Chapter 21: Kate's Fears

The morning came with a new excitement. Kate jumped out of her bed excited that this was her wedding day. She danced around her room at her apartment humming the Wedding March! She was going to marry the man of her dreams. Elliot Grey. Mrs. Elliot Grey. Katharine Grey. Kate Grey. She twirled around laughing. Mrs. Kate Grey. She found herself in front of her full-length mirror that stood in the corner. She was a hot mess with bedhead and smeared makeup. She had fallen into her bed last night a little tipsy after kissing Elliot goodbye just a few minutes before mid-night. They were following a few traditions thanks to Mia who insisted that the Bride and Groom could not see each other until the wedding. "Oh, Elliot…I can't wait to stand with you and become your wife." She twirled around a few more times exceedingly overjoyed. This was the day!

The smell of coffee pulled Kate from her room and into the kitchen where she found Mia and to her great surprise, Ana. "Hey, what are you doing here?" Kate asked as she kissed Ana's cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better. I was just exhausted and I forgot to eat yesterday." She smiled at her friend. She wanted to pull Kate into the other room and unload all her problems, but this was Kate's wedding day. Ana wanted this day to be perfect for her friend. "So, what do you need me to do?"

"Eat breakfast for one thing. I can't have you fainting at the wedding." Kate laughed.

"I can cook something." Mia offered.

Kate had to laugh once again. "I don't think I have any food here. I don't stay here much." She confessed.

"IHOP!" Mia and Ana said together causing all three ladies to bust into a round of giggles.

Pancakes, bacon, eggs, maple syrup and a strong cup of coffee made Ana's stomach very happy. She was starving! She couldn't remember if she ate last night at the rehearsal dinner. Mia was chattering a mile a minute about the flowers and the last minute details. Kate was still smiling.

"So, now what?" Ana asked after she finished her last bite of pancake. She took a big swig of her coffee.

"Wow, you took that meal apart! I've never seen you eat like that. Did Gideon work up your appetite last night?" Kate asked amazed. "Tell me, Ana…how does Mr. Stud stack up next to Mr. Moneybags?"

Mia stuck her fingers in her ears. "LaLaLaLa…I don't want to hear this."

"Mr. Stud holds his own." Ana replied feeling her face heat up. "Actually, he is fucking awesome in the sheets."

Kate lowered her voice. "Do you feel cheated since you have only had sex with only two men in your life? I mean…how does it feel to know that you will never have sex again with anyone else?"

"Since I'm not that experienced I guess I am more than happy. Gideon is a lover extraordinaire. He knows how to do everything…I mean EVERYTHING!" Ana's blue eyes sparkled wildly as she bit her lower lip.

Kate gulped. "Everything?"

A little smirk graced Ana's face. "Let's just say…in your own words…he enjoys eating at the "Y".

"Ugh!" Mia squealed not really wanting to hear this. Even though she was dating Ethan Kavanagh and their relationship included sex she didn't want to hear anything about her brother's sex life. Both of these women had intimate knowledge of her older brothers. "Can we change the subject?"

"Go to the bathroom." Kate said not wanting to give up this conversation. She needed to know that sex didn't end after the "I do's".

Ana smiled as Mia scooted off her seat and left. "What is with her today?"

"She is afraid that we are going to talk about sex with her brothers. So…is sex better after marriage?"

"I think so. Heaven knows that I get more than the average American woman so I'm not complaining."

"How many times a week do you guys…you know?" Kate asked wide-eyed.

"Every day multiple times."

"Fuck me." Kate said breathlessly. "Really?"

"Really." Ana leaned forward and whispered. "At least twice a day on a slow day." She giggled as Kate's eyes grew even wider.

"A slow day? What about a fast day?"

"Non-stop, honey….non-stop. We have spent a whole day in bed screwing." Ana admitted proudly. "Gideon will take a day off just to fuck me silly."

"Damn." Kate wondered if Elliot would do such a thing. She leaned forward also. "How does Gideon stack up against Christian?"

Ana didn't know how to answer that question. She never complained about Christian's sex drive and he was excellent in bed, but Gideon in her opinion was more suited to her tastes. "I did marry Gideon, so that should answer your question."

Kate giggled. She reached over and touched Ana's hand. "I'm so glad that you are happy, Ana. To tell you the truth, I thought you would come back to Christian. I never thought you would get married so fast after leaving Seattle then I met your Gideon. Damn, he's one good-looking studmuffin. His eyes are mesmerizing."

"They really are, aren't they? Such a deep blue and so intense and he can melt me with one glance."

"I hope Elliot and I keep such a passion for each other. That is my greatest fear that we will lose our spark after we say I do." She played with her engagement ring. "Is that what happened to you and Christian? Why did you leave him?"

