Chapter 16: Midnight

Christian sat in his study staring at the papers before him and the almost empty bottle of bourbon. He knew he was drinking too much, but he needed it to sleep. If he drank enough she wouldn't run through his dreams, teasing him and smiling at him. Ana! Her photograph was still on his desk and he looked lovingly at it. "I love you." He whispered to the picture. She was smiling at him with laughing blue eyes. They had been at Bellevue for one of Grace's Sunday brunches and Grace had snapped this photo of Ana standing on the patio. "God, Baby, I miss you so much. Nothing is the same without you. Wine tastes like shit, my food tastes like sawdust. The day isn't worth living without you." He hung his head. "I'm drunk again…I think I'm drunk. Yeah, I must be drunk because I don't know if I'm drunk. See what you have done to me. See what I've done to me." He passed out on his desk.

Taylor stood at the door of Christian's study with Mr. and Mrs. Grey behind him. Their beloved son had drunk himself into oblivion once again.

"How long has this been going on?"Grace asked horrified. She went to her son and began to check his vitals. "Why didn't you call me sooner, Taylor?"

"He has been drunk for the last few weeks ever since he came back from New York."

Carrick rubbed his brow. "He went to see Ana didn't he?"

"He is obsessed with her." Taylor declared.

Grace listened to his heart and his breathing. "Everything looks good. He's passed out." She sighed heavily. "Carrick, he needs help."

"Taylor, is his business sliding?"

Taylor shook his head. "Ros is taking care of everything now. He goes into the office but he doesn't do anything. He walks around lost."

"Does he know?" Carrick asked lowly. Taylor frowned not knowing what the elder Mr. Grey was saying. Carrick motioned for Taylor to step out of the room with him. He didn't want Christian hearing what he was about to say. "Ana and Gideon Cross were married today in Vegas."

"Oh, my God…this will kill him!"

Christian woke up in his bed. The first thing he did was reach out to find Ana but her side of the bed was empty. He sat up. His head was spinning.

"I'm sure you have a hang-over." A feminine voice declared. Christian knew that heavenly voice, his mother, Grace. She walked over to the bed and handed him two Advil and some orange juice. "Do you think you could stomach some breakfast?"

"Not yet." He said taking the pills and throwing them back. He would be lucky to keep the Advil down. He took a drink of the orange juice then settle back into his bed. He had no reason to get up. GEH was in good hands with Ros. He wasn't needed at the office.

Grace made herself comfortable sitting on the side of the bed next to him. "You have been unhappy since she left." She stated. "Christian, you need to snap out of this. She's not coming back."

"She'll be back. She thinks she knows Cross, but she doesn't know the real him. When she learns the real Gideon Cross she will come back to me."

"Sweetheart, I hate to be the one that tells you this, but Ana married Gideon yesterday in Vegas."

Christian was silent. He stared at his mother. He felt his blood run cold. His mouth opened to yell something, but he couldn't speak. He closed his eyes, fisted his hands, and cried like a baby. Grace tried to comfort him but he pushed her away. She knew the look in his eyes, it was the same desperation and despair that she had seen when he was four years old and he was brought into the Emergency Room. She reached over to the telephone and hit the intercom system. "Send Carrick to Christian's room please, and get Flynn over her ASAP." She turned back to her beloved son. "Don't worry Christian…Mom will take care of you."

His days were black as tar. Nothing mattered anymore. He didn't even know what day it was or how long he had been at Bellevue. The last thing he remembered was sitting in his bed and his mother telling him that his Ana had married another man. That day his life was over and his heart died in his chest. Christian looked around the room which was bare except for the bed. There were no dressers, no side tables, no lamps, not even curtains at the windows. The walls were lacking any artwork. This room had been stripped. He looked down to his hands and saw that they were bandaged and he was restrained to the hospital bed that he had been sleeping in.

"What the hell?" He asked aloud.

The sound of keys and the door opening caught his attention. His mother was entering with a cart with a tray on it. She looked tired and worried, but when she saw him awake she gave him a small smile.

"Mom, where am I?"

"You are at home with your father and me. You needed care and I didn't want you committed. John and I decided that this would be the best course for you."

