A/N: First things first THANK YOU to all of you who voted for this fic as fic of the week. That was such a nice surprise, and I heart you all. We won. :D

In case you're interested, my other E/B fic, The Boy At Table Seven, is up for fic of the week THIS week, so if you're so inclined, vote again.

Much heart.

We are all divided between team Edward and team Bella. I'm Team Holy Crap They Need To Kiss and Make-Up.

Let's see what they get up to.

Bella almost ran down the stairs, needing to be away from Edward. She was glad it was still early enough that everyone else in the house was asleep. She stumbled as far as the living room before she stopped, leaning with one hand against the wall, the other tight over her mouth.

Just when she thought she knew all the ways his harsh words could hurt her, Edward had to throw a curveball.

The only night they'd spent together was simultaneously the best and worst night of her existence.

Of course she'd known what she went to New Hampshireto do. In retrospect, she knew how stupid she'd been, but when she was living it, it was the only thing that had made sense. Walking around Dartmouth with Edward that day only reinforced her foolish idea.

He belonged there. He had friends. He was thriving.

Edward could still have the life they planned. He absolutely should be free to pursue that life with someone who could actually fill the role.

It was a wonder he didn't notice her distraction. Bella was lecturing herself on how stupid she'd been to get settled down so young, to decide who she wanted to be without considering if she was capable. When she was very small, she'd dreamed of being an actress. By the time she was a teenager, she'd realized she had no talent for it. Why should this be any different?

As the day wore on, reality began to weigh heavily on her.

When they were back in his dorm room, he started to kiss her. With every kiss, Bella screamed at herself. She shouldn't be doing this. It wasn't fair. She knew he was in love with her. She knew how much he wanted the life they'd dreamed up together. She knew how badly her leaving was going to hurt him.

Her head spun. His kisses always made her dizzy, but this was different. Even though she'd spent so many of the last few months aching, knowing her dreams of their future - of them - were lying in pieces on the ground, this pain was so much worse. Crushing.

With everything in her, Bella wished she could fix this. She wished she would feel right about keeping him. The way she loved him was desperate and consuming, and no matter how often she'd tried to tell herself it was stupid - it was ridiculous to believe someone was her everything- when she was with him, nothing else mattered. Nothing.

So she gave in.

She silenced the angry voice in her head and listened to her heart.

Their bodies moved together like a choreographed dance. Her shirt, his shirt. His pants. Hers. They kissed. They touched. They whispered to each other sweetly, and she meant every word she said when she said them.

"I love you," she whispered back when he moaned those words in her ear.

"Forever."

"Always."

And when he woke her in the morning, Bella almost told him the truth, almost let herself believe that it didn't matter that she couldn't be the second half of a power couple. She could still have him. She could still have this.

But no. There was the fairy tale and there was reality.

So she turned away from him, and broke his heart.

Bella wiped away tears of misery.

Of course she knew she'd been stupid and cruel. Hindsight was always the harshest teacher. By the time she saw how completely fucked up her plan was, it was too late. It was done.

And she would have to live with that for the rest of her life.

It took months for her to come to terms with exactly what she'd lost. Dartmouth's rejection had squashed flat her ultimate goal: to be the best of the best, at the top of her field at a young age. In her all-or-nothing view of the world back then, it meant the death of her dream of being a scientist at all.

But putting that aside, putting the loss of Edward aside, she'd also lost a loving mother and father in Esme and Carlisle. How often, before the Cullens moved away from Forks, had she wished she could go to Esme? Her heart was broken and she was spiraling into a deep depression in the wake of the self-imposed destruction of her life. Charlie didn't know what to do with her. The last person she wanted to talk to was Renee.

She needed a mother. She needed a mother to hold her and pet her hair and wipe her tears away.

But she'd given up her mother. And Carlisle. And Alice too.

Then, of course, there was Edward.

When she didn't get into Dartmouth, she began to think about the world in terms of realities. How, she wondered, had she gotten so swept up in this entirely fictional viewpoint of the world? She couldn't have the outrageous success being an Ivy League graduate promised; what made her think she could have Edward's love forever? What made her think that was any more real? Reality was all around them. Reality was far from perfection.

