A/N: Finally I'm so sorry you guys! I seriously tried getting this out to you ages ago but stuff kept coming up and I never got a chance to type it all out. SO yeah I'll do my rant at the bottom since I think that if I make you guys wait any longer I'll get murdered. So yeah here you go. *runs and hides behind Denmark*

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, if I did Denmark, Prussia, and Canada would get way more screen time. Anyway all characters belong to the glorious Hima-Papa.

Warning: You're gonna want some tissues, just trust me on this.

Enjoy, (and please don't kill me! Your guys death threats are scary!) Chapter 19.

Chapter XIX

Gilbert's POV

As I finish my song, the final note fading into silence, my eyes stay locked with Birdie's. I speak, hopefully making him see how much I care about and want to help him.

"Birdie, I wrote this song for you. I want to always be at your side to help you, whatever your hardship may be. I care for you with all of my heart, and I promise you that I always will. So please, let me in so that I can help you. Birdie…Ich liebe dich…I love you."

I see tears spill down Birdie's cheeks. My heart clenches at the sight of mein liebe crying like this. I can see him whisper, and, though I can't hear him, I can tell perfectly what he is saying.

"I'm sorry, Gil. Je' taime aussi."

Then, mein wunderhubsch vögelchan, slips out the back door of the room and disappears. A dread fills mein heart, and I have a feeling that if I don't go after him now, I won't ever see him again.

Rodreich approaches me, und I thrust mein guitar towards him. He looks confused at first, but when he sees the urgency in mein eyes, his faces becomes serious.

He takes the guitar from me and says, "Go do what you need to do."

I nod, giving him a look that shows my appreciation, before I turn and leap off the stage, sprinting up the center aisle towards the very same door which Birdie slipped away through. Bursting through it at full speed, I look around frantically for mein Birdie. When I see no sign of him, my heart drops. Our school is huge, and there are hundreds of places where he could be. Suddenly, one place in particular comes to mind. Birdie and I would eat lunch there together, and we have many happy memories there. It's worth a shot to look, so I quickly take off towards the stairs that lead to the roof, praying that he's there.

After a few minutes, I find myself at the top of the stairs, the door leading to the roof staring me in the face. Taking a deep breath, I try to open it, only to find that it's locked. Now I know that this is where Birdie is. This door is always unlocked, the only way to lock it being from the outside.

"Birdie, please open the door!" I yell, desperately pounding my fist against it. "Please! I need to talk to you!"

When I receive no answer, the feeling of dread in my heart only increases. I take a few steps back and kick the door with every ounce of strength that I can muster, which is an impressive amount. The door gives out, slamming open with a loud bang to reveal a sight that will haunt me until the day I die.

Mein wertvoll Birdie is on the ground with his wrist slit open, his blood pouring out. It's so much worse than when I found him in the bathroom on the night when we first

confessed. That was nothing compared to now. I can tell that this is no accident of cutting a little too deep. Mein Birdie is trying to die. Oh gott, there's so much blood, you can smell it in the air.

I rush forward and instantly drop to my knees at Mein lover's side. Getting my phone, I pull him into my lap. I dial 911, trying desperately to slow the blood flowing from his open wounds.

As soon as someone answers the phone, I say frantically, "Please! My boyfriend just tried to kill himself. We're on the roof of Hetalia International High School. Hurry! He needs help. He's bleeding out. Please, help me!"

"Don't worry, sir. There's an ambulance on route to your location. Just stay calm until they arrive," the calm, female voice on the other side replies.

"Danke," I say and hang up.

I look down at Birdie in my arms. He looks so fragile and pale. My eyes fill with tears at seeing mein lover in such a state.

"Please Birdie, hold on. I need you more than you can ever imagine, so live for me," I manage to choke out as I try to hold back my sobs, with little success. Holding him close, I continue to try and stop the bleeding as I stroke his face and hair.

After a little bit, I can hear the sirens of the ambulance in the distance, quickly growing louder until they stop in front of the school. There's a commotion before they rush out the door onto the roof. The paramedics pull Birdie out from my arms. I fight back and try to reach for him, screaming. Two strong arms hold me back as I try to get to him, afraid to leave his side. I'm not listening to what the people around me are saying until a familiar voice cuts through the noise.

"Bruder! Bruder, stop it! They're trying to help him!"

I look up at the person who is holding me back and see that it's Ludwig. It takes my mind a moment to register it, but once I do, I stop fighting against him. My body goes limp as tears roll down my cheeks.

Ludwig's eyes grow wide at the sight of my tears, as do Rodreich's, Elizavetta's, and Opa's. The last time any one of them saw me cry was after the car accident that took the lives of mein parents, when I'd been told that they hadn't survived the crash.