Ana looked away. Kate knew all their secrets. She had found that damn contract that Christian tried to get her to sigh to be his next submissive. "I left him because he cheated on me."

"Did he fuck someone else? Was it that Lincoln bitch?"

"No, he actually didn't fuck someone…it was another form of cheating, Kate." Ana's voice was so low that Kate could hardly hear her. "Off the record, Kate, remember that."

"It's in the fault, locked away."

"He went to a BDSM club and took a Sub." Ana's voice was flat as she spoke about it. "He didn't fuck her, but pictures were taken and sent to me. But, truthfully we were drifting apart before that. He was jealous of my job. He was suffocating me. I got tired of trying to keep him happy. I could never relax with him." She looked to Kate who was getting angry. Ana shook her head at her friend. "Calm down, Kate…this is old news. Don't go after Christian. I have to take some of the blame also because I was too afraid to confront him on some things. I kept putting off on setting our wedding date because I was just waiting for him to fuck up proving my point that I was not enough for him. I could never be what he wants and needs. We were just fooling ourselves thinking that we could make our relationship work."

"Do you still love him?"

"Kate, I will always love him because he was my first love, but most of the time I do not like him. He hurt me so much. He betrayed me and I couldn't get over what he did. When he went to that club I knew we were over. He needs it and I don't want it."

"Gideon seems to be a Dominant also."

"He has that tendency also, but not like Christian. I think it's part of the CEO guidebook." She laughed. "But, if you asking me if Gideon likes to beat me, that's a no. He isn't into that."

"Elliot likes some kink. It must be a guy thing." She said shrugging her shoulders. "We use toys and handcuffs. He has asked to tie me up, but I don't think I can do that. I need to be able to have control."

Ana bit her lip. "Maybe you should tie him up."

"Anastasia Rose Steel Cross! I can't believe you said that!" Kate exclaimed turning red as an apple. The girls began to giggle then busted out laughing at the thought of Elliot Grey tied to a bed and at the mercy of Kate.

The girls were still laughing when Mia came back to the table. "Where have you been?" Ana asked as Mia sat next to her.

"Talking to Elliot, Christian, Ethan, and William who are having breakfast also."

"Oh, fuck. Elliot can't see me." Kate said as she bent down to hide.

"They have left. I walked them out and watched them leave." Mia then turned to Ana. "Christian asked if you were feeling better and to tell you congratulations."

"Congratulations on what?" Kate asked sitting up.

"I have no idea." Ana lied. Somehow Christian knew her secret. The bastard!

"He looked like hell. I bet he stayed up all night drinking." Mia offered.

"He better not ruin my wedding or I will castrate him this time and not even Elliot will be able to stop me." Kate fumed. "That is my worse fear is that Christian is going to do something to ruin my day. I know he doesn't like me and to be truthful, there's no love lost between us, but damn, I do try to be at least civil to him for Elliot's sake."

"Don't worry Kate. Mom and Dad gave Christian a good talking to." Mia offered as she turned to look at Ana. "Especially when Ana agreed to be your Matron of Honor."

Ana wondered if Mia was upset that she wasn't the Maid of Honor. "I can always step down if you want the job, Mia. I can walk with Ethan."

"No! I didn't mean anything like that." Mia exclaimed. "I was just trying to calm Kate down."

"No one is changing anything. I am six hours from getting married so let's not rock the boat." She moved out of the booth. "We better get going. We have makeup and hair, and then we have to head over to Mile High Club to dress and photographs."

Make-up, hair, and nails were done by four specialists that the Kavanagh family brought in from Los Angeles. After a quick protein meal, the Bride and her party were helped getting into their gowns. Ana, Mia, and Sonja were wide-eyed in amazement as Kate walked out in her wedding dress that Mrs. Kavanagh had designed and made for her daughter. It was a strapless gown with a fitted bodice that showed off Kate's figure. The skirt had just a little flare and it hugged her body perfectly in silk and lace. She wore a fingertip veil that would cover her face because it was her childhood dream for her husband to lift her veil for their first kiss. Kate wanted the fairytale. She wore her grandmother's pearl necklace and earrings which constituted as part of the something old and something borrowed. Her dress was new and the blue silk garter belt with real diamond accents, a gift from Ana, was the something blue.

"So, how do I look?" Kate asked as she turned around.

"Perfect." Mia squealed.

"Too beautiful for words, Kate." Ana offered as she fought tears. Her friend was truly beautiful with her hair up in curls to show off her elegant neck.

"Ana, can you help me with something?" Kate asked motioning her friend over. They walked away from the others. Kate put her arm through Ana's. "I'm scared to death. What if…what if this is wrong?"

