Chapter 8
Going back to camp was supposed to be a comfort. For the first time, I was glad Oakstorm and I sleep in different dens. I could hide from in the Apprentices' den. I thought about how strange that was. It was so weird I wanted to hide from Oakstorm. He's my best friend! Fernpaw gave me a lick, reminding me of her presence before slipping into the medicine cat den. Off to tell Shadepaw, I knew. I slumped into the den, and sauntered over to my nest. But I still had ears, and my nest had a perfect view of the camp.
They were sharing prey. And talking. And laughing and smiling! I frowned, feeling worse than ever. A thought occurred to me, maybe the whole reasoning behind all of this. He had only been acting like this since he got his warrior name. Maybe he was only hanging with me cause I was the only one. Fernpaw had always been with Rosedrop; the two she-cats were prefect best friends, almost since we were born. And Shadepaw was never around. So I was the only one he could hang with. So I guess he just used me until he could make real friends, and pretended it was so real so I wouldn't find out.
The more I thought about it, I knew it just had to be right. There was no other explanation. I narrowed my eyes and stormed out of the den, ignoring my sisters and stomped all the way to where the warriors' den was. I ignored the stares, and stood right in front of Sandclaw and Oakstorm. "Hi Silverpaw!" Sandclaw purred.
I avoided her like I did the other warriors and spoke to Oakstorm, "We need to talk." It came out a growl.
He narrowed his eyes too, and spoke bluntly."Ok, talk to me."
For a second hurt swelled up inside of me. Oakstorm and I never fought. We always seemed to understand each other, and we had an unexplainable connection. How had this happened? Was it my fault, was I reading too much into it? Was I overreacting? I had to find out.
"Alone." I hissed. As we walked away from the other warriors, I struggled with the unfamiliar emotions I was feeling.
"What happened to you and me! We were friends! I trusted you! You were supposed to always be there for me!" He looked into my eyes, but I didn't recognize the cat staring at me. That realization killed me.
"I grew up, that's what happened. I'm grown up now. And you're still a kit. You might have trusted me, but I never trusted you. I never said I would be there for you always. You assumed all that." I started to protest but he cut me off. "Look Silverpaw, I'm happy now. I finally have friends. And I think Sandclaw likes me. It's over. We never really were friends anyway. I never felt at ease with you." I could hear my heart crack, but apparently he didn't.
That's when I realized I loved Oakstorm.
I was angry with myself. Turns out you really didn't know what you had until it was gone. Now I understood why it hurt to see him with Sandclaw. "Oakstorm…we were… Everything we've shared…you helped me with Mosskit's..."
He cut me off, and sounded really angry. "Silverpaw, give it a rest! The only friends you ever had were your sisters and Rosedrop ok? I was never one of them! I never really cared. Why can't you get that through your head?! Can't you see I love Sandclaw? The way you're acting isn't helping me get close to her. Just stop! Stop this!" He stormed away.
So that's where he got his name from, I thought sadly. Cause he sure knows how to leave a storm in my heart. I sighed. I glanced at him once more, but he was too busy explaining what happened to Sandclaw to notice me. I sullenly walked back to my den. Fernpaw and Shadepaw weren't there. I needed them. We always comforted one another when something awful happened, like Mosskit's death. Oh Mosskit. I remembered my last conversation with her. For you to completely fulfill your fate, you need to be strong. That's she told me. So Starclan planned this? I needed to be strong. Be strong. Suddenly I remembered her parting words.
Shade provides awarness but Ferns must burn before Silver can light the forest. I had commemorated everything she said but that, because it didn't sound like her at all. But now this… this... procphey…? Well whatever it was it didn't sound like something she would say, and whatever it was it sounded like it would take a lot of strength to accomplish. I could do that. I would do that. I would be strong.
I re-emerged, surprised that I was so composed when inside, I was falling apart. My sisters rushed up to me, but I lied to them and told them I was ok. I was hurting, I probably always would. My sisters were unusually quiet. I gave them a little smile, and they smiled back. Shadepaw asked, "Are you sure Silverpaw? There's no herb but time to heal a broken a heart."
I nodded. "I'll be completely better in a few days." Another lie. Somehow my sisters believe me. Maybe because we have never lied to each other before. The moon slowly climbed into the sky.
Fernpaw yawned. "Let's get some rest." We followed her into the den. We all squeezed together into my nest and slept soundly.
The next morning was beautiful. It had rained overnight, so everything was sparkling. I stepped out of the den, looking around the camp. I hardly seemed to recognize it but not only cause of the fresh water.
The clan seemed to be acting different around me, like they were being extra cautious. Our fight must have been spread through camp and they didn't want me to catch them talking about it. I gritted my teeth; I would show them I was strong just like I had done last night with Shadepaw and Fernpaw. I spotted the dawn patrol assembling. Oakstorm and Sandclaw were padding up to join them. Perfect.
I walked over to them, forcing myself to be cheerful. I let the words sound happy and carefree, though I felt the exact opposite. "Can I join you?" I asked Rockshade. He nodded and smiled. I set off with my father, Sandclaw, Oakstorm, Webpelt, and Fishcreek.
By the time we reached the border with Thunderclan, the icy silence was making me feel awkward. But when I had first joined the patrol, Fishcreek gave me a proud nod and a smile from Rockshade. My plan was working. So I couldn't back down. I overtook Rockshade, leader of the patrol, and marked the borders. This showed my mentor that even though I had a hard time I was still focused and I was still a good apprentice.
Shadepaw bounded out of the forest. "Webpelt! Come right away! Graymist is having pains in her belly! Watersong thinks the kits are coming!"