Hi Guys! Thanks a lot for the support to this story! It still has couple of twist in it, but all in all - it's my first SPN and Destiel story and I'm kind of happy with the way it goes. At some point I actually thought it was going to be a story without a happy ending, but now I'm kind of hopeful it will actually have a good ending! :)

Anyway, here you have the latest chapter - a bot shorter than the previous one, but hey - the last one just got out of hands!

As always, please let me know what you think!

Thanks, L. :)

"Castiel, what were you thinking?" – Samandriel stared at him bewildered. – "I know you were partial to that human, but his is beyond reason and understanding."

"I know it is. It's irrational." – Castiel smiled despite the feeling of guilt raging in him. Of course Samandiel wouldn't understand. He had always been so… good. Not only in the sense of following the rules, although there was no denying he was good at that, but he had always been good to everyone. This was the reason why he went to the war in the first place – there was no way he would allow such devastation as apocalypse without a fight. And he was always so kind to Castiel. Despite him falling and despite him rebelling – Samandriel was always kind to him. They would've been best friends should they've been humans. As they weren't, they were brothers. Yet he knew nothing of the intensity of human feelings. He had no idea how it burned and how weak it rendered whomever it possessed.

"It's a sin, Castiel. All that you have with this man is a sin."

"I know. He has a family, I know."

"But why would you commit such an act? Why would you ever even commit the sacrilege?"

"I love him."

"I love you, but I don't propose the fornication."

"I love him differently, Samandriel. You can't understand it unless you've ever felt it."

"I understand the concept of romantic love, but I don't understand how you could have engaged in adultery…"

"I love him. I know it's wrong and I will not do it again. I repent it Samandriel. I wish I didn't have to do it…"

"You wish you didn't have to do it? You don't repent having done that?"

"I wish he didn't have a family. I wish what we did was a simple act of love."

"Castiel!"

"Of course I feel horrible for the way my actions might affect his family. I feel incredibly guilty and most of all – I feel… filthy. I will not do it again. If Dean chooses his family and I am certain he will, I will never touch him again. But if I was to go back, I'd do it again. I'd do it again without hesitation, because the time we spent together was more than happiness – it was absolute and undeniable bliss."

"So now your human is deciding if he should stay with his family or… What kind of relationship do you think you could have with him?" – Samandriel asked curiously.

"I don't know. If he wanted me, I think I could have any kind of relationship he wanted as long as it didn't hurt anyone."

"You're an angel. He is but a human."

"I know. The odds are not in my favor." – He smiled suddenly.

"I don't understand why that pleases you."

"It doesn't. Nevermind."

"You have changed a lot Castiel. These past five years have changed you so much that I struggle to see the angel I once knew."

"I know. I sometimes wish I was that angel again. Innocent and naïve and happy in his ignorance."

"I wish you were him too. You were my friend and my brother then and now… I just don't understand you anymore."

"I know, I regret it. I wish you did, but I know you don't understand me, because I'm too human for you, and they don't understand me, because I'm too angel for them. So sometimes I just wish I had someone to speak to… Someone who'd understand… I wish Balthazar was still alive, you know? He's spent so much time around humans, he'd be able to understand..."

"I try to understand you."

"I know and I'm grateful Samandriel."

"What will you do if he stays with his family?"

"I will accept it. There's not much I can do, is there? I will just have to accept it."

"Do you think he will?"

"Yes, I think he will. She has much more to offer than I do. He should choose her, it makes sense."

"You said it's irrational."

"And that's why I still have hope."

"I feel for you Castiel. I wish I could help you."

"You are helping me. Just by listening to me, you help a lot."

"Good. You deserve happiness, you know that, right?"

"Do I? After all I did?"

"Yes, you do. I wish your happiness was Heaven and your brothers and I, but even though we're not, you deserve happiness."

"Thank you Samandriel. You are very kind to me."

/\/\/\

"Sammy, open up! Let me in!"

"Dean?" – He opened the door and looked at him worried. – "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." – He growled. – "Is that how you greet your brother? Let me in!"

Sam stepped aside letting him enter but still staring at him.

"I thought you weren't speaking to me." – He said cautiously.

"Yeah, about that. I kind of overreacted I guess."

"You think?"

"Don't push it. I'm still pissed."

"Then what are you doing here?"

"I promised I'd make up with you, so… yeah."

"You promised? To whom?" – He asked and then gasped. – "You've seen him."