"Oh, honey, you are just nervous. Take a few deep breaths and think about how sweet and loving Elliot is. Think about how much he loves you and you love him." Ana's words were softly spoken with reassurance.

"Were you nervous when you married Mr. Stud?"

Ana gave a snort of laughter. "We almost called it off." She admitted. "But, we knew that we loved each other and we could work through any problem that we might have or be thrown at us." Ana realized that she had handled last night all wrong. Gideon needed her last night and she basically abandoned him. "Kate, I have to go talk to Gideon for just a minute…you won't mind will you?"

"Of course not."

Ana picked up her skirts and ran out of the room that was set aside for the Bride and Bridal party. She passed by waiters and other personnel of the Mile High Club trying to find her husband. Elliot and his party were already taking their before the wedding shots using the skyline of Seattle as a backdrop. Her eyes were caught by Christian who then nodded at her. She just frowned at him and went on her way to find Gideon. With a sigh of relief she found him sitting at the bar with only a ginger ale in front of him.

"Gideon?" She softly said.

The dark-haired man gracefully turned to find his wife standing before him with tears in her eyes. He opened his arms to her and invited her into his embrace. "Goddess, what's wrong? Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not. I was horrible to you last night. When you needed me I shut myself off. Gideon, I am so sorry, so very sorry. Please forgive me." She reached up and pressed her full lips to his. "I do love you."

"Sweetheart, it's not your fault. I know that you were frightened and not just for yourself." He placed his big hand over her belly to caress their child. "I love you, Ana and I will seek help when we get back home." He kissed her gently at first, then her arms encircled his neck and she pressed deeper. They ravished each other's mouths wanting to reconnect as husband and wife and as lovers. "I want you so much. You left so early this morning. I missed seeing these blue eyes waking up to me."

"You were sleeping so peacefully that I didn't want to wake you." Ana whispered against his broad chest. "Gideon, why did you tell him I was pregnant?"

Damn that fucker! Can't he keep his mouth shut? "For two reasons, one he was worried about you and two he needs to come to terms that we are married and we have a future before us."

"Just tell me you didn't do it to hurt him."

"No, Ana, I didn't want to hurt him that way." He honestly said. "I would prefer to take him out in an alley and beat the shit out of him." He laughed trying to make this situation lighter, but she didn't find his words humorous.

"Gideon, why? Because he had me first?"

"Because he lied to you honey about me and he still wants you. I can't blame the man for wanting you but I sure as hell can be moved to violence when he tells you lies about me in an attempt to take you away from me and our life together." He kissed the top of her head then her forehead making his way to her lips. "You are my wife and I will always protect you. That's what we do for each other."

"Gideon, will you do something for me?"

"Of course, my love. What do you want?" He said smiling down at her.

"Kiss me until I almost faint." She smirked up at him and offered her lips to his. He pulled her up onto his lap and kissed her over and over again. He couldn't stop kissing her even if his life depended on it. They were connected again. Grey hadn't broken them as he first feared. His night terrors didn't make her run for the hills. She was back where she belonged in his arms and he was back where he belonged in her arms.

Christian stood in the door way of the main dining room which was empty. The Mile High Club had been closed down to the public for the Grey-Kavanagh Wedding. He saw Ana in the lap of her husband being ravished. He closed his eyes and fought like hell to contain his fury and screams of despair. It hurt to see her with another man, especially when she was happy. It tore his heart out of his chest to know that she was having another man's baby. She should be having his children. She was supposed to be kissing him like that. He turned and walked away leaving them alone. "It's time to move on." He said out loud. "It's time to move on for real." He shoved his balled fists into his tuxedo's pockets and started back to the ballroom where the reception and dance would be and the photographer was taking pictures for the Groom's side just awhile ago. He noticed that the Groom's party was gone, and the Bride's party was getting prepared. He could hear people asking where the Matron of Honor was. He took a good look at Kate and had to admit that she made a lovely bride, and Mia was too precious in her dress. His eye then went to the other bridesmaid. Tonya? Tanya? No, wait, it's Sonja. She was pretty. Just a hair taller than Ana with dark red hair and a fine figure. Maybe if she was without a date for the wedding he would spend some time with her. He heard high heels clicking on the floor and saw Ana pass him as she made her way to the Bride. She didn't even notice him. She only saw Gideon. He watched as the photographer's assistant moved Ana into place and the makeup people touched up her powder and lipstick. He still hungered for her. He would always want her, but he knew it was too late. He took one last look at her as she laughed with Kate. She was still the most beautiful woman he had ever met. Christian Grey left the room knowing that Anastasia Steele Cross belonged to Gideon and her unborn child.