There had been times in his life when James was happy. He was happy when he was playing Quidditch, he was happy when he was coming up with plans to get Lily Evans to love him, and he was happy when he was with his friends coming up with the next big pranks. In this moment he was more than happy, he was ecstatic. Remus Lupin had just come and asked him to get insanely drunk. James didn't know why nor did he question it too much. This was Remus. Remus never asked to get drunk, he just followed along behind them reluctantly involving himself in their plans and schemes. Sirius had to be told.
Finding Sirius was no problem. After all, that was part of the reason they had the map.
Sirius was still trying to clear out his mind. He had a plan. He would wander around until he forgot all about kissing Remus. Maybe he should get incredibly drunk. That usually led to him forgetting things.
Just as he was trying to figure out where he was going to get the alcohol, James ran up beside him.
"Sirius, guess who has decided to be a bad bad boy for the first time in his swotty little life?
Sirius looked up and raised an eyebrow. "Is it Peter?"
James laughed. "Well, Peter will be there. Just trust me on this, it's going to be great!"
"Wait, who are we getting drunk?"
"We're not getting someone drunk. Someone has asked me to get him drunk. Now, I'm going to go and raid the kitchens and break into all of our secret stashes! Just come to the dormitory tonight."
"I will…considering that's where I live."
"Right, right! Well, see you tonight!"
Sirius watched James scamper away. Well, this was exactly what he needed. One ridiculously drunk night to get his mind off of Remus. It would be perfect considering Remus didn't like to attend the Marauder's drinking parties. Nah, he was happier in his little library doing his homework. At least now Sirius could get his mind off of Remus.
Oh, this was awkward. Sirius and Remus sat on opposite sides of the room. Remus kept glancing around and taking small sips of his drink. He wasn't used to this and he certainly wasn't used to getting drunk with the one person who he was trying to drink away. He should've left, mentioned something about homework and scampered away, as per usual. But, he knew that James wouldn't let that happen. He knew that he had to stay and get a little drunk. James had been so excited and there was literally no way to stop James from doing something he was excited about.
"I'm hungry," Peter mumbled. He took a sip of whatever concoction Sirius had created for him and winced.
"You're always hungry," James pointed out. "Actually, I'm kinda hungry. Sirius, Remus, go get some food."
"I'm not hungry," Remus said immediately. The last thing he wanted was to be alone with Sirius right now.
Sirius looked up and rolled his eyes. "I'm not moving just for the two of you."
"Alright, Pete, as much as I hate to say this, it's you and me," James said as he got up. "Under the cloak, we're heading to the kitchen."
Peter, for his part, seemed ecstatic over his. He clapped and jumped up, nearly spilling over Remus's half finished beer. "I hope there's cake," he said as he followed behind James.
Oh no, Remus thought as he picked up his drink. James and Peter were gone now and that just left… Oh, this was awkward. Remus glanced over at Sirius for just a moment before looking down at his lap. This was exactly what he didn't want to have happen. He wondered if there was a quick way to escape.
"They got these things now," Sirius said, "these bottles that don't have these annoying caps on 'em. How come we don't have any of those?"
Sirius, for his part, looked perfectly relaxed. He was sprawled out on the couch and wore that ridiculous leather jacket. Several bottles littered the ground around him and there was a large spill on a pillow. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes unfocused. He was probably too drunk for an actual conversation.
"Yeah, they do have those," Remus mumbled. "Um, Siri?"
"Wha?"
"Did we…did you kiss me?" He had to say something about it. He just had to know what Sirius's plan was with it. Sirius had seemed so sincere about it. Surely it wasn't all just a big joke.
Sirius laughed. "Yeah."
"Why?"
Alright, Sirius had prepared for this. He knew exactly what he was supposed to say and how he needed to react. "I thought it would scare you. I didn't think you'd get so weird about it. It was just a prank, Moony."
