Interlude - Stuck
Tuchanka. God, was it a mess. A chunk of rock, all but destroyed by the Krogan nuclear war. How the Krogan still managed to survive there, Johanna would never know but they had endured, mostly underground but even so, they survived. Beside the Krogan and the Threshers, though, she doubted the planet's ability to sustain other life forms, it truly was a mess. Although not visiting for the first time, the state of destruction which greeted her wherever she had the misfortune of landing still struck her as much as it did that first time. Those were fonder memories from what was, arguably, an easier time, too. Compared to the Reapers, the Collectors cut a pitiful enemy and that mission was a cakewalk compared the one she headed now. By the end of their mission, Johanna was glad to be off planet and heading back toward the Normandy. No amount of showering would wipe the memories of that damn bomb from her memory.
As the shuttle door lifted, she stepped out and pulled her helmet off. "Hell," she shook her head as she dumped the helmet onto her armour bench, "That place really is a grade A shit hole." Her fingers fumbled with the clasps of her chest plate, it always stuck, she really needed to have that looked at. "It shouldn't surprise me, I've been right to the heart of that shit hole in the past but still," she still fumbled with the clasp, "It always amazes me, they really destroyed the place and what the fuck is wrong with this damn chest plate."
"Here, let me get it," James stepped toward her and gently pushed her hand away from the clasp. "You've been to Tuchanka before? You gotta tell me more about that, Lola."
"What? Oh, thanks," Johanna grinned as he began tugging at the clasp. "It's stuck good, it always does that. This is why I hate new armour. The old stuff was just as good, just as strong but no, can't have the old stuff, gotta have this shitty new stuff because it's better, stronger. Bullshit. It's all sticky clasps and shoulder pieces that pinch at the worst moments." She was off into a rant but she caught herself before she fell headlong into finding fault with every single piece of her armour. "Tell you more about what?"
"Tuchanka," James repeated, his eyes fixed on the jammed clasp, "You said you'd been there before, I wanted to hear more." Sure, he'd heard of her adventures the same way as every other Alliance soldier - through the news vids and the extranet but he knew that reports were full of bullshit at the best of times, the only way to hear the truth was straight from the horse's mouth. "I saw the vids but they were all sure you were Cerberus, shows how wrong they were. I should've asked you about all of it while we were stuck in Vancouver but better late than never, no? And this thing," he slapped his hand against her chest plate, "Ain't going anywhere until the rest of it's unhooked, it's jammed in there."
"Watch it," Johanna laughed as she stumbled, the force of his slap to her armour taking her just a little off guard, "Anybody'd think you were trying to send me flying." She winked at him and moved aside to unclip her shoulder guards from their place. "We came to Tuchanka for two missions. The first to find out what was wrong with Grunt and the second, to find Mordin's assistant." The clips for the shoulder guards gave way and she dumped them down alongside her helmet. "Grunt had to do this whole rite of passage thing, we met some of Tuchanka's critters, nightmare, and we had to fight a Thresher. Total fucking nightmare." She paused long enough to reach for the clips holding her greaves to her legs, "Killed the fucker, though. First since Wrex to do it. Oh, and I head-butted one of the clan reps, Grunt wasn't the only one in demand that day, if you know what I mean."
James watched as she slowly worked her way out of her armour, he'd quickly discarded his own after stepping off the shuttle. "You killed a Thresher? On foot?" He couldn't quite believe it. "Damn, Lola," he whistled, "That's badass." He watched as she dropped her greaves onto her armour bench and then made quick work of the upper leg guards and the arm pieces. Apart from that god damned chest plate, she was stood in her under-armour, a figure hugging suit of webbed material. He would've likened it to the chain mail of the olden days but it was much, much more hi-tech than that. Far stronger, too. "You make that under-suit look good, Lola," he grinned, well aware of the fact that what she wore beneath it left very little to the imagination. He should know, he'd been the one to zip her into the thing before they'd suited up for the mission but he also knew that until that chest plate budged, that imagination of his would be working overtime.
"Hey," she caught the mischievous glint in his eye, "Let's focus on getting me out of this damn hard suit first and then we can worry about what's under it, huh? What's keeping you? You're not normally this slow when it comes to getting me out of my clothes." Johanna spoke quietly so only he would hear her, she wasn't interested in teasing him in public when he was trying to help her. "Maybe Anderson's right," she sighed, "Maybe I've gotten a little soft around the edges and that's the reason why this fucking thing won't budge. Who would've thought it, huh? Commander Fucking Shepard, too fat for her damned armour." With a shrug of her shoulders, she tugged at the clasp herself, willing it to release but no such luck. "Damnit," she balled her fist and punched her side over the clasp, "You're not supposed to fucking stick like this, you piece of shit." Great. Now she was talking to the damn thing. "Do you think biotics would work on it?"
"You know it's not gonna answer you, right?" James laughed as she spoke to her suit, "Let me know if it answers you, I'll make a call for the men in white coats." He hadn't considered using biotics to open the damn thing but the more he thought about, it more he thought that it was a bad idea. Obviously, he wasn't biotic himself but even so, he wouldn't be going all in on her idea. "It'd take a really, really precise blast to sheer the clasp off," He thought out loud, "And you obviously wouldn't be able to do it yourself."
"Yeah, you're probably right," Johanna sighed, "And Javik's head is too far up his own ass to help us mere primitives. I'll bet the super duper Protheans never got stuck in their chest plates, that was probably punishable by death in the Empire." Se couldn't help but have a little fun at the Prothean's expense. Sure, he'd had a major shock but did he really have act so superior all the time? Truth be told, she thought that the last voice of the Protheans was a bit of a douche. "Liara's busy being the broker although she'd be down here in a heartbeat if we asked her."
