Kurt dances to We Got The Beat on a table, slips, and twists his foot painfully. He cries out in pain. "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!"
"Cut! Medic!"
XXX
"What happened to you, Quinn?" Shelby asked in dismay. "Oh, wait- I know what happened to you: the same thing that happened to me when I happened to Rachel..." She laughs as she realized she messed up her line. "Sorry."
XXX
"Oh, yeah, he's even more impressive in the flesh." Kurt tried to sit on the chair, but fell. "Okay, seriously- what the crap?"
Sebastian and Blaine laughed. Kurt got up and glared at the two. Blaine cleared his throat. "Are you okay?"
"Fine." Kurt grumbled.
"Cut! Let's try that again..."
XXX
"So, what was your first time like?" Artie asked Blaine and Rachel.
Blaine and Rachel looked shocked at that question. Before they could speak, Blaine let out a burp, then a fart. Rachel groaned in disgust and held her nose. "Goddammit! Is this gonna happen every damn year?!" Blaine just giggled.
XXX
Santana sees Finn whisper something to Rachel, and jumps down glaring at Finn. "What the hell did you say to her?!"
"What?"
"Did you tell her, too?" Santana demanded.
"No, I said Hawaiin pizza is the best pizza ever!" Finn replied.
"Um...I don't think that's the line..." Rachel commented.
(Take 2)
"Did you tell her, too?" Santana demanded.
"No, I said that Twilight sucks." Finn replied. Santana gasped in horror and slapped Finn.
XXX
While Finn is giving his speech to Santana, Santana is whispering to Brittany. "Hey, I have an idea: let's ask the now outed lesbian what she thinks. Santana, anything you wanna add here?"
XXX
"We're gonna lose, Kurt. And I can't do a thing about it!" Blaine vented. "Every time I open my mouth, Finn gives me this look like 'What does he think he's doing?'. I know what I'm doing!"
"Hey, killer." Sebastian greeted.
Blaine whirled around and pointed at Sebastian angrily. "I know what I'm doing!"
Sebastian just stared at Blaine weirdly. "Good for you..."
XXX
Kurt and Blaine sing Let It Snow and dance in front of the fireplace. Blaine tripped over the brick landing with a yelp and fell to the ground.
"I'm okay..."
XXX
Will walked onto the water and fell into the pool. He resurfaced coughing and gasping for air.
XXX
"But it wouldn't be as much fun as you suffering the agony of defeat." Kurt said. He tossed the tape to Sebastian.
"Now get the hell out of my auditorium. School's out!" Artie yelled. Sebastian stood up and left the auditorium.
"Hey, don't I get a say in this?" Blaine exclaimed. No one answered. "Why do I always end up with these warped people?! Shouldn't somebody ask what the brave gay pirate wants to do?"
XXX
Kurt slides on a chair and it topples over. Everyone laughs.
"...Okay, that hurt..."
XXX
"Ladies and gays...as my gift to you- which you do not deserve- I give you Porcelain's famous brother-" Sue began.
"Finn's famous?" Brittany asked in a deadpan.
"No wonder he freaked out about that blackmail photo!" Sugar exclaimed.
"...Goddammit, you two." Artie muttered.
"Wait- Kurt has a brother? Since when?" Asked Sam.
"Since like a year and a half ago." Finn rolled his eyes.
XXX
"Ooh, the cardigan's coming off." Cooper joked and chuckled lightly.
Blaine:
Dark in the city, night is a wire
Steam in the subway, earth is a fire
(Both: Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo)
Cooper:
Woman, you want me, give me a sign
And catch my breathing even closer behind
(Both: Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo)
Blaine and Cooper:
Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand
(Cooper: Smell like I sound!)
Just like that river twisting through a dusty land
Blaine trips Cooper on purpose sending the man to the ground. Cooper glared at Blaine and swung-kicked him to the ground.
(Cooper: Straddle the line!)