Remus paused and continued to stare down at his hands. Just a prank. Of course it was. He had known for a while that it was just a prank. He should've known from the start. Well, he had known, he just chose to ignore it and think….why did he think that Sirius could be a sensible human being for once in his life? Sirius wasn't decent, he wasn't kind, he wasn't even a good friend!
"I kiss a lot of people," Sirius went on. "One time I kissed James. It took me an hour to get him down from the tapestry." There, that was a lie that Remus wouldn't question. Remus was an awkward boy anyway, he wasn't going to ask about Sirius kissing James.
Remus pursed his lips and finally looked back up. "So, that's all it was? I was just another person to prank? I was just….You don't think about other people's feelings at all, do you?"
"Remus, don't get all weird—"
"I'm not! I'm not getting weird! All I'm saying is that you're…you're awful. You're a horrible person. I don't even know why we're friends."
Sirius looked up and smiled. "Because we get along. Because I'm fun. Look, Remus, don't be so prissy. After all, like you said, we're friends."
Remus shook his head and finished off his beer. "No, we're not. Not anymore. I'm going to bed." He got up and headed toward the stairs.
It took a moment for Sirius to realize what Remus had said. This wasn't the way things were supposed to work at all! Sirius had expected Remus to laugh and agree that it was just a silly joke. Why wasn't he laughing? "Why are you being such a little girl over this, Remus? God, it's like you think that this all means something! Not everything has a meaning behind it, Remus. Why are you acting like such a baby?"
Remus stopped and gripped the banister. "Because I thought that you were, for once in your life, being honest and sincere. I thought you actually felt something. But, no, I should've known that you're just an idiot who likes hurting people. Screw you, Black. I'm done. Just…Just don't talk to me again, ever."
"Fine! I don't wanna talk to prissy little girls anyway," Sirius called as Remus disappeared out of view.
Well, that went as well as could be expected. 'Just don't talk to me again, ever.' This ran through Sirius's brain while he waited for James and Peter to return. How could he not talk to Remus? He needed him to do his homework and to work out pranks. What about during the full moon? Would Remus still want Sirius to come with him? Surely he would. Wouldn't he? He had never seen Remus this angry before.
How long would this last? Remus now hated him, but surely that couldn't last too long. Remus wasn't very good at hating things. In fact, Sirius couldn't think of much of anything that Remus hated. Sure, Remus could be mad for a while but he would eventually get over it. It was like the time they covered a chocolate bar in a potion that make his skin turn purple. He had been mad and he hadn't let them copy his homework that night, but he was over it by the next day.
All Remus needed was some time to cool of. Sirius was certain of this much. Remus would forget all about the fact that they had kissed and they would be best friends again. There was no reason to worry at all. Sirius could enjoy the night because he knew that Remus would come to his senses. By tomorrow this would all blow over. Sirius took another drink, deciding to accept this reality because the truth might be too painful.
The next morning, Remus got dressed in silence and gathered up his books. He was a pacifist. He wasn't going to fight or hit Sirius for what he did. What good would that do anyone? All it would do was hurt them both and Remus had too much work to do to get hurt now. Sirius was a horrible human being and, honestly, Remus couldn't remember why they were friends in the first place. Sirius had never once done anything good. All he had done was slept around with girls and pranked people. Why had Remus ever thought he could change and be a good person?
"Morning, Moony!"
Remus glanced over at Sirius. He was buttoning up his shirt and grinning broadly as Remus. How could he just act like nothing had happened? How could he be so calm and relaxed?
"Hmph." Remus grabbed his bag off the floor and slung it over his shoulder.
No, he wasn't going to break down and talk to Sirius. In fact, what was the point of talking to any of the Marauders? He didn't fit in, he wasn't anything like them. He was the little boy with his books and they were the smiling, giddy pranksters without a care in the world. Soon enough they would all reject him. They would come to understand that he didn't belong, he was the straight line in the circle. From now on he was Remus and he was alone. At least now he would have the time to focus on his studies. Now he wouldn't have to be distracted by trying to fix their pranks. He wouldn't be pulled into situations he didn't want to be in.
