A/N: hello my leiblings! I'm so so sorry about taking so long to update. I was in Florida visiting my grandparents over Christmas and there was NO way that they were going to learn that I'm writing a story about a gay, depressed teenager. They would think I'm a lunatic and lock me up in the loony bin, and lord knows I wouldn't get to update in the loony bin, so for the sake of this stories survival it had to be kept secret. I was going to update it once I got home but my computer at my dad's house does NOT like to type things properly so I had to wait until school started again so that I can use my computer at my mom's house and the computer's in the library at my school.

Anyway, enough rambling, you all have been so wonderful and patient with me so, without further adieu, I present to you, Chapter 21.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, in any way, shape, or form, but I worship the man who does. Let us all bow to the Hima-papa!

Enjoy!

Chapter XXI

Gilbert's POV

We sit in the waiting room for what feels like forever, each minute stretching out longer that the last. In reality, it is no more than two hours at most, yet to me, waiting there for word of mein liebe, praying for him to live, to any and every god I can think of, it seems like an eternity. I beg whatever higher being is up there to watch over my boyfriend. For a bit, I can swear that I feel my mother's spirit with me, but she stays not long- leaving, I hope, to go to Birdie's side to watch over him. With each passing minute, I find my hope for Birdie growing smaller and smaller, but I don't give up. I can't give up. Birdie needs for me to believe in him.

Finally, a doctor enters the waiting room. She looks around, and when she sees me, she approaches. Both mine and Birdie's families look up as the doctor stops directly in front of me.

"Are you the one who came in with the boy who slit his wrists, Matthew William?" she inquires in a professional, yet gentle, voice. I nod my head as I look up at her from my seat. My heart is beating faster than a rabbit's as I pray that she isn't bringing me the news that will break my heart forever.

She gives me a soft smile and says, "Are you the one who found him?"

Again I nod, and she continues. "You are a brave young man and a good friend. You were very lucky; had he gotten here any later than he did, we wouldn't have been able to save him. However, you got him here just in time. He will be fine- physically, at least. From what we we've been able to gather, he's been self-harming for a long time." My heart soars at the news that Birdie will live, but becomes somber once more as she mentions Birdie's self-harming.

"I know," I reply quietly. "Can I see him? Please?"

"I'm sorry, but hospital policy states that only family and people approved by the family may go in and see him," she tells me.

"Excuse me. We are Matthew Williams' family. This young man is Matthew's boyfriend. He has our permission to see him first," Arthur cuts in. I'm surprised, as is the doctor, and she looks at him in confusion.

Arthur explains. "Gilbert is the only one of us who was able to see Matthew's pain, and he cares more about him that any of us could ever hope to. He deserves to be the first to see him."

Alfred and Francis both nod their heads in agreement. I'm touched that they would let me see Birdie before any of them. I give them a great full smile as the doctor begins to lead me towards Birdie's room. As we grow closer to it, I can feel my stomach tying itself into knots out of anxiety. I have no idea what I'm going to say to him. I mean, what are you supposed to say when the person you love more than anything in the world tries to kill themselves? I guess I'll figure it out when I see him. Right now, I just want to know that he's alright; to see it for myself. It's almost too soon when we stop in front of the door to his room. I stare at it, trying to wrap my mind around the fact that beyond this door lies the most important person in my whole entire world.

The doctor turns to me and tells me, "I'll leave you to be alone with him. He is currently sleeping, but he should wake soon, as he shows no signs at the moment of going into coma."

I nod and say, 'Thank you."

She offers me a sad smile before turning and going off to treat another poor soul in need of her help. I continue to stare at the door for a few moments, gathering my courage to open it.

When I finally enter, the sight I am met with is not a pretty one. It pains my heart to see it and makes me want to cry. Matthew, mein wertvoll vögelchan, is lying in the hospital bed, his skin paler than even mine. His soft, golden curls are spread out on the pillow around his head. They look like a gentle halo. The one odd curl which always sticks out so cutely hangs limply along the side of his face. He looks so frail and tiny in the large hospital bed. He seemed so strong and full of life before, when he was on the stage at the art show introducing his piece, that seeing him in such a weak state just breaks my heart. The only noises in the room are the beep of the heart monitor and the soft sound, so quiet that it's barely there at all, of Birdie's breathing.

