Shadows of Love
Chapter Six
I Know A Change Is Gonna Come
JPOV
When Ren was due to come back to La Push for one of her stints with us, the Pack planned a bonfire to celebrate her return. She had
won the hearts of each of the wolves, each of the Council of Elders and anyone else on the Rez she had met. She was beautiful, happy,
friendly and sweet. We all loved her and her time with us was precious to us all.
She was almost 4 months old and physically about 4 years old. She was lovely. I was biased, but other people agreed they found her
adorable too. She had long wavy/curly auburn hair. Her skin was ivory and luminous with rosy cheeks. As a baby, she had resembled
nothing so much as a Valentine card cherub with her curls and chubby pink cheeks. Her eyes were a rich cocoa brown. They were actually
a little lighter than Bella's had been, but they were beautiful nonetheless. I tried not to compare Ren to Bella too often, but sometimes it
was inevitable. She was Bella's daughter, after all. It was only natural that she would look like her.
The night was clear and starry, a little chilly. Those in attendance who were sensitive to the cold air stayed close to the fire and were
comfortable. I was kicked back with Embry and Quil, sipping on a cold beer, chatting about work and patrolling, and staring into the
flames, getting lost. Ren was on her way, being delivered to the treaty line by Esme and Carlisle. Leah and Seth were there to meet
them and would bring Ren to the beach to join us.
They should be here any minute, I thought, and I was looking around for their approach when my cell phone began to vibrate in my
pocket. My blood stopped and froze when I pulled it out and saw Leah's picture on the I. D. I snatched it open with a low growl,
"What's wrong, Leah?"
"Edward...Ren...coming there...stop him!"
As her words died away and I dropped the phone to the sand, I jumped to my feet. I went into a defensive crouch, not knowing where
the threat was coming from. In seconds, my questions were answered. Every wolf on the beach began to prepare to phase as we
turned toward the sound of my Ren's screams. We couldn't believe what our eyes were seeing. On Quileute land, coming toward us
down the beach at an inhuman rate of speed was Edward Cullen, running with Ren clutched tightly in his arms. She was crying and
screaming, begging him to put her down. He would be on us in seconds and my decision had to be instantaneous.
"Paul! Embry! Phase now! Take his arms! Attack with me! On my mark!"
The look in Edward's eyes left no question that he had lost it completely. They were wild and unseeing. As he drew nearer to us, I could
hear him talking to Ren and to himself, it sounded like. He was utterly ignoring her cries and pleas and was instead telling her that she
had killed her mother and that it was his fault and her fault together and they both had to pay the ultimate price to atone for their sin.
He muttered something about promising Bella that he wouldn't exist in a world without her in it. To my horror, I quickly realized that
he was making straight for the huge, roaring fire in the middle of our gathering. It only took me a second to conclude that his intention
was suicide...and murder. NO! By God, no! He took Bella from me and somehow, someway, the powers that be decided to give me a
second chance and give me Ren. He would NOT take her from me too! I didn't care what happened to him, but my little angel would
not go with him.
The whole episode took 20 seconds, tops. From the moment I dropped my phone and we all heard Ren scream and turned to see Edward
running with her, until the moment I launched myself through the air and tackled him with a glancing blow, just close enough to snatch
Ren and fall to the sand with her, rolling over her to protect her from the impact, time slowed down in my eyes but the terror was quick
and devastating. Embry and Paul leaped at the same instant as me, aiming their sharp fangs past Ren's body and clamping down and
twisting off Edward's arms at the shoulders. Edward's momentum carried him on another 10 feet after I had grabbed my Ren away from
him. The fire was 7 feet ahead of him when I went past him. He skidded to a stop, sparks flying, in the middle of the bonfire. He turned
and stared with black eyes at Ren and me laying a few feet beyond where I'd grabbed her from his clutches. It was almost as if he wasn't
aware that he was standing in the middle of a raging fire. Ren cried out and I cradled her in my arms and pulled her face into my chest,
covering her whole head with one arm to try to protect her from the horrific vision in front of us. I tried to cover her ears as well as Edward
began to wail like a banshee as the flames began to consume him. I had never seen a vampire burn without being dismembered first. It
was a nightmarish and gruesome sight that none of us who failed to turn our faces away would soon forget. Paul and Embry waited until
his body was mostly ash before flinging the arms from their jaws into the flames as I escaped with Ren.
