Why hello. I finally updated. It's been a year and a day since I started with this story. Time flies so fast, huh?

I won't give out excuses, other than I got distracted with other fics. I wasn't really stuck with this chapter, but more of me being lazy in typing this next chapter.

I hope this chapter is worth the wait for everyone who has followed and has marked this as a favorite. I can never thank you all enough. I am sorry for making you all wait.

Coincidentally, did any of you watch the recent Gintama movie? I was lucky enough to watch it while I was in Japan. It exceeded my expectations, to be honest, and I am planning to write two okikagu/okkagu one shots based on the movie. Please look forward to it!

Without further ado, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama. It belongs to Hideaki Sorachi. I only own the plot, the ideas and the gag in this fanfiction.

Of Addiction and Neglect

Chapter 8

Was she dreaming…?

Maybe she was, maybe she wasn't.

Despite all her aggressiveness, when it comes to romance, Kagura was the docile type. She was inexperienced when it came to initiating the romance, and her knowledge was limited to the otome games she had played. Sometimes though, it irritated her when the heroine was just too stupid to make a move on the guy she likes, and had to wait for the guy to do his thing before she goes, "Oh, I have loved you all along!" complete with the whole kiss and hug scenario.

As much as she wanted to be all maiden-like in her pursuit of romance, sometimes, you just need to take matters into your own hands.

Like what she was doing right now, kissing the fuck out of Okita Sougo, who was trying his best to push her back. Too bad for him, she had a firm hold on his dress shirt and wouldn't let go. She only pulled back when she was out of breath, and even then, her stare was still aimed at the now red-faced Shinsengumi First Division Captain, who was looking at her as if she was a ghost.

"W-w-w—" before he could even form a coherent sentence, she pulled down the dress shirt he was wearing and began kissing his left shoulder. "Y-you—"

"Me." She mocked, continuing her task of kissing his upper body, and was now licking his neck. "Me what?"

"I-if this is your idea of a joke, China, I won't hesitate to throw you out." He said, regaining his composure. "I'm not in the mood to play games with you—"

"Who said I was playing around?" she whispered softly against his ear, nipping at his left earlobe as she slowly slid her right hand against his chest, letting her thumb run over his nipple. "Or maybe… you don't like what I'm doing?"

"China, seriously… if you're just going to play around, get the hell out." He said harshly.

"I said I wasn't playing around." She retorted back, frowning at him. "I've recovered already, and I am in no way experiencing delirium—"

"Prove it."

And prove it, she did.

Her left hand untied the obi around her waist, and she let the sleepwear slide down her shoulders. Her eyes never left his as she did that gesture, knowing that a sideward glance would be enough reason for him to send her away. She was naked underneath the robe, as her undergarments were currently missing; no doubt, those things were being laid out to dry.

Not that she needed it right now.

The familiar feeling between her legs was enough to beckon her to be more bold, to take the reins, and to just dominate this doubtful person whom she was straddling right now. He still didn't believe her (she really couldn't blame him), and the only way for her to show him her seriousness was through actions. Bending her head to bite down the side of his neck, she ran her right hand down his torso, over to his navel, and discreetly slipped it under his boxers. A sharp intake was heard from him as her hand grabbed unto his member, and before she could even start fondling him, he gave out a strangled, "Stop."

Immediately, she let go of him.

"China, get dressed."

"Huh?"

"You're going home. Get dressed in five minutes, and I'll walk you home." His blood red eyes were dead serious as he looked at her. "Do it."

"… Okay." She said it so softly that he had to strain his ears to hear her. "Okay…" immediately, she got away from him, pulling the yukata over her shoulders once more and covered herself.

"You can get your clothes in the bathroom. I've laid them out to dry." She gave a nod and headed off to the bathroom right after he was done talking.

Sougo stared at her retreating back before sighing to himself.

… I just cockblocked myself.

Well, that didn't work out smoothly. Way to go, Kagura.

Mentally, she congratulated herself for screwing up a rather critical plot twist in her life, and if she were in an otome game, she could easily restart and reload that game. Unfortunately for her, this was real life, and there were no take-backs. Okita was still pissed at her, obviously because of her stunt, and she did not want him to start thinking that he hates her. That alone was enough to make her start sobbing.

Since when had she started becoming so sensitive about this whole love business?

Love was about caring for her Yorozuya family.

Love was all about Gin-chan, Shinpachi, anego…

Why did everything turn complicated when Okita Sougo got thrown into the equation?

Hot tears began running down her cheeks, and as quickly as she could, she wiped them with her left arm, not wanting to start her breakdown here. The proper place was in her room, Gin-chan's closet, and not here.

She wore her bra, threw on her dress, and fastened the clasps on the right side. After the dress, she placed on her underwear and sighed, knowing that it was going to be a very stressful night.

