MAJOR TOM

"How's Emma? Has she had the transplant yet?" Chandler asked anxiously.

"She's doing awesome, she's put on a lot of weight, and her skin's got that healthy baby-glow. She's getting discharged next week, Chan!" Joey said, beaming.

Chandler buried his face in his hands, "Oh thank God, thank God she's okay; I don't know how I'd live with myself otherwise," he said breathlessly.

"And the other big news I have, is that… Ross and Rachel are getting married!" Joey exclaimed excitedly.

Chandler stared wide-eyed at Joey, "Married? The ultimate Hot and Cold couple getting married? That's just, wow, amazing, really amazing," Chandler said shaking his head in awe.

"I know! And I'm gonna be the priest!" Joey announced proudly.

"Of course you are. The internet ordainment, how could I forget?" Chandler said, sarcastically deadpan.

Smiling sadly, he added, "I always had a feeling they'd get married someday; I just never knew I'd be missing their wedding… or not be invited at all, for that matter… I really thought I'd be Ross's best man."

"Well, for what it's worth, nobody's gonna be Ross's best man, cos I'm the priest, and you're not around. He doesn't talk about you, but I can tell he misses you. If he didn't, he'd be getting some random dude to be his best man, but instead, he's going without," Joey said sympathetically.

"I guess…" Chandler said, shrugging sadly.

"But other than the best man thing, are you okay, Chan? They treating you alright, in there?" Joey asked anxiously.

"No, Joey, I'm doing terrible in here. I mean orange? Seriously? So not my colour!" Chandler joked evasively.

"Chandler…" Joey chided gently.

"Hey look, Joe, we agreed on this. If you're gonna come in here and visit me, we're not discussing feelings. These visits are meant to cheer me up, not bum me out."

"Mon once told me that when people don't want to talk about stuff, it's usually cos it's bugging them, especially when it comes to you…" Joey pressed.

"Joey," Chandler warned, "A deal is a deal. No touchy-feely during my prison visits."

"Chandler, why are you so freaked to open up? I'm your best friend," Joey asked sadly.

"You remember the time you guys got on my case for being unable to cry?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah, I remember yelling at you for being dead inside," Joey chuckled.

"And you told me a ridiculous hypothetical about a talking three-legged puppy!" Chandler laughed.

"Hey, that was a really sad story! C'mon, a three legged puppy!" Joey protested indignantly.

"The point is, eventually, I did manage to turn on the waterworks, but somehow, once I got started, I couldn't stop. I began crying over the stupidest of things," Chandler said. Joey nodded soberly.

"Well, I'm scared that if I start on how I feel, if I begin to tell you… the truth, I won't be able to stop. The tears will come, and it'll be like opening a gate I cannot close, and right now, being stuck in here away from my friends and family, I can't afford to do that, for the sake of my sanity," Chandler explained.

"Okay, I hear ya," Joey whispered, nodding sympathetically.

Joey looked at Chandler, who suddenly looked very glum. It made him regret bringing up how Chandler felt. Not wanting to end the visit on a glum note and an awkward silence, Joey tried to cheer Chandler up in the only way Chandler ever responded well to, through jokes, silliness and general goofing off. Joey thought about all the times, back in their youth, when they used to prance around the rent-controlled apartment, videoing each other sing ridiculous songs. Breaking the silent tension, Joey began singing.

"Ground Control to Major Tom," he sang in a regal voice, "Ground Control to Major Tom!" All the visitors at the prison turned to Joey with a confused, annoyed frown on their faces.

"Joey, what the hell are you doing, you're embarrassing me!" Chandler whispered loudly.

Seeing the beginnings of a bemused smile of Chandler's previously glum face, Joey continued, "Commencing Countdown, Engines on…" Joey increased the volume of his voice, "Check ignition and may God's love be with you!"

Oh My God, Chandler mouthed to himself in exasperation, as all the visitors and prisoners stared at Joey's antics.

"C'mon man, you gonna leave me in a lurch like that?" Joey announced, unabashedly.

Shaking his head in exasperated amusement, Chandler said, "Oh alright, but if I get prison-bashed, that is on you!"

"Fine by me!" Joey sang, pointing at Chandler to cue him in for the lift-off.

Chandler put his fist up to his mouth like a microphone, and announced grandly, "Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Lift-Off."

Ignoring the staring faces, Chandler and Joey launched(pun intended) into the song at the top of their lungs, "This is Major Tom to Ground Control, I'm stepping through the door! And I'm floating in a most peculiar way; and the stars look very different today! For here I am sitting in my tin can, far above the world, planet Earth is blue, and there's nothing I can do…"

For a moment, Chandler forgot about his legal woes. He forgot he was trapped in limbo, about to be convicted of attempted murder by a little girl he cared deeply for, ostracised by the other prisoners because they believed him to be a child-killer, and trapped in a cell with cellmates who treated him with disdain.

For a few beautiful minutes, Chandler was far above the world, away from prison and back in the old apartment of his youth, which he once shared with Joey.