See disclaimer in chap 1 :)
Name: Clint Barton
Codename: Hawkeye
1:23 pm
I relaxed in Banner's stupid boat, letting myself be warmed by the sun. Thoughts of Jan filled my head. I hadn't been able to think about anything else since our night in her apartment. The way she had looked in that red dress… when we danced… that chemise all tight around her body… I shifted uncomfortably; feeling suddenly aware of the man I was sharing the small space with.
"What is it now, Hawkeye?" asked Bruce wearily. He turned to look at me, frustration on his face.
"Nothing, just thinking." I replied, eager to move on from those thoughts.
"Why are you uncomfortable about what you're thinking of?" he said, quietly and suddenly I longed to have someone know about Jan and I and about how I thought I felt about her. That was when I made up my mind – Jan wouldn't care right? I mean, I could trust Bruce – and the Hulk.
"It's just… have you ever been in love Bruce? But with someone that you can't possibly be with because everything would be totally screwed up if you were." I said in a rush. Banner looked at me with confusion. "I think I love this girl but I can't love her and she can't love me – not that she does – because if we are together, everything will get screwed up. Even more so than it already is." Bruce nodded and remained silent for a moment.
"Is it Widow?" he asked and I froze. I hadn't thought about Widow since Hank (ew) had left the message for the Avengers. I then realised I hadn't answered but Bruce has continued. "… I would say tell her, whoever it is. No matter what the repercussions are, at least she knows and you'll get some closure. Otherwise you'll always be wondering what could have happened." I nodded and Bruce turned back to fishing rod.
I knew what would happen between Jan and I though – I knew we could work together, for some time at least. It would be like we are now, except I would be able to hold her hand and kiss her forehead. She would be able to snuggle into my arms and rest her head on my chest. I would be able to plan more romantic evenings for us – and in more public places. I wanted to be able to take Jan out and say to the world (and Hank and Widow, in some weird way) "look at this beautiful woman that is mine."
I knew that would never happen though… Jan was probably still caught up on Hank. I lay back down, my shoulders tensed uncomfortably. I might as well get over Jan as best I could without ruining what we had.
Damn feelings; they get in the way of everything.
Name: Janet Van Dyne
Codename: Wasp
3:50 pm
Captain American and I raced to the Mansion. The Red Hulk (as we had dubbed him) had left the Helicarrier and we thought it best to get back to the Mansion and protect Bruce. Hawkeye hadn't been in touch and I immediately worried for him.
I had been thinking like this quite a bit lately – always over thinking about Hawkeye. I refused to admit to what I had thought the night in my apartment but my mind was still focused on Hawkeye most of the time. I got nervous when he entered the room, when he spoke to me, when he even looked at me when I was speaking. Sometimes I wanted to leave, run away from whatever my mind was doing but I couldn't leave the Avengers. The world needs us and truth be told, I loved working with these people. I couldn't imagine life any other way. Even if Hawkeye was confusing the crap out of me.
We arrived at the Mansion to find the place trashed. I immediately looked for Hawkeye while Cap' scouted for Banner. I flew to the main lounge to see Hawkeye, sprawled on the floor unconsciously. Fear clutched at my heart.
"Hawkeye!" I gasped. Thank god Cap' was elsewhere. I dropped to my knees beside him, feeling for pulse. There were small puffs of air coming from his nose but I had to feel his heart beating to be sure – I didn't trust myself when it came to this. There it was and I breathed a sigh of relief. Then it suddenly hit me – what I'd done, how I'd reacted. I jumped up.
"Cap'!" I called out before bobbing back down next to Hawkeye. I shook him gently. Captain America appeared beside me. "Clint." I said- there was no reaction. "Clint!" I repeated, a little more forcefully. His eyes fluttered and the hope in my heart fluttered right along with them. "Clint, wake up." His eyes opened and I pulled back. "You okay, tough guy?" I said, not sure where the tough guy came from. Clint stumbled to his feet, exclaiming about Banner.
"Easy," murmured Cap'. I held onto Hawkeye, praying he didn't fall. I wished I could stop feeling so overly concerned for him. It would make fighting together a whole lot easier. I watched him with worry as we planned our next move. He seemed okay and I forced it to the back of my mind, hoping it would stay there.
Name: Clint Barton
Codename: Hawkeye
11:25 pm
I entered my room to find Jan sitting on my bed, holding her shoulder. I looked at her for a moment. She looked up, her eyes filled with hurt.
"Hulk's gone. IronMan, T'Challa, Carol, Hank. They're all gone. I'm injured. Cap' has been acting weird. You're, like, the only one left, Clint. Everything's falling apart." She murmured. I crossed the room – the only thing that registered in her sentences was that she was hurt.
"Is it your shoulder?" I asked, sitting beside her. She nodded, her eyes filling with tears. I pulled Jan into my arms. "It's going to be okay. I'll call Jane and she can look at your arm, okay? Everything will work- trust me, okay?" I felt her nod and felt like an idiot for saying 'okay' so much then.