Ludwig holds me up as my body goes limp. Elizavetta gets on her knees and wraps her arms around me as well, so that she and Lud are holding me. She strokes my hair and says, "Shhh…it's going to be alright Gil. He's going to be okay."

I look up at her and reply, "H-how do you know that?"

She gives me a soft smile, "Because he has a loving boyfriend who needs him and who's waiting for him so that he can show him just how much he loves him. You can't give up on him; he needs you there to cheer him on so he has a reason to wake up," she tells me.

I nod my head in understanding. I hug her and whisper, "Danke, Liz."

She just continues to smile and says, "It's nothing. Now…go stay by his side."

Nodding my head, I stand to go after the paramedics as they carry Birdie down to the ambulance. Suddenly, something at the edge of my vision catches my eye. Turning my head, I see that it's an envelope. Leaning down to pick it up, I can see my name written on it in mein Birdie's neat handwriting. It must be his note. I hold it tightly in my hand as I race to catch the paramedics before they leave. I reach them just as they're loading Matthew into the back of the ambulance. Running up to them, I state in a serious voice, "I'm coming with you."

It seems like they're going to object, but one look at the serious expression on my face and they know that they won't be able to stop me, so they let me climb into the back next to Matthew. I reach out and brush some hair out of his face, stroking his cheek and placing a gentle kiss on his forehead, whispering, "Hold on, mein liebe. I know you can do it, so don't give up. I'm right here waiting for you to wake up so that I can see those perfect eyes of yours. Ich liebe dich, Birdie. Je' taime, so please…don't give in…stay alive…for me."

The paramedics work quickly, trying to stop the slowed bleeding as we speed towards the hospital. When we arrive, I try to stay with Matthew, but the doctors won't let me and I'm forced to wait in the waiting room. It's not long after that when Birdie's family arrives, along with mine.

They spot me and hurry over, Francis crying, nearly hysterical. "What happened to Mattieu?! Mr. Edelstein told us that the ambulance was for mon petite garç on! Is it true?!"

I look up at him sadly, nodding my head.

"He…he slit his wrists. He's…he's been cutting for a long time. He asked me not to tell you because he didn't want to make you worry. I agreed as long as he promised me that he wouldn't cut anymore. He stopped, too. He didn't cut for two weeks, calling me whenever he felt like doing it. I'd go and help him. But…one week ago…I went for a walk really late and found him cutting in the woods near my house. I don't' know what made him cut, but whatever it was, it was really bad. I…I'm sorry…I couldn't help him," I explain, fighting back tears as I apologize, expecting them to be angry at me for not telling them before now.

All three men stare at me with shocked and horrified expressions upon their faces, as well as on those of Roddy, Liz, Lud and Opa. Francis collapses into a chair across from me and hides his face in his hands. Arthur sits next to him as his mind tries to process what I just told them., Alfred is the only one who remains standing. His eyes stay locked on me and I prepare myself to be hit. I know that Alfred doesn't like me and he probably blames me for what happened to his adopted younger brother. When the silence is finally broken, I'm surprised when Alfred is the one who speaks first, but I'm even more shocked by what he says.

"You don't have to apologize. You don't have anything to apologize for."

I look up at him, my confusion and surprise showing plainly on my face. He offers me a small, sad smile and explains.

"Gilbert, I've known my brother since Francis and Arthur adopted him when we were six. Never, in all that time, have I seen him smile as much as he has during the short time he's known you. You made Matthew happier in two weeks- no, one day, than Francis, Arthur and I could do in ten whole years. You're the best thing to happen to him since he joined our family, and you've grown closer to him in only a few days than any of us could ever hope to be. You've given him so much happiness, and for that, I can't possibly thank you enough. Especially now that you've saved his life. You saw him leave and somehow knew to go after him, and you saved him. I'm sorry about how I've treated you up until now. I just wanted to know that you wouldn't leave him. So Gilbert, you have nothing to apologize for."

I look at him, shocked, before giving a soft and grateful smile.

"Mein gott, Bruder. Is all of that true?" Lud asks me, coming out of his shocked stupor. I nod my head solemnly.

"Gott, what could have pushed the poor boy to go that far?" Opa wonders out loud, his normally stoic face showing a deeply disturbed and shocked expression.

I shake my head and reply, "That's not for me to tell you, mostly because I don't even know the whole truth. Only Birdie can be the one to tell that story, not me."

"Oh, God. What have I done, Francis? It's my fault. Lord, if only I hadn't forgotten him so often. I'm a disgrace of a parent," Arthur, who until now had been silent, cries, distraught.

