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Chapter 33

Home is not where the spark is

"Welcome home, Starscream. I trust that you had a pleasant flight."

Starscream got on his hands and knees, still too shaken because of the rough trip to try to get on his feet. "Very… I wasn't expecting less from you, oh mighty Megatron… although next time I would really appreciate it if you notify me about your intentions of sending Laserbeak to retrieve me."

Megatron smirked. "Ah, but then where would the surprise element be? I thought you would find your return to the Nemesis pleasant, to say the least."

"And I do, leader, I really do…" Starscream said with unusual honesty. Being inside the purple walls of the Nemesis again brought him the familiar sensation of being home again, as disgustingly sentimental as it was. "Even though I suspect that my return here is only temporary."

Megatron nodded and rested his back on his throne. "Your suspicions are correct. You are here to report personally on your achievements during your infiltration mission. Once you are done, you will be sent back to the Ark."

Starscream stood up, his legs still shaking a little, but he wasn't going to continue that conversation from the floor. As battered as his dignity was, he would always have enough of it left to stand on his two feet. "I planted your spying device on Optimus Prime's computer. What else do you want me to report? I'm doing everything I can to gain the Autobots' trust, but these things take time."

Megatron narrowed his optics. "I would say so, considering that you have been trying to achieve such a thing with me for more than fifty thousand vorns and have failed miserably."

Starscream mirrored Megatron's expression and confronted him with his fists clenched and eager to pound metal. He had been beaten a zillion times for that same attitude, but Megatron should have been perfectly aware of how difficult – if not impossible – it was to wipe out his fire. This time wouldn't be the exception, even if Megatron could crush him like a bug, literally.

But Megatron burst into laughter, ending a tense moment that could have gone in either direction. "So, after all, there you are, Starscream, inside that bag of flesh. I was beginning to suspect I might have lost you."

Starscream frowned. "What do you mean?"

Megatron reached out and grasped him by the shoulder of his jacket, throwing him against a metallic panel. Starscream growled in protest but instead of throwing daggers at Megatron, he stared at his own reflection in the panel. It was not as polished as a real mirror, but the image was clear enough. There he was, in all his organic glory; the same face, the same brown fiber covering his head, the small scar on his brow…

"I'm afraid I'm not following you, Megatron."

Megatron sat on his throne again. "Are you not? You have merged with your organic side so much that you can't even notice it anymore? Take a better look, you fool!"

Starscream did so, finding the same thing as before: himself. Then reality struck him hard. That wasn't the face of a stranger anymore; it was his own.

"When you were turned into a human you were nothing but a worthless flesh creature that looked unable to house the life signal of a Cybertronian. Pathetic and bizarre as you were, you were still one of us. But now, you don't look any different from all those insects that populate this planet. Your eyes are empty, Starscream, you have lost the scent of a Transformer. Have you crossed the line, worm? Are you a human now, more than a Cybertronian?"

"Fuck never!" Starscream cried, turning to face his leader with all the fury he could achieve. "Is this your new sick way to try and disturb me, Megatron? Another one of your fucking twisted games? Well, know this, mighty leader, I won't fall for your tricks this time, I fucking won't!"

Megatron didn't seem offended by the disrespectful rant. On the contrary, his smirk grew. "At least you still love proving me right. What was that, Starscream? A colorful manifestation of your humanity? You were always temperamental, but this…"

Starscream closed his eyes for a moment, feeling the burning heat punching his skull. Dread spread through his insides at terminal velocity, bringing him the ultimate fear he had struggled to keep repressed ever since the steel of his body had turned into a fragile cover of flesh. "I… I am Cybertronian; not like you, Megatron, but better. This," he said, opening his eyes and staring at his hands, "is nothing but a temporary aberration. I have overcome worse curses and will certainly overcome this. Or what? Haven't I put up with you, the ultimate curse, for those fifty thousand vorns you mention?"

