Chapter 9

Water Under the Bridge

Another day, another battle passed and yet another stop at the Citadel. Johanna hated having to waste time on the station, especially when the time could be better spent on any number of war-related things. Like modifying her guns, for example, or customising her armour or maybe even pulling a Krogan battalion out of whatever hell hole they'd managed to find themselves in the middle of. All of those things were a hundred times more fun than having to deal with the hustle and bustle of the Citadel and yet there she was, walking through the crowds near bay D24 with an invisible storm cloud floating over her head. Her mood wasn't lifted when she thought of the reason for the visit, either. She hated hospitals, hated being in hospital, hated visiting hospitals, hated seeing doctors hovering over the ill and injured, but Kaidan had asked her to visit - it was time for them to set their differences aside.

"So, remind me," James trailed behind Johanna as she made her way thought the corridors of the Citadel, "Why are you going to visit the Major? He was a real asshole on Mars. You don't owe him anything, Lola, least of all a visit."

"You're right," Johanna glanced over her shoulder, "He was an asshole on Mars. And he was an absent asshole that whole time we were stuck in Vancouver, and he was an asshole back on Horizon, too, take my word for it." She sighed at the elevator and practically punched the button marked for Huerta. "But he asked nicely and at the end of the day, he was hurt on my watch, under my command, almost, and I don't like it." With the ping of the elevator, she stepped in and waited for James to catch up. "Plus, it's time that he and I cleared the air between us. That's long overdue."

James didn't know much about Kaidan, all he knew was what he'd managed to talk out of Liara and what little Johanna herself had told him, but he'd seen how he'd treated her with his own eyes on Mars. He wasn't a fan. "I just don't get it. I mean, the guy was a real dick at the archives. He basically called you a traitor, Lola, that's not ok in my book. But as soon as he sends you a message asking to see you, you drop everything to come visit? It makes no sense."

"Drop everything to come see him?" Johanna sighed, not liking where they were headed. "Funny, I thought I got the message, went to Sur'Kesh, blasted a few Cerberus troops to hell, rescued a female Krogan, blah, blah, blah, and then came here to visit." She wasn't in the mood for an argument, especially not in an elevator. "It's just a visit, James, that's all, nothing more and nothing less. Besides, he and I were friends once, it'd be nice to be able to call him a friend again. I don't understand why that's such a big no-no for you." She looked up at him and shook her head, "Really, it's no big deal."

"No big deal, huh?" Maybe it wasn't. Maybe Alenko only wanted to apologise, make things right, but James couldn't shake the feeling that something else would be on the Major's mind. "I just don't think it's a good idea. I mean, shit, Lola. The two of you, you have history, right? You were a lot more than friends once. He gets hurt, almost dies and now all of a sudden he's gone from calling you a Cerberus traitor to wanting to see you? Trust me, he has more than apologising on his mind." Maybe he shouldn't have said it but now that he had, well, might as well dig himself in deeper. "He'll apologise, sure, maybe you'll even forgive him but I guarantee you that he wants more. I'm a guy, I know these things. Shit, and he's a fucking biotic, too, you're both fucking biotics, talk about a match made in heaven or whatever."

With his miniature rant over, James only shrugged as Johanna glared at him. "What the fuck, James? You feel threatened by a man in a hospital bed? What kind of shit is that?" She pinched the bridge of her nose to keep herself from raising her voice. "I don't have feelings for Kaidan, not any more. Any feelings I had died the day he walked away from me on Horizon, if he couldn't trust his feelings then, I can't trust them now, not that I'd want to." Sighing, she raked a hand back though her hair, sweeping it away from her eyes before she spoke again. "And speaking of trust, if you can't trust that I want to be with you then what the hell are we doing? I'm gonna have friends who are guys, Vega, I'm a marine for crying out loud, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna jump into bed with all of them."

"That's..." James trailed off, "That's not what I mean. All I meant was that Alenko, Kaidan, whatever the fuck you wanna call him, probably has other things on his mind. Hell, he probably has you on his mind. I know I would."

The elevator doors opened and Johanna stepped out. "Look," she still glared at him, "I don't have time to babysit you. If you can't trust that I'm with you because I want to be and if you can't trust that I won't just fall into Kaidan's arms, then what are we doing?"

All James could do was watch as she strode off towards intensive care.

Kaidan's room had a gorgeous view of the presidium and the outer wards, the lake glistened in the light of the station's day cycle and Johanna couldn't tear her eyes away from it. "Damn," she laughed as she sat down at his bedside, "I don't know how anyone gets anything done around here when that's the view. No wonder they don't see the war, it's so peaceful."

