A/N: Okay. This is all me. Thank you all so much for your encouragement and support. This has been an interesting journey for me so far!

Two months into married life and Bella was going out of her mind.

It was bad enough that every minute was painted with the macabre colors of illness and the heaviness of the inescapable. Esme had good and bad days, but even the best days were trying. It was maddening to watch her slipping away, to see she was in pain and be able to do absolutely nothing about it.

Esme's family was gathered and, thanks to Edward, Bella was swept up in that. She'd known, of course, that after they were married, she and Edward would live with Esme and Carlisle for the foreseeable future - until after Esme's death. A month after the wedding, Alice came home from school for the summer. She brought her boyfriend, Jasper, with her.

Bella wanted to be thankful for this chance. She was well aware many people didn't get to do this - they didn't get the time to say all the things they wanted to say before their loved ones were gone. But it was tainted.

Esme clasped Bella's hand, smiling. At her prompting, Bella had shared the story of how Edward asked her to the girl's choice dance his senior year, her junior. After years of dancing around their changing relationship, he'd finally decided he'd had enough. They were always meant to be more than just friends, and it was time they acknowledged that.

"He laid it out like we were in science class or something. It was very logical." Bella smiled wistfully, remembering. "'We've been friends forever, Bella,'" she imitated his serious business voice and face. "'The other day, my mom said she had three kids. Except, I don't want you to be my sister. The relationships that start as friendships are the ones that never...'" Bella trailed off with a gasp.

They were the ones that never die, he said.

They did go to the dance, and afterward, sitting in his car in her driveway, he'd skipped the first kiss and gone straight to the 'I love you'. "I've loved you for my entire life so far." He'd smiled at her, and even in the darkness of the night, his grin was blinding. "My eyes will always be green, my name will always be Edward, and I will always love you."

Esme patted her hand. Her thin, trembling fingers brushed over Bella's engagement ring, paired now with her wedding band, and she smiled. "You know, he bought this ring for you the spring of his first year at Dartmouth," she said quietly.

Bella blinked. "What?"

Her look was far away. "You remember he had that job at the gas station?"

"Yeah. For spending money at college."

Esme laughed. "Is that what he told you? I always wondered." She shook her head fondly. "Carlisle and I have been very lucky. Our children never wanted for anything. We've known since they were very small we would have enough to send them to whatever college they desired. Edward didn't need to save for college. He knew he would have what he needed.

"But Carlisle put into his head a long time ago that when it comes to girlfriends, any romantic gestures would mean much more if they came from money earned."

Bella understood that. She'd had a job at Newton's Olympic Outfitters when they were in high school. She'd enjoyed getting him little gifts and paying for the occasional outing. It wasn't much, but it had made her happy to see him happy.

"Every date he took you on, every gift, prom... every cent he ever spent on you was with his own money. He did odd jobs for neighbors when he was home, but when he was away at Dartmouth, every cent he earned at that gas station went to this ring," Esme continued. "When I went to visit him toward the end of the year, he took me with him to find the ring. He was so upset when he realized he didn't have enough, but luckily we sweet talked the sales person into dropping the price just enough."

Bella's stomach twisted sickeningly. By that time, she'd already known what she was going to do. By that time, she had already used part of what should have been her college fund - small as it was - to buy a plane ticket to New Hampshire, knowing full well what she was going there to do.

"He's had it since then?" she asked numbly.

She had a horrible realization. Suddenly, Bella was dreadfully certain that Edward had been about to propose minutes before she broke his heart.

"Oh, Bella. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset."

Bella didn't answer. She wasn't crying, but her eyes were stinging. She thought there had to be a limit to how painful this whole process was. She'd been an idiotic kid who made a stupid, irrevocable mistake, as kids were wont to do.

The fact of the matter was Edward and Bella had their lives planned out to the letter. When she hadn't gotten into Dartmouth - the very first step in their plan - she had been convinced she couldn't have any of it. She couldn't have the fancy degree that would get her into a great science program. She wouldn't become an award winning physicist. She and Edward would never be one of those power couples - both at the top of their fields, unstoppable.

It was melodramatic, and in retrospect, Bella understood it was an undeniably teenage, all-or-nothing way of thinking.

