Chapter Four
Consequences
BPOV
"Oh no! My family! Edward! Charlie! Renee! JACOB!"
"Now you begin to see, Isabella. You have the chance to try to fill a small part of the void that your death caused in their
hearts. You can comfort them right from the start, even as a tiny baby. You will have your experience and intelligence,
Isabella! Use them! Grab the chance to show the people in your life how much you love them! Make up for lost time!
Rebuild those bridges! You can do this, Renesmee! I have faith in you!"
"Gran, what do I do if someone tries to figure out who I am? Gran? Gran?"
I am once again alone. But all the white is gone. Everything is black now. But I am still warm and comfortable and I feel
safe. I can hear noises. Someone's singing. It's a smooth, deep voice, a man, singing very softly. I don't recognize the
tune and the words are not in English. They're familiar though. I think that's Quileute! What a hauntingly beautiful song!
What a beautiful voice he has! I can see something besides the darkness now. Things are kind of pink. Okay, Bel_, I mean
Renesmee, you can do this! Open your eyes!
JPOV
"Hey! There she is! Hello Little One, did you have a nice nap? Are you ready for some supper? You are so beautiful, my little
Renesmee, such a pretty girl!"
Her big, brown eyes remind me so much of Bella. My heart gives a little twist every time she opens them to me. She looks at
me with such love and curiosity in her eyes. She's so tiny and helpless. I know she has a place in my heart and that I will love
and protect her for the rest of my life. She is the only remaining bit of Bella that I have and the imprint has cemented my devotion
to her along with the vestiges of the love that will always live in my soul for her mother. I will spend the rest of my natural life
trying to make her happy and when she is older, I will tell her about the beautiful girl that gave up her own life in exchange for
her daughter's. I will make certain Renesmee knows how much her mother loved her, even though she only held her for a few
seconds. She will know that Bella loved her long before she ever made her appearance. And I will never, ever tell her that she
was responsible for her mother's death. She can never be allowed to think that she should carry the burden for that. That's all
on Edward as far as I'm concerned. I hold him 100 percent to task for that.
But I haven't attempted to exact any revenge against him. Not that I didn't want to, oh no. I wanted to tear Edward Cullen into
a thousand little pieces and burn each one individually. All the way back to the day he met Bella, Edward was set on a course for
her destruction. I don't care what he said he felt for her. I don't give a damn what he made her believe about their destined future
together. He was set on causing her death, one way or another, from day one. But Edward's behavior since Bella's funeral has
stopped me from carrying out any of the vengeful scenarios I've come up with. That and the fact that he's the father of my imprint.
Oh my God! That hurts to even think. Sometimes it hurts more than I can tolerate. Edward has taken on the role of zombie now.
He moves around the house in slow motion. He speaks to no one. He does nothing. He interacts not at all with his child. He's acting
like she doesn't exist. He's just wandering around like a dried up leaf blowing around the forest in a whirlwind.
I've still been living in the Cullen household, so I can be near Renesmee. It's hard, and it's getting more difficult every day. Esme and
Carlisle have told me that if I need to be back home in La Push, I can have visitation with her. It feels ludicrous to ask permission to
babysit my imprint. This has got to be the most fucked up situation I've ever experienced. Though Edward has been locked in his own
head for several days now, the rest of the family and Seth and Leah have all been sharing baby duties.
She's being given formula in her bottles. Thank God and Taha Aki and anyone else in charge, the Cullens tried to feed her a bottle filled
with blood, and she refused it outright. I have never been so grateful for such a seemingly small thing in my entire life. She prefers
human food. Thank you Bella. Thank you for giving your daughter enough of yourself to make her as human as possible.
She's growing kind of fast, like Carlisle predicted. If his research proves to be accurate, she should reach adulthood, about like an
eighteen-year-old, in five or so years. I think I'm happy about this. The jury is still out. Perhaps in five years, I will have learned to
accept the bizarre nature and crippling tragedy of how she came into the world and my crazy relationship and connection to her. She
is an adorable little girl. She really does look like a tiny little Bella. The fact that I just thought that disturbs me on several different
levels. Will I ever be able to let go of the aching sorrow in that part of my heart?
When she was about 5 weeks old, already walking and talking in complete sentences, Renesmee found me sitting on the front steps
of the Cullen home, watching the sunset turn the sky pink and orange. She came up behind me and, placing her tiny hands on my
shoulder, leaned around as I turned my head and gave me a sweet little kiss on my cheek. Then she hit the target dead center with
a perfectly innocent but heart-felt question.
