Don't hate me or this chapter as much as I hate this chapter. It was a you know what to write. Sorry if it seems strained and forced. Please review anyway. I don't own anyone you know.
"Who is Karofsky?" Kurt snapped his head back to him, his eyes even wider than before.
"W-what?"
Blaine shook his head slowly, trying to clear it and figure out what exactly he had seen, what had been real and what exactly had been possibly imagined. Mark and Tony were gone, and the only ones on the street were Kurt and Blaine, Blaine didn't remember when he fell to the ground, his knees curled up to his chest. Kurt was kneeling in front of him, his eyes filled with panic and worry, and as always, an overwhelming love.
"I think I just got a memory back," he breathed softly, reaching out almost blindly as he stared past Kurt. Kurt took him in his arms, brushing his hair back soothingly. "His name was Karofsky and..." he had kissed you. He looked up at Kurt, Kurt had told him they were each others first...everything, including first kiss, but in the memory, he knew Karofsky had force kissed Kurt. This knowledge left a burning in the pit of Blaine's stomach that told him that even 10 years later, he wasn't over what he knew had been done to Kurt that day. "He kissed you," he finally said aloud. Kurt sighed softly, "But I thought you said I was your first kiss." Kurt bit his bottom lip, before climbing to his feet,
"You were," Kurt responded, "I'll explain it when we get home, okay?" Blaine stared up at him for a moment before nodding in agreement and accepting the hand that was being offered. "Are you okay?" he asked as they started walking, "Those guys didn't hurt you, did they? I mean other than what I saw?" Blaine didn't know that Kurt could grip his hand so tightly, but he just held on, part of him wondering who had been more scared by Mark and Tony. Blaine knew he had Kurt, Kurt didn't have the Blaine he wanted. "I'm so sorry, I should never have let you stay out there by yourself, I wasn't thinking," Kurt muttered and Blaine looked at him, half expecting to see tears, but instead he saw only guilt.
"No, this isn't your fault, I wanted to stay outside, you were just letting me be independent for once." Blaine replied, "You are in no way to blame for this." Kurt shook his head, not saying anything else, but Blaine knew he hadn't agreed with him. It had taken Kurt over a month to forgive himself for their attack, which had been in no way his fault, Blaine wondered if Kurt blamed himself for everything. He knew he blamed himself for his father's aneurysm when Kurt was 16, telling Blaine that if he hadn't argued with him that day, or if he hadn't put added stress in his life by being gay, that maybe his father would have been okay. Well no one could cause an aneurysm, the way no one could cause hate filled men to attack them, or cause two drunk guys to be extra flirty, but that didn't seem to be Kurt's logic.
Once they were home, Kurt put the food, which Blaine hadn't even realized had been brought home, in the refrigerator, neither of them were much in the mood to eat.
"No, they didn't hurt me," Blaine responded, speaking for the first time since telling Kurt it wasn't his fault. Kurt sighed in relief and grabbed a bottle of red wine and poured himself a glass. Blaine watched as Kurt chugged the wine, Blaine didn't think people did that in real life, he thought that was only done in movies. Kurt looked at him once the glass was drained and he sighed quietly before sitting down at the kitchen table, where Blaine was already positioned.
"If you count kisses as just two people's lips connecting then you were actually my third, but I don't count kisses that way." Kurt pour himself another glass of wine, this time though he only sipped, "You want a glass?" Blaine wondered if Kurt was buzzed already or was just forgetting that Blaine was mentally fourteen. But he'd always wanted to try wine and he figured his adult body could take one glass without getting drunk.
