Dear Professor Snape
Kindly stop conferring with that deranged lunatic in the dungeons.
Yes, I know he is there, if it weren't for the fact that the house elves are obligated to tell me anything I ask, the new lack of mildew and presence of air freshening potions being used might have clued me in.
Of course, you must have been unaware that I now have a warrant for his admittance to St Mungo's psychiatric unit, otherwise you would not be speaking with him at all, I am sure.
Also, if you happen to know the person or persons, responsible for leaving toads that have been charmed pink in my personal rooms, then you are honor bound as a professional of this school to come forth with that information.
Cordially,
High Inquisitor Dolores Jane Umbridge, Headmistress of Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.