Okay gonna be honest guys this is just a filler to get me to the next chapter. Which I will hopefully get done relatively soon. You are all beautiful and I love you all for continuing to read my story. xoxo
It was all he could do to keep from crying. Keep his hands busy, keep him mind off Blaine, it was the only way. After all cake was the only answer to loneliness. And he knew that wasn't fair, that Blaine didn't ask for this, but it didn't keep it from hurting so much that he had trouble breathing.
He hadn't been lying to Blaine earlier when he said he wouldn't change a thing, but there were times when it got to him. Like when their anniversary had passed without acknowledgment. Again, he knew it wasn't something Blaine could help, but it still hurt. And it wasn't their wedding anniversary, it wasn't the day got together, it was the day they met, something that even though it wasn't important to anyone else, Blaine and Kurt always celebrated it. They didn't make a big show, they would just wish each other 'Happy Anniversary' and Blaine always gave Kurt a single red rose and Kurt always gave Blaine a single chocolate Hersey's kiss. Blaine had been the one that had insisted on celebrating it, stating that, November 8th was more important than any of their other anniversaries because it was the day they both came out of the dark. It was the day they both knew they were going to be all right. Kurt had thought it incredibly sweet and romantic at the time, now he found it more heartbreaking than anything. He honestly didn't know if they would have made it had they not met each other. High school had been terrible for both of them, but once they found each other, it became tolerable. The fact that the anniversary had fallen on the same day as the reunion, hadn't helped. No one knew it was their anniversary, so everyone had asked if he was okay, and he knew no one would understand it so he hadn't explained, not even to Puck.
"Is that chocolate cake?" Rachel asked, entering the kitchen even though it was 2:26 in the morning.
"Of course, what else would I be making at 2:30 in the morning?" Kurt asked, smiling softly. Rachel paused for a moment before turning him around gently to wrap her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. He returned the embrace gratefully; Rachel had come to mean more to him than he would have ever believed.
"What's wrong? I know this is all been hard but you haven't looked this down since it first happened?
"Nothing that anyone can do anything about. So I am just going to make this cake, give you a slice and eat the rest of it myself." Kurt said, pulling away from Rachel, and turning back to the cake mix. Rachel stared at him, looking at him as if the answer was written his shirt somewhere.
"I thought the reunion went well," Rachel tried to finish the silence that had lasted nearly a record 3 minutes for her.
"Yeah, it was great," Kurt agreed, "Blaine hardly struggled at all. I was so proud of him for trying so hard to remember everyone's name and faces. He didn't have to do that, they would have understood." And their friends would have, Blaine had lost his memories, their friends would have politely introduced themselves again and would have been careful about not making jokes Blaine wouldn't understand. Instead, Blaine had worked so hard to memorize their high school friends so that it was easier on them and on Kurt. Fourteen-year-old Blaine was so much like his Blaine, that it made Kurt want to cry, except his Blaine would never forget their anniversary.
"Yeah, but this is Blaine we're talking about," Rachel said it affectionately, to make Kurt feel better, instead, it broke the dam. Kurt grabbed the counter and the sobs started coming. He barely felt it when Rachel came up and hugged him from behind. "Oh sweetie," she whispered. He turned to face her but only long enough to see the pain in his face before he buried his face in her shoulder, his body shaking with sobs, though they were silent. She rubbed his back tenderly and stoked the nape of his neck comforting. "It's going to be okay, Kurt, he is going to get his memory back and you two are going to continue to grow old together and live a beautifully long life and have lots of babies and grandbabies." Kurt held her tighter and his sobs weakened but tears continued to soak her shirt. "Your Blaine is in there somewhere just waiting to come out and hold you and love you and never leave you again," he knew she was trying to give him hope, but he was starting to lose that, so her words didn't make him feel better.
"Doesn't make it suck any less," he muttered into her shoulder. He felt Rachel flinch against him in empathy,
"I know, sweetie." Rachel said softly. Kurt inhaled deeply, there was something about the familiar scent of Rachel and family that brought Kurt comfort, even if it was only a small amount. He pulled away after several minutes, wiping his eyes as he did. "Anything I can do?" Rachel asked quietly as she had learned long ago that quietness and calm did Kurt better when he was upset.
"No," Kurt told her, loving her for wanting to try. "No, the only that can truly help me right now is this cake." Rachel chuckled lightly and nodded, sitting at the table, waiting for the cake to finish. A moment passed before Kurt sat with her at the table and spoke again, "You are going to make a wonderful mother, Rach." Had he been looking at her, instead of at the oven, he would have seen her face light up with excitement and gratefulness. Instead Kurt thought of his own little girl that would be his in just a few short weeks. It was terrifying to think he was going to have to do this on his own, or at least without his Blaine.
"And you are going to make a unbelievable father one day." Kurt looked up at her and smiled softly, maybe now was the best time to spill their little secret. He hadn't gotten to gush about it at the reunion, though he knew Rachel and Finn had, and he truly was incredibly happy for them. And now it was time for someone to be excited for him.
"It's going to be sooner than you think," Kurt said quietly. Rachel looked at him in confusion,
"What do you mean?" Kurt licked his lips before taking Rachel's hands. "We didn't want to tell anyone yet because we didn't want to look like we were stealing your thunder; but the night you announced you were pregnant, Blaine told me he called the adoption agency back and we are still getting the little girl." Rachel froze for only a moment before launching herself into Kurt's arms.