Yes, she loved Edward and he loved her, but that didn't mean they would be right for each other in the long run.

What she learned the hard way, only when it was too late to take it all back, was that love was also a reality. Edward was and always would be the love of her life. She knew it was possible to love more than one person in a lifetime, and she did try, but Edward would always own a part of her heart and soul. He would always be the one that got away. He would always be her 'what if'.

She'd suffered dearly for her mistake. She'd struggled to find her own identity. She'd hurt for a long time.

What she had done to both of them was bad enough. She was beginning to understand that, contrary to her prior beliefs, she'd brought hellfire and damnation down on not just herself but him, for all these years.

As though that wasn't bad enough.

But what he accused her of tonight? That she wasn't a virgin, that she'd cheated on him?

Why would he make it worse?

"Bella?"

Bella jumped, clamping her hand over her mouth as she whirled around.

Esme was leaning in the doorway to the living room, her hand braced on the jamb.

Wiping at her tears, Bella crossed to her quickly. "Esme. What are you doing up?" she asked, immediately offering her arm for Esme to lean on.

Esme offered her a small smile. "I don't sleep so very much," she admitted quietly. "I was in the study. Carlisle's chair is actually much more comfortable. It hurts less." She waved a hand in a fragile motion. "But nevermind that. I heard yelling earlier. Please. Tell me what's wrong."

Sniffling, Bella tried her hardest to put on an easy smile. "It's not a big deal. Things just got a little emotional, that's all."

Esme didn't look convinced.

"Really," Bella reiterated. "It's nothing. I'm..." She swallowed, running her thumb surreptitiously over her wedding band. "We're fine."

"Are you sure, sweetheart? My son is not too old for a stern talking to from his mother."

At that, Bella couldn't help but smile. "I'm sure."

Esme raised a shaky hand, brushing Bella's cheek with trembling fingers. "Okay," she agreed.

"Can I help you back to bed?"

The other woman sighed and winced, leaning against Bella more now. "No." Her breath was labored. "I couldn't sleep right now."

Pushing down her dismay, Bella just nodded. "How about we go watch a movie?" she suggested lightly.

"You should go back to bed," Esme urged. Back to her husband, she didn't add, but Bella heard it anyway.

She smiled again. "I'm awake now. Let's go be lazy."

Esme sighed, but nodded. Leaning heavily on Bella, she let her lead the way to the couch.

~0~

The morning - or rather the afternoon - after Edward tried to drink himself into oblivion, when he went to sit by his mother, she regarded him with that look he'd been familiar with in his boyhood.

Mother was not pleased.

Her expression softened quickly, though, and she patted his knee lovingly. "Just remember to let the anger fade quickly. Don't sweat the small stuff." She grinned at him. "And it's all small stuff."

Edward huffed but smiled wanly back. "Here I always thought you were wise, when really you were just stealing popular book titles."

"I know you, Edward. You stew. You let things fester." She pointed at him, and he tried not to notice how much her finger was shaking. "One way or another, you're only hurting yourself more."

"Everything's fine, Mom. Please don't worry," he murmured, but she quickly shook her head.

"I do worry for you."

Feeling his throat tighten, Edward just laid his head on her shoulder like he was a tiny boy again. He closed his eyes, breathing in. Her scent was off somehow.

Illness had an odor, he reflected.

His arms tightened around her, and he tried not to think about how little time she had left to worry. He tried not to think about how she would react if she knew half the things he'd said to Bella.

She would be so ashamed of him.

Edward closed his eyes and listened to the sound of her breaths coming and going.

~0~

Days went by and they didn't talk.

Edward was sincerely trying to get his head on straight. He hadn't forgotten what Charlie told him about Bella not getting into Dartmouth. Between that, what he'd learned from Emmett, and what he saw with his own eyes, he was trying to reorient the way he saw Bella.

She was right. The least he owed her was to stop making both of them miserable.

Still, at the end of every day, when they retired to their room together, the elephant who came in with them was too much. After a whole day of watching his mother get progressively weaker, the last thing he wanted to deal with was his own heartache. Every day he waited for Bella to press him. He waited for her to acknowledge the change in the atmosphere around them. It never came. She would curl up on the couch or the bed when it was her turn and she would fall asleep with her Kindle in hand.

