Chappeytor 2
'UP U MUDDERFUKINGHPEISOFSHET. UPPPPPP'. Dat waws mah arntays petuniyah. She is evils. I stoowd uup nands hit mah hed ons seeling. OWWWWWWWWWWW MUFERPUCKINGSEELING.I downt liak leeving unders tha stayrs. It suks. Mrrrrrr. Arntie pet. nocked on ma dooooor agains and I was like 'YESSSSSS WTF I AM AWAYK'
Shay opend ze door and was weeringh a bekineh and hed oil in her hahnd. Sheee sqertd it ovr her tets and rbed her nips. I pownnced ons her. Sheh rbed mah 11 inchr and I went in her. MMMMMMmmmmmmm. Fter 1 hour, we nished. A pb time fur meee. :DDDDD. OHSMAGODSSSSS I frgt 2 1ntr0duc3 ma slf to yuuu. I IS Harrie Pottey, AKA savur of th straits. I gt red of da ghays whn ah waws won. Ah ws onlay a bb. How da fk I kllt LVWPPS at dat ayge, IDK. Weell, I had hed mah brekfst of vgna juis, so I got upp. Ih wlked owt of mah "room" and into le kechen where mahhhhh unkl wa5. I dnt liayk hem. -.- -.- -.-. I walkeddd uph 2 hem ad I snpped hees neck. ITS OKAYYYYY, he is a vampire, he will come cbac to lyf in liak 1/2 a hour. In dat time, I went tow a prossey hous n I fucked 5 hores at da saym time. :PP. Den I walkd howm. I got a letter. Funnay letter it ws. Eet waws green.
...
EEYt sayd:
Dear Mr. Pottey,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.
Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.
Yours sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress
HOGWARTS SCHOOL
of WHICHCRAFT and WIZARDRY
UNIFORM
First-year students will require:
sets of plain work robes (black)
plain pointed hat (black) for day wear
pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)
winter cloak (black, with silver fastenings)
Please note that all pupil's clothes should carry name tags.
COURSE BOOKS
All students should have a copy of each of the following:
The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1)
by Miranda Goshawk
A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot
Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling
A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch
One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi
by Phyllida Spore
Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
by Newt Scamander
The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection
by Quentin Trimble
OTHER EQUIPMENT
1 wand
1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)
1 set glass or crystal phials
1 telescope
1 set brass scales
Students may also bring and owl OR a cat OR a toad.
PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS.
...
I hed no prnts. 4EVAALONE. :'(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
AWsum. IM a wizard. :3.
I walkt up to uncl vern ansd I was liik 'IMAWIZARD,K,NOWYOUDRIVEMETOTHESTATION,K,ISEEYOUL8 TR.' and vern was like 'K'.
unkl vern drove me to the stashon and I was just sooooooomotherfuckingexcited I wet myslf. 5 tyms. ooops. I kykt nkl vern in da blls asa gdbye. I got arnty pet and kissed her fannay gdby. I walkt thru da barrier to platform 9 3/4.