A.N: This is the first chapter in which I've explored how Jane is thinking. I wanted to wait until now to show that her mind is still catching up, so I hope that I've done it justice. Thank you all for reading, you really are amazing!
He was on top of her, over powering her, and yet she couldn't make a sound. His face had become a dark shadow that she could no longer recognise, but that only increased the fear that shot through her body.
Maura was sleeping on her mattress on the floor that she had moved into Jane's room when she heard a familiar movement to her right. Jane was kicking out and getting herself tangled in the sheets, panting heavily with beads of sweat beginning to form on her forehead. It happened once or twice a week, which was a drastic improvement from the nightly occurrences that previously kept them both up late. A lot of things had become routine for Maura, but she was still struggling to get used to the night terrors. Seeing Jane hurting in a way that was so uncharacteristic for her managed to break Maura's heart a little bit more each time, but it never stopped her from helping.
She stood up and moved closer to the bed, but experience had taught her to keep her distance as long as Jane was thrashing. "Shh… It's okay Jane, you're okay. It's me – it's Maura," she repeated the soothing words until the thrashing stopped, and then climbed onto the bed and started to stroke Jane's hair. She was still in the nightmare; her face was contorted with pain and her head would occasionally jerk to the side, but Maura continued, "It's okay sweetie, you're safe." It took five minutes before Jane opened her eyes, looking disorientated and scared. "Hey," Maura said with a smile, "You're okay. You're safe – you're in my guest house in Boston."
Eventually Jane managed a small nod, and then relaxed back into the pillows. In order to get her back to sleep again, Maura began talking about some old cases. She always made sure they were safe – usually robberies gone wrong or wives putting poison in their cheating husband's tea; never rape or torture cases. She still wasn't sure whether talking about these cases helped Jane sleep because the familiarity was calming for her or if she was literally bored into a sleep, but either way it worked. Once she had outlined a case that she was particularly proud of; one where a reddish brown stain actually wasn't blood, Maura climbed off the bed and snuggled back under her duvet on the floor mattress.
At six AM her routine alarm went off from under her pillow – a single yet prominent beep that was loud enough to wake Maura, but muffled in order to let Jane keep sleeping. She stood up, tied her hair up into a ponytail, and then walked out into the living room. She was spending most of her time in the guest house now, but every morning she went into the main house to get some clothes from her wardrobe and get dressed, and then collect her mail. She walked up to her bedroom and glanced at the frame of her bed. It was the only thing that was different about her house as she had taken the mattress, duvet and pillows downstairs to sleep next to Jane. More than anything, she never wanted to lose the familiarity of her home. That feeling when you walk through the door and you can't smell the air freshener anymore because you're so used to it; or the walk from the bathroom to the kitchen can be done blindfolded because you know it so well. It was for that reason that Maura ventured back there every morning.
When she got back in the guest house fully dressed in black jeans and a white vest top, she poured out a bowl of food and water for Jo Friday and gave her a scratch behind the ears. She flicked on the TV and once Jo Friday was finished eating, Maura began throwing a toy for her to chase and fetch, chase and fetch. At 0700 hours exactly, the sound of Jane getting out of bed could be heard above the dog's paws scampering across the floor. She slowly walked out of the room ten minutes later in sweatpants and a bra, holding a blue Boston PD t-shirt in her hands. Most days she was able to fully dress herself, but every now and then Maura would have to help her with the shirt. She didn't like that brief moment when it wasn't quite on but wasn't off either, and instead was grouped around your face and blocking your vision. It felt much too similar to a cloth bag being placed over her head for her liking.
Maura took the shirt from Jane's hands and said, "Arms." Jane put out her hands and allowed Maura to put the sleeves over them, and then raised her arms so that she could pull it down. She had bunched up the material so it would cover Jane's face for as little time as possible as she pulled it down her arms and then over her face, before tugging it down her body. "I like that one," Maura said, smiling at the t-shirt. She headed over into the kitchen and put some bread in the toaster, her mind ticking over with an idea. As she spread butter across the toast and cut the slices in half, she began to think about the familiarity that calms her every morning with her house. A place like that would be good for Jane, but she doubted that her apartment carried that sense of familiarity any more. Then, she cast her mind back to the middle of the night and the one thing that helps sooth Jane back to sleep. They sat down at the table and after a couple of minutes Maura said, "Jane, what do you think about going into the station today?"