Often, he watched her when she slept, trying to come to terms with the years he'd spent in the life he didn't want without her.

One morning, the family gathered as usual for breakfast, all of them trying not to notice that Esme was only moving her cut up bits of pancake around her plate slowly. She finally put her fork down and cleared her throat, looking around at the people she loved the most.

"We have a surprise for you," she said, looking across the table at Edward and Bella.

They glanced at each other and back at her. "What do you mean?" Edward asked.

Carlisle smiled and handed an envelope to him. Edward peered inside. Among other things, there were two plane tickets to San Francisco. They were marked for flights late that evening. He numbly handed the envelope to Bella.

"We'll all drive you up to Seatac. We can leave as soon as you're packed," Esme said. "It's a belated honeymoon."

She looked so satisfied, Edward almost didn't protest.

Almost.

"Mom. We can't leave. Not now." His tone was slightly strangled.

"You're going." Her voice may have been thin, but it was that 'don't argue with me' tone that Edward had once been intimately familiar with. When he and Bella both opened their mouths to protest, she shook her head. "I won't take no for an answer."

Resting her hands on the table, she wrung her fingers together fitfully. "Your marriage is so young, and I know things have been tense."

"Esme, we're fine," Bella lied from her seat beside him.

"Your mother is right," Carlisle interjected. "You've had no time at all to yourselves. Not even before the wedding." As he spoke, his hand drifted up and down Esme's back, rubbing lightly. "Marriage is difficult, but they say the first year is the hardest."

Edward twitched, trying not to react. That was the understatement of the century.

"And don't try to tell me things aren't tense between you." Esme frowned.

Jasper, quiet to that point, gave a small snort. "The air is thick when you're both in the same room."

Edward stared down at the table top, his heart beating quicker than normal. He wanted to turn and glare at Bella, an old habit now. "We're fine," he insisted.

"It will be fun. We've rented a few hotel rooms in downtown Seattle. We'll all drive up together. Your father, Alice, Jasper and I will have a few days away from this house, and then we'll all head back together after we pick you up from the airport."

"You wanted to be home," Alice argued. "Why go back to Seattle?"

"I love Forks, of course. But it will be nice to have a change of scenery. It's just a few days," Esme reiterated. "Nothing's going to happen in a few days."

The table was silent, knowing exactly what she was talking about.

Alice huffed. "This is ridiculous." She turned to glare in Edward and Bella's direction. "I don't know what's going on between you two, but this is going too far."

Edward narrowed his eyes at his sister, hoping she could hear his silent warning. Jasper put a hand on her shoulder, as if he were holding her back.

"Alice," Carlisle admonished.

"No, Dad"

"We'll go," Edward said quickly, speaking over his sister. He took a steadying breath, and angled himself toward Bella.

Her eyes were on his, painfully uncertain, searching.

Edward forced an easier smile, raising his hand to brush her hair back tenderly. "Alone time could be a good thing." He put his hand over hers.

Flipping her hand, she tangled their fingers together. "This is too much."

Edward wondered if she meant what his parents had spent on them or if the idea of spending a few days entirely alone with him made her as anxious as it made him.

"It's non-refundable," Carlisle said cheerfully. "You may as well accept it."

Glancing over, he saw that Esme's eyes were on their joined hand. She wanted to believe their lie. At this point, she was the one helping them perpetuate it.

They had been lax these last few days.

"We're all packed. You'd all better get a move on." With a wave of her hand, Esme sent her brood on their way.

Edward tugged Bella up the stairs quickly, wanting to avoid Alice. He stormed quickly into the room, beginning to pace.

"Edward?"

At the sound of Bella's voice, he bristled. He didn't look at her.

"Edward, I can't do this. I won't-"

"You will," he said flatly.

She drew a sharp breath. "This is exactly why I can't. I can't imagine being alone with you without the buffer of your family. I told you, I can't keep letting you tear me apart, and that is exactly what you'd do if we had to spend more than five minutes together. I'm not going to take-"

All reason went straight out the window at her words. These last few days, he'd been working so hard, trying to get to a place where he could actually try to find some common ground between them. This was not a situation he wanted to be put in either, but the ultimate goal was his mother's happiness.