Now, though - after she'd finally wrapped her head around a lifeplan she thought could make her happy - she was having to deal with the heartache of her biggest mistake, her greatest regret all over again.

And she was beginning to realize that she was Renee in this scenario, and that was more than she knew how to deal with under the circumstance.

"What's going on here?" Edward's voice was tense, and he rushed over to his mother. He spared a withering glance at Bella. Even after all this time, it was as though he was still waiting for her to hurt his mother.

Esme batted him away. "I'm fine, dear. It was my fault." She patted Bella's cheeks, wiping away the tear that had escaped. "I didn't mean to bring up hard subjects. It all worked out, Bella. Just remember that. Sometimes it takes making a mistake to truly understand what we have."

Bella nodded, her throat a little too tight to speak.

"You look tired," Edward said to his mother. "Why don't you let me help you lay down?"

Esme grimaced, but she didn't argue. She was always tired. As much as Bella knew it annoyed her, she spent more time sleeping than anything else. She grudgingly acquiesced to her son, letting him push her wheelchair toward her room.

Bella found herself wandering, her head, as was so typical now, too full and her heart too heavy. She was trying to sort out what she should be feeling, thinking. Since the wedding, she'd been vacillating, tossed wildly between a wide range of emotions, each harder than the last. From one second to the next, her mood changed. She was horribly angry at Edward for putting her in this position, for forcing her to languish in a house where her second mother was dying, her second father was a step away from complete devastation, the woman she'd once considered a little sister hated her, and the love of her life could hardly stand to look at her.

Still, death had a way of keeping her mired in regret. Most of the time, she took every hateful word Edward and Alice hurled at her behind their parents' back because they were nothing compared to the condemnation in her own head.

When she heard Alice's voice and her own name, Bella ducked into an office - Carlisle's as of late ill used office - to get out of the hallway. She pushed herself against the wall, not really trying to listen but being unable to help it.

"Enough, Alice," Jasper's voice sounded exasperated and sad. He sighed. "This needs to stop. This venom... it isn't you."

"She-" Alice began, her voice loud and hard, but he cut her off.

"Sugar, I've heard all about the sins of Bella Swan, and I'm telling you right now, they're a bunch of bullshit." His tone was not unkind, but it was firm.

"What do you think-"

Again, Alice's boyfriend interrupted her. "You want to know what I think? I think your mother is dying, and you're scared. I think you're so pissed off at her for leaving you, but you can't lash out at her. I think you're pissed as hell at Edward, but you can't lash out at him either because it's only natural to cling to your family right now, especially since you have him back after all these years. I think blaming Bella is easy because if she hadn't lived her life the way she wanted to, or needed to, none of this would have happened, right? You would all be one happy family?" There was a challenge to his voice though he kept his tone even and gentle.

She obviously didn't have an answer for that, because he went on. "Maybe what Bella did was stupid. Gee, an eighteen year old kid making a stupid decision. That never happens. But it was a high school relationship eight years ago, Ali. Enough is enough."

"Shut. Up." It sounded as though Alice was speaking through gritted teeth. "Just stop defending her. Their marriage is a sham. Edward hates her. I can tell."

Bella closed her eyes, leaning her forehead against the wall. She felt a brief moment of panic. What would be the point of all this if Alice didn't keep the secret?

"Baby, the whole world could tell," Jasper said wryly. "Your father could tell if he wasn't so wrapped up in your mother. Your mother could tell, but I'm sure she just wants to believe her boy will be happy when she's gone.

"Here's what else I can tell. Whatever is going on between Bella and your brother, she loves your mother."

Alice scoffed. "Right. That's why she could leave her just as easily as she left Edward."

"You pout all you want about it, but it's true. All the fear and grief you feel? She feels it too, but she's got no one to turn to. Maybe she broke Edward's heart when she was just a girl, but it was Edward's decision to stay away from Washington, from his family. It was your family's decision to move."

Again, Alice said nothing, and Bella heard a rustle of fabric. She thought perhaps Jasper was gathering his girlfriend to him. "It is not her fault your mom is sick and your brother missed so much time with her. Yeah, babe. I'm sure there's something going on with Edward and Bella that isn't quite kosher. I'm also sure your brother has more to do with that than Bella does."

