Chapter Eight: Can I Be More to Him?

Ana stood in front of the mirror that hung over her vanity in her bathroom and looked at her reflection. She had been Gideon Cross's lover for over two months. She had lived with him for most of that time in his Penthouse just returning to her apartment for clothes or to water her plants. She was staying the night at her own place since Gideon was out of town on business. She was grateful for the time alone because as she suspected Gideon was high maintenance. He wanted to consume her and he was possessive but not as bad as Christian. She knew that he had ordered a security detail to look after her, but they kept their distance. She did accept a driver because she didn't want to drive in New York City, but when they left for his country home in Connecticut she loved to drive the vehicle that she bought for herself, another pick-up truck. Gideon had laughed at her for her purchase, but she explained that she learned to drive in her daddy's pick-up truck.

His family was a mystery. She knew about his mother and step-father but she was yet to meet them and he said if he had anything to do with it, she would never meet them. She did meet his little sister, Ireland and found her delightful and a reminder of Mia Grey with her boundless energy and evident love for her big brother. The one member of his family that he refused to discuss was his half-brother, Christopher. His only words on the matter of the man were that she was to stay clear of him and that Christopher Vidal was evil personified. Ana only nodded as Gideon had gripped her shoulders so tight that he left bruises as he made it even clearer that he did not want her to talk to be anywhere near Christopher. He then crushed her to his chest murmuring that he would never let Christopher or anyone hurt his Goddess.

Ana touched her long slender neck as she considered herself. She was changing. Her face no longer had the bloom of innocence on it. She looked like an adult instead of a pubescent girl. She was now a woman, and a woman with a career that she loved and a man that she adored. Gideon had consumed her and she had consumed him. They couldn't go hours without touching each other. She wondered how they could survive this business trip. She would actually have to sleep alone tonight and for the first time since the first time they had sex, she would not be putting out. She laughed. No sex tonight! She realized that her body would probably go into shock. She loved fucking Gideon. He knew how to take a woman. His body would cover hers and press her into the mattress as they fucked. He would possess her fully, demanding her full submission, letting her body become his. He was a dominant, like she thought, but he didn't have to beat her ass to find satisfaction. He just liked to be in control of their coupling.

Even though their sex life was wonderful, she knew there was much more to discover about the man who shared her bed. He tried to hide the fact that he had to take medicine to sleep at night, but he wouldn't explain when she asked him about it. He only said that his doctor had prescribed them and left it at that. She did witness one nightmare where he screamed at some unknown assailant to leave him alone and that "it" hurt. She was able to wake him up, but he wouldn't discuss the dream, but pulled her close and fucked her into the hours of the morning. She wondered if he had been abused as a child since he would never visit his family home or have anything to do with his family except for Ireland. When they were invited to the Vidal Mansion for a charity event, he threw away the invitation and stomped into his home office and closed the door. That was the first time, which she had seen him very angry and it was also the first time that he experienced a nightmare since they started their relationship. She never pestered him for any information because she suffered from a nightmare that had plagued her since she left Christian. She realized that she hadn't suffered from insomnia since she started sleeping with Gideon and while she was in his bed, she never had that dream. But, tonight would be different. This was the first time that she would be sleeping alone since New Year's Eve and she wasn't looking forward to it. Maybe she should of stayed at Gideon's like he offered her, but she wanted and needed to take care of her apartment. He said that she could always go back to the Penthouse if she wanted and gave her a key. She was now a resident of the Penthouse on top of the Cross Apartment Complex on Fifth Avenue.

