Two
The Reverend Mother finished signing the necessary papers and took off her eye-glasses before looking up at the two women standing before her. To the older woman in a nun's garments, she said, "Sister Augusta, please take our new postulant to the robing room." Her gaze turned to the younger woman, in a turquoise-print day dress and modest hat. Making the sign of the cross towards her, the Reverend Mother smiled and said, "God bless you, my daughter."
The young woman returned with a shy smile before following Sister Augusta out of a side door in the office. Mere seconds after that door had closed again, the Reverend Mother heard a knock on the main door. "Ave," she called, knowing who it would be. Hearing that Maria had finally come out of seclusion and seen the visiting Von Trapp children
Sister Margaretta opened the door and entered, nodding her head back to the doorway, through which the Reverend Mother could see the downcast head of Maria. "Yes, bring her in," she said to the mistress of the postulants. Sister Margaretta turned around and ushered for Maria to enter, which she did.
The Reverend Mother felt her heart twist in compassion for the young woman, whom she had not seen since she had told her about her new post as governess. The difference the Reverend Mother saw in Maria now was striking: she was thinner, paler, moved more slowly and with less energy, and her hands shook slightly. But when Maria stood before her completely, the most striking difference the Reverend Mother saw was in the young woman's eyes. They were bigger, had dark circles underneath them, bore traces of tears, and seemed to hold a battle of a thousand conflicting thoughts and emotions. It seemed that something had taken Maria's spirit and beaten it down.
Maria took in the gaze of the only mother figure she had left on Earth, and felt a relief that she had been searching for. She collapsed onto her knees before the older woman, taking her hand and bending her face over it to hide the sob that was fighting to get out.
The Reverend Mother placed a hand on Maria's covered head, her compassion growing. Whatever Maria had come back for, something serious had happened to cause it. Maria had clearly gone through something that caused her pain, and the Reverend Mother knew that, as the person who had sent her out into the world, she shared some blame for that. "You've been unhappy. I'm sorry."
Maria swallowed her sob and kissed the Reverend Mother's hand before standing up. "Reverend Mother," she said softly, the relief in her tone evident. For the first time, she felt something akin to peace rest in her soul.
"Why did they send you back to us?" asked the Reverend Mother, wanting to get straight to the heart of the matter and find out what had brought this dramatic change to Maria.
Guilt washed over Maria's features as she looked at the Reverend Mother. "They didn't send me back, Mother; I left."
The Reverend Mother's eyes widened a bit. She hadn't expected that answer, and the change in Maria told her that the young woman hadn't left without a very good reason. "Sit down, Maria," she said, motioning for Maria to sit down. "Tell me what happened."
Maria slowly approached the chair and sat down. She hardly had any idea of where to begin, or how to tell the Reverend Mother what it had been exactly that had made her leave. "Well, I…I-I was frightened."
"Frightened?" asked the Reverend Mother, concern now rising in her. "Were they unkind to you?"
"Oh, no!" said Maria immediately, looking up at the Reverend Mother, not wanting her to get the wrong impression. "No, I was – I was confused. I felt…" The Captain's face as they had danced together burned in her mind, and, for the first time, she knew exactly what had made her leave. She sighed as she continued, closing her eyes as she remembered the Captain's eyes. "I'd never felt that way before, I…I knew I couldn't stay, and I thought that here I would be away from it, I'd be…safe."
"Maria," said the Reverend Mother, in the way a parent would talk to a child. "Our abbey is not to be used as an escape. What is it you can't face?"
Tears filled Maria's eyes as the image of the Captain smiling at her after their dance came to mind. "I can't face him again…" she breathed.
The Reverend Mother's eyebrows went up as high as they could go; again, she was taken by surprise. "Him?"
Maria lowered her head, hiding her face.
Remembering that they were not alone, and knowing Maria would be more open with only her in the room, the Reverend Mother turned to the mistress of postulants standing by the door. "Thank you, Sister Margaretta," she said in dismissal. Sister Margaretta nodded and left the room. When the door had closed behind her, the Reverend Mother turned back to Maria. "Captain Von Trapp?" she asked, looking closely at what she could see of Maria's face. The lower jaw beginning to tremble was answer enough.
Realizing the truth, the Reverend Mother turned to face the young woman, the most gentle expression in her face and tone, knowing that the last thing Maria needed was to be scolded. "Are you in love with him?"
And before her eyes, the Reverend Mother saw Maria's face crumble under a sob she could no longer hold in. Tears streamed down her pale face as she covered her face with her shaking hands. The Reverend Mother had never seen Maria shed a tear before, let alone break down. She knelt down before the young woman, and placed her hands firmly on Maria's shaking shoulders. "Does he know?"
