He recited before looking at his mother. "Better?"

"Don't know, ask Steve."

"Can I play with your Legos?" Steve looked at his brother and he nodded.

"Yes."

"We're good."

"Good." Lane nodded, kissing the boys' heads. "Go find dad and tell him I said he has to watch you."

"I'm on it already, babe." Zack walked in the room, holding a guitar in his hands. "Have fun." He kissed his wife's cheek and she smiled, messing his hair.

"I'll see you all later." She waved them quickly, ushering Rory out the door. "Sorry about that." She laughed, when they were outside.

"Don't worry about it."

"Did you get a word in?"

"A couple."

"That's more than people usually get. They must really like you." Pulling her rumpled sleeve down, she looked at Rory. "Where are we going? Luke's?"

"Nah, after yesterday I'm really not sure I'll ever want a burger ever again. Or until I'm back in Philly." She laughed, shaking her head. "Want to drive to Hartford? We can have lunch and then look around the mall or something?"

"As long as we make the obligatory stops to baby shops, I'm game."

"I do need some sort of closet organizing thingy."

"Settled then." Lane nodded once. "You know you don't get to complain and stop me when I try to buy Brett clothes, right?"

"Lane, we have…"

"You can never have too many clothes. There's a lot of puke coming your way. Trust me, I've been there." She laughed as they got in the car.

"Do I even dare ask how you're doing?" Lane asked after they were seated in a restaurant.

"I'd really rather you didn't." Rory laughed. "…Actually can I complain about something first and then we can talk about everything else under the sun?"

"I'm here to listen." She reassured her friend. "What's up?"

"Sex." Rory sighed, dropping her head in her hands. "I need a reminder that there's going to be a time when it's not so freaking complicated. Because right now? It sucks."

"No pun intended?" Lane chimed in, making Rory burst out laughing.

"That's one way to stop a rant." She replied, taking calming breaths after a few seconds of giggling.

"Not my intention, carry on."

"It's just so annoying to have to work around this…" She pointed at her stomach, cringing. "…And the tiredness and all that fun stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love that Jess is still interested in me in that way, but…ugh. So frustrating."

"Do you want commiseration, a gentle kick or was getting it all out enough?"

"Any. All." Rory pouted. "The last one, probably."

"Brett will be born soon and this won't be an issue anymore."

"That's it, I'm not having any more kids." Biting her lip, she looked at Lane. "How do you and Zack find time for…stuff?"

"We make time." She shrugged. "They sleep a lot when they're young. In batches, sure, but a lot. It gets harder when they're old enough to walk, but that's what locks are for." Lane laughed.

"Definitely need to install some of those."

"Don't stress about it, you will be fine."

"Thanks."

"Any time."

Walking in the diner apartment a few hours later, Rory dropped the bags in her hands when she saw the piles of stuff everywhere.

"Did Santa's workshop explode in here?" She looked at her husband and he shrugged.

"We finished dragging the stuff from the shower here."

"These are all…?"

"Presents for the spawn. Every last one of them."

"This town is crazy." Rory muttered, stepping inside the room. "This didn't seem so…overwhelming yesterday."

"The square is bigger."

"My hands are gonna fall off halfway through writing all the thank you notes."

"I'll help." Jess volunteered, walking to her and kissing her cheek. "Sit down, I can move stuff around to your bidding."

"You know, I'm really looking forward to the baby being born so I can go through an entire day without you telling me to sit down."

"I don't know, it may be a bit ingrained by now…" He joked, tilting his head towards the couch and she sat down, rolling her eyes again.

"Overprotective."

"You make me go to bed, I make you sit. Quid pro quo, Clarice." He smirked. "You'll be chasing a crawling kid around pretty soon, you should sit all you can now."

"Tell me again why I married you, you annoying smart ass."

"Because you love me, remember?"

"Uh-huh. Sure I do."

"Your words, they hurt." Jess smirked again, sitting down next to her, rubbing the back of her neck gently. "Are you sure you want to be mean to me?"

"Damn you and your evil powers." Rory replied with a smile, kissing him. "Bring me coffee and then we can get to sorting this mess."

"Anything else your adoring slave can do for you, madam?"

"Kiss." She grinned, pressing her lips to his briefly. "You may go now."

"I'll be back in a second." He smiled, standing up and heading for the door.