"Jacob, why are you sometimes so happy but sometimes so sad?"
I gasped and then stared at her for a couple minutes while I tried to grasp her depth of empathy and understanding and come up with
a plausible white lie. I hated the idea of reminding her that her mother only lived past her birth by a few minutes. On the other side
of that double-edged sword, I wanted her to know everything about her mother and it was becoming apparent that she couldn't get
that information from Edward. I realized that the best approach I could take for this answer was the truth.
"Well, honey, it's pretty simple, really. I loved your Mommy very much. She was my very best friend in the world and I miss her a lot.
I'm very sad that she's not here right now. But you, little girl are so sweet, that you make me happy, and I can smile again."
The tot reached up her delicate hand and patted my cheek, then smoothed across my hair.
"I'm sorry you're so sad, Jacob. I'm glad you loved my Mommy. I'm sure she loved you very much, too."
As hard as I tried to suck it up, a single tear leaked out of one eye and rolled down my face.
"Yes, she did love me, sweetie. She told me many times."
She caught the tear on a little finger and placed it to her lips in a gesture that took me by surprise, it was so mature for such a young
child.
"Please don't cry, Jacob. I'll be your best friend and love you with all my heart. You're very special to me."
I wrapped an arm around her legs and lifted her up against my shoulder.
"I'll be better now, little one. And you are my best friend, and I love you, because you are special, too."
Finally, when Renesmee was about two months old, she was about the size of a two-year-old, I decided it was time I made the move back
to La Push. I discussed this at great length with Carlisle, Sam, Seth, Leah and my dad. Sam wanted to reunite the Packs and requested
that I step up into the Alpha role. Dad agreed that it was time and he seemed to think I was ready. I wasn't quite so sure, but it got put
to a vote and they were all yeas, with me being the one abstain of course. Even my other Pack brothers forgave me and wanted me to
return to the fold. They were all ready to try to get back to some sort of normalcy in our lives. I hoped we could leave behind some of
the drama we'd been forced to endure. If that could happen, I'd gladly take over as Alpha. It wouldn't be such a pain in the ass and a
thankless job if things would settle down a little.
Esme, Carlisle, Leah and I put our heads together and arranged a schedule for Ren's trips to La Push. I could no longer handle the mouthful
name that Bella came up with to honor the two grandmothers, so I shortened it to 'Ren'. I had at first thought of calling her 'Nessie' or 'Ness'
but then Leah poked me hard in the ribs and said, "Leave it to you, Black, to give a defenseless baby the name of a sea monster! Is that an
editorial comment on your part?" That talked me out of 'Nessie' right then and there. No monster references please.
Ren came home with us at three months. She really was growing rapidly, already reaching the size of an average four year old child. She
had begun to walk and talk so fast it made all our heads spin. She didn't talk much, but she was quite capable and her vocabulary was
growing exponentially. I was puffed up for days when the first word she spoke was 'Jake'. She was only about 2 weeks old when that
happened. We were sitting on the sofa in the Cullen's living room; I was slouched way down with Ren on my belly, playing patty cake. I
held her tiny hands with my fingers and supported her with my thighs with my feet propped on the coffee table. Rosalie was berating me,
taking a dim view of my posture and manner, and her scolding had caught little Ren's attention.
"Honestly, dog, can you not sit up on the cushions like a normal person? Come on, boy, sit."
Believe it or not, Alice stood up for me and got up in Barbie's face.
"Oh hush, Rose. Jake you sit however you're comfortable, especially while you're holding Rennie. After all, she's your responsibility too!"
She leaned down and rubbed noses with Ren and said, "and he's your big, bad Jake, isn't he?"
My little angel opened her rosy lips and let out a shrieking giggle, then looked back up at me and popped out 'JAKE' with no prompting from
me at all. You should have seen the look on her face, she was so proud of herself! I howled with laughter, especially with the look of disgust
on the blonde's face as she stomped up the stairs. I lifted Ren up over my head, causing more giggling, and we serenaded her with, "Jake!
Jake! Jake!" She squealed and joined in almost at once, shouting my name to the heavens. I couldn't have liked it more.
So at three months, or four years, however you wanted to look at it, Ren came home to La Push. The visit was kept as low key as possible.
