A/N: Hope everyone is having a good start to your weekend!.

Their first conversation didn't go well.

It was the day after Edward got back from New York. Alice and Jasper had taken Carlisle out to Port Angeles for the evening. In an effort to start things out right, Edward had made dinner.

Bella's smile was soft as she sat down, looking over the meal he prepared. "This is what Esme made the night before you left for Dartmouth."

For a second, Edward found it hard to breathe. He missed his mother so much. He inhaled and exhaled before he smiled back. "I was wondering if you'd notice." He cocked his head, trying to decipher the look on her face and failing. "What?"

"All things considered, that was a pretty good night." Her words are slow, careful.

"But?" he prompted.

She ducked her head, the emotion in her eyes cautious and uncertain, as if she wasn't at all sure she should say. "At the time, it was the hardest thing I'd ever done. Helping you pack. Letting you go."

Edward's throat felt tight. The niggling voice in the back of his head still echoed with a scathing retort. That could have been the hardest thing she ever did. It never had to get harder than missing him for a single school year.

He blew out a breath, dismissing that thought. Even if they had stayed together, he knew enough about life to understand it was always going to be harder than being a teenager in a long distance relationship. And besides that, the weight of his grief had robbed the angry voice of his venom.

Loss and pain was an inevitable facet of life. There was no point in adding anger to the mix. It was a destructive, illogical emotion, and enough of Edward's life was in shambles.

He smiled at Bella. "But mostly a good memory?"

She nodded. Again, her look was furtive as she glanced at him, hesitating before she spoke. "You remember that we spent most of the night talking out on the porch swing?"

This he remembered very well. It was one of his memories that ached the worst.

After dinner, they'd sat out on the porch swing, Bella tucked under his arm. Mostly, they kissed. They must have kissed for an hour straight, like they were storing them up, knowing they were going to be without for months at a time. He remembered with crystal clarity how he'd mostly kept his eyes open, memorizing her face as she kissed him.

"I remember."

"We thought we had it all figured out then," she mused. "I can't even remember what I thought it meant, to be a scientist. I just wanted to discover something that would help people."

"It's a good dream."

Bella nodded. "It is, but think about it in practice. In school, in science class, yeah it was a lot of boring lectures, but it was all punctuated by the exciting things. The experiments. The things that science can do are so fun."

Edward had to smile seeing the light of excitement in her eyes. It was like watching her at the Exploratorium all over again.

"But you know... all of that has already been done. The hard work of discovering it was done by someone else. The reality of science is years, even decades, of trying and failing. And that's if you're lucky enough to get to that point. You have to contend with almost a decade of schooling, then get into the right kind of lab. And it's not as though you can get away from the bullshit politics of business." She looked up at him apologetically. "Sorry."

"No, a lot of business is bullshit. I know that, believe me." He pursed his lips, considering. "It was all very glamorous in our heads, wasn't it?"

Her smile was gentle. "So being a hot shot businessman wasn't as fun as it looked?" Her cheeks tinted pink when he looked at her curiously. "Sometimes I would Google you," she admitted. "Articles about you would come up in business magazines, and then at whatever gala or benefit you might have been at. You looked happy."

He hummed, turning that information over in his head. "It had its moments, and I wasn't miserable by any stretch of the imagination. I liked that my name carried enough weight to do some good in the world."

"But?" this time she prompted.

Edward pursed his lips, wondering how to answer. "My partner, Benjamin, he loves what we do, what I did. The schmoozing, the careful plotting, the thinking every move out at least ten steps in advance. He loved it all. Even the bullshit politics as you said. He's very good at it.

"I was good at it too. Very good, but it never thrilled me the way it thrills him. Every day he gets up to go to work, he feels invigorated."

"And how did you feel?"

"Dutiful." Edward tapped his fork on the table a few times, wondering with sudden insight if he would have resented Bella for leading him into a career path he got no enjoyment from even if they hadn't broken up. He sighed and changed the subject quickly before his brain could hang on old regrets. "So then what are you planning on majoring in?"

It took a few minutes of gentle questioning, but Bella eventually opened up about a new passion she'd found. She was thinking of majoring in psychology or sociology - something that would help her get one foot into being able to help troubled teens .