"And you haven't lost your pathetic sense of humour, I see. As I said, there you are, buffoon, at least until you forget it again and assume that that putrid skin that covers you is the real you. Do you feel comfortable with yourself, Starscream? Is that why you look so much like one of them now? Is that why you smell like one of them?"

Starscream had the feeling that Megatron wasn't talking precisely about his body lotion. "I would like to see you in my place, Megatron! What kind of human would you be, if you managed to survive one single fuc- slagging day? I'm blending in! That's what I'm doing, and nothing more. Don't you dare suggest something else because it's not true! I can't fool our enemies if I don't look like one of the fleshlings, can I?"

Megatron put his hand on his chin, his hateful gesture of superiority spread across his face. "I would never be in your place, Starscream, because I would have never been as foolish as to think of humans as some mysterious alien water challenged my appearance."

So you say, you oversized, pit-spawned fucker! "A mysterious alien water that I trust you are working hard to recreate."

Megatron's face got serious again before sending an internal command that turned the screen of the computer on. "First things first, Starscream. I have to say that I was surprised when you succeeded in planting the spy device in Optimus Prime's computer. I was certain that you would fail, but it is also certain that Prime's security measures concerning his own quarters are minimal. The fool has never cared enough about his own safety."

That was very close to the truth, but still it deeply angered Starscream. "And I have to say that I was missing the unique way you have of congratulatign me… or would underestimating all my achievements be a better choice of words? But for your information, leader, let me tell you that it wasn't easy. I had to sneak through the ventilation system and I was very close to falling to a certain death several times."

"Sneaking is something you do well, Starscream, although crawling would be a better term, if you insist on looking for a better choice of words."

"Thank you," Starscream growled with all the venom he could inject into his human voice.

Megatron smirked. "Congratulations are in order. Thanks to your little stunt, I have acquired interesting information about the Autobots' movements, but I need access to Teletraan I before taking action. Being such a cunning spy as you are, you shouldn't have problems in providing it to me. Now tell me, what progress have you made concerning gaining the Autobots' trust?"

"A fair amount. It's too soon to say they trust me already but they treat me as one of their human pets."

Megatron sneered. "Do you already wear a leash with the Autobot emblem? How touching."

Just wait and see who ends up with a leash, you fucking junk bucket… Starscream stopped that train of thought, finding the image of Megatron with a leash bizarrely arousing. He reminded himself that he had a treacherous piece of flesh hanging between his legs that would expose any kind of emotion on the matter, so he decided to return to his priority. "I'm fulfilling my part of the deal, Megatron. What about you? I demand to see your advances in recreating the water of the Well of Transformation!"

His words made a strange echo, and for a moment he thought he might have gone too far yelling at Megatron when he had no possibilities of surviving the mildest attack from his leader, but much to his surprise – and somewhat frustration – Megatron only stared at him with that infinitely hateful expression of condescendence that Starscream loathed so much.

"But of course. You earned, didn't you? And you will continue doing so, my pet, following strictly my orders."

An energon chain unravelled from above, the collar affixed to the end dangling lankly. "Walk with me, pet, I have something to show you."

Starscream regarded the leash hanging before him with a look of absolute disgust, hatred and humiliation bubbling to new levels. "What the fuck?" He spat, not at all enjoying the sense of foreboding flowing freely through his bloodstream.

"You heard what I said, human. If you want your reward you will receive it, by following my orders. And that involves you walking with me, wearing the bindings that a beast like you deserves. I will not allow a flesh creature to have freedom in my presence. Now, will you walk with me, or would you prefer not knowing about the progress of our little research project? Or was I right about that leash with the Autobot emblem?"

"You are a sick fragger, you know that, my Lord?" Starscream hissed, turning away from his Supreme Commander as his hands clenched at his sides. "Do you think I enjoy the humiliation this disgusting external covering brings? Do you really think I will allow my degradation to continue for the sake of your own personal enjoyment? You are wrong, Megatron. My loyalties to the Decepticon cause have never been stronger. The cause, my Lord, not you. If following your orders will lead to success of the cause, then I will always comply. But – and I'm sorry to disappoint you, master – my loyalties to myself are far greater than my loyalties to you. I will not wear that leash, and you will give me the information regarding the Well of Transformation that I rightfully deserve."