Yes, now he was by himself and he didn't have to try to fit in. By the time he reached the bottom of the staircase, he was incredibly lonely.
"Oi, Remus!" James managed to catch up with the boy after Charms.
Remus had tried to be quick about packing up, but he should have known that James would catch him eventually. It was going to be hard to escape from the people who had once been his friends, but he needed to. "What is it," he finally asked. All he wanted to do was escape to the library while everyone else had lunch.
James paused. Remus wasn't usually so snappish. Well, unless it was near the full moon, but that was two and a half weeks away. James shrugged it off. Sometimes people were in bad moods. It didn't really mean anything, right? "I was just wondering if I could borrow your Potions essay." He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I totally forgot about it last night."
'Totally forgot about it' meant 'I was drunk and I didn't do it'. Remus knew that much, he was there. "Why don't you do your own homework for once? I'm going to the library. Maybe you should visit it once and a while."
Was that too harsh? Remus hated it. He hated being mean, especially to his friend. 'No,' he reminded himself, 'you need to avoid them. Remember, you don't belong, you never have.' This was horrible. He had never pictured a life without the Marauders and now he was trying to live that way. This was never going to work, was it?
"Okay, Moony, something is wrong." Well, that much was obvious. "You disappeared last night after you asked to get drunk." He paused and thought about this for a moment. Remus had been alone with Sirius. "Did Sirius do something? I mean, that's the only person you were alone with."
Remus froze. He couldn't tell James what really happened, that would be admitting that he had kissed Sirius and he felt something. James would never let him hear the end of it. No, he couldn't tell him, not ever. "Yeah," he finally said. "Sirius is kind of a jerk, in case you never noticed. He never thinks about anyone but himself. He's not a good friend at all. He never has been"
James laughed. "Sirius is a dick pretty much fulltime! Whatever he did then tell us and we'll fix it. It's what we do. He's horrible but we love him and we'll lovingly beat him until he's nicer to you." James smiled as though this was a perfectly fine idea and a wonderful solution.
The last thing Remus wanted was to cause any sort of violence to happen. "Look, I just need to be alone. Just stop bothering me. It's really hard to be alone when people keep asking for your homework and asking what's wrong." Remus shook his head and took a deep breath. He didn't want to get angry he just wanted to get away.
"But, you can't go off. There are four of us, I have exactly three friends. If one person leaves then it'll be a trio and trios are stupid. Look, c'mon Moony. Just tell me what he did and I'll be sure to fix it."
How was James going to fix a shattered heart when Remus was too embarrassed to admit it? Sirius had hurt him, badly. It was beyond repair, beyond anything that James could ever fix. "What if there is no why? Does there always have to be a reason? James, not every question has an answer. Besides that, no one said that Sirius and I were fighting. I just need a break, from everyone. I just want to be with Remus for a while..." Remus paused, thinking about what to say. He didn't really have anything. "Maybe there is no 'why' about it. Maybe I just realized that Sirius Black is a huge jerk."
James narrowed his eyes. Obviously this wasn't what he expected or what he wanted. "No. We've been best friends for five years. We've had fights but for reasons, usually stupid ones. If you don't want to hang out with Sirius then either there's a reason or... I don't know what! We stick together no matter what, even on the full moon. And what about the rest of us, you're just abandoning everything now? Merlin, what is wrong with you?" James's voice was rising and causing a few people to stare as they walked past. Not surprising, the Marauders weren't known for fighting with each other. They were known for fighting with other people, but rarely ever with each other.
