A/N: Rawr. So. Barburella gave this a once over but for the most part, it's not beta'ed. Any egregious errors are my own.
Edward hated his wedding ring.
Even hidden from sight, he would swear he could feel it against his skin still. It was as if he'd taken the circle of metal and held it over flames until it burned magma red and only then stuck it in his pocket.
He tried not to think about it as he tore down the long drive.
Not knowing where he was going only lasted so long in Forks. Edward supposed he could drive further, into the dense forests or out towards the rocky beaches of La Push, but what was the point? The silence only served to deepen his confusion, drove him further out of his mind, and he was already out to pasture.
This place was haunted – memories of his happy childhood were everywhere. As a teenager, he'd been disillusioned with this rainy place. It was such a trashy little town – not even charming as tiny towns went – but for some reason, his mother had always been enamored.
His father had told him in one fell swoop that his mother was dying and they were moving back to Forks for her final months. It was where she wanted to be, though God only knew why. They'd sold their house in Seattle, moving back to the house where he'd grown up.
Where he and Bella had played as children.
Where they'd shared their first kiss at nine just to see what all the fuss was about, deciding then it was overrated only to amend that opinion later.
These last eight years, Edward often wished he was the type of person who could return to a place where he had only happy memories and savor them. He thought perhaps that was what his mother was doing: surrounding herself in a place where her memories could make her smile because reality was difficult to bear.
"Death doesn't frighten me," Esme told Renee, unaware Edward was hovering close by, listening. "What frightens me is the lack of resolution, not for me, but for my children. I worry about Carlisle, of course. Ultimately, though, I know I've given him a good life. Too short, perhaps, but he's known love. He has two beautiful children who will take care of him. We were successful together. We laughed, cried, lost, and lived so much together.
"What I want is the peace of knowing my children will have as good a life as I've had. My Alice… It's a little soon to tell, but Jasper is such a good man. I worry about her, but I worry less because a good partner will push you to be the best of what you can be. I've been waiting for her to realize she doesn't need to stay so close to home. She's always been so curious about the world, but she tries to make up for her brother's absence by denying opportunities that would be so good for her. Did you know she was offered an Internship in Paris?"
"Wow, that seems like it would be perfect for her."
"It would have been," Esme said wistfully. "But she turned it down because she won't go that far away from home for so long." She sighed. "But at least with her, I have faith Jasper will encourage her to branch out. He seems to see the extent of her potential.
"Edward." Her tone was heavy, and Edward's heart twisted. He waited to hear her privately condemn him for all the time he'd missed. "My sweet, stubborn boy. He gets something into his head, and he won't be swayed."
"I know what that's like," Renee sympathized, and Edward felt an old, old sarcastic twinge. As though she deserved to make it sound as though she cared about Bella.
"You would," Esme said, a smile in her voice. "Oh, Renee. What would give me more peace than anything would be to see Edward at least on the road to happiness. He's gone through the motions. He worked so hard to be successful, to make us proud, but I really don't understand. It's obvious to me he hates his work. Carlisle and I couldn't be prouder of all he's accomplished, but what does it mean if it doesn't give him any satisfaction?
"And he's so lonely." Another sigh. "He tells me he doesn't need a partner to be happy, and that would be fine… if he was happy."
"You may as well be talking about Bella. She says the exact same thing."
Esme paused while Edward's stomach twisted. Every time he heard Bella's name was like a needle to his heart, a persistent pain even though he'd told himself over and over again he needed to let it go.
He needed to let her go.
"Is she happy?" Esme asked, her voice wispy, hopeful.
Edward held his breath.
"She's… not miserable."
"They always made such a good match."
"They did. They helped each other. They were good for each other."
Edward held back a scoff, the taste in his mouth ever bitter.
"I never stopped hoping," Esme said. "That old adage. If they were meant to be, they would find their way to each other again. Even now, I can't help but hope…"
"Me, too," Renee admitted. She dropped her voice, and Edward had to strain to hear her. "You probably think it's crazy, but I've been reading into a little theory about witchcraft. Nothing dark, of course. But even as recently as last week, I did a little spell. You know, just a little bump help fate along."
The two women giggled together. "I'm not above hoping it will work."
Edward banged his head against his headrest growling to himself.
Maybe Renee's mystic spells had worked, to an extent. Maybe that was why he'd gotten this crazy idea in his head.
Edward had never been good at passivity. It wasn't in him to cope with something like this in any rational way. When his father finally convinced him there was well and truly nothing to be done – Esme was beyond a cure no matter how expensive or experimental – Edward turned his attention to making her as happy as possible. When it was clear she was in no shape to travel, he left his company in other hands and moved back to Forks to be with his family for the duration. And then…
And then, if only to give his mother peace of mind, he'd concocted this plan.