She told him a story about her stepbrother, Seth. At the time everything went down, he wasn't her stepbrother. His father, one of Charlie's best friends, had died of a heart attack suddenly when he was fifteen.

At the time, all of the boys he'd idolized were at their worst. Jacob was preoccupied, at the precipice of a downward spiral after the death of his sister. Sam Uley, his sister Leah's boyfriend, had cheated on her with their cousin Emily. His mother was working overtime not only struggling to cover their bills but also running from her own grief at her husband's passing.

With no one else to lean on, Seth started to follow two other boys - Jared and Paul. The long and short of it was they were trouble, and Seth got in trouble.

Since he was a minor, Sue was held responsible for the penalties and fines levied on her son. Between those fines, legal fees, covering the classes Seth was ordered to take, it was no time at all before Sue fell dangerously behind on the bills.

By that time, Charlie had fallen in love with Sue. He'd already given what he could, trying to help her keep up with legal fees and keep Leah in school. It was such a heartbreakingly small amount, all things considered, that would keep the family from imploding completely.

"That was why you gave her what you'd saved," Edward said out loud, another piece of the puzzle Bella presented falling into place.

Bella nodded slowly. "At the time, I hadn't figured out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life anyway. I was untangling myself from Jacob. I had a steady job in Port Angeles - nothing special, but it paid for the apartment I was in at the time."

Edward drummed his fingers against the table, deep in thought. He huffed. "You should take the money I offered you."

Bella stiffened. "Edward-"

"No, look. Is it any different than what you did for your stepmother? It took so little to help stabilize her life. I could do that for you."

Her eyes flashed, and she glared at him. "I don't need or want your help. My life is fine."

"That's not what I-"

"Why do you keep doing this?" she interrupted. "Does it make you feel better about yourself to make me feel so cheap?"

"Bella." His tone was exasperated. "That's not what I said. That's not what I said at all. And I don't think it's true anyway. If there's anything the last few months have taught me, it's that the only thing I really had the last eight years is money. That's... nice. You can do a lot of things with money, but it's also very empty. The most you can do is help someone out by-"

"I'm not a charity case," she snapped.

"Be reasonable. It's a means to an end. You've worked for it. Not for me, but you've worked hard, haven't you? It would be enough that you could go to school full time and live on your own."

"All thanks to the magnanimous Edward Cullen. Because I couldn't get there on my own."

Edward narrowed his eyes, irritation getting the better of him. "Well, you haven't so far, have you."

She glared and threw down her napkin. "Thank you for dinner. It was delicious," she said curtly, turning toward the kitchen with her plate in hand.

"Fuck," Edward swore under his breath and darted after her. "Bella-"

She whirled on him. "I'm not taking your money, okay? I told you before, I didn't marry you for your money. I'm not going to profit off any small amount of peace I helped give your mother. I'm grateful I got to spend the time with her. I'm grateful to have reconnected with your father, and I would love to find some sort of peace between you and me. If that's impossible-"

"It's not. At least, not for me." He ran his hand through his hair, equal parts irritated and frustrated.

He blew out a breath, knowing it was hypocritical of him to want to rail against her for flying off the handle irrationally when that had been his M.O. for months on end.

Bella shook her head, turning to leave again.

He grabbed her by the arm, turning her back. "Will you listen. Please?"

She yanked her arm back, but she didn't leave.

"I really didn't mean it that way. Really." He blew a breath out through his nose, restless. "You've given so much to others, and you want to help other people. I care about you enough to want that for you. Is that really so terrible?"

Her angry glare softened ever so slightly, and she crossed her arms, studying him.

Edward wanted to touch her. He remembered when they were young and in love, when words failed him, he could always show her what he felt. "I'm not trying to be antagonistic."

She sighed. "I'm not taking your money. That's the last I want to hear about it."

"Fair enough."

After another tense moment, her lips turned up ever so slightly. "Dinner was really good."

"Do you..." He felt unreasonably nervous as he shuffled, trying not to sound as self-conscious as he felt. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

There was a part of him, a fairly big part, who wanted to say fuck it. She was defensive, and rightfully so. She'd broken his heart once, and what on earth made him think he wasn't better off without her?

But he was learning, perhaps too late, his mother's last lessons. He hadn't been able to forget Bella in eight years. His intense emotion toward her - love or hate - had never faded. And anything worth doing, worth working for, was difficult.