"Yeah," Kaidan's voice was huskier than normal, do doubt as he was still recovering, "It's beautiful but after the first few days, it gets a little boring. Been stuck here alone with my thoughts for too long now. Can't wait to get back to it."

"I'll bet," she half laughed, "A soldier's place isn't a hospital bed. Being here for this long would drive me mad."

"It's driving me mad, too, believe me." He laughed, "Udina offered to promote me to Spectre the other day, been mulling it over ever since. It's a big deal, y'know? I just want to be sure that it's what I want."

Johanna was stunned. Kaidan as a Spectre? After he got his head bashed in by a Cerberus AI? Plus the two Alliance promotions, she was soundly stuck on a count of zero. "Spectre Alenko? Has a nice ring to it," she kept her voice level, even managed to throw in a smile for good measure, "I say go for it. Nothing quite like the freedom of being a Spectre and let's face it, I'd know."

Kaidan was silent for a second, no doubt letting her nod to her past sink in. The past he hadn't been part of, that he'd walked away from. "Yeah, about that," he glanced away from her for a second, "Horizon. That didn't exactly go well, did it."

"Saying it didn't go well is an understatement," Johanna fixed him with a stare, "It was a disaster. I'd been dead for two years, was biding my time with Cerberus, and then there you were telling me how much of a traitor I was. You're a real stubborn bastard, you know that, Alenko? When you've got an idea in your head, you just don't listen."

She was right, Kaidan knew it but that didn't mean that he had to like it. "You'd been dead for two years, colonies were going missing and we thought Cerberus was behind it. Then you're standing in front of me, flanked by Cerberus personnel, with a Cerberus-flagged ship in orbit, telling me that you're not Cerberus. It made no sense then but I see it now, you got out as soon as you could and turned back to the Alliance. Can't imagine the Illusive Man being very happy about that."

"Oh, he wasn't, tried to hijack EDI a couple times or so Joker says," Johanna shrugged, "Guess he wanted his toys back, this toy had other ideas."

"He may have rebuilt you, I'm thankful he did, but you're no toy." Kaidan met her gaze with his, "So, uh, how do we move past Horizon? What we had was amazing, as brief as it was, I think it'd be shame to say never again, you know? I know I've said some awful things and I know that I didn't come see you while you were in Vancouver and I'm sorry for all of it, I am." Johanna couldn't believe it. James was right. "I know the ball's in your court but let me say this one thing - there's nobody special in my life right now and I still care, Johanna."

At least he hadn't called her Jo, that was something. "Kaidan, we can move past Horizon as friends, not more." Her eyes flitted from the top of his head, to the window, to the monitor screens, trying to find anywhere to settle her gaze. "Wow, this is awkward. After Horizon, I moved on. I figured that any man who truly loved me wouldn't just abandon me, I was hurt so I found some comfort. Jacob didn't stick around for long after I left the Illusive Bastard, though, his loss. But now? Now I have someone who warned me that this might happen and, for the record, I told him he was being stupid." She stood from her place at his beside. "And even though I can be a total bitch, oh, you know I'm right," she reacted to Kaidan's raised eyebrow, "He matches me blow for blow, has done since day one, he doesn't just bury his head in the sand."

"That's fair," Kaidan nodded, "I guess I deserved that. Friends it it, Shepard. I better get some rest. Next time, bring me some war stories, ok?"

"You got it," she smiled, "Get well, Kaidan, and for christ's sake, tell Udina you accept his offer." She was out of the door before he had a chance to reply. "Awkward," she whispered to herself on her way back toward the elevator. She had hoped that James might have waited for her but he was nowhere to be seen. Figures. She had basically told him where to go. While she waited for the elevator, she pulled up her omnitool.

"You were right", she wrote, "he wanted more. Let him down. I'm sorry for being a bitch." She sent her message on its way and made off back toward the Normandy, she was halfway there before she thought to send another.

"Headed back to the Normandy, meet me in my cabin?"

A/N :: Sorry about the delay in getting this chapter posted, I practically lost my voice at the start of the week and haven't felt much like writing until today. Also, had a little confidence crisis but decided not to let it stop me. After asking last chapter, I've decided to write those one-shot chapters for James and Jo, I'll link them here when I start so you can keep up with them, too, if you want to. Also decided to write Jo's Cerberus story - it's too funny to cast aside.

As always, huge thanks to "Katschaba," "Zee," and "Aubrey1207," for reviewing the last chapter - you're all awesome!