I quietly approach the bed and pull up a chair that's resting against the wall so that I may sit by Birdie's side. I tentatively reach out, stopping for a moment. Birdie….he looks so frail and breakable, I'm afraid that if I touch him, he might shatter. I take a deep breath, and, swallowing thickly, gently take his hand in mine. I softly stroke the back of his hand with my thumb. My heart clenches as I feel how cold it is. I lift it, ever so gently, and press my lips against the cool skin as I feel tears escape my eyes and run tracks, once again, down my pale cheeks.

Gott, I should have been able to do something, anything, to prevent this from happening. I should have seen the signs. If only I hadn't stayed behind to talk to our teacher, then he wouldn't have been all alone, waiting for me in the parking lot. If only I'd told him to wait just outside the classroom in the hall. If only I hadn't gone to my locker before going to meet him. If only I'd not ignored that horrible feeling I got in my stomach with how Birdie said goodbye that night. If only I'd insisted that he stay over at my place, over even stayed over at his. So many things that I could have, should have, done differently, yet I didn't do a single one. I didn't notice any of the signs, and now mein Birdie, mein Matthew, mein wertvoll liebe, the one person who means more to me than anyone else in the world, is laying before me with bandages on his wrists and his life hanging in the balance. I feel so horrible and useless. All I can do is sit by his side and pray.

I bow my head, and with my lips still pressed gently against the pale skin of his hand, I begin to speak. I don't know why, but it's all I can do.

"Matthew…Birdie…my precious, precious birdie. Why? Oh, Gott, why couldn't I see how much pain you were in? What kind of boyfriend was I, if I couldn't even see it when my most important person was in so much pain? Please, Birdie…you need to hold on. You can't give up. I need you. I know we only met, what, three weeks ago? Yet, still, I can't possibly imagine a world without you. You say I'm your guardian angel, but you can't even see that it's who are the angel.

After my parents died in the car accident that almost took my life, I stopped trying. I stopped living. I mean, yeah, I was still alive, but I'd forgotten how to smile- really smile, and how to be happy. I was just going through the motions of life. I woke up, went to school, got good grades to please Opa, but none of it really seemed to matter. Without my parents, I'd forgotten what it meant to be happy. I couldn't remember what is was to feel joy, and warmth, and love. Sure, Opa and West love me, I know they do, but none of it felt right anymore. I was lost, falling deeper into a hole that I couldn't climb out of.

Then I met you. You've shown me happiness for the first time since I lost my parents. You've done so much to help me and you don't even know it. You showed me what it's like to be happy, and you've reminded me, after so long, what it's like to truly smile again. You're my everything, Matthew, and despite having only known you for a short while, I can't imagine living a life without you by my side. You're the light that brought me out of the darkness, the hand that reached out to help me escape the hole I was falling into. You saved me. That's why you can't leave me. I need you, Matthew. Please," I say. My voice echoes through the near silent room, my pleas for Birdie to wake up, to open his eyes and live met with only the beep of the heart monitor and the soft sound of barely there breathing.

Tears run down my face, and I make no attempt to stop them, for I know that anything I do will have no effect. I continue to hold Matthew's hand to my lips, desperately trying to hold onto my last shred of hope. It's all I have left to hold on to. I just pray that it's not in vain.

I don't know how much time passes as I sit there, but with every passing beep of the heart monitor, I feel my heart dropping lower and lower into my stomach. I've almost given up, when, after four straight hours of nothing but the beep of the machine and almost silent breathing, a small noise comes from the bed. My head shots up, and my eyes, bloodshot from all my crying, widen as I hear another small groan pass through Matthew's lips.

There's a moment of silence before a final groan is heard and Matthew's pale eyelids flutter open to reveal those gorgeous lavender eyes that I love so much.