"Yeah," he smiled softly, not realizing until he reached for the wine glass that he was still shaking from what happened earlier, the memory had put that at the back of his mind. Kurt exhaled and continued,
"You were the first kiss that truly meant anything to me, Karofsky was my bully, he's now actually a friend of ours, but his kiss was NOT wanted or returned. My first kiss was a girl, and she was just a way to, at the time, I thought, make my dad happy. I didn't really enjoy it and I certainly didn't feel anything with her, though I love her to death, she is now happily married to her wife, Santana, we are friends with them too." Kurt reached over and grabbed his hands, "When you kissed me, I swear Blaine, it was like nothing else in the entire world existed, like everything else was gray and we were the only things in color. That is why I count you as my first kiss, you were the first one to mean anything, your kiss changed me, it was perfect." Blaine smiled softly as he took a sip of the wine, he was pleasantly surprised that he liked it, it was sweet without being overwhelming and had just a bit of kick at the end. Kurt was finishing his second glass and starting on his third, Blaine furrowed his eyebrows. His father had been a mean drunk, had verbally abused him harsher than usual and had come very close to physically abusing him.
"Kurt..." Blaine began, but when Kurt looked at him he saw, Kurt's expression was softening, he was relaxing and his eyes were no longer swimming in guilt, and Blaine remembered, Kurt was his protector, not his villain. And he was an adult, an adult who deserved to not have to walk around on egg shells around his own partner. "Thank you for saving me tonight," he smiled softly at Kurt who smiled weakly back,
"It shouldn't have happened in the first place, but... I'll always save you." Blaine smiled and fully believed Kurt's words, there was no way he couldn't.
"What happened to the promises of cuddling that you made?" Blaine said, motioning to the couch, Kurt looked at him, concerned,
"Are you sure you'd be okay with that? I mean after what happened earlier, I don't want you to be uncomfortable."
"You could never make me uncomfortable," he promised, smiling as Kurt leaned over and kissed his lips softly,
"I love you," Kurt whispered, heading over to the couch. So Kurt wasn't drunk yet, but it was clear that he wasn't far off and apparently, a buzzed Kurt was an affectionate Kurt. Blaine shuttered to think that he was a drunk like his father, mean and violent, he wondered if he and Kurt had ever gotten drunk together and if they had, how were they together. As they got on the couch, Kurt instantly opened his arms and Blaine happily settled into them, relishing the strength of them as they cocooned him as if guarding him from all forms of harm and danger. Kurt finished his third glass and was officially drunk, drinking as fast as he had, on an empty stomach... instant clingy Kurt, not that Blaine was complaining. "I came out of Joe's and saw those guys on you," his word were slurred slightly, but his eyes and tone were gentle. "And all I could think was that they were going to hurt you, and a part of me died, to think that I had yet again let you get hurt again."
"This is not your fault, Kurt, two drunk guys with a hearing problem are to blame for what happened tonight, not you," Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt's arms as they held him close. "I didn't even think for one second that you let them do that or that you somehow didn't stop it. You did stop it, they didn't get anywhere because you stopped them, you pushed them off of me with a strength that I wouldn't have expected you to have. But then I wouldn't you have the strength to push Karofsky off of me either. Twice Kurt, you've saved me twice that I can remember, and I can only imagine how many other times that I can't. When do I get to save you?"
"You saved me the day we met," Kurt breathed. "I was days away from ending my life, I couldn't take it anymore, and then I met this brave, gorgeous, compassionate boy who showed me that not only was I not alone, but someone actually cared." Blaine blushed, as Kurt continued, "I know now it would have killed my dad had I done that to him, but... I was so tired, so beat down that I didn't think there was anyone that would have cared, I got really low. And then someone offered me their hand and said 'my name's Blaine' and it was like... forgive my corniness, but it was like a light had been offered to me in a world of darkness. I don't believe in God, but if I ever did, it would have been in that moment. In that moment I could have believed that God sent you to me to remind me that life is worth living." Blaine tilted his head back and connected their lips, as always innocently, no open mouths or tongue, well usually. Suddenly Kurt had flipped them over and his arms held Blaine securely under him. "I love you," Kurt breathed, and Blaine completely melted, melted into the strength that was his husband as he let himself be shown how important he was, to at least one other wasn't long until both men started to pant and Blaine was surprised, but not at all put off, he'd wanted this for a while, but Kurt always stopped himself, so what was different about now? Then Blaine tasted the alcohol, and he remembered, Kurt was at the very least tipsy and that made him more affectionate. Kurt's lips traveled down to Blaine's neck... Oh GOD yes. Kurt chuckled and it took Blaine a moment to realize he'd said it aloud. He whimpered in embarrassment but Kurt pulled away and looked down at him, kissing his lips softly, "I love when you lose yourself." Blaine was pretty sure he blushed scarlet but Kurt either didn't see as he had gone back down to his neck, or he didn't care. Blaine never knew it could feel like this, like everything was right, like this was exactly where he was meant to be.
