Chapter Three

Balamb Garden

Rinoa found herself in front of a closed door, having knocked and received no answer she now had a dilemma. Leaving wasn't an option, she needed to see Squall if only to show her face and let him know she hadn't backed out of her promise. Therefore she had only one choice left to her; to open the door and hope that she'd be welcome.

She found herself in an office, which looked as if it was in need of dire need of modernising and empty of any occupants. Strangely, a small highly out of place lift stood in the middle of the room, leading to a higher floor. Rinoa waited by the door for a few minutes, before deciding she ought to take a seat. As she passed the lift, the faint sound of voices reached her from the floor above. Trying not to overhear what she shouldn't, Rinoa continued to the desk and sat in the visitor's chair.

The desk was covered with handwritten notes, the penmanship was very small and concise looking, but out of decency Rinoa only spared them a glancing look. Instead she turned her attention to the plaques and certificates which hung on the wall around her. There didn't seem to be much evidence to suggest that Squall worked here at all, as none of the awards belonged to him. A picture of an older stout-framed man and a slender dark haired woman smiled out at Rinoa from a frame on the desk, but again, no sign of Squall.

After a time, she grew uncomfortable waiting uninvited, her mind starting to form horrible scenarios. Had Squall even made it back to the Garden? Had her father discovered her, was Squall in trouble, or danger? Might she have alerted the Galbadians to the Garden by her leaving the base? Would Squall be angry with her? With every moment, Rinoa began to feel less and less composed, and realised she was in a near blind panic when she heard the lift start to descend.

She could hear the voices more clearly now, growing louder as they neared. She recognised them as Squall and Quistis, and after her revealing conversation with Selphie, the last thing Rinoa wanted was to look like she was treading where she shouldn't. Knowing she couldn't get the door before they did, Rinoa remained seated.

"No, Quistis, I've already explained that I cannot share my reasons with you," Squall said as he guided Quistis towards the door, both their backs were to Rinoa as far as she could tell, they hadn't noticed her company. "Can't you trust me?"

"I do trust you, of course I do," Quistis replied sounding rather hurt. "I just don't understand why you don't trust me. You always have before…"

Squall looked tried; his shoulders were slightly slumped as if he couldn't find the energy for the conversation. It sounded also as if this was already a well worn topic.

"This has nothing to do with not trusting you. You know I trust you more than anyone," Squall assured her, in a voice that was almost pleading to be left alone. Rinoa wondered if he had slept at all since she'd last seen him, the evidence before her suggested that he was running on empty.

Maybe Quistis was thinking the same, because she left rather reluctantly, saying something that Rinoa couldn't hear before Squall closed the door on her concern. Rinoa waited to be noticed, not wanting to interrupt this moment of calm. Slowly Squall turned back, probably thinking about his desk full of awaiting paperwork, and when he lifted his gaze, Rinoa could see the exhaustion wasn't in her imagination.

He didn't seem surprised to see her there, but it was a sluggish kind of acknowledgement which suggested he wasn't really aware of his surroundings. Rinoa started to stand, but when Squall touched his hand to the bridge of his nose as if to fend off a headache, she hesitated and remained where she was.

"You don't look very well… should I go?" Rinoa asked, feeling awkward. She wanted to express her concern, but knew it wasn't her place to say anything. Calling the Commander out on his obvious lack of rest was somewhat akin to saying he wasn't capable of preforming his duties, and Rinoa wasn't sure how Squall would interpret her.

"No… I need you here," Squall replied, before walking towards his desk. Before he sat down, he gathered his papers to one side to make space for his next task.

"Are you sure you're OK? I really think…" Rinoa said before hesitantly standing up once more.

"No!" Squall said suddenly, before realising his tone of voice and becoming quiet once more. Rinoa sat down again, Squall's behaviour was worrying her. "I'm sorry, have you been waiting long?"

Rinoa found herself unable to answer right away, Squall's sudden switch back into normality had thrown her. It was like a mask had just slotted itself over his face, and she was no longer looking at someone who was dog tired, but was hearing the in control voice she'd grown accustomed to.

Squall pushed the strange buzzing of exhaustion to the back of his mind, and tried to organise his thoughts. Since leaving Esthar he'd sat down for maybe two hours at most, not that he'd expected anything else. But having almost died recently, he knew he was functioning far from his best ability. However unlike his colleagues, Squall didn't have the luxury of recuperating. At a time like this, the walls had ears, and any weakness on his part would echo around the Garden a hundred times louder.

Rinoa gave him a smile reassuring smile, and Squall was struck once again by how young and innocent faced she was. She certainly didn't belong here at Garden, where competition vied with desperation as the inhabitants main motivators. She'd left behind her entire life because he'd asked her to, and right now, Squall couldn't quite believe his own nerve at demanding from someone who owed him nothing. What the hell was he doing?