"Yes, I've seen him. The fool finally came to me. Anyway, I promised I'd speak to you. Look, I know why you did that, but Sammy, you had no right to keep that from me. You know how I am about him."

"You're with Lisa now."

"It doesn't matter, Sam. It's my life and he was a big part of it. I had the right to know he's alive. I'm so fucking happy he's alive that I don't understand why you two would want to keep that from me."

"Cas didn't want to hurt you." – Sam said slowly, watching Dean.

"I understand why Cas did it. But you are my brother and you promised me time and again there'd be no secrets. Castiel is part of my life. You should have told me."

"Ok. You're right, I should have told you. I wanted to, but he asked me not to and he was so desperate…"

"Even more reasons to tell me. You think I wouldn't care for him?"

"That's the thing. I think you would've, but it's not your place to care for him anymore. You have Lisa and Ben now."

"Yes, I have Lisa and Ben…" – He sighed.

"Dean, you're not saying…"

"I'm not saying anything. Not now anyway."

"Dean you've got a family! I know you're not married or anything, but that doesn't make them any less your family."

"I know!" – Dean growled. – "But tell me this Sammy, if you're so smart – how does that make Cas any less my family?"

"What the hell are you saying, Dean? Now you've got yourself some kind of an extended family?"

"No… Oh, fuck it. I just don't know what to do Sammy and I really need to talk to someone."

Sam recognized this as his queue and pulled out a bottle of whiskey.

"Sit down." – He said and poured a generous portion of whiskey for him. – "Talk to me."

"What the hell am I going to do?" He hid his face in his hands.

"What do you want to do?"

"I want everyone to come out happy out of all this."

"I don't think that's an option."

"No, probably not… What do I do?" – He asked desperately, looking his brother in the eye.

"Well, talk to me first. What is it you want?"

"I want Cas." – He said at once. – "I fucking want Cas. I don't see how I can live without him anymore."

"And what about Lisa and Ben?"

"I don't know. I mean I do love Lisa, but… I never loved her the way I love him. What I feel for him is so… It's overwhelming. It's fucking everything."

"You don't necessarily have to go into too many details, you know?" – Sam smiled.

"If you mean I shouldn't tell you how we're bumping uglies, then don't worry, I won't."

"Dean!"

"What? I said I won't. I could…" – He grinned reminiscently. – "But I won't"

"So what is it? Why is it hard?"

"There's Ben to consider. He needs a dad and I… Fuck, I want to be that dad."

"You can't do it for a kid, Dean. You know you can't."

"It's not just the kid. They both were with me when it was really bad. I owe them my life. If I hadn't met them, I would be dead by now. And it's good with them. I feel at home with them. It's easy and… It's just good."

"Ok, let me put it this way – if Cas left…"

"No!"

"You're kind of answering my question before I actually asked it." – He scowled. – "What I was saying – if Cas left, would you be ok with that?"

"No."

"And if Lisa took Ben and they left, would you be ok?"

"I don't want them too."

"Just answer the question."

"I wouldn't be ok… For a while. But if Cas was with me I think… I could be ok with that."

"And what if Lisa and Ben were with you and Cas left. Would you be able to move on?"

"I can't lose him again. I can't fucking lose him again!"

"Then here you have it."

"I want him." – There was hint of amazement in his voice. It was Cas all along. There was never a choice, not really. It was always Cas.

"Then why don't you end this torture for all of you and just be with him? He will be so happy!"

"He will be, won't he?" – Dean smiled.

"The way that angel loves you! It's absurd!"

"He really does." – Dean chuckled in amazement. The decision was made and although there was a lot of pain ahead, it was easier now.

"It's beyond me what does he see in a dumbass like you, but hell – he's an angel, he should see good in everyone!"

"Watch it!" – Dean warned him, but he was still smiling. – "I've never done anything to deserve him, you know. I'm so freakin' lucky!"

"Yeah, you are! Here's to lucky bastard!" – He raised his glass and they both drank. – "I've got to ask, now that we can speak about Cas without you flipping out on me. How the hell did you to get together in the first place? I mean you of all people falling for an angel! A male angel at that!"

"Well it wasn't easy, I can tell you that!" – Dean laughed. – "I freaked. The first time I realized I felt something for him, I actually freaked! Do you remember the streak of women back when the apocalypse was still on? Remember I told you we've got to get the best of life before the freakin' planet was toasted? Yeah… I had s different reason."

Sam laughed at that and emptied his glass before pouring more to them both.