And when she shines she really shows you all she can
(Cooper: Mouth is alive!)
Oh Rio, Rio dance across the Rio Grande
Blaine jumped up and punched Cooper to the ground. Cooper jumped up and body-slammed Blaine out of the way.
Blaine:
Hungry like the wolf, Hungry like the wolf, Hungry like the wolf
Cooper and Blaine with New Directions:
(Blaine: Don't make a sound!)
Her name is Rio she don't need to understand
(Cooper with New Directions: Smell like I sound!)
And I might find her if I'm looking like I can
Cooper runs up the steps and stands on a chair, but it collapses under him, sending him tumbling to the ground. Kurt and Mercedes gasped and checked to see if he was okay. Blaine chuckled triumphantly, ran to the piano to jump on it, but it turns out that the piano was actually a large, standing cutout. Blaine held his hands out to prevent falling too hard.
(Cooper with New Directions: Straddle the line!)
Rio, Rio hear them shout across the land
(Cooper with New Directions: Mouth is alive!)
From mountains in the north down to the Rio Grande
(Cooper: Burning the ground Ohhhh)
Her name is Rio she don't need to understand
Cooper pushes Blaine away again. Blaine glares at him and pulls on a rope. A five hundred pound anvil dropped on Cooper's head. Cooper stood up clumsily and shook his head.
(New Directions: Smell like I sound!)
From mountains in the north down to the Rio Grande
Fightin' the ground!
XXX
"I was really great in that number." Cooper sighed and tried to ruffle Blaine's hair, but ends up accidentally poking him in the eye. "Oh! Ooh. Sorry! Are you okay?"
"You know what- why don't I just wear a freaking eye patch for the rest of my damn life?!" Blaine groaned and rubbed his eye.
XXX
"Push! Push!" Artie encouraged Quinn, who was trying to wheel herself up the ramp.
Quinn grunted as she pushed the wheel. She slipped and the wheelchair wheeled backwards down the ramp. Quinn screamed as she slammed against a wall. "...I'm okay!"
"Good thing she's already in a wheelchair!" Artie quipped and laughed.
XXX
"Now, I don't want you guys to go cray cray, but..."
The girls and Kurt screamed and ran to tackle Cooper to the ground. Blaine gets knocked over in the process.
"Oh my God! Really?!" Blaine shrieked.
(Take 2)
"Now, I don't want you to go all cray cray, but since you're my brother's class, you guys are so nice-"
Rory snorted and chuckled at that. Everyone stared at him. "Problem, Irish?"
"Just that that was kind of ironic." Rory stated.
(Take 3)
"I brought along slides- industry term- for a little show I auditioned for last week...called 'NCIS'." Cooper pulled out the slides.
Just then, the door to the choir room slammed open, and a group of FBI agents swarmed in guns blazing.
"Gotcha, Caffrey!" One of them shouted as he grabbed Cooper's shoulder. "You think you can hide behind a bunch of whiny high-schoolers?!" He handcuffed Cooper.
"No. Wait! This is a misunderstanding! I'm not this Caffrey person!" Cooper exclaimed. "I'm Cooper Anderson. I'm in the Free Credit Rating commercials!"
"Yeah, right! Tell it to the judge!" The FBI agents led him towards the door.
"Tell them I'm your brother, Blaine!" Cooper yelled frantically.
Blaine stood up and watched in shock as his brother was lead out. He put his hands over his mouth. 'Crap...how will I explain this to Mom and Dad?'
To Blaine's astonishment, everyone burst into applause. "What...?"
"Amazing acting!" Mercedes exclaimed.
"Even more amazing delivery!" Rachel said, clapping. "It was almost like it was real!"
"It's kind of awesome that those FBI guys agreed to help." Finn nodded.
"Uh...guys?" Blaine said.
"Those guns looked authentic, too." Puck noticed.
"Guys, I don't think he was acting..." Blaine commented.