"No, I just got here, Selphie said you might want to see me…" Rinoa replied, tailing off in a way that suggested she wasn't confident that she was welcome at all. Squall could see concern in her eyes, or worry… and knew he wasn't doing anything to inspire confidence in her.

"Yes. First I need to thank you for coming here…" Squall said. Rinoa felt somewhat like she was being examined for cracks in her resolve.

"Squall I… I mean…. Commander…"

"You can call me Squall," he interrupted. "That's what you always called me before."

"Yes, that's true… but maybe that wasn't appropriate," Rinoa replied suddenly wondering if she'd always been a bit over the boundaries. Had he minded? Had he been too polite to say anything? No, she couldn't start analysing everything that had gone before, she'd drive herself crazy doing that.

To Rinoa's surprise Squall smiled, ever so slightly the glazed look in his eyes started to fade away.

"If we're going to worry about being inappropriate, then we'd better stop now," he replied, before looking past her and nodding at someone who was stepping out of the lift. "Nida, this is Rinoa Heartilly."

The young man smiled as he walked towards them, and held out his hand for Rinoa to shake.

"Nice to meet you, I'm the Garden's Navigator, and I created the programme you'll be using," he said, before pulling out the second chair on Rinoa's side of the desk, and making himself comfortable. He was still grinning, and Rinoa darted a look back at Squall.

Nida's voice seemed to call Squall back into his usual work mode, and the smile had disappeared from his face.

"We hadn't got that far Nida," Squall said. He had some papers in his hands now, which he was now pushing across the desk towards Rinoa. "You'll be needing these, passwords, training manuals, map of the Garden… and this is for you also."

Rinoa took the papers and the mobile phone Squall had added on top of them, and knew reading through all the tiny print wasn't going to be fun.

"We have a paging system here, all the staff have numbers. Dial the number, leave your message and they'll return the call within the half hour. When you're off duty, you can either switch off, or be a work-a-holic like the Commader and be on call twenty-four-seven," Nida explained, taking hold of the phone and loading up the menu to show Rinoa what to press. "Of course, we hardly ever clock off here, so no one is uncontactable… but, you're different, I recommend turning the damn thing off… that's right, isn't it boss?"

"Turn off your phone at night Rinoa," Squall replied, ironically currently looking at his own phone's screen as he spoke. He didn't seem to like what he saw there.

"I think maybe the Commander should clock off right now," Nida said also watching Squall. "You look like half an hour away from a mental collapse."

"Nida return to the bridge before we crash into anymore fishing boats," Squall replied, before holding the phone up to his ear. "Seifer, you are taking class 552 in twenty minutes… no Quistis isn't here… No I am not re-issuing rule 72… I don't care what you had for dinner… I'm hanging up."

Rinoa sat in silence, not sure what to make of that. She hadn't even given much thought to Seifer since she'd left. It made sense that Squall would have recalled all the SeeDs working on the mission, a small until in Esthar, however capable would have been highly vulnerable to the Galbadian army. But it also left a hole in the mission that wouldn't easily be filled, potentially harming the Estharian civilians.

"That guy is a pain in the..."

"Nida, go back to the bridge," Squall said. His stern voice cut through Nida's lighthearted remark, and immediately the young man was saluting and returning to his duties.

Rinoa took the moment to look over what Squall had given her. There was indeed an operation manual which must belong to the programme Nida had been talking of. It looked unfamiliar, and overwhelming right now, and Rinoa skipped it. The map of the Garden was enough to concentrate on at the moment.

"You'll be working with Quistis…" Squall explained looking weary again. "But, you'll report direct to me, so any problems, I want you to call."

"Alright," Rinoa replied. She knew that Squall could see right through her. She knew he could see what she was thinking, that she'd be highly reluctant to call him for anything, considering how overworked he looked.

Squall didn't say any more, simply studied her face. This was far removed from their previous interactions, when they'd been working in high pressure situations. Being off-duty together was leaving them somewhat floundering, and every word out of his mouth felt strange. Here was someone he'd placed his life in the hands of, over and over, and he couldn't even make her feel at ease around him.

Not that he was in the practice of being a good host, but Rinoa was different. This wasn't just some rookie recruit. This was Rinoa, who he couldn't afford to lose, and who he couldn't let down. Rinoa made him feel nervous, and Squall wasn't sure why? Being in her presence was certainly bringing back memories of life threatening danger, but worse than that, trying to impress her just seemed to highlight all his failings.

"You can call anytime," Squall added, not sure why he couldn't shut up. He was perfectly capable of not talking most of the time. Now Rinoa just looked even more uncomfortable, holding the papers between them like a shield.

"Well… I suppose I should let you get on with your…" Rinoa said as she stood. "Maybe you should sleep some? You know, turn that phone off… or you know… OK I'll see you."

Squall watched Rinoa leave as if she couldn't get out of there fast enough, and knew that this conversation was going to plague him for hours, pushing sleep even further away.