"And don't call me madam ever again!" Rory called after him, laughing before settling in better on the couch, putting her feet up on the coffee table.

"I found your mother." Jess announced as he walked back in the room, Lorelai following behind him.

"I'm bored, Will is down for his nap, Luke is fixing something around the house so I have come to spend time with my favorite daughter."

"What would you have done if Will had been a girl?" Rory smiled as her mother sat down next to her.

"Lied to both of you about being the favorite." She shrugged.

"Good strategy."

"What are we doing?"

"I was made to sit down while Jess looks through the piles of crap and organizes it."

"Can I help?"

"I assume you mean point at things as well instead of actual helping, right?" Jess smirked, handing his wife the coffee cup.

"I wouldn't want to get in your way." She grinned in reply, grabbing a pillow and hugging it. "No coffee for your mother-in-law? You want to fall from my graces?"

"You could have brought your own coffee."

"Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Be a darling, will you?"

"My next wife is gonna be an orphan." He muttered, smiling at Rory before heading downstairs again.

"More clothes!" Jess called out, throwing the small piece of fabric towards the couch. Catching it, Lorelai looked at the label.

"Hey, finally something for the 12-18 months pile."

"Toddler clothes don't stand a chance next to the tiny newborn ones." Rory shrugged, taking the dress from her. "Is this a flamenco dress?"

"Miss Patty." Lorelai smiled.

"Of course." Rory smiled. "This is insanity." She sighed, looking at the piles in front of her.

"Yes. Also why I've been telling you to buy bigger sizes instead of the tiny ones." Peaking her head to the side to avoid the stack of clothes in front of her, Lorelai looked at Jess who was trying to open a box. "What's the hold up?"

"Someone got overly fond of their tape dispenser."

"Probably Taylor."

"Or Kirk." Rory pointed out.

"Nah, it's Taylor." Jess smirked, holding out a book finally freed from its wrapping. "Copy of the town bylaws."

"What every baby needs."

"How else is she going to know not to cry between 9 PM and 7AM, really?"

"No idea." Rory smiled. "How are we doing?" She addressed Jess.

"A couple more things to go, but nothing big."

"We still have to assemble some of these things."

"What are you taking, what are you leaving?" Lorelai asked.

"I don't know."

"We'll have some more coffee while you make a list."

"You're a genius."

"I assume I'm going to be the one bringing you coffee again?" Jess chimed in.

"Unless I'm allowed to stand up again." Rory made a face, giggling at her husband.

"Nah, I'm used to it by now." Jess smirked, throwing a couple of books in a pile. "More books. Good thing her bookshelves are being delivered this week."

"It's almost like people in this town know you two." Lorelai smiled.

"Just because she's our daughter, it doesn't mean she'll like books." Rolling her eyes, she looked at Jess. "And don't start again on throwing her to the wolves."

"Steps of a convent?"

"He's so cute." Lorelai gushed, making him groan.

"Hey, I think I have somewhere else to be. Anywhere else, in fact."

"Don't let us stop you." The older woman shot in return.

"But then we'd have to walk to the diner!" Rory protested, feigning terror.

"Shit." Lorelai muttered. "I take that back. You're not cute. You're evil and mean and not at all adorable when you threaten to give up your daughter."

"Can you two just ignore me? Seriously, I don't mind."

"We will as soon as you're done procrastinating and open up the last box so you can then bring us coffee."

"How Luke hasn't killed you I'll never know." He glanced at Lorelai before opening the last package, throwing the clothes towards the couch. "Done."

"And the coffee?" Lorelai asked again and he stood up, a fake smile on his face.

"You take yours with cyanide, right?"

"And a teaspoon of sugar."

"Right. So she now has somewhere to sleep at our house, here and grandma's." Rory counted on her fingers, looking at the newly assembled crib.

"Check."

"Changing table here and at home, plus a travel pad for grandma's and everywhere else."

"Check." Lorelai nodded again.

"Clothes."

"A bucket load of those."

"Diapers, diaper bag, bottles just in case, wipes, lotion and all that crap."

"Check."

"So I should stop panicking now?"

"Yes, you should." She reassured her daughter, rubbing her arm. "You're about as ready as you can be." Making a face, she giggled. "That sounded better in my head."

"I appreciate the sentiment." Looking at the empty cup in front of her, Rory shrugged. "One more cup of coffee before I have to go back home?"