"Just before then, Cas came to me and asked me not to let Michael take me. The look he had on his face… I had dreams about that look alone that were better than some of the sex I had…"

"Argh!" – Sam groaned. – "Visual images are not my thing!"

"You asked!"

"Yeah, but could you skip over the parts that have anything above PG13?"

"Ok, then we're kind of done. I fell in love, he did too."

"Oh come on! Just spill it in the tamed way!"

"Fine, but really – you'll be missing all the good stuff!" – He laughed and wriggled his eyebrows. – "Anyway, it really got going after Raphael almost killed him, remember?"

"No shit! It started that long ago? Why the hell didn't you tell me anything?"

"Again – I freaked! Do you remember my reaction to almost losing him? I thought I was going insane. And even before that – I was constantly worried about him. The fool kept going out without wearing a scarf or a sweater – and by the way that weirdo hates sweaters – in the middle of the winter and I thought he'd get freakin' pneumonia or something! Or get hit by a car while ogling at the Playboy ad! I realized what I was feeling about him was beyond usual friendship. And really – how many friends do I have? I wouldn't have bought any of them pair of warm shoes to make sure they don't get cold…"

"Yeah, I remember. You were fussing about him all the time." – Sam chuckled.

"So anyway, after the Raphael thing, I knew I was kind of in trouble, but it really only hit me the night we went to a bar and that fool got himself a girl… I was so pissed I could have ripped her apart."

"Right, I remember you staring at them! I thought you liked her and wanted her. I remember thinking you were being such a jerk – she was the first girl to be interested in Cas and here you were ogling at her."

"Not at her, at him! Anyway, that night I kissed him for the first time. And I was a goner… An idiot, granted, but at that very night I knew I wanted him."

"But didn't he leave with her? Yeah, he only came back couple of days later."

"No… An idiot that I was, I told him I made a mistake by kissing him. It turns out he didn't take it very well. He just spent some time alone to get hold of himself."

"You were an idiot."

"Yeah… So when he came back I was pissed at him for leaving with her and we didn't really speak that much for the next couple of days. By that time I knew I had to do something, but before I could, he left us again. Fuck, I was so… desperate. When I could no longer take it, I just called him back. We talked, did some stuff that's above PG13 standard – mind you, nothing in R area yet - but still good. Anyway, then the idiot left for his fucking war… Before anything really exciting had happened, he left again!"

"Yeah, and I bet you had nothing to do with that? No overreaction on your part? Must I remind you that you threw me out to speak to him?"

"Well… I might have overreacted a tad…"

"No shit!"

"You're gonna listen or you're gonna judge?" – Dean hissed at his brother.

"I'll listen…"

"Fine. So then Jimmy thing happen and Cas came back. We talked, resolved our… differences and engaged in some full blown NC 17 activities. It was fucking amazing!"

"Dean!"

"What? Once you go angel, you can't go back, I tell you! It's more than you can take!"

"Honestly – too much information!"

"Fine. We fucked, he went back to war. Better?"

"No!"

"Fine! We had some pleasant conversations and other activities and he went back to war. Good enough for your sensitive ears?"

"Yes, much better." – He laughed. - "Although I still might need to bleach my brain when we're done here!"

"Honestly, I have no idea how you're gonna manage being around us – we touch a lot!"

"You will just have to behave!"

"Yeah, good luck with that! So anyway, that's about it. You know what happened next. He disappeared and all the hell broke loose."

"So what happened when he came back?"

"You know what happened – he came to you!"

"Yeah, but I mean what happened when he came to you?"

"Hmmm… How do I put that? We had some pleasant conversations and other activities and the next day he left?"

"You're kidding me, right? What about Lisa?"

"She was visiting her mother." – He answered ignorantly.

"So let me get this straight – you cheated on your woman with a male angel?"

"It sounds really bad when you put it this way…"

"It really does… He's a freakin' angel! How could he have done this?"

"He loves me you moron. He just loves me."

"Then how the hell could you let this happen?"

"I don't know. Oh, fuck it. I do know – I just love him that much. I can't control it – when he looks at me, I have to use all my strength not to jump him! And when he bites that lip of his…" – He growled the lasts words out.

"Dean! Get a grip! I don't want to hear that!"

"You asked! Don't ask if you don't want to hear it!"

"Fine…" – He frowned.

""So now I just have to speak to Lisa and… I'm gonna be with him. I will finally have him!"

"Here's to your happy ending then!" – Sam raised his glass again and they drank.