A look of unequivocal rage flashed across the tyrant's features, his mouth twisting into a hateful snarl. For a moment Starscream was certain his leader would step on him like the fleshy insect he was, but he was unpleasantly surprised when suddenly Megatron reached down and took hold of his shirt collar, lifting him clear of the ground.

For the first time since his transformation, Starscream was able to look directly into his leader's burning, crimson optics. It wasn't a welcome sight.

"You dare..." Megatron said in a voice laced with deadly intent, emphasising his statement with a violent shake of his hand. The jolt caused a wave of pain through Starscream's spine and increased his new-found fear tenfold. "I should kill you for such treasonous words!"

"Treason?" Starscream shrieked before his terrified mind could silence his suicidal words. "I just confessed my loyalty to the cause! How can that be classed—"

Another violent shake succeeded where his mind couldn't, putting an end to any other words of self defence and challenging the strength of his shirt at the same time.

"Do NOT tempt me, Starscream!" Megatron shouted viciously, continuing to shake the human like a helpless ragdoll. "You know I have killed valuable soldiers for less than this!"

Finally, the fabric of his shirt reached its limit, tearing clear from Starscream's body and sending him hurtling towards the floor at a horrifying rate. A humiliating cry of terror escaped him before the impact, and the last thing he heard before darkness took him was the laughter of his Lord and Master, and something about pity.

Starscream woke to intense pain and the strange sensation of feeling the ground moving beneath him, and it took him a few confused moments to realise that he was being dragged by something tied around his neck. The familiar feeling of dread filled him as he opened his eyes to see the purple glow of an energon chain hovering over his face, the equally purple ceiling rolling above him sickeningly.

With more effort than it should have taken he glanced backwards, finding the looming structure of Megatron on the other end of his accursed leash. Rage and humiliation returned in equal measure as the cold metal floor continued to bite angrily at his sweaty, exposed flesh, rubbing it raw.

"F...fuck..." he spat as he began to struggle against both the leash and the forward momentum, earning a backwards glance from his leader. "You fucking sick fuck!"

"Ahh, so the sleeping princess has awoken," the tyrant mocked, continuing his journey down the long corridor. "And just in time, too, for I have a little surprise for you."

The familiar sound of doors hissing open made itself heard as Megatron spoke, pulling his captor into what he quickly recognised as being the main laboratory in the Nemesis base.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Starscream shouted angrily, remembering his last visit to said lab. He was in no hurry to find himself in Soundwave's less than tender clutches anytime soon. He continued to strain against the leash.

"What am I talking about?" Megatron replied as someone approached from beyond Starscream's field of view. "Your reward, of course. Didn't you hear me as you were falling, you insolent worm? I said I was going to take pity on you, just this once. You looked so pathetic, and it was either that or I crush you – which I'm still tempted to do. Now, get on your feet."

It wasn't the fact that it had been a gruff command that caused Starscream to scramble into a standing position when his body was screaming for a lie down, but the promise of a reward. He knew there was only one reward that particular laboratory could offer him, and there was no way he was willing to risk having it revoked by not playing Megatron's games.

The tyrant had been true to his promise – he had initiated research into reversing his condition.

Starscream smirked; the meaning of his Master's dedication wasn't lost on the ex-Seeker.

"Soundwave, report on the progress you and the Constructicons have made on recreating the water from the Well of Transformation," Megatron said as he made his way across the lab and sat nonchalantly on a chair at the back of the room.

The human stood quickly at the mention of his nemesis' name, instantly taking a defensive position despite the fact that there was little he could do if Soundwave – or Megatron, for that matter – decided to torture him. But his precautions were unnecessary, as the giant, navy blue monster stepped right over him and proceeded to type away on a keyboard attached to the laboratory's main computer.