After washing her face and slipping on her robe she padded into her bedroom and stared at her bed that she barely slept in. She grabbed a pillow and the duvet and went into her living room and cuddled up on the sofa. She pretended that the back of the sofa was Gideon's wide chest and he was protecting her from her own nightmares. She had been wrong! She woke up screaming a few hours later. It was the same dream. She was tied up, straining against the ropes as she tried to escape her captor. She could see the flogger coming down on her and feel its bite against her skin. However, tonight the dream had changed. His voice was harsh. "You have been a bad girl, Anastasia, letting Cross fuck you. Haven't I told you over and over again that you belong to me? .Mine! I don't share, Anastasia. He will never fuck you again. I will kill him if he ever touches you again. Kill him. Kill him! KILL HIM!"She sat straight up. Gideon, was her first thought. She had to hear his voice. She had to know that he was safe and that Christian didn't kill him. She fumbled around in the dark looking for her cell phone, then hit Gideon's picture which automatically called him.

"Goddess." His deep voice caressed her special name. It brought tears to her eyes.

"I hope I'm not bothering you." She looked at the clock and saw it was close to two in the morning in New York and it was eleven o'clock on the West Coast. He was in Los Angeles for meetings about a hotel chain he wanted to buy. "I wanted to hear your voice."

"Are you alright, Ana?"

Ana snuggled into the sofa getting comfortable. "I miss your arms. This is the first time I have slept alone since New Year's." She answered trying to keep herself under control. She didn't want him to hear her fear and concerns. She was being silly for letting a dream bother her. It was only a dream.

"I miss you, also." He sighed heavily. "When I woke up this morning you were already gone. I felt lost not having you beside me."

"Same here, honey." She closed her eyes and saw him waking up in the bed, dazed and confused from being in bed without her beside him. The sleep would still be in his eyes and he would boyishly brush his long hair from his eyes. He was adorable as he woke up. "When will you be home?"

"If everything goes like I want it to tomorrow I should be home either in the evening late or early morning." He did miss her. He couldn't sleep without her. He missed her warm body beside him and her soft steady breathing. "Annie, you have bewitched me."

"I feel the same way. I have fallen for you, Gideon, hard." She confessed.

They both refrained from saying the "L" word. She refused because she had said it to Christian and he freaked out and she walked out of his apartment thinking that they were over to only find him back in her life five days later wanting her back. Gideon couldn't say the word because he felt what they had was much deeper than love. It could not be described in mere words. He only knew that he couldn't live without this woman and he would do anything to keep her by his side. She was his sunshine, his air, and his Goddess.

"When I get home, I am taking you to bed for at least two days." He said making her giggle. His heart grew warm at the sound of her soft laughter. She was still bewitching him. "I want you so much."

Ana took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I can't wait to feel you on top of me. To feel your hands and lips all over my body making me want you even more." She heard him gasp. "I miss your cock inside me."

Gideon growled lowly. "I am coming home right now."

"Oh, Gideon." She laughed. "Honey, get your business done then come home to me." She was smiling. "I'll be here waiting for you, I promise."

"At our Penthouse?" He questioned.

"Yes, Gideon." She answered him.

They were silent for awhile, just listening to each other breathing. His voice was deep and full of emotion when he spoke. "I want you to live with me." He just said it. And, he waited for her reply.

"I thought I already was." She said in her teasing way.

"I mean it, Ana. I want you to move in with me. I want your toothbrush next to mine. I want to see your stockings drying in our bathroom. I don't want you to go back to your apartment for clothes. I want them hanging next to mine in the closet."

Ana was speechless. He was serious. He wanted them to live together after only a few months of knowing each other. "Can we talk about this when you get back?" She said finally. "I don't want to do anything that could hurt us later on."

"How can this hurt us? Don't you want to be with me?"

"Of course, I do. Honey, you are my life." She declared. "I don't want to know a day that you are not in it."

"Then, move your clothes and other belongings into my Penthouse."

"I can't get out of my lease." She said laughing. She knew that he could make it happen since he owned the apartment building that she lived in. "And, I hear that my landlord is a real bitch about such things. I don't want to get sued."

Gideon knew she was messing with him. "I am sure with my negotiation skills that I can get you out of the lease."

"Well, well, well, Mr. Cross…you are a man to know." She teased. "Maybe I should seduce you when you return to the Big Apple."

"I expect you to."