At the complete destruction of his own peace.
He remembered Renee's words. "She's… not miserable."
He hadn't been miserable either. His mother was right; he was lonely, and he wasn't happy, but he hadn't been miserable.
And now they both were.
Edward drummed his fingers on the steering wheel restlessly, noticing he'd somehow ended up in that same parking lot where he'd watched Bella for hours before he approached her. He dragged his wedding band out from his pocket and stared at it.
The damnable thing.
For his parents, a similar wedding band was a symbol of everything Esme had spoken of. It said that this person was attached, part of a greater whole. It said they walked through this world – all the hardship and the joys – together.
All his life, since he was a very little boy, that was all Edward had ever wanted – what his parents had.
When he was ten and Bella was nine and her mother had left her behind, he'd taken her by the hand. "You know, I'll never leave you," he'd promised. "I don't think you could ever do anything bad enough for anyone who loved you to leave you."
He remembered so well thinking about Charlie and Renee, and thinking that if he ever married Bella, he would never be able to walk away the way Renee had.
The way Bella had.
So the ring he was now forced to wear on his finger day after day was a slap in the face, a reminder of everything that had been his every hope and dream, thrown away so easily. Brushed off like dust in the wind.
He wanted answers. He wanted answers to so many questions, but he was too angry to ask, too consumed by regret and guilt.
Edward dragged his suitcase over, feeling in control for a few precious seconds when he heard the familiar click click of the latches as he opened it. He threw the ring inside, and shut the suitcase again before he got out of his car. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he entered the diner for the first time.
Inside, he took a moment to breathe in. This was her world without him – a world he knew nothing about. He was more than a little curious to understand why she'd chosen this world over the future she could have had with him.
In his distraction, it took him a long time to figure out his waitress, Jessica, was flirting with him.
It was pure habit for him to smile back. He'd long ago perfected this game. In the business world, a savvy, charming front went a long way toward getting what he wanted. Not that he wanted anything from Jessica.
Well.
It occurred to him that Jessica had at least some of the answers he was desperate for. He knew she knew Bella; he'd seen them laughing together when he was watching Bella that day.
His smile broadened. He tilted his head as he answered Jessica's small-talk questions. Yeah, he was sort of new in town. He agreed there wasn't much to do here.
"Of course," Jessica began, a purr to her voice. "If you know how to get creative-"
"Hey, Jess!"
A booming voice interrupted them, making Edward jump and Jessica look up. "Hey, Emmett," she greeted the large man that had come up behind her.
He spared a smile for her before he turned to Edward with a grin. "So you've met Edward Cullen."
The waitress's eyes went wide and she looked accusingly at Edward. "Bella's husband, Edward Cullen?"
"The very same."
Edward grimaced, feeling his cheeks heat. "We hadn't gotten around to introductions," he said smoothly.
The stranger's grin only broadened in that insincere way. He wasn't even trying to hide how much he didn't like Edward.
Jessica cleared her throat. The atmosphere had gotten distinctly uncomfortable. "What can I get you?"
"I'll take the usual for me, Rose, and the kids. To go, please." He looked at Edward. "I'm just going to talk to my friend here while I wait."
"That sounds like a good idea." She turned to stare at Edward coldly. "And you, Mr Cullen? Do you want anything?"
"Just a Pepsi, please."
When Jessica had walked away, the two men assessed each other with hard eyes. As much as Edward told himself he didn't care – he certainly shouldn't care – he couldn't help but picture this man with Bella. Was that why the other man's eyes sparked with anger? Was he jealous?
Emmett chuffed. "Man. You're lucky it wasn't my wife who caught you, asshole, or you would be minus your balls."
Edward's cheek twitched. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean," he responded coolly, looking Emmett directly in the eyes.
The other man snorted. "I'm sure."
The derision in Emmett's steady stare had Edward chafing. "Have we met somewhere I'm not remembering?" He would have known if Emmett had gone to high school with them. "How do you know who I am?"
"How do I know you?"
"That's what I asked."
The larger man looked away. "I've known Bella for over five years now," he began slowly. "She's the sweetest, most selfless soul I've ever met. That's what gets her into trouble." He looked up, giving Edward a knowing look. "But I don't need to tell you that, right? She's your wife."
Edward scoffed. "Yes, I'm well aware of how my wife cares for people." He didn't bother to hide the derision in his words. Obviously this man already thought poorly of him. At this point he had nothing to lose.