Several screens worth of data began scrolling before his optics as Starscream climbed up onto the console beside the now-Second in Command.

"Analysis of water sample: ongoing," Soundwave droned without even addressing him; for some reason Starscream found his lack of acknowledgement somewhat offensive. "Components successfully identified: 86.25 percent."

"86.25 percent?" Starscream questioned, taking in the data with a mixture of fear and relief. "That's barely more than I had discovered on my own!"

"Negative," Soundwave responded, bringing up more charts and diagrams. "Components discovered prior intervention: not unique to water's composition. Unique components now identified: two. Progress: significant."

"Slag, it is."

"Be careful, Starscream," Megatron said from his place at the back of the room. "Unappreciated work is easily aborted. Now, I have given you your reward, so it's time for you to earn your next one."

Anger began to boil inside his flesh body again. "What?"

"You do want regular reports on the progress of this research, don't you?"

"Yes…"

"Well, then you must earn them. Soundwave, give the worm his orders."

Starscream clenched his fists; it seemed that no matter what he did or how desperate he got, his predicament, his humiliation, would always be just another of Megatron's blasted games.

Starscream walked through what it seemed to be an endless corridor as he cast a jealous glance at his own shadow. If at least he could be as tall as it was, if at least the Well of Transformation had allowed him to keep his height in exchange of his dignity…

He shivered, the bare skin of his torso reminding him how cold the Decepticon battleship and base could be. He cursed Megatron again for tearing off his shirt. Of course, it meant nothing for the brutish slaghole, but Starscream didn't know what he was supposed to say if any Autobot saw him arrive at the Ark half dressed. At least his jacket had survived Megatron's tenderness.

He touched the small chip in the pocket of his jeans that contained Megatron's orders. He wished so much to step on it and tell Megatron just where he could shove his commands, but it was impossible, just as everything he used to be and do were impossible too. He was a prisoner within his own walls. None of his actions were dictated by him anymore. He was a puppet at Megatron's mercy, his freedom a shadow blurrier than his black silhouette on the Nemesis' walls. He clenched his fists in frustration when he realized that the only place in which he was in control was within the legs of an ugly human whore. That was his freedom, that disgusting and yet addictive port of pleasure that attracted him like magnet.

He barely realized he had arrived at his destination. Many ideas were prowling his mind, images, feelings… he was getting used to many things concerning humanity but his organic brain was still a beast he had to tame. He had the feeling that if he didn't, it would engulf him and destroy every trace of himself, of his real self.

"Hey, Screamer's here!" Skywarp happily said, waving his hand at him from the table at the bottom of the Seeker's Refueling Room, the one his trine always claimed because it was the closest to the Energon dispenser.

It wasn't without nostalgia that Starscream cast a look at the place in which he had refueled so many times. A strange feeling in his throat made him realize how much he would love to be there under other circumstances. That room, as well as the entire Nemesis, was his home.

"Megatron said you two would be here," he said with hoarse voice. "You are to take me back to the Ark."

Skywarp grimaced. "Yeah, hello to you too, Screamer. Is that the way you greet us, your always loyal wingmates? Besides, how long have you been in the Nemesis, like an hour or something, and you already want to go back with the Autobots?"

Starscream didn't reply. He didn't want to leave, but in a way he couldn't stay there either, it was too painful. He internally cursed his organic brain again, unconsciously using only human insults.

"We were refueling," Thundercracker told him seriously. "Do you want to join us?"

Starscream frowned. "Do I look like I can ingest Energon, Thundercracker?"

"You could," Skywarp said casually, "if I squeeze it down your throat. Wanna see me try?"

"Leave him alone, 'Warp," Thundercracker said, his always serious gaze fixated on Starscream.

"I was just joking, TC. You knew that too, right Screamer? I would never hurt you, not fatally at least, unless you provoke me, and then I— Hey, you look like slag. What's wrong?"