"Nein, you didn't do anything wrong. Matthew never felt that you, Francis, and Alfred were anything less than the perfect family. He just felt like he didn't quite fit into it. He never once got mad at you, nor did he blame you for forgetting him, because he knows that you love him; you're just forgetful. He loves you three a lot, and that's why he didn't want me to tell you about his cutting. He said that he didn't want you to worry because of him. He didn't want you feeling like you were a bad family. I'm sorry that I never told you. You had every right to know, and I should have told you when I found out about it," I tell him.

"Nein," Opa cuts in, surprising me. I look up at him, not understanding. He gives me a soft smile, the likes of which I haven't seen from him since the times he would comfort Ludwig or I after the car accident all those years ago. He places a gentle hand on my shoulder. "You did what you believed was right, Gilbert. You were there for Matthew, and you've done your best to help him and to show him that he is loved. I am very proud of you, Gilbert."

It's now my turn to be shocked as I stare up at him. For once, I'm speechless. It's extremely rare for Opa to say that he's proud of me or Ludwig. I mean, we know that he is and that he cares about us both a lot, but it's just always been one of those things that you know is true, but is never said aloud.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and give him a great full smile, replying, "D-Danke, Opa. I…I was just trying to show Birdie, Matthew, just how much I care for him. I…I have never cared so much about someone before in mein whole life. He…he's so wertvoll to me…words cannot possibly hope to describe how important he is to me. I can't explain it, but…I need him, Opa. I know that I have only known him for a few weeks, but…I can't imagine life without him. I am so terrified of losing him."

Once again, Opa looks shocked. I haven't admitted to being scared, not even once, since before the crash. After it happened, I, in a way, put up walls around my heart. I stopped crying, I never let anyone see my fear, I hid it all behind a mask of cocky grins and false self-confidence, never showing any bit of weakness. I buried all of my weaknesses deep down in my heart. Yet, somehow, Birdie has broken through my mask of false smiles and all of the walls I'd built up so carefully around my heart. He, without even meaning or trying to, taught me to not be quite so afraid to show my true feelings. Birdie has worked his way into mein heart in a way that no one else ever has, and he's made himself a nest there, to stay. I don't feel like I need to put on my mask when I'm around him. And, though it will be a long time before I can cast it aside forever, I'm not afraid of showing him who I really am.

Germania's POV

I stare at Gilbert, thoroughly astonished. I haven't seen him like this since he was very small. Ever since the accident, he's always kept his emotions buried deep down in his heart. I don't think he realizes that I know this, but I have always been able to see it. He is mein grandson after all; I have known him his whole life.

Contrary to what most people may think, I care deeply for both of mein grandsons. They are all I have left after I lost mein son, their vater. I have done everything I could to provide them with a bright future und a good home.

After the accident that took their parents from us, Ludwig began to take after me, just as his vater did when he was a boy. He reminds me so much of his vater that sometimes

I have to stop myself from calling him by his vater's name. He works so hard, und I can tell he is trying to make me proud of him by becoming a lawyer, just like his vatti (was, even though I know that he wants to be a baker. I have done my best to encourage him to follow his own dream und not to worry about making me proud. I am already so proud of him und his bruder.

While Lud pushes himself to be more like their vatti, Gil changed in a different way. He stopped smiling; at least, not the way he would before the accident. His smiles became fake und mask-like. I believe that I am the only one to notice it, though I have a feeling Ludwig has noticed as well. I let him be, knowing that if he needed help or comfort, he would come to me und I would be there for him.

When Rodreich suggested that I bring the boys to America, saying that it would be good for them, I agreed, hoping that leaving behind the place their parents died would help them to finally move on. Neither one had any objections to it, having no friends who were close enough to make them want to stay in Germany.

The night before their first day of school, I sent a prayer to the souls of mein son und mein daughter-in-law to watch over the boys for me. I did it more to bring myself peace of mind than anything else, knowing that I would be able to breathe at least a little easier if the boys had their souls watching over them.

When Gilbert brought Matthew over und introduced me to him, I knew right away that he was going to be someone very special to my grandson. From the way that Gilbert looked at the boy, I just knew he was already important to him. Even if Gilbert didn't realize it yet himself, I knew.

As I watched them grow closer und begin to date, it was no surprise to me when they announced it. Gilbert looked terrified, though, that I would hate him for being gay, which would never happen. I care far too much about Gilbert to care if he is gay, not to mention that I have no room to talk when it comes to such things, being bisexual myself. Let's just say the boys do not know about that und I pray they never find out about mein time with a certain odd Italian man. Anyway, even back then when they first started to date, I could see Gilbert beginning to change once again, only this time, I believe, it was for the better.