Santana rolled her eyes. "Wow, Max Goof. Jealous, much?"
"Dude, jealousy is not an attractive trait." Finn stated. "You should be supportive of his acting and be respectful."
"You mean like you were supportive and respectful when I joined New Directions?" Blaine asked. "Oh wait..."
"Yeah! See? You get it." Finn smiled.
Blaine sighed in frustration and covered his face in his hands. "Un-freaking-believable."
XXX
Blaine sullenly walks down the hallway. Someone stops him. "Hey, I know you! Aren't you...?"
Blaine turned around and smiled. "Yeah. Blaine."
"Cooper's brother! Oh, he is rad!" The girl turned around and walked off.
Blaine growled and punched a locker. He yelled out in pain. "GOD!"
XXX
Kurt pokes a stuffed dog around the side of Blaine's locker. "Hello-"
Blaine yelled out and slammed the locker door on Kurt accidentally. Kurt yelled out in pain and slumped to the ground. He groaned and sat up. "Overreact, much?"
Blaine winced. "Sorry."
XXX
"Coop, you're my brother! Can't you just support me?" Blaine yelled.
Cooper gasped. "Why you selfish bastard! I have had your back since day one!"
"Oh really? Then where were you when I got beaten half to death after that Sadie Hawkins dance? Where were you when I had to have eye surgery?" Blaine argued back. "You care about nobody but yourself!"
That did it. Cooper shoved Blaine hard. Blaine stumbled back, glared at Cooper, then tackled him to the ground and started punching him. Cooper threw Blaine off. They rolled around a few times before Puck, Finn, Kurt, and Sam jumped up to pull them apart. Will came in between them.
"Hey, hey! Come on, guys, break it up!" Will cried spreading his arms out. "Come on. You two are brothers! You shouldn't fight like this."
"Mr. Schue, brothers fight all the freaking time. It's in their nature." Santana remarked.
"Yeah, that's true." Finn nodded. Sam, Rory, and Mike all nodded in agreement.
Will just stared at everyone. "Well...they still shouldn't fight..."
XXX
"Even though we don't live in the same town or see each other often...we're not just brothers, right? We're boyfriends..." Cooper trailed off laughing. Blaine laughed with him. "Sorry!"
(Take 2)
"We're not just brothers, right? We're...fuck!" Cooper laughed.
XXX
"First of all, you-you don't know that. Second of all, screw..." Blaine moved his arm, but for some reason, couldn't say his line.
"'Optimus prime.'" Cooper whispered.
Blaine trembled, his lip quivered, and tears sprang to his eyes. "I CAN'T SAY IT!" He dropped to the floor, curled up into a fetal position and rocked himself back and forth. Cooper groaned and smacked his forehead.
XXX
"Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones." Unique greeted, she tripped and fell. "A little help here."
XXX
'All of the ghouls come out to play
Every demon wants his pound of flesh-'
"DEMONS? WHERE?!" Sam and Dean Winchester from Supernatural burst into the room with rock salt guns.
"Wrong show, guys!" The director shouted.
XXX
"Come on! Stand up! Stand the hell up!" Finn yelled angrily at Quinn.
"STAAAND! COME ON, STAAAND! STAND, YOU'RE GONNA RUN AGAIN!" The Warblers randomly appeared and started singing. Finn glared and took out a gun and started shooting the Warblers one by one. "AAH! RUN! COME ON, RUUUN!"
XXX
"Okay, seriously? Haven't we broken up enough times already?" Rachel asked in disgust.
"What are you talking about?" Kurt asked.
"According to the script, Finn breaks up with me." Rachel sighed. Kurt laughs. Rachel glares at him. "Read your script, Kurt!"
Kurt reads his script, and frowns. "HEY!"
"And scene!" The director shouted.
"CURSE YOU, GLEE WRITERS!" Kurt screamed and raised his fists to the heavens.
I'll post the season 4 bloopers after the finale. Until then, this fic is on hiatus.