Great. And now he was receiving his wingmates' pity… he hated all the muscles in his human face, as betraying as his cock was concerning exposing his emotions. He was depressed and he hated it, but that was his business and no one else's.

"Nothing," he replied ill-humoredly. "Just hurry up and get me the slag out of here."

Skywarp grinned and stood up. "Whatever you say, sweetspark," he said, reaching out and seizing Starscream by the collar of his jacket. "But not before you have a drink with your good ole wingmates."

"Let go of me!" Starscream said, squirming and not giving a damn about the fact that he would break more than one bone if Skywarp dropped him from that height. He hated it when he was lifted from his clothes like the useless puppet he was now… At least when Megatron had done it last he had been seated, lessening the distance to fall.

Skywarp placed him on the table, considerably softer than what Starscream expected.

"'Warp is right," Thundercracker said, Energon cube in hand. "You look close to blowing a gasket or two. Why don't you have a drink with us?"

Skywarp seized something from one of his subspace pockets and put it before Starscream. "And before you say anything, here you go. We were going to have some good stuff after all. Well, I was going to. You know TC, he has never been able to hold his high grade."

Starscream stared at the Jack Daniel's bottle. "Where… did you get this?"

Skywarp took two empty cubes to the Energon dispenser. "A little leftover from the supplies that Rumble and Frenzy got you. I thought it would come in handy, so I kept it."

Starscream felt a shiver when he remembered his very unpleasant first experience with human high grade. Having ended it purging his fuel tanks in Thundercracker's presence was one of the things he was looking forward to erasing from his memory banks, once he recovered them of course.

His blue wingmate made sure to remind him about his presence when Starscream felt a reddish light bathing him.

"What?" he said with annoyance, looking upwards to meet the optical sensors zooming in on his face.

"That hair on your face," Thundercracker said, "it wasn't there the last time we saw you."

Starscream took his hand to his face and could barely contain his surprise when he felt it raspy.

Skywarp returned to his seat and placed the two cubes on the table, one of them only half filled. "What hair? I see no hair," he said, scanning Starscream's form.

Thundercracker pointed toward Starscream's cheeks with his finger. "There, it's barely visible, but it's definitely growing."

"Don't fucking touch me!" Starscream complained when Skywarp used his finger to make him turn around.

"Slag, you're right…" Skywarp said in low voice, not paying the slightest attention to what Starscream had said. "I know what it is. I saw it in a human movie I watched with Wildrider… Screamer, sorry to tell you this, but you are becoming a werewolf."

Starscream stepped backwards to get rid of his wingmate's touch. "Just leave me alone, Skywarp! I'm not in the mood for your stupidity tonight!"

Skywarp grinned. "Are you ever? Hey, did you just call me stupid, fleshie?"

"What do I have to do for you to shut your fraggin' vocalizer off?" Starscream cried, throwing a fist at Skywarp's finger. Of course, pain was felt only on his side.

"Tell you what. Have a drink with us and I'll get off your back. Promise."

"I said no."

Thundercracker gently pushed the bottle of whiskey toward Starscream. "Is it such a torture to share a moment with us, Starscream? When was the last time you refueled with us in this very room?"

Starscream opened his mouth but he couldn't say a thing. It hadn't been so long ago, of course, but he couldn't remember exactly when. Time was perceived very differently by the humans; logically, because their life spans were insignificant. And now he was part of that curse, time was running by his human systems at a very different pace from his Cybertronian body. The thought made him shiver.

He sat on the table and grasped the glass bottle. The memories of that whiskey fuel were not pleasant indeed, but he also remembered that he had felt relaxed at some point, right in the moment in which he had felt beyond miserable. Perhaps the effect would be the same now, when he could really use something to distract him from all the insanity of what had become his reality.

"Hey, that's the spirit!" Skywarp cheered. "A toast, gentlebots— I mean, gentlebot and gentlebug. For us, 'cause hey, there's no such thing better than a Seeker."

