A/N: If anyone needs me, I'm going to be in he corner hiding. Thank you for the reviews.

Almost but not quite

"False alarm." Rory sighed, exasperation in her voice as Lorelai picked up the phone.

"No."

"Oh, yeah. Contractions stopped pretty much the minute we got to the hospital. I've been here for an hour and not a single one. The doctor on call said there's no progress, if you catch my drift."

"Drift caught. So what are they going to do?"

"They're sending me home. I have to come back if anything changes, but she didn't sound hopeful." She shrugged, biting her lip. "I don't want to go."

"I know, but there's nothing they can do."

"I know." She continued her pacing through the small hospital room. "Jess is talking to someone and we'll go as soon as he's back. So yeah, you can head back home. Sorry we woke you up."

"Don't worry, Rory." Lorelai smiled, shaking her head. "Do you want me to keep driving? I'm about halfway there, I can come spend a couple of days and distract you."

"No, it's fine. Go back, you have Will and Luke and everything. The inn must be packed this weekend."

"The inn is fine."

"So am I." She tried to convince both her mother and herself, resting against the table as she rubbed her stomach with her free hand. "Jess is home with me, he'll distract me."

"Oh, I'm sure he will." She replied, laughing. "I hear that sort of thing makes babies come."

"Mom!"

"What, you've got to admit it's a bit funny that the same thing that makes babies is supposed to help with getting them to hurry up and be born."

"I don't find a lot of things funny right now."

"I know, hon." She told her daughter, her voice sympathetic again. "Are you very sure you don't want me to come?"

"Yes." She replied, trying to hide the quiver in her voice.

"Aw, damn, what do you know, I just passed the halfway point, it's easier to get there than go back."

"Mom, I…"

"Driving tired is very dangerous, I don't want to get in an accident or anything and this is the shorter distance. I'll be there tomorrow and drive back in the evening."

"Thank you." She wiped her eyes. "I'm so tired, mom."

"I know. Have Jess drive you home, I'll be there in a couple of hours."

"Ok." She nodded, biting her lip again. "I should go find him and see what's taking so long."

"Ok. I'll see you very soon."

"Th…"

"Shush." She told her, smiling. "It's going to be all right."

"You sure?"

"Yes." Lorelai nodded. "Go on, go. I have to call Luke and tell him to stay put, if he's even managed to track someone down to watch Will for us. I knew we should have planned this in advance."

"See you soon." Rory replied before hanging up the phone. After having another look around the room to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything, she opened the door only to find Jess standing on the other side, ready to do the same. "How's it going?" She asked.

"It's fine, they wanted some insurance stuff." Jess wrapped his arms around her, kissing her temple. "You ok?"

"Sort of. Broken hearted that we have to go home without an actual outside of me baby, but I suppose as long as she's healthy, I can't complain much. Mom is still coming."

"Good."

"You don't mind?"

"No." He told her, hugging her tighter. "What can I do to make you feel better?"

"Nothing. Let's go home, I'll see if I can get some sleep."

"Ok." He kissed her again before grabbing the suitcase.

"Wake up." Jess whispered in her ear a while later, kissing her cheek. "Your mom is here."

"What?" She asked groggily.

"We're home and your mom is here."

"But…hospital…and mom…"

"I drove around for a while, you were looked like you were finally getting some rest."

"A while?"

"Couple of hours. You're lucky I filled the tank today." He smiled, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Come on, Lorelai's waiting."

"Ok." She mumbled again, opening the car door. Reaching the front steps of their house a few seconds later, she laughed when Lorelai pulled her into a hug. "Hi."

"Hi. And I'm sorry you don't have a baby yet."

"It's ok. I'm dealing better with the disappointment after some sleep. I would however have liked it if I'd gotten all the details before I signed up for this."

"Look, I told you – take however hard you think it's going to be, times that by about ten and there you have it."

"Great, you forgot to tell me that it starts before she's even born."

"Well, now you know better for next time."

"Ha! Next time. You're funny." Rory replied. "Come on, let's go inside before the neighbors call the cops."

"Oh, I'm allowed inside? I feel special!" Lorelai giggled, waiting for her daughter to open the door before following her.

"Do you want some coffee?" She asked as they stepped into the kitchen. "You can go to bed if you're tired, I'll…"

"Coffee would be great."

"I love how you forgot all about me." Jess smirked, walking into the kitchen, dropping the hospital bag near the front door. "I get it, I'm not needed."

"Are you going to cry? I hope you do." Lorelai replied.

Giving him a quick kiss, Rory smiled. "Do you want some coffee?"

"I was going to go upstairs unless you want me here." He shook his head.

"Go get some sleep."

"You sure?"

"Yes. Go." She told him again, kissing him. "It's your best chance to get some uninterrupted sleep for a bit."