"Jasper, she's going to break his heart again."

"That's between the two of them."

"No it isn't!"

"Alice."

"It affects all of us. If she hurts him again when Mom is so, is so-"

"Alice."

There was a pause, and Bella heard Alice gasping. She was crying.

"It's going to be okay," Jasper whispered. Bella could hardly hear him.

"No it's not." Alice's voice was muffled, as if she were pressed against his chest. "My mother, Jazz. I want... I want."

She broke down then, and Bella, overcome with grief, sunk down on her knees. She kept her hand clasped over her mouth, crying right along with Alice.

Out in the hall, Jasper shushed and soothed his girlfriend. "I promise, Ali. I promise whatever happens, I'm still going to be right here. I won't let you go, baby."

Bella's head spun, and it was all she could do to keep her sobs quiet.

Though she was surrounded by her second family - two parents who loved her to pieces even though their children didn't - Bella had never felt more alone.

~0~

Despite Esme and Carlisle's protests, the only night Edward and Bella intended to spend away together was their wedding night. Going along with the rouse, Edward had booked the grandest accommodations Forks had to offer.

Of course, being Forks, that wasn't saying much.

Edward had been drinking, so his father drove them the five miles from the house to the little cottage. Edward and Bella sat in the back, Edward aching and confused. He kept trying to remind himself that his arm was around Bella because it was what his father and their guests expected to see.

For two people who had rarely left each others sides all afternoon, Edward and Bella had spoken hardly at all since they'd said their vows. Still, it hadn't been as difficult as it should have been to hold her close, to dance with her, to smile when he looked at her.

When Carlisle had said goodbye and they were alone in the cottage, the atmosphere felt pregnant with tension. They both waited, though Edward couldn't say what he was waiting for. He'd forgotten his carefully rehearsed lines. He found himself staring at the comfy looking couch, remembering how when he booked this room, he fully intended to make her sleep there instead of the King sized bed they were meant to share.

Finally, Bella moved off. Edward heard the bathroom door shut with a quiet snick.

His stomach and heart seemed to be twisted around each other. His throat was tight. His eyes burned.

Shaking his head, Edward bypassed the complimentary champagne and got into the mini bar, pouring himself a shot of something amber. He hardly knew what it was. He just needed the bite of alcohol on his tongue to soothe this ache.

When they were young, and he was a fool, he'd thought Bella was the worst actress. Obviously, he'd known since she dumped him that wasn't the case, but he'd forgotten until today just how convincing she could be.

He closed his eyes, trying not to remember how she smiled at him - shy but as in love as he was.

Forever. Always.

Every time he kissed her that day - because it was expected, because it was what people wanted to see - she stiffened for a moment before she melted into him. Those were the kisses he remembers - soft, sweet, and full of promise. Full of now and the rest of their lives.

Edward took another long drink.

When Bella emerged from the bathroom, coming into the bedroom where he sat, he could barely breathe. She was dressed for bed now - no wedding night lingerie, just pajama pants and a long sleeved, soft cotton shirt. With her hair down, her expression painfully uncertain, she looked so much like the seventeen year old girl she'd once been. His love. His life.

There was nothing he wanted more in the world in that moment than for this day to be real.

He stood, putting down the bottle and crossing the room toward her slowly. Her eyes were on him, her chest rising and falling with each breath. She flinched ever so slightly when he took her face in his hands. She wrapped her hands around his wrist, but she didn't pull them away, and she didn't move otherwise.

They were locked in a stare.

Edward's moods warred with each other. There was part of him that was so angry, so maddened by everything she'd thrown at the window, he wanted to squeeze her head. He wanted to shake her, because why? Why couldn't she feel this?

When he lowered his lips to hers, though, his kiss was gentle. It was the opposite of the kiss he'd taken from her in the dress shop - all violence and control. He heard her tiny whimper, and her lips responded to his.

But as he kissed her, he remembered the first night - the only night - they'd spent together. All at once he remembered this was just an act. She didn't care then, and she certainly didn't care now, at least not for him.

With a growl, he walked her backward, pressing her up against the wall as his kiss turned into something more feral, more aggressive. He was furious because once again, he'd given over control of his emotions, of himself, to this woman who had proven she couldn't be trusted.