Dad and I were both thrilled at the prospect of having our little princess with us at our own home. We had fixed up my sisters' old room for
her for when it was nap time or if she stayed over. She would also need a place for some private alone time, something she never had at
the Cullen place. They were always all over her, all except Eddie of course. They were so freaking fascinated with her they simply couldn't
leave her alone. I think even at her tender age she was experiencing some anxiety over their hovering attitude toward her. Carlisle had
the inside scoop, or so he thought, on how her development would go and he thought it would make more sense to ease her into Rez life
gradually. I secretly harbored suspicions that she would be relieved to call La Push her home.
Not that it was an issue with me or my dad or anybody else, for that matter, she wouldn't be living at my house. It was presumed that for
propriety's sake, or maybe just for Billy's and my sanity, she would live at the Clearwater home. Leah stepped up and offered to be the
surrogate to look after Ren while she was on the Rez. Sue would be there to help and with her medical background, we felt confident Ren
would be thoroughly taken care of, in any eventuality.
I was stunned by Leah's volunteer move until she explained to me how much sense it made. Ren couldn't really stay with me permanently,
yet. Dad and I were neither one really equipped to take care of a baby. And, as Leah not so delicately put it, "I can't shake and bake one
of my own, so I get a second hand thrill of looking after a baby." When she followed that up with a 'don't ask' and a 'butt out, Black' I
deferred to her wisdom. I knew Ren would be well cared for there, and with two wolves in residence, she would be protected to the nth
degree.
Her first visit lasted about a month. She returned to spend some time with the Cullens after that. I wasn't completely comfortable with
her being there, mainly because of Edward. From the moment Bella was 'officially' pronounced dead and her body was prepared and
buried, Eddie-boy had been withdrawn and uncommunicative. He was especially reticent with his daughter. He had never held her when
she was really tiny. He leaned over to peer into her bassinet once or twice, and when she got big enough to walk and talk, and notice his
behavior, he simply began to back away from her altogether. When she would toddle into the room, if he was there, he'd beat a hasty
retreat. When she tried to say a word or two to him, he would cringe away from her and escape as quickly as possible. Once when she
walked into the music room and plinked and plunked on a few keys of his piano, he rushed into the room and hustled her out, slamming
the cover down over the keys in the process. That was one of the few times he ever touched her and I had to be restrained to keep from
tearing him apart right then.
I was torn over this development. I would be happy if no vampire ever laid a finger on my imprint, my little angel. But he was ...ugh ...her
father, for Pete's sake! How could he behave that way toward her? She certainly didn't understand and I could tell that her feelings were
hurt sometimes. But I tried to keep her occupied, everyone else helped, too, and we lavished her with as much love as we could. No child
deserved any less as far as I was concerned. I wondered sometimes if it might not be better to try to convince her that Edward was
someone other than her father, like maybe another uncle or something. I worried that her emotional makeup would be scarred if she
thought she'd been rejected by her own father. It was going to be hard enough to someday explain to her that her mother had died
bringing her into this world. Fortunately, she seemed to take it in stride and she didn't seem as adversely affected as I'd feared. That's
my girl. She was a smart one. I'd happily stand in for any capacity vacated by Edweird. No child should have to put up with a father like
him.
The last time Ren went to stay with the Cullens was when she was about six months old. She was about the size of a seven or eight year
old, and her mental and emotional stage was along the lines of a fifteen year old. She was amazing! She was smart, staggeringly so, and
she was sweet. She had to be the friendliest, most outgoing little girl any of us had ever seen. She didn't have any vampire superpowers,
though I didn't mind that at all. She was pretty fast on her feet and graceful and balanced in a way that would have made Bells extremely
jealous. She started taking ballet lessons at five months, and her first recital left me speechless with goose bumps and my stupid mouth
hanging open. She really was something. The most special thing I saw about her was her kindness and compassion. She was so
understanding and forgiving. She had me spilling my guts on a regular basis about anything and everything that was bothering me. She
was like my own personal therapist and best friend rolled into one. Her insight was astounding and she helped me handle many of my
unresolved issues of betrayal, loss and sorrow. A little girl shouldn't be able to see into someone's soul like that, but Ren could. I don't
know, maybe it was only me she related to like that. I didn't care. I was growing to love her more every day.
At first this was only going to be a visit, I had intended to return her to the care of the Cullens after a while. We had no way of knowing
what near disaster would prompt me to keep her with me after her ill-fated trip to First Beach.