"Ok." He smiled, cupping her face in his hand before kissing her. "Come get me if there's anything."

"I will." She promised him, giving him one more kiss before pulling back.

"Night, Lorelai."

"Night." The woman replied, busy counting spoons of coffee. "Damn, lost count." She added another spoon, grinning. "What's the worst that can happen?"

"You know it won't be caffeinated no matter how much you add, right?"

"I refuse to accept that. Go, sit, I can make this."

"Thanks."

"Did the doctor say anything else?"

"No. She said I could stay if I really wanted, but it could be a week or more."

"Did you kill her?"

"No."

"Did you want to?"

"Oh, yeah." Rory said with a snicker. "She was very nice about it which just made me feel worse about wanting to."

"It's ok, I'm sure she understands. What's next on the agenda?"

"A whole lot of nothing. I'm sure I'll find something to clean around here for the fifth time, but nothing else."

"I remember those days."

"Any advice?"

"Try going sideways on the stairs. I read somewhere that's supposed to help."

"I meant in general, but I'll keep that in mind." Rory giggled, accepting the cup her mother was handing her. "Anyway, if she isn't coming today, she has to stay in until Friday. I'm not having kid born on the fourth of July."

"Birthing Tom Cruise must be one of everyone's worst nightmares. Imagine how many couches you'd go through during the years."

"They don't make that many."

"What the hell is all that?" Jess asked as he walked in the kitchen where Lorelai and Rory were unloading their shopping bags.

"Pineapple, hot sauce, ginger snaps, licorice and everything on the ingredient list for you to make me eggplant parmesan because those are the only things outside of Chinese food I plan on eating until this damned child is born. After tomorrow."

"You encouraged this?" He cocked his eyebrow, looking at Lorelai.

"I merely suggested it's worth a try."

"If you start doing jumping jacks, I will have you committed." He told Rory before kissing her cheek.

"Starting exercising when I'm this pregnant seems a bit over the top."

"Ew. No kissing." Lorelai laughed. "Ok, you're all prepared, I need to go before it's too late."

"No, stay with me, I have firstborn dibs. You don't want me to feel excluded because you had another kid, do you?"

"Fine, I'm moving in with you."

"Great."

"Do I get a say?" Jess asked with a chuckle.

"What, you don't want your lovely mother in law to live with you?"

"No."

"Rory!" Lorelai called, pointing at Jess. "He's mean!"

"I'm going to stay out of this." Rory smiled.

"Well, fine." Lorelai sulked, crossing her arms over her chest. Noticing the time, she sighed. "I really should go. You'll be all right?"

"Yes."

"And you'll call?"

"Mother…" Rory rolled her eyes, laughing.

"Fine, I'm going." She gave her a quick hug. "I'll see you soon."

"Bye, Lorelai."

"I'll come walk you out." Rory told her, waiting for her mother to go outside. Coming back in the kitchen a couple of minutes later, she hugged her husband, resting her head on his shoulder. "How are you?"

"All right."

"Even if we're still baby-less?"

"Even if." He smiled, kissing her temple.

"I love you." She whispered, kissing his cheek.

"Love you too."

"Hey, kid." Rory started talking as she sat down in the nursery rocking chair. "Today's your official due date. I'm happy you stayed put yesterday, for your sake, because having a birthday on a holiday would suck, but you can be born now. Seriously. Your dad and I are dying to meet you and everyone else we know isn't that much more patient either. Plus, it's nice out here. Too warm but that shouldn't be a problem for you, since you're used to it. Anyway, yeah, if you'd like to be born, we're ready, your room is ready, everything is, so go ahead."

"Nice speech." Jess laughed from his place in the doorway and she lifted her head, blushing as she noticed him.

"I…was…um…"

"Trying to coax our child to be born?"

"Hey, maybe it will work." She laughed, shaking her head.

"Listen to your mother, Brett." Jess stepped closer to her, pointing his finger at her stomach. "Maybe if we both tell her…"

"By our powers combined!" She shot her hand in the air, giggling again.

"She better not have a green mullet."

"She better not have a mullet of any sort."

Leaning over, he gave her a quick kiss. "What do you want to do today?"

"Turn off my phone so I don't get any 'have you had that baby yet' calls."

"Doable."

"Then I was thinking I could get you naked. It's the most fun way I can think to start the 'get this damned child out' mission."

"If I must." He wiggled his eyebrows, catching her bottom lip between his as she tried not to burst out laughing.

"What are you doing?" Jess asked as he stepped out of the office the next evening.

"Erm…I can explain." Rory mumbled as she froze sideways on the stairs, a half-eaten cookie in her hand. "Mom read somewhere it's supposed to induce labor and I'm desperate enough."

"You do realize it looks silly?"

"No, really?" She giggled. "I know, Jess."