"Yeah," James tugged at the clasp again and felt it give a little but it still clung on, refusing to spring free. "Holy shit, this thing really is wedged right on in there." Falling silent, he tried to think of a way to pull it free so they could both finally go shower, his patience with her armour was finally beginning to wear thin. "You know," he started, "There's another way to think of this. I don't think that you've gotten soft around the edges, I like your edges exactly the way they are but it wasn't the greaves or the arms or the abdominal plating that jammed, right? It was the chest plate."
If he had a point, Johanna wasn't seeing it. "Yeah, I know that," she quirked an eyebrow, "I'm the one still standing in the god damned shuttle bay a full half hour after a mission because her armour refuses to give way." What the hell was he trying to say? "What are you trying to say?"
"You can be so dense at times, Lola," James shook his head as he laughed, as though his point was as obvious as writing on a wall, "I'm saying that you have a great rack. So great, in fact, that it has you stuck in this fucking chest plate."
"So you're saying that I'm not too fat to fit into this piece of shit hard suit," she knew that she shouldn't bad-mouth her armour, it had saved her life time and time again since they'd left Earth but it was hard to stay patient when all she wanted was a shower. Plus, she still had to tell the Primarch that his son was dead - that wouldn't be a pleasant conversation - but she had to shower first. She wouldn't be addressing the head of Turian society while she wore Tuchanka's dust. "You're saying that I'm stuck in this thing because my rack is too big?"
"I'm saying that you're stuck in that thing because your rack is perfect," James corrected her, "Wouldn't change it for the world, Lola." He grinned as his fingers curled around the clasp one last time and gave it a full-on tug. To his surprise, it sprang free and her chest plate fell to the floor. "Bingo!" He laughed, "About time, you piece of shit." A well aimed kick from his left foot sent the last piece of her armour sliding across the shuttle bay floor until it met the bulkhead with a clang.
"Finally. First chance I get, I'm requisitioning new armour. Some of the good stuff, none of this standard issue shit." Johanna stretched her arms out and pulled James into a kiss. "Thank you for helping me," she smiled as she felt his fingers tugging on the zip on her under-suit, "Maybe that should wait until we're upstairs, hm? Cortez will be back down soon and I don't think I wanna give him a show to walk in on." Walking backward and away from him, she punched the button for the elevator. "Think you can manage that, soldier?"
"I think I can wait until we get into that elevator," James winked at her, "After that, No promises. I'm impatient, you should know that by now." As he heard the ping, he took a second to throw a glance at the doors, nobody was there, thank God, so he took her hand and pulled her back toward him. Once his back his the back wall of the elevator, he spun her around and held her close, her back flush against his chest as she reached out to press the button for her floor.
"EDI," Johanna called to the air as James tugged on her zipper again, shivering as the cooler air hit her back, "Make sure nobody gets onto this elevator between here and my cabin. Nobody. Keep those damn doors locked and if anybody asks you what's going on, tell them there's a temporary glitch in the system but you're tasked to capacity or some shit like that." James slipped his hands inside the suit and wrapped his arms around her waist, "Just tell them you'll get to it when you can, whatever."
"Yes, Commander," came EDI's disembodied reply but Johanna was mind was elsewhere. As long as those doors didn't open, she didn't have a problem, she didn't care what else was going on on the ship, didn't care who was where or what they were doing with who; all she cared about was the man in the elevator with her.
"I thought we were taking a shower, not christening the elevator," she sighed as he peppered kisses down her neck, "I don't feel sexy right now, you know. I'm covered in Tuchanka and it was pretty hard going out there. What's under this suit ain't pretty. In fact, I'm pretty sure I stink right now." She wanted to protest, she really did, but everything she said felt half-assed. "You can wait that long, right?"
"Aw come on, Lola," James mumbled against the soft skin of her neck, "What's the fun of a shower if you can't get a little dirty first?" He didn't care that she felt like she wore Tuchanka, or that she was sweaty or that her hair was a little disheveled - he wanted her, that was the bottom line. "I don't care about all of that," he swapped their places and led her into her cabin, "In fact, you've never looked more beautiful to me." Smiling, he reached around and unzipped his own suit before pushing it down to his waist. "So what do you say, Lola? Feel like getting a little dirtier?"
He had a point. Where was the fun? Grinning, she gripped the neckline of her suit and slowly slid it down over her shoulders and down to her waist. "I hope you know that this can't happen after every mission, I have briefings and meetings to do," she hated to burst his bubble but it had to be done. "We have our nights but for missions where your girlfriend's stupid rack gets her stuck in her armour," Johanna shimmied the rest of the way out of her suit and kicked it aside as she stepped into the bathroom, "I'll make an exception." It only took seconds for the water to warm up after she turned it on, "So get your fine ass in here before I change my mind."
James couldn't get his suit off quick enough. "Don't have to tell me twice, Lola..."
A/N :: Apologies for the delay in getting this chapter done - I've struggled a bit with this one thanks to a variety of different factors, none of which are particularly interesting! But not to worry, I have a couple of ideas good to go for the next few chapters here and I've also started writing Johanna's Cerberus story ... I'll have a link in here somewhere whenever I get around to finally getting it online.
As always, thank you for the reviews:
"heroofcanton" - thank you so much! Their depictions are the parts I stress about most so I'm glad to hear that you enjoy them. :)
"Katschaba" - It's not an endless cycle of teasing, as I hope this interlude suggests!
"Skylark16" - I think everyone needs a shirtless James in their life, haha!
"Zee" - As playful as the two of them are, I thought it fit pretty well with him. He's a prankster ... watch out for more of that side of him!