Mein Vögelchan is awake at last.

Matthew's POV

I find myself floating in a deep, blue emptiness. There's nothing around: no ground, no horizon, nothing. It just seems to go on forever. I find myself wondering if I'm dead and this is what the afterlife is like. As I'm thinking about it, a voice rings out. It's quiet and gentle, but unmistakable as it rings out perfectly clear in the sheer nothingness that surrounds me.

I instantly recognize the voice as Gilbert's, though something's wrong. It sounds as if he's crying. I listen intently to what he's saying, and with each passing word, more tears fill my eyes. Gilbert's begging me not to die, saying that I saved him after his parents died, that I taught him how to be happy and how to smile again. He says that I showed him how to love. He keeps blaming himself, but he didn't see my pain because I didn't want him to see it. Didn't he read the letter I left behind for him? He's begging. Yes, the great and awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt is begging, pleading for me to wake up, saying that he can't possibly live without me.

When the voice starts, a tiny light appears off in the distance. The more Gilbert speaks, the brighter the light gets, until it consumes everything. The nothingness is gone, and I can feel something under me. Some sort of bed. There's a constant beeping that cuts through the silence, and it smells strongly of medicine and disinfectant. There's a sharp pain from my wrists and a soreness that radiates through my whole body. One of my hands feels warm, and after a moment, I realize that it's being held by someone else's hands. I'm not sure how, but somehow I just know that the person next to me is Gilbert. I need to tell him he shouldn't feel guilty. I did it because I couldn't stand breaking my promise to him. He deserves so much better than me. Why doesn't he see that?

I let out a small groan. I want to open my eyes, to speak, to tell Gilbert not to cry, yet try as I might, I can't. My eyelids feel so heavy. I fight against it, though, refusing to just lay here when I need to speak to Gilbert. Another groan passes through my lips as I fight against the heaviness. After a few moments, I feel my efforts starting to pay off as I give a third and final groan. My eyelids flutter for a moment, before finally, they open.

End of chapter XXI

A/N: Me: So what do you guys think! And no yelling at me, this isn't really a cliffhanger, well it kind of is, but way less bad then the others, and now you know that Mattie's ALIVE! I can't believe you guys thought I could ever have the heart to kill him off. No, I have much more planned for Mattie, both good and bad, but mostly good. So yeah, NO MORE SENDING ME SCARY DEATH THREATS! I have Denmark Sweden an army of soul eating bunnies, Gerta a Prussian vampire, and several reviews that are helping protect me. I also have America, Germany, Prussia, and Canada on call. And yes Canada can be scary, when he has a hockey stick in his hands.

Denmark: Yeah no more death threats, Mattie's alive so you have no reason to threaten her anymore, seriously she's getting freaked out enough to sleep in my bed at night, afraid that you guys are gonna attack her in her sleep.

Me: Yeah so anyway, thanks to all of you for being so incredibly patient and I promise I'm gonna get the next chapter out to you some time next week, provided that my schedule allows. Oh and for those of you who sent in Ideas on what to do to Carlos and Ivan, well…I couldn't choose which was the best. So I've decided that once I finish the story, I will be tying them to trees and letting you all do whatever you want with them, So send me the descriptions of how you would torture them in a review or a private message and they'll all be published in a list after I finish this story. I can't wait ot see what you guys come up with. Wow I sound really sadistic don't I Denmark?

Denmark: Um…yeah but hey you've been hanging around me for the past few months and I'm an ex-Viking so it's not really that surprising. So yeah guys leave a discription of and your torture method in a review and they will be published on the list when this story is done.

Me: Yup though don't expect anything too great, I'm probably gonna be super lazy after this story so they might not be the best. ANYWAY, as always here is a word form my gorgeous and fabulous Beta Sakura414:

I hope you all had a lovely holiday season, and that your teachers haven't been too hard on you during these past couple of days back at school! This particular author note seems to be pretty substantial as it is, so I suppose I'll just leave it at that... Thank you all for reading!

Me: Until next time you guys.

Wolf-chan out.