She headed to the entrance of the flat, wore her slip-on shoes and grabbed her umbrella from the bin. Thinking that he wouldn't notice, she slipped out of the door as quietly as possible…

… only to see him standing by the entrance, glaring at her. He was now clad in a dark forest green uwagi, while his hakama were colored a navy blue. As to why he had suddenly dressed himself up in rather formal clothing just to escort her, she had no idea.

"Oh! Uh—" she tried to fill in the silence just to break the tension, but as always, he did it for her with his harshness.

"Let's go." And with that, he spun around and made his way down to the street.

Kagura had no choice but to follow him back home.

This just keeps getting worse and worse… she thought to herself sadly.

She couldn't look at him.

Frankly, Okita felt rather awkward with her, especially since she had done something very unexpected, and had shocked the hell out of him. Not only was it out of character, but his gut feeling had told him right then and there that if he did not stop, they might just end up hurting themselves again. Sougo hated to admit it, but depression was the last thing he needed right now.

On his birthday, even. How pathetic was that?

From the corner of his eye, he found her staring at the river where he sometimes took his naps when the weather was nice. With the umbrella on her right hand, he found it difficult to restrain himself from suddenly grabbing her hand and intertwining his own fingers into her own. As much as he was itching to reciprocate, which might probably involve her getting tied up to his futon and with her underneath him, he had to hold back.

Both of them needed a breather, they needed to clear their heads, or they might do things that they will regret by morning…

… or in her case, when she wakes up naked and sees him sleeping next to her.

"Hey." She called out to him, stopping all of a sudden.

He steeled himself. "What now?" he asked coldly.

Kagura inwardly flinched at his harsh tone, wondering this time what she did "What… are we, exactly...?"

Nice of you to throw me off with that question, China. Sighing, he said, "… No idea."

"… That's it?" she asked incredulously.

"What were you expecting anyway?" he couldn't help but voice out his curiosity.

China shook her head. "… Forget it." She whispered, sighing to herself. "You're just confusing me…"

"In what way am I confusing you anyway?" suddenly, he stopped his walking and turned to face her, his expression serious.

At this, she swallowed, azure-colored irises filled with uncertainty. Kagura wondered if she should be truthful and say what it was on her mind, but the look on his face told her everything: that whatever it was that she would be saying was going to fall on deaf ears, and she should not bother anymore. Another sigh escape her lips, and Kagura shook her head. As if reading her mind, he cleared his throat.

"China, just say it. What ever happened to the boldness you've shown me earlier?" seeing his pale face with a tinge of light pink would've made her laugh right then and there, but there was no time for jokes nor laughter. Her situation was serious, and she should be serious as well.

… Or maybe not.

Before she could stop herself, she blurted out. "For someone so popular, you're blushing over our earlier make out session."

… What the hell was that, you idiot! She was mortified over her being unable to filter whatever it was on her mind before speaking out (she seriously needed a brain-to-mouth filter), and her pointing out the obvious to him was just… dumb. The female Amanto waited for his reaction, expecting him to give her another icy glare with his piercing crimson-colored eyes and say something demeaning.

To her shock, he had blushed harder. "Oi, shut up, China." He muttered, looking away from her. "Just say it and be over with it."

"Don't change the subject." Boldness, it seems, have taken over her again, and she walked over to where he was. "You liked it, didn't you?"

"… And what if I did…" he muttered.

"Then why did you tell me to stop?"

There, she said it. She finally blurted out one of the questions that had been bugging her ever since. "You're really confusing me. Do you…" at this, she swallowed once more, clearly nervous.

"Do I what?"

"Tell me then… do you still hate me?"

How could I hate her? Despite all the shit he went through, despite him always being tormented by thoughts of her ever since she had walked out on him, and despite telling himself that he should just forget about her and move on with his life, he couldn't bring himself to do so. Sougo admitted it to himself just recently during the times he wasn't too depressed that it was hard for him to hate her. She is lone person who could make him feel alive and made him invoke emotions that he never knew still existed within him. He thought he was emotionally dead already after his sister's death, but China… she had been the only one who could make him feel.

"I never hated you, China." Before she could even speak, he placed a finger over her lips to silence her. "I tried, I just can't. You frustrate the hell out of me, and as much as I want you to get out of my life, I—" before he could even continue his speech, she had stepped closer and gave him a hug, her umbrella bouncing down to the ground as a result of her hasty action. Sougo nearly jumped at the contact, but managed to calm his heart rate, which had immediately spiked when she grabbed him and pulled him closer. Shakily, he placed his arms around her and hugged her back.

"I… I'm sorry."

"For what?" he heard himself say.

"I'm sorry for… being indecisive." She hugged him tighter. "I'm really sorry. I—"

"You're blabbing. For once, you should keep quiet." He scolded her lightly.

