Dear Cornelius.
I regretfully inform you that your Chief Centennial Inspector Mr. Stixrood is currently laying in one of our hospital beds, petrified.
Apparently, Inspector Stixrood was doing a admirable job of inspecting the water in one of our bathrooms when it happened. I will hold all of the letters that have been sent to him by his department until we have a cure for him, unless instructed otherwise. Also, if you would kindly inform his superiors at the department for permits and filing, and his next of kin, it would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Albus.