Then Kurt's hands appeared and began tracing his body, humming softly as he felt the familiarity he had missed for so long. Blaine tensed as Tony and Mark's hands entered his mind once again. Unwanted hands searching for sacred parts. And just like Tony and Mark, Kurt's hands traveled south of the border set up by Blaine's pants and Blaine let out a cry. He didn't push away, he didn't' say 'no', but he wished Kurt would stop. He wasn't ready for this, he thought he was, but he just wasn't, but he didn't think he had the right to ask Kurt to stop. Kurt wanted this, no, he needed this, and Blaine would have to swallow his own fear and panic and deal with it, because he was Kurt's husband, and Blaine was sure that written somewhere was something about one's duty to their husband, so Blaine would push through. He let out a whine when Kurt's hands ghost over the front of Blaine's pants and though Blaine didn't think he sounded distressed, Kurt stopped. There was a moment of pause, almost as if Kurt was gathering his thoughts before he pulled away from Blaine's skin to look into his face. Blaine looked back and almost instantly regretted it as Kurt's face crumbled with grief and guilt. He detached from Blaine as if Blaine had caught fire, and was panting softly.
"Oh God, I am so sorry," Kurt whispered, tears filling his eyes. It was then that Blaine noticed the wetness on his face and he quickly, and embarrassed wiped away the tears.
"You don't have anything to be sorry for, I'm the one who couldn't handle it," Blaine muttered, blaming himself. Kurt turned toward him, reaching out his hand and Blaine cursed as instinct pulled away from the hand. The one hand that had never hurt him, the hand that had cupped his cheek to comfort him, the hand that held his own to lead him when he had no idea what he was doing. "Kurt..."
"No, I understand, I am so sorry, I forgot myself. That's not a good enough excuse, I should never have drunk that wine, I just-"
"Are an adult with every right to drink and every right to touch your spouse freely, I'm the one to blame since I couldn't..."
"You're are fourteen," Kurt said softly, almost more to himself. "I should never forget that you are mentally unprepared for anything like that; ESPECIALLY after what just happened with those two guys. FUCK! How could I be so stupid!" This time Blaine went forward and grabbed Kurt's hand, but Kurt pulled away. "Let's go to bed, I'm exhausted, I'll sleep in the guest room." Before Blaine could beg Kurt not to, the taller man had gone down the hall and the door had shut. Blaine bit his lip, he wanted Kurt, it was all he wanted when those other guys were touching him, it was all Blaine had wanted for weeks, and now...
As he curled in the bed, Kurt and his scent surrounding him, tears fell down across the bridge of his nose and into his ear, but he didn't wipe it, he knew more would fall. Yes, Kurt had gone a little too fast, but Blaine wanted them to go back to just an hour before, when everything had been perfect. When their love for each other had been the only important thing in the world. He could only hope he hadn't just ruined it for himself for the rest of their lives. Both men cried themselves to sleep that night, both for different reasons and the same reason. Kurt was practically drowning in guilt, while Blaine was wallowing in loneliness, but they were both crying for their need of the other.
Oh the angst. WTF? I don't know where that last part came from, don't know that I like it. Please review and let me know! Much love to all my readers xoxo