"Make me." She dared.

And make her, he did. Without warning, he bent down to claim her lips, his right hand under her chin as he angled it correctly and not let their noses bump. To make sure that she didn't pull away, Sougo held her tighter by the waist, letting their bodies touching as close as possible. He didn't have to prod her to open up for him; as soon as he started the kissing, she opened her mouth used her tongue to lick his lips. She moaned softly when he captured her tongue and sucked on it gently, and he himself was getting aroused once more over the simple act of them kissing and her moaning.

What a way to make his crappy birthday turn into something more meaning and… dare he say it, special.

He pulled away after several seconds to catch his breath, and he nearly smirked when he saw China looking very flushed and embarrassed. "You—"

"Me what?" he asked arrogantly.

She hit him lightly on the arm. "Idiot. Don't pull that stunt again." Before he could retort, she added, "… though it would've been better if you gave me a heads-up. I would've enjoyed it more."

He cleared his throat, nearly embarrassed at her bluntness. As expected of her. "W-well, let's get going. Danna is probably looking for you."

"Right." She didn't bother telling him that Gin-chan was at Yoshiwara, doing adult stuff with a certain blonde courtesan, and would probably be home during the wee hours of the morning, sneakily trying not to wake her up. Drunk Gintoki, however, was as idiot, and more often than not, he caused quite a ruckus in the office, stumbling most of the time on the couch or against the shoe rack, which signaled as her alarm clock in the mornings at an ungodly hour of seven. That was only applicable before she got addicted to otome games, however, and currently, whenever drunk Gintoki stumbled and made noises, that was her signal to sleep.

"Let's go." He picked up her umbrella and handed it to her.

She grabbed his left hand, intertwined her fingers with his own, and used her free hand to handle her trademark umbrella. "To the Yorozuya then."

At first, she had counted on their trip back to her home to be a silent one, with tension so thick that it would have been a better option if she just ran away from him and get home on her own.

Somehow, it all went better than she expected.

The tension was nearly gone (she had to admit, they needed a more serious talk than what they had earlier), she was walking hand-in-hand with him, and the nervousness she had earlier while they were in his apartment had been reduced. They may be alright for the meantime, but she knew that sadist and her still had a lot of ways to go before they could be as comfortable with each other as before, violent matches and all. With all of the events that had happened, it was bound to change, their relationship status; it played between for better or for worse, but she secretly hoped for the former to happen.

Amusingly, she was reminded of one of the games she had been playing recently. The guy had been one huge walking icicle whom the main heroine could never comprehend. Right after she had managed to melt his icy exterior, he was so affectionate that Kagura sometimes had to turn off her handheld console as to not get sick from the sappiness that the game was heading to. Seeing the guy who had been terrible at dealing with his bride suddenly becoming nice was disturbing, and not to mention a bit of a turnoff for her, who was used to him being a tsundere of sorts. [1]

As for Okita…

She doubts that he would turn into that guy from the otome game she has been playing.

A sadist like him would probably be nice at times, but it might involve more torture than niceness, which she was bracing herself for…

If it does come to that.

She shook her head slightly.

It was not good to get ahead of herself, especially since nothing had been resolved as of now.

"What are you think of?"

Ah, crap. "Just… my otome games." It was a half-truth, but better that than him knowing that she was being one crazy person who was looking way into the future.

A snort. "Why am I not surprised?" he said. She was expecting him to make fun of her for her obsession, but the next thing he said had shocked her. "Are you putting all of what you've learned into good use?"

"Uhhh—" a laugh escaped his lips and she found herself very much confused as he tried to stop his laughter, but failing to do so in the process. "Errr… sadist, what the hell is wrong with you…"

"Nothing. Keep on playing. Maybe you'll get ideas." He squeezed her hand for good measure. Frankly, she still did not understand what the heck he meant by her getting ideas through playing the games, but she'll figure it out soon. "Here we are."

It was already half past ten in the evening, and as she expected, Gintoki was not home, as the lights in the Yorozuya office were turned off. She knew Sadaharu was already fast asleep inside the closet that doubled as her room, and made a mental note to be as quiet as possible when she got to the second floor. Before she took the stairs leading up to the office, she had let go of his hand. "I'll… see you tomorrow, then?"

He shook his head. "Let's talk more when I get back. I'll… be in Kyoto for a while." Just yesterday, he had been assigned on a rather dangerous mission that involved 'suppressing' the extremists, and everyone involved knew that the rate of survival was quite low. That was the sole reason why he was heading there, as he was the most useful person to deal with this kind of situation. The sooner they finished, the earlier they would get back home.

Right now, he wanted nothing more than to set things right with her… but before he could even get to that part, he had to finish this first.