Emmett tilted his head, something dangerous glinting in his eyes. "Yeah," he said as if he'd gotten the answer to some question he hadn't asked out loud. When he continued, his tone was harder. "Like when she saved up enough money to enroll in school the first time but signed over every penny so her stepmother wouldn't lose her house. Or when she gave up the only halfway decent job she's ever had – a job that could have had her in much better shape – because her asshole ex-boyfriend needed to be bailed out of jail.
"And I know what you're thinking," he said quickly. "I can see the look on your face. Her boss was judgmental about that too. He called her an idiot for having anything to do with that man, and that was why he gave her an ultimatum: Jacob or her job. But what he didn't understand was her ex's father was just recovering from a heart attack. The poor man was in a bad way, and the last thing he needed was drama from his idiotic son. Bella sacrificed a one-time opportunity to save a crippled old man from suffering."
Edward was silent under Emmett's piercing stare.
The other man wiped his hand across his mouth. "You didn't know any of this." It wasn't a question but a realization.
Edward's eyes flicked away and then back, but he didn't speak.
The way Emmett huffed and the expression on his face suggested It was no less than what he expected. He looked away again, his mouth set in a thin line. "Every time Bella has attempted to put herself first, someone else's needs became more important. Who knows. Maybe it gave her life meaning.
"But this?" He shook his head, anger beginning to seep into his tone. "This is above and beyond. She left her apartment, her job, her plans to finally get out of this shithole overnight. For you, apparently. Imagine our surprise when we found out she'd married you without breathing a word to any of us."
His agitation was beginning to leak into his actions now. His hands were on the table, and he clenched his fists sporadically. He was full on ranting now, not looking as Edward as he spoke quickly. "When we call or text, she'll only text back that she's fine. She doesn't call, and she doesn't come see us. Not so much as running into us in this tiny town… that's got to be on purpose."
Emmett looked back at Edward. More than anger, there was pain in his eyes. "Am I painting you a clear picture here? This already sounds like some Dateline NBC bullshit. I can't say I'd be surprised at this point if she ends up missing or dead so you can collect on the insurance money."
"I don't need insurance money," Edward spat, finally finding his voice. "All of this is beside the point. You never answered my question. You know me. How?"
"I knew your face," Emmett admitted, sitting back. "I helped Bella move. There was a box. Bella actually got as far as setting it by the dumpsters, but she went back for it." He smirked. "I peeked."
"My picture was in there," Edward surmised.
"The box was full of Edward Cullen paraphernalia as far as I could tell." Emmett shrugged. "I could never get her to open up about it."
Shaking his head, Emmett leaned over the table, dropping his voice. "I don't know what you did to Bella, but I'm telling you right now, I don't like it. You've already taken her away from the life she just started to put together. Again. You're keeping her away from her friends, and if you're parading around like you're not married, flirting with a woman Bella is close to, you are a level of scumbag that's going to get what he deserves sooner rather than later. You get my drift, ace?"
"I wasn't going to do anything," Edward bit out through clenched teeth. He was aware how guilty those words sounded, and he chafed. Even if he had intended to do more than flirt with Jessica – and he hadn't – it wasn't as though he was going to break Bella's heart in the process. And he wasn't keeping her away from anyone; that was her own choice.
"Okay, sure." Emmett waved a hand, dismissing Edward's defense without a second thought. "Bottom line? We love Bella. If you can't love her, let her come back to us."
He stood then, striding off without giving Edward a backward glance.
~0~
With Alice and Edward gone for the afternoon, Bella was able to relax for the first time in months.
It was a sorry state of affairs she found herself in. Here she was, a newlywed who was profoundly relieved to have her husband out of the house
There was no getting around the fact that Edward's antagonistic behavior made her days more taxing and emotionally draining than was entirely unavoidable. His gaze was ever watchful, as if he was just waiting for her to mess up, to say something to his parents that she shouldn't. Since their conversation in the dress shop, He hadn't said out loud that he outright expected her to hurt Esme, but his eyes always held a warning: if she stepped a toe out of line, there would be hell to pay.
Then there was the bittersweet flavor of their interactions. Often, for the benefit of his parents, he would touch her tenderly: a brush of his fingers down her cheek, a gentle bump of his shoulder against hers, the occasional kiss to her cheek. For seconds, even minutes at a time, she could squint and pretend she was living a different life – a life she'd given up the rights to. Sometimes she got confused because when he looked on her kindly, for the space of a few heartbeats, she could believe she'd found a way to turn back time and everything was as it was meant to be.
It was a very nerve wracking way to live, like she was walking on eggshells, taking shallow breaths.
Many times in the last two months, Bella had attempted to reason with Edward. There was no need things had to be so strained between them. Naturally, pretending they were happily married when they were anything but was bound to make things unpleasant, but maybe it was also a second chance. It was obvious neither of them had healed from their break up all those years ago; if they could talk, maybe they could at least find closure and peace with each other.