On the word "station" Jane looked up from her plate and made eye contact with Maura. With Jane's lack of speech and very minimal facial expression, Maura had somehow learnt to pick up on the expression in her eyes. Even without eye contact she could sometimes just notice when Jane tensed and when she relaxed; she had come to know her and her mannerisms so well that they didn't need words to communicate. "We could go in for a little while, would you like that?" Jane's lips parted ever so slightly but no sound escaped, which Maura knew to take as a good sign. "Okay," she said, "After breakfast I'll quickly walk Jo Friday round a couple of blocks and then we can go."
Maura finished her breakfast before Jane and pulled on her trainers after attaching Jo to a leash. "I'll be back in ten minutes," she called out. She stepped out of the front door and pulled out her phone as she began to walk along the pavement. Within four rings Frost picked up, and Maura didn't waste any time in saying, "Jane's coming in."
"What?! Are you serious?" a shocked voice came down the phone.
"Why would I be joking? I'm bringing her in just for a short while; I think the sense of familiarity might help her. We've been in the house for weeks and only leaving to walk around the block – she needs somewhere new."
"Okay. Is she talking yet?"
"No, not yet. But I need you to do a favour for me."
"Sure."
"Tell everyone to put their guns in their drawers. If you have a board up with a case on it that has any form of torture, rape, or general abuse then take it down. Tell everyone not to overcrowd her – just you and Korsak will be fine. And no loud noises."
"Sure thing, I'll tell everyone now."
"Thanks, Frost."
By the time she got back into the apartment Jane had finished eating. She changed her shoes for a pair of pumps and grabbed a similar pair for Jane, and slowly they headed out to the car. Finally the pulled up outside of the station and Maura waited before getting out of the car. "Are you okay?" she asked Jane, but there was no response. She didn't look scared, but her eyes were frantically searching around and taking everything in. After a few minutes she calmed down and Maura got out of the car. Jane undid her own seatbelt and then stepped out onto the pavement, staring up at the building before her. She stood still, unmoving for two minutes just waiting and staring.
Eventually she began to walk forward, and Maura stayed by her side. They walked into the front entrance and automatically headed for the elevator. Jane seemed to be checking out everything she could see as they walked slowly across the floor, but luckily she never looked fearful. The lift took them up to the floor for homicide and the short, sharp 'ding' that sounded just before the doors open made Jane jump, but she didn't flee. The doors slid open revealing her old workspace, and a lot of anxious faces trying to play it cool. Jane stood and stared again, but her feet wouldn't move. The doors tried to shut twice but Maura flew her hand out to stop them both times. Jane took one small step forwards and then stopped. "It's okay, Jane," Maura reassured her.
Jane turned her head and looked directly at Maura, only feeling content when the blonde shone a smile back at her. She was so determined to be independent today – after all this was her workplace. It was the place where she was safe. This was what she was good at. But before she could walk any further she felt her hand gravitating towards Maura's for safety. Their fingers intertwined and she held on tight as they proceeded forwards into the room. Frost was the first to approach; he took slow, tentative steps towards them and said, "It's good to see you Rizzoli." Jane looked at him and a tiny smile tugged at the corner of her lips. She knew him. She remembered him. He was safe.
Next, Korsak joined them and said, "Hey Janey, how you doing?" Again, a smile tugged at Jane's lips. She remembered him. He was safe, too. She looked around until her eyes locked on her desk. Was that a safe place? Before she had time to decide, Frankie Jr. came through the elevator doors and called out, "Jane!" Her grip tightened on Maura's hand, but she didn't panic. He approached them and reached out to touch her gently on the arm, but pulled back as he remembered the last time he had touched her. "Ma's coming back tomorrow; I know she'd love to see you up on your feet."
"That's great!" Maura replied.
They'd been there ten minutes, and Jane started to get anxious. She started to tug slightly on Maura's hand and looked over at the elevator every few seconds. It didn't take long before Maura got the hint and she said, "I think we better get going. Maybe we'll come see you again sometime." A multitude of gracious goodbyes flew their way and they headed back downstairs. By the time they got to the car Maura was doubtful as to whether her hand still had circulation. As they drove home Jane seemed to relax more, and Maura couldn't help but smile to herself. They had gone all the way to the police department and avoided any major catastrophe, and out of all the major cases that Jane had ever solved, Maura had never been prouder of her than she was in this moment.