"Did I hurt myself?"

"Yes, you did." She didn't move to remove the restraints. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel weak and disoriented."

"That's the medicines we have been giving you." She positioned her cart close to the bed. "You have been out for a few days. I was getting worried so I am glad you are back so you can eat."

"Is it true, Mom? Did she really do that?"

Grace sighed. "I'm afraid so, honey. Ana is married."

Christian closed his eyes and turned his face from her. A single tear slid down his face. "It's all my fault. I drove her away. I hurt her so much."

"Honey, maybe it just wasn't meant to be." Grace was trying to get him to see that life could and would go on without Ana. Yes, she was heartbroken that Christian had lost the love of his life, but he was still young and there could be other chances for love. "Ana is a lovely girl and I adore her, but if you two couldn't make each other happy it was for the best for you two to separate."

"She made me happy." He whined like a little boy.

Grace only knew that Christian had betrayed Ana. She believed that he had cheated on her with another woman, and she prayed it wasn't Elena Lincoln. "What did you do, Christian? Maybe if you talk about then you can put it behind you and go forward."

"Mom, I can't tell you." He closed his eyes. "It was beyond horrible."

"Oh, Christian…it wasn't Elena was it? Please tell me that you didn't go fuck that bitch!"

"No, Mom…it wasn't her…it was someone else." He whispered. He couldn't tell his mother about whipping brown-haired girls. She would never understand and she would hate him. Especially if she knew that he had physically hurt Ana because of his need for BDSM. "John?"

Grace nodded knowing that he would not confide in her. He needed to talk to John Flynn. "I will get him here as soon as I can."

John Flynn sat next to Christian as he ate his first meal in days. Ever since Christian had his meltdown, John had come to see him every day. He was so very happy to receive the call from Grace that Christian was awake and coherent.

"No questions for me, John?" Christian finally said.

"No, I figure that you will talk when you are ready." He said sitting in a relaxed manner.

"You know what I did to make Ana leave me. I thought she would eventually forgive me and come back home. Now, she married that asshole, Cross. If she thinks I'm fucked up wait until she gets a taste of that motherfucker!"

"There's no reason to lose control, Christian."

"She left me, John. She fuckin left me!"

John remained in his seat and calm. "If you keep screaming, I will be forced to medicate you."

"What happened to my hands? Why are they wrapped?"

"You put your hand through a window, and then punched walls." John answered in a matter of fact way.

Christian looked down at the bandages. He had no memory of his actions. "Will I ever get over her?"

"Yes, if you let yourself."

"How does one get over having perfection?"

"Christian, I hate to be the one to tell you, but no one is perfect, not even the lovely Anastasia Steele Cross."

Christian sneered hearing her married name. It should be Anastasia Steele Grey. He should have pressed her for a wedding date, hell; he should have married her the day he proposed. If they were married she would have never met Cross in New York. All he could think of was the could haves and should haves. Tears came to his eyes. He fucked it all up with his selfishness, his issues of control, and his possessiveness! He had only himself to blame for his lot in life. He lost the only woman that he had ever loved and she was gone forever. "I want my Mother." He said like a little boy. "I want Grace."

Christian was released from the sterile room a few days later, but he stayed at Bellevue under Grace's constant supervision. She made sure that he was well fed. John arrived every day at three o'clock for an hour long session. Within a month, Christian began to look like Christian Grey, CEO instead of the broken little boy of years past. He moved back to Escala to find that all traces of Ana had disappeared from photographs of her to the left-behind items that she missed when she quickly moved out. He walked around the apartment. He could still feel her. He could still hear her laughter. No matter what Gail and Taylor did to rid Escala of Ana, she was still haunting him. He stood in the middle of the Great Room and made the hardest decision of his life. He would move on. He would live without her, but he would his life on his terms for now on. No one will ever have the opportunity to get close to him ever again. Life would go on with his business and his personal life would be just like it was before Ana. He would contract women for his needs and when they fulfilled that contract then he would move on to the next. He would keep control of all aspects of his life. Never again would any woman ever hurt him again. NEVER!