"Can I sleep in here tonight?" she asked – it had been a while since we'd slept in the same bed. It'd been a while since we'd done anything. Namely because I was scared my feelings would show themselves in some manner. But I couldn't leave Jan alone, not when she was upset like this. So I agreed and we soon got comfortable in bed, after arguing over the movie for about 15 minutes.
Jan fell asleep soon after it started. A romance scene came on and I ached. I wanted to tell Jan so badly. I thought about what I would say to her…
I shut my eyes, letting the scene play out in my mind. I'd admitted it to myself. I loved Jan and there was nothing I could do about it except hope that one day she would feel the same.
The sounds of the movie washed over me as I drifted to sleep.
11:37 am
I walked into the kitchen in the Mansion, my eyes still half shut.
"It can't be healthy to be awake this early on a Sunday." I grumbled to myself, reaching for a coffee mug.
"Morning Hawkeye." Said Jan, sounding to be in a similar state to me. I sipped my coffee, the sweet liquid filling me.
"Mmm," I said, the scent filling my nostrils.
Yes I am like a chick when I drink coffee. After growing up in a circus and functioning on the helicarrier for a lot of the time, coffee was sparse. At Starks house it was plentiful and good. Finally.
"I'm good thanks." Jan snapped, stalking off with her coffee.
"Uh, what?" I said, finally registering what she'd said. She turned and looked at me with hard eyes.
"I understand you have a separate love affair with coffee but I'd still appreciate being noticed when I say good morning." She snapped again and before I could say anything more she had swept from the kitchen. I stared at the door for a second, thinking over why Jan would be so pissed at me over something little like that. Not even two weeks ago she was joking that one day I'd leave her for coffee.
I had been avoiding our relationship lately – I mean, we shared a bed a few nights ago but that had been it. Namely because I could picture myself expressing my feelings in some manner. And I didn't want to do this. It was just a crush – I know I had said love but it's a little early for that. I hoped the crush would go away soon – Jan clearly wasn't going to wait for me to get over it forever.
Name: Janet Van Dyne
Code name: Wasp
12:15 pm
"Stupid Hawkeye." I spat punching the bag in front of me. Cap' had let me use one of his, knowing I wouldn't destroy it like he could. I wasn't usually one for hand to hand combat – I mean, I can throw a decent punch but otherwise I use my stings – but my current emotions called for it. Hawkeye was acting distant-sy and I was not okay with it. And I'm not okay with not being okay with it.
I continued to punch and kick the shit out of the bag, not really using a routine. I span, ducked and dodged an imaginary partner in the vicinity of the bag.
"You're so all over the place." Came a familiar voice and my fist slammed into the bag twice as hard. "Want to spar?" said Hawkeye. I said nothing, still pounding at the bag. As I pulled back Hawkeye grabbed my elbow. I snapped my arm up, hoping my fist would hit him in the face. He dodged, letting go and I spun in a flurry of blows. Hawkeye tried to fight back but I was too angry to give him much of a chance. My body hurt from attacking the bag earlier but I still gave my attack on him my all. As I tired, he fought back and I struggled to defend myself. Our bodies pressed tight against each other before we danced away, deciding on our next attack.
Soon we were both almost spent – Hawkeye was becoming careless and I could only defend half-heartedly. I made to punch Hawkeye but he grabbed my fist, lifting my arm up. He yanked me forward, his arm going around my waist. His lips crashed against mine and I stopped being angry and hurt.
I just focused on kissing Clint. We hadn't kissed like this in a while and I'd missed it so much. The way he dominated just a little… the way his lips tugged on mine, just like the first time he kissed me…
"Want to hit the shower?" he gasped as our lips broke a part.
"God yes," I said, loving the way his body was so close to mine I could feel his eager cock on my thigh.
Name: Clint Barton
Code name: Hawkeye
6:39 pm
So, shower sex with Jan was good.
As always.
She had gone to ask Cap' what he was doing for dinner. If he had other plans, we were going to become chefs. With the help of JARVIS, of course.
Jan burst through the kitchen door, causing me to nearly fall off my chair. She giggled at me and I shot her look.
"Sorry," she laughed and I couldn't help it- I laughed with her. "Cap said he was fine with fending for himself so… let the cooking begin." Jan danced over to me and pulled me from the chair. She spoke to JARVIS, asking him what we would need. I didn't know what we were making but I followed hers and JARVIS' orders while Jan buzzed around me.
It was when we were plating up our meal that I realised what I'd been cooking. It was my favourite meal – I'd told Jan about it weeks ago. I looked up at her with wide eyes. She had a forkful half raised to her mouth (which was open) when she realised I was staring at her.
"What?" she said, remaining in the position. I laughed and shook my head.
This whole 'getting-rid-of-my-crush' thing definitely wasn't going to be easy.
7:45 pm
"Avengers Assemble." Mine and Jan's cards beeped and Carol's voice rang out.
"Why is she getting us assemble? Didn't she quit?" I spat while Jan jumped up.
