A/N: Hallo again mein lieblings. I'm SOOOOOO sorry for taking so long to type this but I've been sick and I was practicing with color guard for nationals. Our band got 18th out of 25 bands in our division if you were wondering. So yeah basically I got like no sleep last weekend and I have had a headache the size of Texas (And not America's glasses Texas the actual state). So yeah it's not helping that my brother won't shut up and let me type. Well just wish me luck on surviving. I do my best to write a good story for you so just bear with me please. I only have one more event with band then it's over so I'm going to have more free time and hopefully I'll be able to get these chapters out faster.

Disclaimer: I have been severally ignoring this, mostly cause I just forget to put it in for most chapter but, I DO NOT OWN HETALIA OR IT"S CHARACTERS. If I did, PruCan would be Canon.

~WARNING~READ THIS!: Okay so This chapter is going to have a lot of angst in it and some of it may be triggering so be warry. Anyone who wishes to proceed despite this, if you cry easily, get a box of tissues, if not, get one anyway and enjoy.

Here you go Chapter 16.

Chpater XVI

Matthew's POV

The rest of my evening passes much more quickly than I would have liked, and before I know it, it's 9:45 pm, time to head out. Alfred, Arthur, and Francis have all retired to their rooms for the night when I carefully open my bedroom door and check that the coast is clear, before hurrying as silently as I can down the stairs. I sneak quietly through the house and manage to slip out the back door without rousing anyone.

It's about a fifteen minute walk to the park near Gil's house, where I was instructed to wait for them. I arrive at the park, which really is more woods than anything, and look at my phone's clock. 10:00pm; right on time. Now all I have to do is wait for them to show themselves.

I'm not waiting for long before they come out from the shadows of the trees. I stand at my full height and do my best to not let them see how terrified I am.

"So you did come. For a bit, I thought I'd be paying my 'dear' friend Gilbert a visit," Carlos says.

My hands curl into fists and I practically growl, "You stay far away from Gilbert, you m-monster!" cursing myself as my voice quivers, showing some of my fear.

He chuckles and shares a look with Ivan, who then approaches me. I step back, until I feel my back connect with a tree. Ivan stands in front of me, and I find myself effectively trapped.

"Don't worry. little Matvey. We won't hurt him if you promise to do everything we say, дa," Ivan says, barely hinting at a threat, but it's still there.

I swallow heavily and grudgingly nod my head.

"Fine, do whatever you want to me," I tell them, hanging my head and hating myself for being so weak.

The Russian teen chuckles darkly. "Oh, we aren't going to be the ones doing something to you….You are. We won't be doing anything but watching," he informs me.

I look at him confused, stuttering quietly, "W-what are y-you t-talking about?"

Carlos steps forward, grinning evilly, "You, my lovely little slut, are going to slice up those pretty little wrists of yours. But be careful; we don't want you dying on us," he explains, not losing his malicious grin.

My eyes widen in realization and horror. I can't do it. I made a promise to Gilbert that I wouldn't cut anymore, and I can't break that promise. I shake my head vigorously.

Carlos merely chuckles and takes another step closer to me. Speaking in a low, dark voice, he says, "So you would rather I pay Gilbert a little 'visit'?"

Again I shake my head, this time even more frantically. Biting my lip, I hang my head once more. What should I do? I made a promise to Gil that I wouldn't cut, but, if I don't then he's gonna get hurt, and I can't allow that. If Gil were to get hurt because of me, I'd never be able to forgive myself.

Swallowing thickly, I whisper in a quiet, meek voice, "I'll do it."

Carlos mouth curls into an even bigger grin, one which Ivan mimics perfectly.

Ivan pats my head and falsely praises me. "Good boy, Matvey, I knew that you'd see things our way, дa."

Carlos, now standing directly in front of me, produces a razor from his pocket. He holds it out to me. Reaching out with shaking hands, I force back tears as I take it from him. My whole body is shaking, and I'm holding in sobs as I push up my sleeves, looking down at my arms. My cuts from before I met Gilbert were healing well, almost all of them no more than fading scars by now.