As the noises from within the fire began to abate, the crowd of Pack and others began to disperse quickly. The thick, purple smoke and the
pungent smell coming from the fire pit was too much to take for even the non-wolf members of our group. I had gotten to my feet even
before the screams had begun to diminish and, cradling Ren close to my body, I ran down the beach in the opposite direction as fast as I
could without jostling her too badly. I wanted to get her away from the horror of what her father had just done, to her and to himself. This
could be an emotional setback in her development from which she might never recover. She was still just a child, an innocent little girl. That
twisted, sick bastard could have ruined this beautiful creature forever. I made up my mind in that moment, that Ren would never be apart
from me again. She would not return to the Cullen home. I resolved to drive them out of Forks, hell, out of Washington, out of the country!
They would be allowed to say goodbye and keep in touch with Ren, if she wished it, via email, phone, snailmail, Skype, whatever...but not in
person. My girl would not have any more contact with vampires. Never again.
When I was deep enough into the forest that the sights and sounds on the beach were removed from us, I stopped and knelt down with Ren
still cradled in my arms. She was still sobbing against my chest, taking great heaving gasps of air, trying to get a grip on her fear. I caressed
her cheek and turned her face up to me to look into her eyes. Oh, my poor little angel. Her eyes were red and puffy, still watery even though
she was fighting hard to gain some control. She was too young to be subjected to such fear and heartache. I was not doing a good enough
job protecting her. I was letting her down, just like I did her mother. I needed to step up and be a better man for Ren. She deserved nothing
less than my complete dedication and I would see to it that she never again knew fear or sorrow.
"Ren, honey, are you hurt? Did he hurt you, baby?"
She choked on her tears and sucked in some more air and tried to speak. She shook her head and looked into my eyes. Her voice was barely
a whisper. She sounded so tiny and scared.
"No, I'm not hurt. Jacob, why? Why would he try to kill me? Did he really hate me so much? Did I really kill my mother?"
I held her close to me and breathed in her scent. Her aroma was cinnamon and spring rain and sunshine, but now it was tainted with fear and pain.
"Oh, Ren. No, baby, you didn't kill your mother. Nobody killed Bella. She simply wasn't strong enough to make it through having a baby. That is
not your fault, honey. It's nobody's fault. It's just the way things turned out. And Edward didn't hate you. He just really missed Bella and
couldn't stand being that sad anymore. I don't think he understood that you would be hurt by what he was doing. He was just really confused."
"He's dead, isn't he?"
"Ren, yes, honey, he's gone. I'm so sorry."
She looked at me a long time without saying a word. She was deep in thought and I worried what sort of explanations she was cooking up on her
own. Finally, still sniffling, she opened her mouth and asked me a question that I never in a million years expected.
"Jacob, were you in love with my mother?"
Oh my God. How does she even know what that means? How do I answer this? How do I tell my imprint, the little girl I have grown to love, that
I was indeed in love with her mother? How do I tell her that at first I loved the baby because she was the only part of the woman that remained?
How do I make her understand that some part of me still loves Bella, always will. How do I reassure her that even though Bella is still in my heart
that the rest of my whole being belongs to her? I sucked in a deep breath and shook off the tremors that had settled up and down my spine.
"Renesmee, I won't lie to you, I can't lie to you. Yes, I was in love with your mother. A part of me will always love her. But you must know how
I feel about you. You are so young and you can't understand what you mean to me, but someday you will. You are the reason I live, Ren. You are
my world and I will always be with you. I will always protect you. I never want you to wonder about my feelings. You have made my life so much
better than it has ever been. You are a wonder."
She turned her widened eyes away from me and gazed out into the forest. She didn't speak for many tense minutes. Eventually, I began to fear I
had told her too much. She was much too young for any declarations of a lifetime of devotion, but I wanted her to not be afraid that I would ever
leave her alone. I needed her to understand and believe that I would always stay with her, that I would never disappear like her mother or run
away like her father.
"Jacob, I know you miss my mother. I know my father missed her too. But I don't miss her. I never knew her. And I can't miss my father. I had
no chance to ever know him. He left me long ago, almost the same time my mother did. What I do know is that you haven't left me. You've been
right here with me from the first moment you saw me. You are the only person who hasn't abandoned me. You are the only one who loves me. Do
you know what that means to me? I know I am young but I won't be for long. I'm aging fast, Grandpa Carlisle says so. I can catch you. Will you
wait for me, Jacob?"
I was stunned. How could a child understand these kinds of feelings? This little girl really was a wonder. And she was filling all the empty corners
of my heart. She was healing me. I hugged her close.
"Yes, my little Rennie. I will wait for you."