Dear Professor Dumbledore.
It is a new year! I have recovered from all injuries sustained the previous year and am in top notch condition for the new year of schooling and inspection. I am incredibly overjoyed to hear that Mr. Lockhart was seen for what he was and somehow managed to injure himself enough to warrant being sent to Saint Mungo's. Incidentally, I had a lovely chat with him right before I was discharged and he admitted that it was my inspection review on the silver hairbrush that inspired him to write about how he defended himself with one, even though he did not do it at all and was just attention seeking, with my excellent review that both showcased the strength and integrity of the product while drawing the consumer in with a very true, (but not recommended) use of said product. But Mr. Lockhart promised that in payment for not asking my permission in the first place that he would name me in his books as the source of his survival (had I not written the review he would have never thought of it, and died a horrible agonizing death before help arrived) and in addition named me as a recipient of a portion of his books ongoing profit.
You know, once you get past the fact that the man has any real power at all, and that he is insufferable at the best of times, he is a rather Okay person to be around. Although he did seem a little 'out of it' when I spoke to him. Must just be the shock of losing a teaching position at one of the most prestigious school in the world.
Now, about the basilisk.
I understand you took care of the rather unfortunate type of sewer dweller. Although, I am not sure how seeing as you were un-instated pending further investigation from your position at the school, and could not have been on the grounds at the time of its demise. But I am sure you did it yourself, following standard procedure and thoroughly documenting the entire ordeal. The students, the ghost and the cat are all healed, I see, and all criminal activities that were suspected upon members of staff have been laid to rest. We can now start a new year free of unrest, danger, and disruptions to scheduled classes.
On a more personal matter, I was speaking with my nurse, who watched over me in my time at the hospital, during a scheduled check up, and she said that while I was recovering, I, well, I may have wrote some letters I might now regret. She said that she managed to wrestle most of them from me before I could mail them, but she thinks that I did succeed in mailing some.
She said that you were one of the recipients to my letters, so if you did happen to receive one, just know that I was not in my right mind at the time, and can not be held responsible for anything I may have said. And taking that into account I would like to apologize for what I may have said, should you have gotten the letter.
Also I spoke with my mother about the letter she sent you. I am very sorry, it will not happen again.
Please send me a letter on your choice for the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at your nearest convenience.
Cygnus Stixrood, Chief Centennial Inspector, Department For Permits And Filing