I squeeze my eyes shut as I press the edge of the razor against my skin. A repressed sob escapes my lips as I drag the blade across my skin. The familiar burn of the sharp metal breaking through my skin ignites the urge in my stomach that I've been able to suppress for the past two weeks.

Tears, which had been filling my eyes, spill over and cascade down my cheeks. In my mind I whisper an apology. "I'm so sorry, Gil. I can't stop."

I make another cut, and another, until my blood is dripping down my arms and onto the grass below me, mixing with the dew on the blades of grass beneath me. I've long since stopped attempting to hold back my sobs. They rip painfully from my throat as the tears flow unchallenged down my face. At some point Carlos and Ivan leave me, so that I'm all alone with my pain, my heart weighted down and heavy with my guilt.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Gil," I say, crying quietly. I'm so horrible. I broke my promise to Gil. He's been so wonderful and kind and amazing to me, yet I can't even keep my promise to him that I won't cut.

After what feels like forever, my hands fall still. They lay limp at my sides, blood continuing to drip down onto the ground. My sobs grow softer, and I just sit there crying with myself, making no attempt to move. How could I do such a thing? Gil trusted me, and I betrayed him. Suddenly, there's a gasp from in front of me. I remain motionless, thinking that it's just some random person out for a midnight stroll, who just happened upon me in my pitiful state. I ignore them, believing they'll just leave and forget ever seeing me. That's what most people do when they see me. Gil was the only person to ever stop and notice me long enough to truly see me pain and try to help me.

Yet I can't ignore it when I hear the person whisper, "Birdie?"

I look up through my tear-blurred vision, praying that they aren't who I think they are. I'm able to make out short silver, almost white, hair, pale skin, and deep red eyes in the moonlight.

No, anyone but Gil. Why? Why does it have to be him? He's the last person I want to see me like this. Now he knows I broke my promise. Guilt crashes down on me, worse than ever before. I'm horrid, I don't deserve someone as amazing as Gil, and I can't bear him seeing me like this. I need to leave, NOW. I can't face him as I am- or ever, maybe.

I stand and run into the woods, away from Gil. I have some difficulty, because of being dizzy from losing so much blood, but I don't stop. I can't stop until I'm far away from him. Vaguely, I can hear Gilbert chasing after me, but I know that with his albinism it's almost impossible for him to see properly in the darkness. Using this to my advantage, I'm able to easily escape. I don't slow my pace until I've run all the way back to my house and up into my studio in the attic. I close and lock the door, leaning against it heavily, letting myself slide down to the floor.

Finally, I break. I sob heavily, muffling the noise with the sleeves of my hoodie so as not to wake anyone in the house. If they were to see me now, it would only make matters worse than they already are.

I can't face Gil again, not after this. Not after him seeing me like that. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I think that that's just what I'll do. I can't do it just yet, though. Even with how much I want to die, to take a razor to my wrist and just let it all fade away into darkness, I find myself thinking of my painting for the art show, and my promise to Gil to watch him sing there. The painting leans against the wall of my studio, not yet finished. For some reason that I can't explain, I just can't bring myself to leave this world without finishing it. Almost like I want to be able to leave it behind as a final goodbye.

I decide that I'll wait to end my own life until after the art show. I'll finish the painting and show it there. It will be my last farewell to my family and to Gilbert. I hope that Gil will be able to forgive me. I'm sure that my family will be okay. They'll mourn for a bit, but they will move on in time. I'm not so sure about Gil though. Knowing Gil like I do, he'll most likely blame himself for my death, and I don't want that to happen. I want Gil to move on and forget about me like my family will. I'll make sure that I leave a letter to him, so that he knows that my death isn't his fault. I don't want for him to feel at all guilty about it.

Once I'm set in my decision, I stand. I quietly make my way to the bathroom and take a shower, cleaning the blood from my arms and carefully bandaging them for the first time in almost two weeks. I then make my way back to my studio. Again, I lock the door, with no intention of opening it until the day of the art show.