If Bella refused to go, everything would fall apart.

In his desperation, he overcorrected."You will take it," he snarled, spinning on her. "This is what my mother wants, this is what she's going to get." He regretted his harsh words the second they left his mouth, but he also couldn't find, better, more rational ones.

Bella glared now. "What your mother wants doesn't include your verbal abuse and your disrespect," she snapped.

Edward's stomach twisted because she was right; of course she was right, but he was all turned around and furious and helpless about what he was supposed to be doing. If his mother saw the tension between them, what was the point of all this? If she was worried, what was the point? What was the point of this constant torture he was putting himself through, he was putting Bella through, if it wasn't for the ounce of pleasure he could provide his mother?

It was all he could do.

He couldn't take away her pain or bring back her appetite. He couldn't help her sleep. He couldn't rid her of the disease that was making her waste away before their eyes.

This was what he could do, and he was failing.

And Bella was dragging her feet.

"This is exactly why I made up that contract; because you can't seem to hold to your word." HIs voice was raised, but he wasn't shouting. He wanted to, but he couldn't, not when he was sure someone would hear. "You can't seem to hold to your word without a court-"

"Oh, come off it." Her eyes blazed, and she stepped into his personal space. "I'm not a moron, okay? Maybe I'm not as worldly as you, but I'm not stupid. You think I don't know that stupid, fucking piece of paper holds absolutely no binding power?"

"If you-"

"No. You're not going to intimidate me." She chuffed. "Give me a break. If I walked out of here and broke every one of your precious caveats, what are you going to tell a judge, hmm? That I couldn't walk out on our marriage because you were threatening to ruin me financially?"

Edward was silent. His whole body radiated frustration and tension.

"The most that's going to happen is I'm not going to get the money you promised me, and you and I both know I was never going to take it." She crossed her arms.

"Then why the hell did you sign it if it was meaningless to you?" he demanded.

"I signed it because it meant something to you."

They both stared at each other for painfully long seconds.

Somewhere in the myriad of emotions making his head spin and threatening to send his body off in all different directions, Edward recognized a grudging admiration.

He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, breathing in and out.

"I don't want to hurt your mother, Edward," Bella said, her voice softer now. "You know I don't, but I can't go with you if it's just going to be days of this."

Edward counted to ten, and then he counted to a hundred.

That she hadn't thrown what he'd said when he was drunk in his face, that she hadn't tried to hurt him with his admission, said a lot about her.

She wasn't trying to hurt Esme, and she wasn't trying to hurt him.

But he was hurting her, whether it was his aim or not.

He breathed in, he breathed out.

Opening his eyes, he took a step forward. His heart gave a sickening lurch when she flinched away.

He didn't want to be a monster; he didn't.

"You said you wanted to talk." He was almost surprised that his voice didn't shake.

She studied him carefully. "We have a lot to talk about. I know you have things to say to me. But..." Her eyes flicked away.

"But you don't trust me to be civil," he finished.

She bit her lip and didn't respond.

He breathed in, he breathed out.

Spinning on his heel, he found his briefcase and took out a legal pad and a pen. He scribbled a few quick lines across it, signed it, and handed it to her.

She looked confused and curious as she took it, her eyes staying on his for a handful of heartbeats before she looked down on the paper.

There he had written:

I, Edward Cullen, swear to the following:

I will not disrespect you.

I will listen to what you have to say without anger.

I will not attempt to bully or manipulate you.

I will not insult or belittle you.

I will apologize, because I know I've done all these things.

It will stop now.

When she looked up, he could see a sheen of tears in her eyes. This contract, like the last, was naught but a symbol, but he hoped it was enough of a start.

He hoped he was ready to hear her.

Bella folded the paper and put it in her pocket, nodding. "Go take a shower. I'll get us packed." Her voice was only a whisper.

He exhaled in a gust and nodded. "Thank you."

A/N: Oh, Edward. Stepping back, stepping forward.

Many thanks to barburella, songster, and twitina for help this chapter!

What are our thoughts about our kids' upcoming honeymoon to the bay area?