"Kick 'em up. Higher! Higher! Come on, higher!" Cassie barked at her class.
Rachel kicked her leg so high, she ripped her tights. She covered her backside, chuckled in embarrassment, blushed, and sided off screen.
XXX
"Hey, are you the gee club?" Marley went up to the table, tray in hand. She laughed and walked off. "Sorry!"
(Take 2)
"Hi, I'm Glee club!" Marley snorted and burst out laughing. "I'm so sorry!"
XXX
Blaine did the cup game with the Cheerios, but the cup flew out of his hands. He laughed.
XXX
Unique sat next to Blaine and leaned towards him. "Make no mistake. Unique will be the new Rachel."
"...Dude. You just transferred here!" Blaine exclaimed.
"So? You 'just transferred' here last year, and you freaking upstaged Finn!" Unique shot back.
"Not on purpose!" Blaine argued.
XXX
"That was extremely rude and inappropriate!" Kurt yelled to Jake.
"Hey! Who is the director here? Me or you?" Will glared at Kurt.
"You." Kurt replied. "Unfortunately..." He muttered darkly.
XXX
"Maybe you should move out. Find another roommate." Kurt suggested over the phone.
Rachel scoffed. "Yeah."
"Turn around."
Rachel turned to see Kurt smiling and waving at her. She smiled and they ran to each other's arms so hard, they fell over. Rachel shrieked. They both laughed.
"That was graceful." Kurt said sarcastically.
XXX
Blaine and Artie started singing "Boys/Boyfriend". Blaine swung his foot out and it hit Artie's wheelchair hard. "AAAAH! FUCK!" He fell the the ground clutching his toe. Everyone else laughed.
XXX
Marley and Jake sing Crazy/(U Drive Me) Crazy. Marley danced a little and fell over the bleachers. She quickly stood and held up a finger.
"I meant to do that." She said.
XXX
Rachel pedaled her bike around the apartment. She made a sharp turn, then fell off. She groaned loudly. "That's it! No more wheels unless they're on a bus, train, or car!" Everyone else laughed.
XXX
Blaine is sitting on his couch in a wife beater and sweatpants. He is watching Days of Our Lives while eating chocolates.
"Hey, sorry, I didn't know if you'd answer my call." Will on Days was saying.
"Will. I will always pick up your call." Sonny said on the TV, smiling.
"LIAR!" Blaine yelled and threw the box of chocolates at the screen.
XXX
"...So, what bow tie should I wear tomorrow? I have narrowed it down to five." Blaine pulled out five bow ties.
"Oh, bow ties are your signature. Whatever you choose will be fine." Kurt said dismissively. He went on talking about his video. Blaine tried in vain to get his attention until he couldn't take it any more.
"SEBASTIAN RAPED ME AND NOW I HAVE AIDS!" Blaine yelled.
"Hmm that's great, honey." Kurt said not paying attention. "Anyway, ooh- Rachel, what do you think?"
Rachel just stared at Kurt in shock and horror. "Um...Kurt? Did you hear what Blaine just said?"
"Yeah, he said that..." Kurt's eyes widened and he paled. He slowly turned to the laptop screen. "WHAT?!"
"Relax, Kurt. I only said that 'cause you weren't paying attention to me." Blaine admitted.
"...Oh. Okay. Anyway..." Kurt went on talking about his life and ignoring Blaine.
XXX
"I'm going to get our trophy back." Blaine declared. "The one you haven't noticed is gone."
Finn glanced at the empty trophy case. "This is where we put the trophy, right?"
"Yes..." Blaine said slowly.
"Well, then where's the trophy? Blaine, where's the trophy? Somebody stole our trophy?!" Finn was starting to panic.
"Whoa, hey, calm down." Blaine said.
"I am calmed down! SOMEBODY STOLE OUR TR-" Finn doubled over into a panic attack.
Blaine's eyes widened. "Whoa! Finn!" He pulled him upright. "Take it easy. Taaake it easy."
XXX
"Motherfu-" Kurt doubled over laughing.
XXX
"Package for Kurnt Hummel- FUCK, sorry!" Blaine smiled sheepishly. Everyone laughed.
XXX
"You're a barista! You don't think!" Hunter yelled. "There are six things a barista should know. One of them is sugar is in the yellow packets, and splenda...is in...the brown!" He paused. "Wait..." People started laughing. "Oh, goddammit..."
XXX
Blaine tried on his santa pants and turned to observe it. "Hey, do these pants make my butt look big?"
"Yep. Bigger than Millie's." Sam joked. He froze as he felt a gun against his head.
"Take. It back. Now." Marley seethed in a dangerously low voice.
"Okay. I'm sorry. I take it back!" Sam exclaimed.
XXX
Blaine coughs into his arm and enters his room. He stopped when he saw Tina dressed like Potiphar's wife. "Um...Tina? What are you doing?"