"I will make you a deal. I will move in with you, but I will keep my apartment so when my parents or friends come to town, they can stay there." She offered hoping that would appease him. She wanted to keep it in case things went bad with him. She was always glad that she had Hannah and Kate's to go to when she broke off her engagement to Christian. She needed a safe place for herself.

"It's a deal." He took it quickly before she changed her mind. "Hire movers tomorrow and be moved in before I get back. You can bring anything you want. I don't care…I just want you in our Penthouse when I return." He couldn't keep the joy out of his voice. "Also, pick a room for your home office and get it done however you want it. I know you like to work at home once in awhile so you will need that."

"Gideon."

"What? You need to have your own office." He was smiling. He wanted to spoil her and give her everything she needed and wanted. What good was it to have money and not be able to spend it on someone who was so special to him?

"Don't spoil me, Honey. I don't need material things. I need and want you."

Her words warmed his heart and he wanted to spoil her all the more. "I will be home in the evening. I don't care if this business is not settled. I need to be with you."

"Business before pleasure, Mr. Cross." She warned him. "Get it done, and then come back to me."

"I will see you very soon, Miss Steele and you better be ready for one horny bastard."

"Gideon, you are not a bastard. You are my sun, my life, and my Julius Caesar."

Caesar? Why because I am a tyrant?"

"No, because you rule my heart. I am yours, Gideon. No other man will ever have me."

Her soft spoken words melted his heart. She belonged to him. She gave herself to him. "Ana, I do love you so much." His words shocked her and himself. Neither knew what to say.

"Gideon?" She was sitting up not believing what he had said. It was too soon for this. She didn't know if she could say those words back to him yet. She adored him, that was the truth, and she cared deeply for him, and yes, she loved him but she wasn't ready to admit that to him yet. She couldn't open herself to that kind of hurt so soon in the relationship. She didn't want to hurt anymore.

"Shhh, don't over think it, Goddess. I know you are gun shy about that word. Just know that I will wait for you to figure it out." He knew that she was afraid. He wanted to fly up to Seattle and beat the hell out of Grey for whatever damage that he had done to this beautiful Goddess. "You better get back to sleep. Believe me; you will need it when I get back home."

Ana began to laugh. "Mr. Cross, you better be ready for me. I have been without my man for far too long. I might just tie you up to the bed and have my way with you for days on end." She couldn't believe she said that to Gideon. Her face turned red and her hand went to her mouth.

"Why, Anastasia Steele, you are a little kinky." He laughed and teased. "Well, my Goddess we will discuss and revise at a later date."

"Gideon, I was only joking. I… I…can't…believe.." She couldn't say the words now. She was afraid that she was a deviant and needed to be beaten to be loved. Did she want to be flogged? Was that what her dreams were trying to tell her? She had been in love with one fucked up man and he had done things to her that she never thought she could let someone do to her. What if she couldn't be what Gideon needed? What if she had been ruined by her past lover who took her into the dark world of BDSM? She may be to warped to be a decent mate for Gideon. What if I can't be more for him? What if he finds out what I did with Christian he won't want me anymore? I couldn't stand it if Gideon sent me away. Her heart was in fear.

He heard the fear in her voice. He knew she was frightened about something. What did Grey do to her? He knew that she flinched if he smacked her behind playfully or if he clacked his belt she would turn white. He wondered if she had been physically abused at some time in her life. "I know you were joking. Calm down. Now, you need to go to sleep and I will be there tomorrow night to sleep beside you. It's only one night, darling." His voice soothed her fears and she relaxed enough to cuddle into her pillow.

"Gideon, please come home to me." Her voice was so soft.

"I will be there soon. Hold on, Goddess. Just a few more hours then we will be together." He wanted to reach through the phone and hold her close. "Sleep, my Goddess, and dream of me."

"Always." She whispered. "Good night, Caesar."

She fell asleep with his soft voice in her ears and mind. For once, she dreamed of Gideon sleeping next to her, holding her, and kissing her when she woke up for the day. She curled up and smiled in her sleep.