Okita Sougo had to take everything slow, one step at a time.

Thankfully, China didn't ask for further details. "I… see. Until when?"

"Possibly over a month. I'm not sure. It depends… on the situation." He said. Extremists were taking over the city, and their help was needed, especially his, since he was the most skilled among the Shinsengumi. "I'll be leaving tomorrow."

"Alone?" she asked.

"I'll be working with the vice-commander of the Mimawarigumi." The police forces of Edo had to join forces once more, despite the fact that Hijikata himself disliked the elitist side of the other police force. "It's complicated, this mission I'll be doing, so we have to work together again."

"Ah. Give my regards to Nobume." He nearly raised an eyebrow at her mentioning the female Mimawarigumi member's name, surprised that they were close. It had probably been during that raid in the Shogun's castle years ago that had prompted the first-name basis relationship, though still, the girl he was fond of and the crazy girl he was forced to put up with were… friends was mind-boggling. "Be safe… and be careful."

"I will." He nodded.

Sougo was just about to turn and walk back to his apartment when he felt someone grab the sleeve of his uwagi. Just before he could turn and face China, she had grabbed the tomo-eri and planted a kiss on his lips.

What the—

Before the Shinsengumi captain could respond, however, she pulled back, her face a bright shade of red. "I… t-thank you for walking me home. And for tonight. Also…" finally, she looked up and gave him the brightest smile she had ever done. Frankly, it reminded him of the time she smiled whenever she played her games.

"Happy birthday. I… hope it was… a good one for you, despite everything that had happened."

"The best." Once more, he pulled her into a tight hug, feeling himself smile genuinely for the first time in months.

"Be careful. Don't get yourself killed." She reminded him, hugging him tightly.

"I will." He mumbled. "You behave while I'm gone."

She snorted in response. "I do whatever the hell I want. Don't tell me what to do."

That's my China girl. Inwardly, he chuckled. "Yeah, whatever. Just keep yourself busy until I get back. We'll talk, okay?"

"Yeah. For the meantime, don't get yourself killed." She repeated, though this time around, he could have sworn he heard her voice crack. "And don't give Nobume a hard time by being an ass."

"She can take care of herself. That email addict is the only one who can tame her." He said, referring to Sasaki Isaburo, the elite guy himself who was the leader of the Mimawarigumi. "They can deal with each other. I'll just do that mission and get back home."

He felt her nod. "Okay. I… trust you to get back here in one piece." At this, she let go, and for one last time, Kagura gave him a peck on the lips. "Good night… and happy birthday."

"See you around, China." As much as he wanted to kiss her senseless, he knew he had to get back and get some rest himself. He had a few more hours before he would report back to the headquarters and be briefed on the mission he would undertake. Okita knew it was going to be dangerous, but dealing with a group which was a step lower in comparison to the Kiheitai in terms of being extremists was enough for him to take the mission seriously.

Everyone involved in the mission knew the danger they would be facing.

No need to get cold feet, Sougo. This is your job.

Edo must be kept safe, even if the threat was far from where he was.

If he fails his mission, he knew China would finish it for him but…

He made a promise to her to get back home safe and sound, and they still had a lot to talk about. That alone was enough for him to try and get through whatever it was that he would be facing in a few hours' time.

Before going home, however, he decided to drop by the shrine where they had earlier sought shelter from and offered two prayers and a wish.

First, he had thanked the divine spirits for turning his birthday from depressing to euphoria.

The second prayer was a prayer to ask for protection. Before, he thought of it as a suicide mission of sorts: if he died, so be it. If he lived, he was lucky. This time around, he needed all the help he could get, and if it means asking the divine spirits to protect him from anything, so be it. Even if it means buying a kanai anzen [2] and keeping it close to him, as long as he would be able to come home, he would do such.

A wish that he hoped that would be fulfilled was that the first thing he would see when he gets back to Edo was China's smiling face…

… and if that was not possible, he wished for his and China's relationship, whatever it was, to be better than ever when he got back.

That was all he wanted, and nothing more.

Wait for me, China. I'll be back home soon. Just you wait.

Notes:

[1] - Amusingly, she was reminded of one of the games she had been playing recently. The guy had been one huge walking icicle whom the main heroine could never comprehend. - referencing HanaOni, a web novel turned otome game turned live action movie. The movie is quite nice to watch, though the only available subs are in Korean. I had to rely on my listening ability to understand the whole movie. The game is okay, though it's a must for fangirls of Suzumura Kenichi who want to hear him as a yandere.

[2] - kanai anzen - a type of Japanese amulet. I have one myself, though it's for other purposes, not for protection. What Sougo bought was for his well-being, as he really is desperate to get back home in one piece.

Thank you so much for reading this chapter! Drop me a review and tell me what you think!