"And you're still going at it…why?"

"Because I'm tired of being pregnant! I didn't hear you complaining when we were trying sex."

"I'm not complaining now either." Grabbing two railing posts with his hands, he looked up at her from the small gap. "Do you want to go back to sex? At least there's some logic behind that one."

"Too tired." She shrugged. "Later?"

"Sure."

"My God, aren't we romantic." Rory replied.

"Here I figured it would take us at least thirty years to get to the old married couple stage."

"Sorry." She shrugged.

"Can you at least come down, my neck is starting to hurt?"

"Yep." She nodded, walking sideways down the stairs. "One more time can't hurt." Hearing her phone ring, she rolled her eyes, grimacing. "Can you answer that and tell whoever it is you'll kill them if they call again?"

"Why did you turn that thing on again?"

"Because mom called the houseline and complained about my cell being off."

"Tell her to call mine, she's the only one from your family that has that number."

"Has Liz called today?"

"Yes."

"Gah." She groaned. "No more!"

"I told her to go away. In different words." He quickly added before hugging her. "Let's go watch a movie, that will distract you."

"Can we go to the store first and buy more ginger snaps?"

"Did you seriously eat all of them?"

"And the pineapple." She nodded.

"I hope you didn't put hot sauce on them at least. Seeing you do that with dinner was disturbing enough."

"I didn't." Rory kissed the corner of his mouth. "So…cookies?"

"I can make you some if you want."

"You can make ginger cookies?" She asked, her eyes widening in surprise.

"Really, we've been together for this long and you doubt my abilities in the kitchen?"

"You're magic." She joked, kissing him again.

"Come on, I'll make you some coffee and you can watch me bake."

"I don't suppose you can make me a pineapple too?"

"I'm not that good. But I'll buy you one if I have to go to the store to buy ingredients." He told her, kissing her before waiting for her to go in the kitchen. "Will any cookies work or are they specific ones?"

"There was a recipe, but mom and I bought ginger snaps. Somehow the grocery store is lacking in labor inducing ginger cookies."

"How dare they!" He replied as he started making the coffee. "Find me the recipe." He threw his phone on the table and Rory grabbed it.

"Aren't you afraid I'm going to see your texts from your mistress?"

"I delete them." He deadpanned.

"Here it is." She told him, handing him the phone back with a page open in the browser a few moments later. "I love that you've not only decided to forgo your technology hatred, but embraced it fully."

"You made me. I hate that thing." He reminded her.

"That way you don't have to get out of bed to check your emails."

"Small perk." He conceded, reading through the recipe. "We have all this crap. You should have told me yesterday, I could have made a batch then."

"You're perfect." She pretended to swoon over him.

"I know."

"And so incredibly modest." She made a face at him.

"How's the baby today?" He asked as he started pulling things out of cabinets.

"She's kicking away. Soon, my internal organs will get some rest."

"Contractions?"

"Occasionally, but nothing steady."

"We're really going to be at a loss for things to talk about once she's born, aren't we?" He asked as he started to mix things together into a bowl.

"As long as we don't end up having actual conversations about her diapers, we'll be fine."

"Ugh."

"My thoughts exactly." Rory nodded. "Have I told you recently how hot you are when you make me cookies?"

"You sure it's not the oven?"

"Smart ass, your dad." She said, looking at her stomach.

"If only you didn't love me." He kissed the top of her head, putting a cup of coffee next to her on the table. "Do you want some licorice to eat while I make these?"

"No. I really, really hate licorice."

"So you bought it…?"

"Out of desperation. It's a last resort."

"You know what you eat is going to do jack shit about labor, right?"

"Yes, but I'm going to say with a clear conscience that I've tried everything the internet recommended."

"That's a source of sanity right there. Next you'll be taking advice from Liz."

She rolled her eyes, sipping from the cup. "I'll take any advice if it works."

"Stay away from her anyway. I don't want her convincing you giving birth in the living room is a good plan."

"I have some limits. No." She groaned as her phone started ringing again. "I don't even care who it is."

"What if it's Lorelai?"

"She has a different ringtone. It's probably grandma again. Or Miss Patty. "

"How many times has she called you?"

"Patty or grandma?"

"Patty."

"Five. Babette is up to seven in the last two days. Taylor only twice."

"Town of lunatics." Jess said.

"You're one of us."

"Never." He replied, walking to her and kissing her. "And remember I'm making you cookies before you say that again."

"I apologize. I never meant to hurt you." She laughed, drinking more coffee.

"Better."

"What's the ETA on the cookies?"

"About twenty minutes, why?"

"Because I think I need to answer that phone before someone has a coronary."

"Or they assume you've gone into labor and spread the rumor through town, making your mother drive back here."

"Or that." Pulling out the phone from her pocket, she braced herself. "Fun just never stops."