When Gilbert told me that he was dating Matthew, after he got past the idea that I wasn't going to disown him for being gay, I saw something that I hadn't seen in years: I saw Gilbert smile. Not one of his fake smiles that he has been using for so long, but a real, truly happy smile. It surprised me, und for a few moments, I wasn't sure if I was really seeing it. It made me so happy to see him smile like that after seeing only false smiles for so long. Every time Gilbert looked at Matthew, he would smile at him with more happiness und liebe in his eyes then I had seen him show in all the years following his parents' death combined.

Gradually, I began to see more und more of those real smiles from him. He was letting himself be happy for the first time in nearly a decade. I could see the real Gilbert slowly coming back to us, und I know that I have Matthew to thank for it. Even if mein grandson doesn't see that Matthew is helping him to change, he is, und I owe Matthew so much for it.

Now, seeing Gilbert so distraught over Matthew's state, I find myself worrying. If Matthew does not pull through und live, I fear that Gilbert will never recover from losing him. I send a silent prayer to the souls of mein son und Daughter -in-law to watch over Matthew, praying that they can help him in some way. I place a hand on Gilbert's shoulder, in the hopes to comfort him. He looks up into mein eyes, his own crimson orbs full of fear und desperation.

"He will live, Gilbert. He has many people who love him, und who need him to live. He is loved by his family und by you most of all. There is not a doubt in mein mind that he will pull through. You merely need to believe it in your heart."

Gilbert's POV

I look up at Opa and give him a small smile. I think that was what I needed to hear. Matthew will live; I just need to have faith in him.

Everyone moves and sits down, Birdie's family sitting together. Roddy and Liz sit a little bit off with Opa. Lud sits with his bubbly Italian boyfriend, who for some odd reason, decided to come along. Looking down at mein hands, I see the envelope that I found on the roof. My name, printed on the front in Matthew's neat handwriting, stares me in the face. Whatever is in the envelope is obviously meant for me to see, and I have a sinking feeling that Matthew intended for this to be his note.

I carefully open it, mein hands are shaking slightly. Pulling out the contents of the envelope, I realize that it's a letter, several pages long, filled front and back with mein birdie's neat and careful script. Shifting slightly, I get comfortable, or at least as comfortable as one can get in a hospital waiting room chair, attempting to somehow prepare myself for whatever awaits me within the pages of Mein liebe's letter.

End of Chapter XIX

A/N: ME: Please don't kill me! *hides behind Denmark, as well as Sweden who's been called in for back up. Germany, America, Russia, and Prussia are on call as extra protection if needed.* I'm really sorry for taking so long. I didn't mean to, I promise! Stuff just kept getting in the way and I never go the chance to type this up.

Denmark: yeah she's had to deal with a sick little brother, state testing and a whole bunch of other crap that really sucks. But stuffs clearing up so she'll do her best to bring you more chapters soon.

Me: Yeah also, Please don't hate me for what I did to Mattie! Just be patient, I promise you, Ivan and Carlos are going to get what's coming to them eventually. It's just gonna take a while. Also I need suggestions for what o do with Ivan Cause I honestly Don't know what his punishment is going to be.

Denmark: It can not involve killing him slowly. It has to be reasonably given that Ivan's like 17 in the story. But you can also include a suggestion of what you want to do to him outside of the story. Whoever comes up with the most creative response gets to cuddle with Kumajiro and Italy's Kitties.

Me: yeah so send in your suggestions. OH and I'd like to thank Canadian Erect Mountie for pointing out the fact that I'm writing about a human high school AU and I used Matthew's country name in the Summary.

Denmark: It's true. She started this story almost a year ago and she never even noticed. Nice going Canadian Erect Mountie. Love the username by the way. So yeah keep the reviews coming. There keep her sane though please no more death threats to her or her characters. They're scary.

Me: *shivers* yeah like I have to sleep in the same room as Denmark cause I'm afraid you guys are gonna seep through the computer and haunt me till I get more updates.

Anyway as always here's a word from my lovely Beta Sakura414:

Wolf-chan has to sleep in the same room as Denmark? I wonder how Norway feels about that... *shot* Okay, dirty jokes aside, please don't kill Wolf-chan just yet... unless you plan on forming a mob and doing the deed in a Beauty and the Beast-style musical number. That I'd like to see. ;) Alright, enough of my ridiculous antics. Grazie mille for reading!

Sakura! Don't encourage them! Knowing my viewers quite a few are Les Mesirables fans so they probably WILL do a musical number and try to kill me! Don't forget I love you all mein lieblings and I love all of your reviews so send me more!

Until next time. Wolf-chan out.