Okay so here is another piece of crack for you all to laugh at. I hope you enjoy it.
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That Awkward Moment When...
Everyone Realises That The Guards Are Useless.
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It had been a long week in Camelot. On Monday, a rogue evil sorcerer had managed to sneak into Camelot and tried to kill Tom and Ygraine, hoping to get rid of the Camelot heirs to the throne, but little Gaius and Evangeline had stopped him by using magic to tie him up with pink ropes. How the ropes became pink, no one knew, but they were indeed pink.
On Tuesday a servant tried to poison Arthur because her uncle's father's brother had been killed by Uther during the Great Purge and she apparently wanted revenge. Morgana had managed to stop her because of her evil senses tingling. Apparently, according to Morgana, if something evil is happening in Camelot Morgana knows all about it, because she used to be evil. Gwaine argued she still was evil, and found himself dressed in a pretty pink dress with frills and his hair tied into pigtails with pink ribbons. The triplets, Vivienne, Balinor and Will, had decided to defend their mother's honour. Gwaine was still whining about it, and it was now Monday again.
On Wednesday, a magical creature managed to get into the castle, wrecking a total of seven chandeliers, fifty one old portraits, three hundred and forty two candelabras (who knew there were so many in Camelot in the first place) and eighty seven chairs. Not to mention the plates, goblets and trays that had been destroyed at the feast they were having at the time. Morgana and Gwen had both been very unhappy with this. It was their favourite dinner ware apparently. Morgana zapped the magical creature, which Gaius found out was a Hormundiskulus (not really because no one remembered what it was called after Morgana had zapped it anyways, not even Gaius), and then they had carried on the feast. After all, you don't have a feast without extra trays of food in the kitchen.
On Thursday, some rogue sorceress managed to get into the castle by pretending to be a servant and tried to cast a magic lover spell on Merlin. She had heard the stories about Merlin and Morgana's god like offspring and she wanted some for herself. Of course Morgana was absolutely furious. It had taken Merlin's magic to stop the sorceress, because Morgana was so angry that her magic started acting haywire, and Merlin didn't want to have to clean up after another emotional storm outbreak.
On Friday, an evil witch managed to get past the guards, sneak into the dungeons, and into the vaults, looking for some magical treasure. It was Merlin who had seen her and used hi magic to subdue her.
On Saturday, Morgana and Gwen were out for a horse ride with their own personal guard, when a bunch of bandits attacked, thinking Morgana and Gwen would be good captives for a ransom. Of course Gwen and Morgana just beat them up and sent them on their way. Those bandits found out that Gwen and Morgana were certainly not shrinking violets. The guards had all been knocked out.
On Sunday, some crazy woman had tried to steal Prince Tom and Princess Ygraine from the cribs, claiming they would cause the end of the world. It was again, little Gaius and Evangeline who saved the day by making a magical cage out of the toys in the room.
Now it was Monday again, and Arthur only had one questions for his Knights and Merlin, and Morgana and Gwen and Gaius.
"Where the hell were all my guards when this was going on?" Arthur yelled angrily.
"I don't know. Wherever they usually are when things go on. Haven't you noticed they don't do anything? They sleep on the job, run around looking at maidservants. This has got to stop." Morgana stated.
"What? They weren't always this bad when my Father was alive." Arthur stated.
"Of course they were. If they had been any lazier, they would have laid down and died while Uther ruled Camelot. Somehow, they had managed to survive Uther's reign and were still around for Arthur's.
"So you're telling me that the guards, every sngle one of them, are useless?" Arthur asked. Morgana shrugged and flopped into a chair, looking irritable.
"I've been telling you and Uther for years that the guards were useless. Would he listen? No! He just had to be the one who's right all the time." Morgana replied. Gwen nodded her agreement.
"It's true. Uther would never listen when Morgana told him the guards were useless." Gwen replied. Arthur sighed as Gwen and Morgana started talking about how they had managed to be kidnapped, that one time where Gwen had been taken to a castle by that Hengist and his men. Arthur sighed again and agreed to at least look over the guards and retire the ones that were useless. After all, they needed a break sometimes.
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Okay this was short and sweet. I hope you all enjoyed it. Please R&R and let me know what you think and I'll update soon hopefully.