"Come and lie with me, love." Tina said seductively.
"CUT!" The director yelled. "Tina, what the hell?"
"What? I figured since you want me to rape Blaine, might as well have fun with it." Tina shrugged.
"I don't want you to rape Blaine. I just want you to rub vapo-rub on his chest!" The director exclaimed.
"While he's unconscious and after I straddle him." Tina pointed out.
"Can we just get this the hell over with?" The director asked, frustrated. "Go change into your real costume."
"Yeah, and make it quick- I took sleeping pills." Blaine replied.
"Why the hell did you do that?!"
"Because I wanted to really be unconscious when you have Tina rape me." Blaine said simply.
"OH MY GOD! SHE IS NOT GOING TO RAPE YOU!" The director yelled. "But, hey, if you want her to rape you, she'll rape you."
Tina rolled her eyes and stood. "I'll go change." She walked off. Blaine already fell asleep against the doorframe and started snoring lightly.
XXX
Tina straddled Blaine and grabbed the vapo-rub. Music from the song Potiphar from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat started playing. Tina giggled.
The director just threw up his hands in frustration.
XXX
Becky was not happy with being the flower girl. She tossed out the flowers, fumbled and almost dropped the basket, then threw it on the ground. "Fuck this shit. I'm out." She stormed out.
XXX
"Ooh. Do it again! Do it again!" Kurt encouraged Adam.
"Welcome..." Adam turned dramatically. "to Bushwick Abbey." He and Kurt burst out laughing. "I'm sorry! I couldn't resist!"
XXX
Finn walked out of the bathroom trying to look intimidating, but snickered. "Sorry." He ducked back into the bathroom.
XX
"Stay away from my future wife!" Finn demanded. He stood up, stormed off, and tried to kick the mini-fridge, but missed. Everyone laughed.
XXX
"You two love each other right?" Burt asked Blaine.
"Yes."
"You guys are soulmates?"
"Yes!"
"You wanna hold him?"
"Yes!"
"Please him?"
"Yes!"
"Then you GOTTA GOTTA TRY A LITTLE TENDERNE-ESS!" Burt sang, dancing a little.
"HEY! THAT IS MY SONG, YOU ASSHOLE!" Mercedes yelled, glaring at Burt.
XXX
"It's me!" Marley stood up to stop the drama. "I. Am. Batman." Everyone laughed. Marley pointed to someone offstage. "He put me up to it!"
(Take 2)
"It's me!" Marley stood up. "I...am the thirteenth doctor."
(Take 3)
"I...am A." Marley declared. Everyone laughed.
(Take 4)
"I am the black smoke monster." Marley laughed and sat down.
(Take 5)
"I am...the greatest star." Marley began to sing. "I am by far!" Suddenly, Marley fell to the ground with a tranq dart sticking out of her neck. Everyone turned to see Kurt holding a tranquilizer gun. "Bitch stole my song." He said simply.
"MARLEY!" Jake cried. He started running after Kurt, waving a crowbar.
Blaine took off after Jake, carrying a cinder block. "JAKE! DON'T YOU DARE HURT MY EX-BOYFRIEND!"
(Take 6)
"I am..." Marley unzipped her suit and pulled it off revealing Rachel. "Rachel Berry."
Everyone gasped. Jake smiled. "Cool. I've been making out with an older woman."
"No, you haven't..." Rachel walked over and pulled Jake's mask off. "Puck!"
"Whoa..." Ryder just stared.
"Why are you, shocked..." Puck walked over to Ryder and pulled off his mask. "Finn?"
"Okay, this is just too weird." Wade said. He stood up and pulled off his mask revealing Mercedes.
"Well, this is inevitable." Blaine stated. He tore off his body suit revealing Kurt.
"Wow, looks like all the grads hijacked everyone elses' bodies." Kitty stood up and pulled off her mask revealing Santana.
"...Okay, seriously, enough." Will said. "Where are the real New Directions?"
In a place far away, the real Marley, Jake, Kitty, Wade, Ryder, and Blaine are all tied to a train track.
"Well, this is a fine predicament." Jake muttered darkly.
"Don't worry- we'll figure this out!" Blaine said optimistically.
"And we all thought we were going to die in a shooting." Marley said simply.
"These tracks are abandoned, anyway. No train is coming." Wade assured them. Just as he said that, they felt the tracks vibrate slightly. They turned to their right and saw smoke from a far distance.
Kitty turned to Wade and glared at him. "I hate you."
XXX
"And cut! That's a wrap for the season!" The director called. Everyone except Kurt applauded.
"Yay! Time to grow out my beard!" Blaine exclaimed excitedly.
"Great. Two more years of me not reacting to stuff." Kurt said bitterly. "Why am I now a background character? If I remember correctly, I was a main character!"
"How do you think I feel?" Tina asked.