Bella's defensive posture loosened slightly, and she nodded. "Sure. I'd like that."

~0~

Pessimists and cynics had many popular mantras. A leopard never changes its spots. Once a cheater, always a cheater. People don't change. On and on and on.

In Bella's estimation, all of that was bullshit.

All people did was change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. And yes, there was always a chance a particular destructive or harmful behavior would never change, but there was also every chance it would. It was the reason there were rehab clinics, counseling, and people who'd put each other through the worst kinds of hell only to end up together, stronger than ever.

Bella had seen it over and over again, had been there when a person reached that one defining moment, the sink or swim second where they would either begin their fight to the surface or let themselves be dragged further down into the depths.

For Seth, the moment had come after he spent three days behind bars. He was seventeen and he'd always been a big, strong boy. But he'd ended up in lock-up in Seattle, no small town jail at all, with big city boys who were truly cruel, hard.

The angry, nasty, misguided boy he'd been for two and a half years came back terrified and confused. And his eyes had been wide open when he saw the fallout of what he'd done, the suffering he caused his mother, the bullshit he had to go through himself.

For Jacob, it was when Bella had bailed him out of jail. He'd spent so many of his teen years taking care of his father, and he realized, as she drove him home, how he could have undone all the good in his father's life in a heartbeat. And he knew he was dangerously close to destroying his own life. Bella had given him a freebie. Nothing was destroyed yet, but it could be.

Both of them had changed for the better and had never gone back to their old behavior.

So in theory, Bella had no trouble believing the change in Edward's attitude was permanent. Wasn't it the most cliche fact of life out there? How often had the death of a loved one flipped on the proverbial light bulb? Life was too precious to be wasted on anger.

Still, her heart felt dangerously fragile. This boy, this impossible man, had always been the golden standard she held every other relationship to. He was her one regret, her what if. It was because she knew a love like theirs was possible that she refused to settle for something less. Yet in the end, he was the only one that had hurt her worse than she'd hurt herself when she left him.

She was wary and defensive, not wanting to let herself believe she'd seen the last of his anger because it would only hurt worse when it returned.

It had been a little over a week since he'd come home from New York when he took her out for dinner. The last thing she expected was for him to pull into the diner where she'd worked.

"It's been a long time since you've seen your friends, hasn't it?" he asked when she looked at him questioningly.

Bella had texted them, emailed, and talked on GTalk or Facebook every once in awhile, but Edward was right. She hadn't seen them at all except for a few minutes here and there when she saw her father.

As nervous as she was - she knew they probably had a thousand questions about her husband among other things - the prospect of talking to Jessica again made her happy. And it was Thursday. Emmett and Rosalie usually ate at the diner on Thursdays with the kids.

Sure enough, she'd no sooner entered the diner than Emmett and Rosalie's seven-year-old son, Henry, came barrelling at her. "Bella, Bella is that you?"

"Oof," Bella gasped as he hit her. She laughed as she wrapped her arms around him. "Hey, munchkin."

"I'm not a munchkin," he said with a groan. "Mommy says I'm going to be as big as Daddy one day." He took her by the hand, leading her over to their table.

Emmett was out of the booth, instantly sweeping her up into a tight bear hug. Rosalie greeted her similarly, but her narrowed eyes were on Edward.

Bella cleared her throat. "Emmett, I heard you've already met my husband."

Her big bear of a friend was visibly surprised she'd heard about their run in. "Yeah, once."

Edward offered his hand to Rosalie. "I'm-"

"Oh, I know who you are, Edward Cullen."

Bella saw his lips twitch, but he nodded and smiled easily at her.

The evening couldn't have been easy on him. Emmett and Jessica's digs were subtle, but it was clear they were trying to bait him.

Rosalie didn't bother to hide it.

"Funny," she said after Edward had made an innocuous comment how nice the deep blue of Bella's sweater brought out the color of her hair. "I heard you had a thing for blonds." Her eyes flicked to Jessica and back.

At that, Bella saw a flash of both shock and anger cross Edward's face before he tempered his reaction. "I'm not sure what you mean. I prefer brunettes." He looked over at Bella then with a smile that made her temporarily forget she was curious about exactly what Rosalie was referring to. Her breath caught as he reached out, curling a strand around his finger before he dropped his hand back to his lap.