"Use the force to get Luke to bring us pie and you've got a deal."

"I'll give him the puppy eyes." She laughed, standing up. Finding an empty table in the diner, they waited for a couple of minutes before Luke appeared next to them.

"How was unpacking?"

"Done. And we were making lists and sorting, Jess did all the heavy stuff." Rory replied. "Is he around?"

"Went out. You want me to go find him?"

"I can call him, don't worry." She smiled. "Can we get some coffee and pie, please?" She asked the man sweetly while Lorelai tried not to laugh.

"What kind?"

"Peach?"

"Give me a minute."

"I love your super pregnant powers. He didn't even lecture us." Lorelai grinned. "Though I don't know what we're going to do after she's born but before she's old enough to ask for food."

"Use Will." Rory suggested.

"Tough one, he's trying to teach him healthy eating habits. I doubt four slices of pie in one day count."

"It has fruit, doesn't he get that it's about as healthy as we'll ever get?"

"He claims to understand our ways and yet he so rarely does." Lorelai sighed. "After your time stuffing yourself with fruit a while ago, it's nice to have you back."

"Apples, mom. Apples."

"Nope, don't remember that." She giggled as her husband put two plates on the table. "Thank you, you're awesome."

"We're having salad with dinner tonight."

"But…" She drew out the word, pouting. "Rory, do something!"

"Sorry. Not even my powers are that great."

"I'm joining the circus!" She proclaimed, pulling her plate closer. "As soon as I've finished my pie."

"Why are you awake?" Jess asked, a hint of worry in his voice as he sat on the couch next to Rory much later that night.

"Can't sleep."

"Something wrong?"

"Nah, just uncomfortable."

"Can I help in any way?"

"Not really." Rory replied with a shrug, flipping to a different channel on the TV.

"Come on, you're gonna make me sing you a lullaby and you of all people should know that me singing is really a bad idea."

"It's why you don't place bets with Matt on drinking night." She smiled, amused by the memory.

"Could have been worse, he could have found an open karaoke bar and then I would have really had to kill him." Leaning closer, he placed a kiss on her temple, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Can you stop working earlier than planned? You only have three weeks left, you should be able to swing it and then you'd get more rest."

"But I like work." She pouted. "I'll be fine, I promise. Stop worrying."

"Can't." He smiled. "I'm contractually obligated to worry."

"You're silly."

"Well, you're not letting me help, worrying is about the only thing I can do."

"I would let you, but there's nothing I can think of that would work."

"Good book and a cup of hot chocolate?"

"Maybe. Will you do the reading of the good book? She likes your voice." Rory asked.

"She or you?"

"Both. She calms down a bit when you talk." She explained, moving his hand to her bump. "She was acting up until you came down here and now she's almost out of demon banshee mode."

"Can I at least pick the book?" He smirked, kissing her head again.

"Yes."

"I suppose I can sacrifice myself in that case so you can go to sleep."

"Thank you." Rory smiled softly, placing a kiss on his lips.

"You must be seriously tired if I don't even get a mock swoon."

"You have no idea." She replied and Jess stood up, extending his hands to take hers.

"Go on then, move."

Laughing, she took his hands and stood up, following him into the kitchen where he started making the hot chocolate. "It's weird watching you do that when it's 75 degrees outside."

"We'll turn on the AC and then you can actually need it."

"Thanks." She giggled. "What are you doing up, anyway?"

"Believe it or not, it's actually hard for me to sleep without your constant squirming."

"So what you're saying is that you can't sleep without me?"

"There's the mocking!" He remarked, chuckling. "Its absence is much more unnatural than the lack of squirming."

"What will you do when Brett's finally born and I can be comfortable for longer than 30 seconds?"

"Live."

"Good to know. Anyway, I figured you would have gotten tired of being mocked after today. Mom was in great shape."

"Tired, used to it…whatever."

"You poor, poor baby."

"Want to make me feel better?" He cocked an eyebrow, pouring the warm milk in a cup.

"Rain check? I'm beat."

"Fine." He nodded, smiling before tilting his head toward the door. "Go, I'm behind you."

"Aren't you picking a book?"

"No need, I have some Hemingway short stories on the nightstand." Jess smirked.

"Well, if there's anything that'll put me right to sleep…" She dragged on, laughing before heading up towards their bedroom.