But Edward was simply not ready to listen. His anger was quick and consumed them both.
For the first time in too long, Bella enjoyed an afternoon with Esme and Carlisle. Though she was wary at first, Jasper proved to be a calming influence. It was almost as if he sensed her nervousness around him, and he went out of his way to be warm with her.
For a few hours, Bella felt like she was among friends.
When Edward came back from wherever he had been, her defenses went back up. She tensed, waiting for him to drag her aside and interrogate her about what he might have missed while he was gone. At the very least she expected him to be watching her closer even than usual, but he wasn't.
He was watching her, but something was different.
Throughout the evening, Edward was unnaturally quiet. So many times, Bella looked up to find him staring, but not in the hard way that had become typical. There was something contemplative and vaguely sorrowful about his expression. He watched her at dinner as she helped Esme cut her dinner into tiny, easy to chew pieces and encouraged her to eat a little.
Bella would have given anything in that moment to know what he was thinking, what that look on his face meant.
All that evening, he said nothing unless spoken to. He stayed back except to kiss his mother goodnight when Carlisle picked her up to carry her upstairs to bed. Again Bella felt his eyes on her as she ascended the steps ahead of the couple and turned down the blankets of their bed so Carlisle could set Esme down and tuck her in.
There was just something strange - not worse but strange - about the air that made Bella at once jumpy and anxious.
At a loss for what to do, Bella retreated to the room they shared. She curled up on the couch with a book, waiting to see what would happen.
An hour, then two ticked by and he didn't come. Nerves made her skin crawl, and she found she was worried for him. Finally, unable to take it, she crept downstairs.
The sight she found in the living room just off the stairs made her gasp, her heart jumping into her throat. Edward was sprawled on the floor, eyes closed. Calling his name frantically, she darted to his side and sank down on her knees. Cupping his face in her hands, she looked him over, trying to figure out what was wrong as she said his name over and over.
He opened his eyes slowly, and Bella gave a small huff of relieved laughter when she saw how bleary and bloodshot they were. Seeing he wasn't hurt or unconscious, she could have kissed him. "Did you fall?" she asked quietly.
"No." The word was slurred. As she suspected, he was very, very drunk. "Jus' tired."
He used to do this when he was young - just found a spot to curl up on the floor to go to sleep. It was an odd quirk he'd grown out of. "Too tired to make it up the stairs?" She clarified.
He only hummed his agreement.
She started trying to get her arms around him.
"What're you doing?" he grumbled.
"You have to get up. Your parents can't see you like this," she explained.
"Fuck." It sounded like the thought had just occurred to him.
"Don't worry. I'm going to help you."
Together, they managed to get him upright and on his feet, though he swayed a little. She guided his arm around her shoulder, doing her best not to stagger under his weight. When they got the stairs she wrapped his fingers around the bannister. "Lean on me and lean on this. You won't fall, okay?"
"Okay," he agreed.
Somehow, step by careful step, they got upstairs, and she led him to their room. She pushed him gently down on the bed and set about taking his shoes off.
He was watching her again, his expression forlorn. "Bella?" he murmured.
His tone was so soft, gentle, Bella's heart skipped a beat. She closed her eyes against the ridiculous, painful rush of longing and swallowed hard. "Yes?"
"Why are you doing this? I'm an asshole."
Bella didn't answer right away. She finished pulling his shoes off and pulled the blankets up over him. "Because I'm not."
He didn't say anything at that, but he also didn't argue.
Bella got a glass of water and aspirin, setting them both on the nightstand, sure that he would need them in the morning. His head was tilted toward her, his eyes open and following her.
For a long moment, they looked at each other. Bella bit the inside of her lip.
Unsure of what to say or do next, she turned out the light and retreated to the couch.
"Bella?" he said into the darkness some minutes later.
Her heart pounded painfully against her chest. "Yes?"
"The money..." He swallowed. "When we divorce, I want you to take the money I promised you and go to school."
She didn't know what she'd been expecting, but it wasn't that. Just what was she supposed to say? If he thought she was going to take his money, he had another thing coming.
But it didn't matter. His words were sluggish. He was drunk, and who knew what the hell was going on in his head.
"Go to sleep, Edward," she said quietly.
Edward's breaths evened out a long time before Bella let herself drift to sleep
A/N: Edward, Edward, Edward. What are we going to do with these two?
And now for something completely different. If you're so inclined, I wrote a little piece for the Let's Do Anal contest. You can read all the enteries at letsdoanal dot blogspot dot com forward-slash p forward-slash entries.
So. How are we doing out there?