"Can it, Hawkeye. Clearly something's up. Let's go – I'll get changed while you get Cap'," Jan buzzed from the room and I sighed.
'Bloody Avengers.' I thought, getting up.
2:16 am
Wasp and I flew toward the battle that was raging in the distance. Wakandan guns were firing and Hulk's roars could be heard. Miss Marvel flew overhead.
We reached the scene to see me about to fire at one of the Black Panthers – wait, what?
I did the first thing I could think – loosed an arrow at the fake Hawkeye. The shock ran through him and he dropped to the floor. The caped Panther jumped out of the way. Jan and I flew down and I fired a few more times.
"Avengers Assemble- but only the human ones." Said Jan and I held in my laugh.
The battle raged - I focused on the other Hawkeye and Ant-man. Namely because I hate people in personating me and Hank is total arse. But moving on-
I heard the two Jan's talking to Carol – for once I agreed with Miss Marvel – how do we know who's who?
I faced off with the other Hawkeye – I fired an arrow then darted out of the way, fired and moved out of the way. I saw the fake Thor fall and Carol rush to his aid. Did she not see the hammer? It was cracked and frazzling, clearly a sign that they were fakes.
Thor rolled over and was green. Green. The caped Panther walked over with the other one and ripped off his mask. He was green too, with weird ears sticking out of its head. Carol growled and the Kree energy covered her clenched fists. Before she could attack, IronMan took her out with a blast from his main arc reactor. Panther, Wasp and I raced over to her.
"Destroy them all." Said IronMan and the rest of the 'Avengers' slid into defensive positions.
"T'Challa, I'm sorry." Said Carol, being helped up by the same man she was addressing. "I didn't know. I didn't know what to do." T'Challa was calm as he replied:
"I assume you do now."
"Oh, yeah." Said Carol, her entire body glowing with Kree energy.
Carol totally lost her shit. She went mental – she even took down the Hulk.
Wasp's stings rained down on Captain America. She then attacked Hank. He threw a punch her way and it took all of my self-control to run over there and beat the living shit out of him. Jan grew and landed on the ground, her fist colliding with Hank's face.
"That felt kind of good." She called.
'It felt good to watch too.' I thought, firing an arrow.
Name: Janet Van Dyne
Codename: Wasp
2:22 am
All of the Skrull-Avengers lay in the wet grass. I stood with Hawkeye and Carol while Panther looked to his city. Hawkeye began blabbing about needing to be in New York and Panther claimed he had to remain here. Carol put her two cent's worth in and I simply stood there, my shoulder aching. All I wanted was to see Jane and then to sleep.
But I knew that wasn't an option – I had to keep going, to save the world. I shook a little and Hawkeye glanced over his shoulder to me, concern on his face. Carol was trying to convince Panther to come and fight with us. I tried to ignore Hawkeye's eyes on my face and listen to Carol. But I couldn't help but feel joy that he was worried about me.
Panther decided to stay in Wakanda and I swear, Hawkeye was going to rip his head off. So Carol and I got him out of there fast.
Name: Clint Barton
Codename: Hawkeye
2:43 am
"Jan, you need to sleep. We won't be back home for like half an hour so have a nap, god damn it." I said, following Jan to the resting bay on the Quin Jet.
"Why don't you have a nap, Clint? You're obviously whinier than me." Jan rubbed her arm and I worried.
"Says the injured one." I motioned to her shoulder, showing her that I'd noticed her subtle movements signally pain. Since working with Widow (who was like a rock when it came to emotion) I'd learnt to pick up on these things. Jan bit her lip, eyeing the comfortable bed Tony had had installed. "I'll be here when you wake up." I said coaxingly. Jan nodded, her body making the decision her mind couldn't. She walked over to the bed and crawled under the covers. "I'll wake you when we're five minutes out."
"Ten." She said, pulling the covers up. "Ten minutes out." She clarified before I could question. I nodded and gently kissed her forehead, praying that Miss Marvel didn't walk in.
I stayed with Jan, messaging Miss Marvel through my ID card. I told her I might try and catch some sleep too, hence why I was staying with Jan. She said she'd wake me if something happened. I sat on the bed opposite Jan's, watching her peaceful expression. I wished, once more, that I could tell her. And more than that, I wished I could keep her safe from the aliens threatening our planet. But I knew she wouldn't listen to my words of caution. She never listened to me. I looked down, thinking to the night after we fought Red Hulk.
"You're all I have, y'know." I said to the sleeping woman, unsure of where I was going with this. "You're my rock now. I've never let myself be so attached to someone. It's scaring me Jan. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you. Please, stay with me? Forever? We can get married one day and once we're too old for the Avengers we'll go to the West Coast. Like I said when that Ancient Winters of Asgard thing happened. I don't know what I'd do without you, Jan. I think… I think I love you. More than I've ever loved any one, ever." I paused, glancing to the door. Miss Marvel better not be listening. "I love you, Waspy." I murmured. "I hope maybe one day you'll love me too."