"Oh my God! Our babies get to grow up together, less than a year apart, they are going to be best friends maybe get married and it'll be perfect!" Kurt laughed gently as he hugged Rachel.
"I think that if they got married it would be considered incest," Kurt admitted.
"You aren't Finn's biological brother, there is nothing stopping their love," Rachel squealed. Kurt chuckled again, shaking his head, he was glad Rachel had been happy for him, though he hadn't expected any less.
"But you can't tell anyone else, we'll tell them before we leave, but not yet," Rachel nodded and hugged Kurt again, kissing his cheeks. As she pulled away she thought of Blaine and how he didn't remember graduating high school let alone that he was ready to be a father.
"So is Blaine just gonna…?" she wasn't sure what she was asking, but Kurt seemed to know what she was searching for.
"He is going to help in anyway that he can. He practically raised himself, plus I know Cooper will stick around a while longer if I need him too, and I know I can always count on you and Mackie to help me out." Kurt explained, Rachel nodded, grinning,
"Of course you can." She let out a quiet shrill of joy, "A niece, I can't wait." Kurt smiled and nodded,
"We decided on a name too," he admitted, figuring he should just get it all out there.
"Really? I know you guys were considering Elizabeth," Rachel said. Kurt smiled softly,
"We ended up choosing Margaret. We were talking about it the other night and when I said that name, Blaine whispered 'Maggie' and I have to tell you Rachel, I don't think I could have picked a different name if you held a gun to my head. He said it like it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard of or dreamed of, and I couldn't take that away from him, or me really, getting to hear him say that with so much love." Rachel wiped a tear from her eye,
"Ugh this pregnancy has turned me into an emotional wreck." She bemoaned, but there was no true annoyance in her voice.
"Don't fool yourself, you were a weepy drama queen long before that baby started growing."
"Hey!" Rachel swatting at him playfully, he moved away from her swing just in time, chuckling.
"Speaking of the baby, have you and Finn talked about any names for the little…" he paused, "one," he finished. Rachel smiled,
"Obviously it's too early to tell the sex but we've talked about it some." She claimed, "If it's a girl, we're thinking Barbra," Kurt rolled his eyes, teasingly,
"Of course you are."
"I am choosing to ignore your rudeness," Rachel replied, still smiling lightly, "And if it's a boy we were actually talking about either Christopher for his father, or maybe even William, for Mr. Shu, he helped both of us so much." Kurt smiled and squeezed her hand,
"I think they are all perfect, our babies are going to be perfect."
"Kurt?" A sleepy voice came from the doorway. Kurt looked up to see a half asleep Blaine, actually looking the fourteen his mind portrayed.
"Blaine, what are you doing up?" Kurt asked softly, releasing Rachel's hand to go over to Blaine.
"I woke up suddenly and had this feeling in the pit of my stomach," he looked up at Kurt, "I forgot something really important, didn't I?" Kurt kissed his lips softly,
"It's okay, honey, I didn't expect you to remember." Blaine frowned slightly, searching his mind and coming up short,
"What was it?" he asked, looking desperate to know and fix whatever it was.
"It wasn't an important something, it was just something we did for ourselves every year, but don't worry about it," he said, motioning to Rachel in an 'I'll tell you later' kind of way. Blaine nodded sadly,
"Well whatever it was, I'm sorry, I know you're sad. I am trying to get better, I really am," Blaine promised.
"Shhh," Kurt shushed him gently, "I know you are, honey, you do your best at everything you do, and I know if you could, you'd be well now. I don't blame you, and of course I forgive you." He looked at Blaine, "How did you know I was sad." Blaine shrugged,
"I could just feel it, plus you only cook cake when you're upset or lonely, or both." Kurt stared at him, how could he know that without having a memory to go with it? Maybe it was just that they were so ingrained in each other's soul, that they'd never be able to truly forget the other.
"Why don't you both go back to bed, this will be done in ten minutes then I'll come on up too," Blaine nodded slowly, but Rachel was more hesitant.
"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked. Kurt nodded, smiling at her, it wasn't a faked smile, but it wasn't one of his true smiles either.
"Of course," he kissed Blaine quickly on the lips again before kissing Rachel's hair "Good night," he said and sent them upstairs to bed. Kurt could hear Blaine ask as they walked up,
"Do you know what I forgot?"
"No, it wasn't an anniversary or anything," Rachel replied and instead of crying Kurt actually smiled, because despite Blaine not remembering, this date was still 100% theirs. No one else knew, no one else could touch them, not when they had each other.
When the cake was finished Kurt wrapped it up and put it in the refrigerator for later. He didn't need it anymore, he wasn't alone, he still had Blaine, it was just a different form. A version that loved just as fiercely, a version that tried just as hard, a version that was just as kind, and a version that was just as beautiful. Kurt smiled as he crawled into bed, Blaine's body instinctively snuggling into Kurt's body. Whether 14 or 26, it didn't matter, Blaine would always be his, and he would always be Blaine's, and the rest of it, was just details.
Ugh that ending. The cheese is just overflowing. Please review so I can improve. *heart*