Gilbert's POV

After I drop Birdie off at his house and head home, I can't shake this sinking feeling in my gut. I can't help but feel like something isn't right. The way Birdie said goodbye... it worries me. I really hope that Birdie's gonna be okay. I love him so much, und I don't know what I'd do if something were to happen to him.

Around ten-o-clock, I find myself still awake, unable to quell the feeling of apprehension in my heart. I decide to go for a walk to hopefully ease this tension.

I grab mein jacket and slip out of the house so I don't wake Lud or Opa., choosing to head towards the park that's not too far from my house. The night is calm and quiet, the sounds of the night making a peaceful lullaby. (BETA NOTE: *twitch twitch* Must... refrain... from making... Phantom of the Opera reference... *twitch*)

Something's off, however. Over the sound of crickets, owls, and other nocturnal beings, the faint sound of crying reaches my hears. The crying sounds eerily familiar, and it only worsens the feeling in my stomach. I change my path to go towards the noise, praying all the while that it isn't who I think it is.

After a bit, I come to a clearing, hidden in the trees. There's a person sitting on their knees opposite of me. Their head is hanging low as they cry quietly. The sleeves of their red hoodie are pushed up, and I gasp quietly as I see the cuts all along both of their forearms. In the darkness, it's hard to make out too many features, but after a moment, I'm able to distinguish a stray curl of hair sticking out in front of their face that makes my blood turn to ice in my veins.

It can't be. This person…can't possibly be mein Birdie. Matthew promised me that he would come to me if he ever felt like cutting again. What could have pushed him to this? Why didn't he call me? I need to know if it's actually him and not someone else.

"Birdie?" I question softly, not wanting to scare him away. The person's body tenses up and they look up at me, revealing wet, violet eyes and tear-stained cheeks. My heart throbs in sadness at the sight, and I want nothing more than to hold him tightly in my arms and comfort him, whispering to him that everything will be alright. Before I can take a single step forward, though, he runs. I try to chase after him, but I quickly lose him, cursing my albinism for making my eyesight so horrid in the dark. I trip over a tree root and end up sprawled out on the ground. I slam my fist into the dirt in frustration.

I need to find out what happened to Birdie to make him cut again. From the looks of it, I'm not going to be able to get any answers from talking to him. I have a feeling that he's going to be avoiding me at all costs in the future. I need to help him; I'll never forgive myself if I don't. I decide that my best option is to wait until tomorrow to confront him. He's going to be too emotionally unstable for me to try and talk to him tonight, if I can even find him. I have to be patient and wait.

I eventually pick myself up and make my way back home. I swear to myself, I WILL find out what pushed mein Liebe to do this, and I will do everything I possibly can to prevent it from happening EVER again.

A/N: Well there you go. I'm so sorry about leaving you off with such a horrible cliffhanger last time but as an apology here's what happened to Mattie when he was in the woods with Carlos and Ivan. Please forgive me for being so evil to Mattie. *Hides Behind Prussia and Canada*

Canada: Don't worry they can't kill you yet Wolf-chan.

Prussia: Yeha. If they do then they won't get to read the end of the story.

Me: Yeah…right. So please don't kill me yet, let me finish the story then you can kill me.

As always your reviews are fantastic and amazing and they are what keep me writing. So please, keep reviewing. They are my little patch of happiness in the chaos of my life.

Here is a word from my beautiful and amazing Beta Sakura414:

I have been awake for sixteen hours, and thus, my ability to form eloquent statements has been hacked into tiny pieces by Denmark's ax and subsequently lit on fire. Thus, my note ends here. Thanks for reading and supporting Wolf-chan's work!

And thank you again for being so patient with me. I promise after November 29th I'm going to do my absolute best to get chapters out to you much faster. I love you all so much for putting up with me and for staying with me for so long and I hope that you will all stay to see how this thing ends because we've still got a ways to go.

Until next time mein lieblings. Wolf-chan out