Starscream grimaced. A Seeker, yes… he was a Seeker, had been one once… What the hell was he now?

Thundercracker lifted his half Energon cube and clicked it against Skywarp's. Starscream opened his whiskey bottle and barely lifted it, only to take it immediately to his mouth. The bitter liquid burned his throat, but he didn't care.

After taking a deep swig, Starscream put the bottle on the surface of the table, the sound of glass against metal creating an unusual echo through the walls. "There's something I need you to do for me."

Thundercracker and Skywarp stared at him inquisitively.

Before either of them could make any mocking remark, Starscream continued. "There's an abandoned detention center at sector G-7 in Polyhex."

"I know that center," Thundercracker said. "Although it's nothing but ruins now."

Starscream looked at his wingmate and nodded. "On the surface, perhaps, but not beneath. I'm certain that the underground storage rooms are still undamaged, as their contents should be."

Now that definitely caught the attention of his former subordinates. "Contents? You mean empty shells?" Skywarp said stupidly.

"They are functional Cybertronian bodies," Starscream hissed. "They may be shells without sparks, but they can be the answer I'm looking for. I need you to get one for me and hide it in a secure place."

Starscream's grip on the bottle tightened so much that he almost broke it. If there was something he hated as much as being human, it was asking for favours, especially when they involved a very small light at the end of a very long and twisted tunnel.

"And what would you do with a lifeless body?" Thundercracker asked, frowning. "It's not like you can transfer your life force to its spark chamber, starting with the fact that you don't have a spark anymore."

"Just stick to my orders and spare me from opinions I never requested!" Starscream yelled, remembering immediately that his wingmates were not under his command anymore and that it wasn't a good idea to shout orders at them. "Just… get that shell for me. There is actually a way to transfer my life force into it and become a Cybertronian again."

Thundercracker rubbed his chin. "You mean that Autobot device… Do they still have it? I recall it was a failure. It almost killed their human pet when they transferred his mind into a robotic frame."

"Yes, they still have it, and it won't be a failure once I redesign it. Megatron is working to recreate the water of the Well of Transformation, but I have it clear that I can't expect anything from him. If I'm going to get out of this it will be using my own resources… and your help, of course. Once the transfer is successful, I'll be able to rebuild my body… my real body."

"Sounds like a plan," Skywarp said. "Heh, count me in, Screamer. I'm sure it won't work, but what the slag. It will be funny. I propose another toast. To us, and to Screamer's insane idea! Bottoms up!"

Skywarp almost emptied his cube in a single gulp, and Thundercracker barely touched his high grade, smiling at his human ex Air Commander.

"What's so funny?" Starscream immediately complained.

"Your voice," Thundercracker said. "It reminds me of your old voice, before your vocalizer got damaged, remember?"

Starscream frowned. "Really? I hadn't noticed it."

"I wonder why you never had your vocalizer repaired, Screamer," Skywarp said. "Your voice wasn't so bad, I must admit. I never understood why you preferred to sound like two petro-rabbits performing their mating ritual."

"Exactly, you would never understand," Starscream said before drinking from the bottle again. And that was the truth. None of his wingmates would understand why he had decided to not repair his vocalizer after an Autobot had pierced his neck with what was meant to be deadly shot. Nobody would understand what he felt when he took the life of that same Autobot. Nobody would understand how alive he had felt, and how much he wanted to remember that feeling. His screechy voice was meant to be a permanent reminder of that day, but now that he had lost it he feared again that the one he was had been dissolved between the ripples of the water of the Well of Transformation.

For a moment he feared that Skyfire could have recognized traces of his former voice too, but his former friend hadn't given any signals on the matter… or at least that was what he thought.

"You would never understand," he repeated slowly, taking a deep gulp from the bottle. It burned his throat but he didn't give a slag. He just wanted to feel anything besides the thing corroding his insides.

Anything.

To be continued.

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