He just had to act normal. He wasn't going to get angry. Oh, this whole thing was far from normal! 'Calm down, Remus, just act like there's nothing wrong. "Actually, I'm acting like a normal human being. You're the one jumping to irrational conclusions. Honestly. Maybe we just need a short break? Maybe we just need some time away from each other. I told you, I want some Remus time. You know how Peter isn't invited along to everything because, sometimes, you just don't want to be around him? Well, right now I feel the same way about everyone. I see you never thought of rational reasoning."
"Fine! Next time you can have a party all on your own!" James threw his hands in the air and took a step back.
Remus shrugged. "Fine, I don't care."
That was when James started yelling. He walked forward again, causing Remus to back up. "Why are you being such a baby, Remus?" He took another step forward and now Remus was against the wall. "What the hell did Sirius do? What did I do for that matter? You don't just stop hanging out with people for no reason!"
Remus's temper was breaking. He didn't usually get mad, but James was being impossible! "He didn't do anything, James. He didn't do anything!" He yelled back.
James's eye widened in surprise. This was Remus! Remus didn't do mad!
"Nothing happened, I don't see why you don't get that!" Remus went on. "Maybe you've taken one too many bludgy thingies to the head, but you just don't seem to be able to understand anything! Nothing was done. Nothing, nothing, nothing!"
James recovered from the shock and was once again incredibly pissed off. His face was bright red and his eyes were narrow. "Just go chill out." He was yelling again. "When you come back be... be Moony again, alright? I'm going to go talk to Siri. You stop being a brat." He turned around and started off.
"Fine. When you come back don't be screaming in my face. It's considered rude!" Remus turned in the opposite direction.
The fight with James had worn him out. He didn't want it to come to this, but it had to, didn't it? He couldn't act normal around Sirius anymore. Things had changed, a lot of things had changed. The last thing he wanted was for James and Peter to realize that he was hopelessly in love with Sirius. God, the jokes they would make.
Remus kicked the wall. "Urg! Why is he such an idiot?" he asked himself. "Why does he think he has to figure everything out? Sometimes things are none of his business."
That was when everything set in. This was his first fight with James, ever. Sure, he had gotten frustrated and annoyed, but he had never gotten angry! Remus slid down against the wall and pulled his knees to his chest. He put his head down and took several deep breaths. This wasn't the way things were supposed to be between them. James hadn't done anything at all, but he still had to be pushed away.
This was all Sirius's fault. Why did he have to play that stupid prank in the first place? If he hadn't then Remus would be begrudgingly giving James and Sirius his homework right now. He certainly wouldn't be sitting in an empty corner feeling sorry for himself.
'Pathetic,' he thought. 'That's what I am right now. I'm just straight up pathetic. I knew from the start that Sirius didn't like me like I liked him. I'm just an idiot. A stupid and recently friendless idiot."
Remus picked himself up off the ground. He needed to distract himself. As always, he would just get lost in his work. He would study until his brain threatened to rupture with all the new information. He would forget about everything by working on a timeline for the Goblin Rebellion and figuring out the different types of dragons.
And there he was again. Just stupid, stuffy Remus who never did anything fun or exciting. Silly Remus, burying himself in his books. Hopeless Remus, in love with someone who would never love him back.
James sat down at the table, throwing his bag down on the floor.
Sirius looked up and raised an eyebrow. "You seem really angry at that bag, mate. What'd it ever do to you?"
"It's not the bag," James grumbled. He didn't feel particularly hungry. Not eating wouldn't do him any favours, but he wasn't sure he could stomach any food right now. "Remus is just being a stupid brat about something. Peter, go check on Remus." He didn't need Peter there. What he needed was to talk to Sirius.
Peter was always happy to be involved in Marauder's stuff, but he didn't look terribly pleased. "But…he's Moony. If he's in a bad mood…maybe I shouldn't bother him."
"Peter," James said and sighed. "Someone needs to talk to Remus and you're the calmest. Go draw him a picture or something."
Still not looking pleased, Peter got up from the table and grabbed his bag. "Alright, I guess I'll go…"
"You're a good man, Wormtail," James said, clapping Peter on the back.