His muddled thoughts tripped over each other. He moved his lips to her neck and sucked slightly, feeling just a little satisfaction when she gasped.

Whatever she thought she was doing to him here, he wasn't about to let her win this game again.

"Edward." Her voice was raw, her hands splayed over his chest. She shoved. "Stop."

He stopped.

They were both breathing hard, and he wondered if he looked as conflicted as she did. He scoffed, taking a step back toward her so their bodies were almost but not quite touching. "What's a matter, sweetheart?" his words were a low rumble. "Don't you want to consummate this fucking farce?"

The hurt that flashed across her face made him sick to his stomach.

She took a shuddering breath. "There are a lot of things you deserve to say to me," she said, her voice low and quiet, but dangerous. "But that isn't one of them. You want to yell and scream at me for the things I've done to you, fine, but you don't get to make me feel like trash. No one deserves that."

Her eyes were filled with angry tears as she turned away, ducking out of his reach.

He felt like the lowest form of pond scum, but he was drunk and hurt and angry. He reached out, grabbing her by the arm before she could turn away from him. "What's the difference?" he hissed. "You did it once before when it meant nothing to you. What's changed?"'

The tears spilled over, and Edward would have given anything to wipe them away. He hated seeing her cry. The years and the anger hadn't changed that fact.

"It meant everything to me, you fucking asshole." Despite her angry words, her voice was no more than a breath.

Shaking her head, she shoved past him into the little living area, slamming the door to the bedroom behind her.

Edward stood, staring at the closed door for what might have been hours, listening to her cry. His stomach churned, and he only barely managed not to throw up. Throwing up would have been a relief he didn't deserve. He sank down on the bed, his head in his hands, trying to find reason in his fury, confusion, and grief.

At some point, he fell asleep, though when he woke it was still dark. The cottage was quiet. Carefully, he opened the door and peered into the living area.

Bella was obviously asleep. Her little body was curled in on itself, her head tucked down, her arms wrapped around her legs. He chanced turning the light on, and his heart twisted when he saw her tear streaked cheeks.

Retreating to the bedroom, he retrieved the comforter and brought it out, draping it over her huddled form. He knelt at her side, hesitating with his fingers hovering over her cheek.

His wife.

More confused than he had ever been in his life, Edward again retreated to the bedroom. Rather than get back in bed, he threw himself down at the armchair and stared at the gold band on his finger until the sun came up.

~0~

Edward was sitting at the table in the kitchen, purposefully avoiding the dining room where Bella was playing cards with his mother, father, and Jasper. Alice was visiting an old friend, and Edward...

Edward was pretending to have a few things to attend to for work back home in Chicago. In reality he was spinning his wedding band back and forth.

The night before, when they had returned to the room they'd been sharing, she'd tried to talk to him about her engagement ring.

He'd gotten so angry again, he'd merely snarled at her that it was one of many things he was looking forward to be rid of in the next few months.

Though their breakup had left him bitter and irrevocably altered, Edward didn't recognize himself these last few months. It was one thing to be angry, but thinking back to their wedding night and the night before, he knew he was bordering on cruel.

Jasper had told him, "The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference." Edward had pretended not to know what he was talking about.

Getting to his feet, Edward peered carefully into the dining room. He watched for minutes, seeing his mother and father both joking and enjoying their time with her. Jealousy churned in his gut when his father reached out, cupping Bella's cheek in a fatherly, affectionate gesture.

He felt a wave of longing, wishing he could touch her like that. He squeezed his hands into fists, trying to curb this intense ache. The feel of his wedding band, clenched in his palm, biting into his skin made it just a little easier to think. A little.

Not enough.

Shoving the ring in his pocket, he grabbed his jacket and keys. "I'll be right back," he called to the others. He was out the door before any of them could react.

Out in the cool air of summer in Forks, he could breathe a little better, but he quickly realized it wasn't enough. His lungs felt tight, like he was being held underwater by the weight around his shoulders. Choking.

He made a beeline for his car knowing he had to get away from this house, if only for a few hours.

A/N: Phew. Okay. So. How we doing, kids?