The whole night, he deflected her friends' barbs and pushes with charm or indifference. He complimented Bella more than once, his words sincere. Yet though they were playing the part of a married couple, aside from the one time, he gave her space. Once, as they were walking back to the car, she thought he was going to take her hand. Instead, he shoved his hands into his pockets, almost as though he had to forcibly keep them there.

Bella put her own hands in her pockets, wondering if the strange longing she had, wishing he would reach out for her, was the specter of their past - mere muscle memory. After all, the last time he'd walked with her out of this diner had been when he came home for Thanksgiving when he was at Dartmouth. She'd worked at the diner in high school as well, and he'd come to pick her up the day he got back. He held her hand on the way to the car and greeted her good and proper once they were in the warm cab.

Bella shook away that memory as they started back toward the house. "What did Rosalie mean about you liking blonds? Where did that come from?"

Edward visibly stiffened, his hands tightening around the steering wheel. He chuffed and swallowed audibly. "I told you I ran into Emmett that day. Well, there was a reason he was less than pleased with me." He grimaced. "I was talking to Jessica, and I hadn't told her who I was. I was..." Another frown. "Flirting," he said quickly. He chanced a glance at her, his eyes pleading. "I swear it was harmless. Nothing risque. It's...It's no more than what I'm used to doing. The politics of business, remember?"

Bella's stomach was twisting up in uncomfortable knots. "But why, Edward? Why would you do that in the first place?"

She watched his lips work as he tried to find the words. "I was... There was so much I wanted to ask you, and I knew who she was. I knew she had answers."

"You couldn't have asked me?"

He looked at her then. "I couldn't at the time."

Bella fell silent, trying to think.

When they pulled up to the house, he did take her hand, his grip firm. "Bella, please. Whatever else I said and did, I wasn't trying to hurt you with her. I swear I wasn't."

"I believe you," Bella said quietly. The place they'd been in at any point in the last five months had been anything but straightforward.

It didn't escape her notice he'd taken her to the diner knowing full well her friends were less than pleased with him. He had to have known they would give him a hard time.

And despite his tendency to fly off the handle, he'd visibly controlled his anger with them.

Now, he looked vulnerable, as if he couldn't quite believe she would let it go at that.

"Really," she said gently, and she twined their fingers tighter together. "We're okay." About that, anyway.

He looked relieved.

She was about to move to get out of the car again but he tugged her back. He seemed nervous. "I've been meaning to ask you... Have you... What happened with the maybe baby."

Bella blinked at him.

She knew what he was referring to, of course. As she'd told him, she'd been very aware of the fact they hadn't used protection the night of Esme's death. She'd been relieved when her period came the day before. "There's no baby, Edward."

"Oh," he said on a breath, releasing her hand and staring forward.

Looking at the slump of his posture, Bella was confused. "Are you... disappointed?"

Had he really wanted her to be pregnant? Bella had been terrified. As complex and utterly unstable as their relationship had been to date, adding a baby to that mix would have been a disaster. It was the absolute last thing they needed when they were trying to find stable ground around each other.

"No," he said quickly. Too quickly. "Well..." He pursed his lips, his expression a bit wistful as he stared out the window sightlessly. "It was... It's a nice idea in some ways. One life ends and another begins. I've always found that to be a very beautiful concept."

In another circumstance, if they'd been at a different point in their relationship, Bella could see the beauty behind it. She struggled to find a response.

He smiled at her ruefully, taking her hand again and playing with her fingers. Bella felt warmth spread through her at the gentle, intimate touch, but the feel to the air around them was slightly awkward.

Edward sighed quietly, staring down at their fingers. "You know what's been so hard about this whole thing we're doing?"

Bella scoffed, not unkindly, but didn't answer.

He smirked. "Besides everything," he allowed. "It's just... It's a... perversion of everything I dreamed of. You and me..."

"And baby makes three?"

He looked up at her, his eyes so inexplicably tender, her breath caught. He raised his free hand, cupping her cheek. His eyes fell briefly to her lips, and Bella swore in that moment he was going to kiss her.

She would have let him.

But then he dropped his hands and squeezed her fingers before he let go.

A/N:So many thanks to baburella and songster.

I'm sorry. I know a lot of you wanted the maybe baby but that would have been an unmitigated disaster.

How are we feeling?