As soon as Peter was gone, Sirius turned to James. "Alright, spill, mate. What happened with Remus and what's his problem? It's not even the full moon, there's literally no reason for him to be in a bad mood. I mean, we got drunk last night. Who could be in a bad mood after a night of drinking?"
"Okay... Look, Moony was really weird today and I kind of yelled at him and called him a baby and now he's eating Peter so Peter is dead. I thought it was either your fault or his fault for sure. I guess it must be him because you usually gloat when you win and he's saved up enough good karma to be evil and eat at least one friend for all he's done." James paused and thought about everything that had happened. "Actually, it's definitely his fault because he hates me too and I didn't do anything to him. I think I made him cry."
Sirius paused and thought about this for just a second. Had he…broken Remus? "I don't care that Peter is dead or being eaten. Wait, no, Remus is a cannibal? No, hold on, I'm confused. You made Remus cry?!"
"I didn't make him cry. I just thought that he was being an ass for getting all snappy when I asked for his homework. Then we started talking about you and he got extra snappish. He yelled, Siri, he actually yelled. I don't like it when my friends fight. I should at least know why they're fighting. Or why they're just... weird."
"Well," Sirius sat and leaned against the table. "I don't wanna talk to Remus either. If he's being a jerk to everyone then I don't wanna be around him. In fact, why don't we just ignore him for a while?"
James sat up and stared blankly at Sirius. No, wait, this wasn't right. Sirius was supposed to admit to something he did, they'd have a good laugh about it, and then they'd fix it and everything would be normal again. "Wait, are you mad at Remus too? God, are you both on your period! I mean, I can cope with Remus being on his, but you too?"
Sirius shrugged his shoulders, thinking that it was best if he wasn't around Remus for a while. He didn't want for things to get weird. As much as he wanted Remus, he wasn't going to admit anything. "Look, he's being a jerk and I didn't do a damn thing to him. If you're insisting on figuring this out then go right ahead. But don't expect me to answer any questions."
What the hell was going on? James threw his hands in the air. "I quit! I just quit! No, wait, I don't quit! You and Remus are both kicked out of the Marauders."
"You realize that just leaves you and Peter, right," Sirius pointed out, his temper starting to flare up.
"I didn't say I was happy about, but being stuck with Peter is better than being stuck with two people who hate each other! Either you and Remus make up or…or…I can't think of anything right now because I'm too mad!"
Sirius stood up and slammed his hand on the table. People were starting to stare at the scene unfolding. "Fine! You do whatever you want, but I'm not having anything to do with stupid, moody, Moony! If he hates me then fine! I can hate him too!" Sirius grabbed his bag and turned away. "You're on your own! Have fun being stuck with Peter!"
"Fine! But I'm going to find out what's wrong with the two of you and I'm going to fix it! You can't stay mad forever!" James stood up and started yelling again.
"Fuck you, man!"
"Fine! Fuck you too! I'm not letting my best friends hate each other because of some stupid reason that nobody is telling me about!"
Sirius didn't say anything. He just stuck his hand up and flipped James off before heading out of the Great Hall.
Well, James wasn't going to sit here alone! He was going to figure out what happened. He glanced around that the other Gryffindors, all of them were just staring at him, looking baffled and some of them seemed mildly amused. "Stop staring, show's over, folks," he told them before storming out of the Great Hall.
Oh, he was going to find out what happened if it killed him! No way was he letting everything fall apart! The last five years hadn't been for nothing. He just hoped that Peter was having better luck with Remus than he had had with Sirius.
Surely Remus wasn't still angry. He couldn't stay angry, he rarely even got angry! Everything was so messed up and James didn't even know where to begin looking for clues. All he knew for certain was that this couldn't go on. He wouldn't allow it. Not in any way. He was not going to be stuck with Peter for the next two years!