Maria shook her head, still covering her face as she spoke brokenly. "I only realized it this morning…when the children told me that…he's engaged to be married." She succumbed to her sobs again before she continued to speak. "I can't deny this anymore, Mother…I can't be a nun…how can I give my heart to God when it's been taken from me?"
Oh, the poor darling…thought the Reverend Mother. When she had sent Maria out into the world, it had been with the hope that Maria would realize that her life was not within the cloisters of the abbey, not to realize this in the worst possible way. Gently, the Reverend Mother rubbed her arms to soothe her.
At that moment, the phone rang. Both winced at the shrill sound, and the Reverend Mother gave as close to an annoyed sigh as she could. Handing Maria her handkerchief, she said, "I'll keep this as short as I can." She got up, sat down at her desk, and picked up the phone.
"Nonberg Abbey, this is the Reverend Mother…" she said, keeping her voice cool and neutral.
The voice she heard was the last she expected in this moment. "Reverend Mother, this is Captain Von Trapp."
Her eyes widened, and she looked at Maria, who was wiping her face and not looking at her. "Well, hello, Captain." This certainly caused Maria to look up, her eyes even wider than the Reverend Mother's with terror. "To what do I owe this call?"
"I need to speak to Maria within the next few hours," said the Captain. His tone was controlled, but the Reverend Mother could hear the urgency and desperation he was keeping under control. "Please, Reverend Mother, I would not ask if this were not for a good reason, and an urgent one at that."
The Reverend Mother believed him, and shifted her gaze back to Maria. Because she was not shaking her head, and looked curious and shocked more than anything, the Reverend Mother said, "She right here in my office, Captain."
"Oh, thank God," he said, relief very evident in his tone. "Please, let me speak with her."
"Of course," said the Reverend Mother. "Please hold on for a moment."
With that, she lowered the phone and put a hand over the mouthpiece. "He wants to speak to you, Maria. He says it is urgent."
Looking more shocked and curious than ever, as well as frightened, Maria swallowed and told herself: It's just a telephone call. He wouldn't say it was urgent if it weren't. What if something happened to one of the children? Taking a deep breath, Maria got up and walked around the desk with her hand outstretched. The Reverend Mother gave her a reassuring smile and handed her the phone before moving out of the way.
Taking the Reverend Mother's seat, Maria held the phone to her face; it shook slightly as her hand trembled. "Hello?" she said, trying to keep her voice from shaking as well.
"Oh, Maria, I'm so glad you're there."
Maria's heart did somersaults just hearing his voice again, and she wanted to jump herself at his words, especially hearing him call her simply by her name. "Captain, what's going on? Has something happened?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," said the Captain. "I need you to come back."
The urgency in his voice and request immediately caught all of her attention. "Are the children all right? Is anybody hurt?"
"No, no, the children are fine, it's…" He seemed to take a deep breath. "Maria, I've received word that I am to have a dinner with some officials from the Nazi party tonight. I have a very bad feeling about this; more than likely, they will request I accept a position in their navy. And by request, they will not give me a choice."
"Oh, Captain, no!" she exclaimed. In her talks with the Captain, the threat of the Anschluss had been a great point of concern for them both. She shared in his convictions, and knew that this was what he most feared would happen if the Nazis took over. "But, Captain, are you sure? The Anschluss hasn't even happened yet! They have no right to do this now!"
"Unfortunately, they do. The Anschluss will be made official tomorrow." The tone in his voice became unbelievably sad.
"Oh, Captain, no!" said Maria, leaning back in the chair as the same sadness came over her now. "I'm so sorry…"
"I know, I know…" he said sadly. He seemed to gather himself, and now spoke in a soft, firm, pleading tone. "Listen to me, please, Maria. I have the strangest foreboding about this meeting. I wouldn't be surprised if they force me to leave tomorrow, or even tonight, without so much as a goodbye to my children."
This thought struck Maria with the same character. The Captain leaving like that into the hands of the men he hated so much? "Oh, Captain…" was all she could say.
"What I mean to say is…I need to make sure that my children are safe, and taken care of by one whom I trust. There is no one else on this Earth that I trust to take care of my children more than you. Please, Maria: will you be with them while I am gone, even if I can't yet tell you how long that will be? I promise, if my fears are unfounded, and I come home tonight without a commission or fear of departing from my family, I will drive you back to the abbey myself with my apologies, if that is what you wish. But it would be a great load off my mind if, while I am away, if for a few hours or, especially, more than a few months, my children are in the best care I can give them."
Maria had never felt so touched than when the Captain had made his request to her. The fact that he would trust her so much, that he knew she loved those children and would do anything for them, and that he wanted her to wait for him with them…Her answer came clearly and without hesitation for the man she loved.
"Of course I will, Captain."
The profound sigh of relief she heard on the other end of the line made her heart soar, as well as his response. "Thank you, Maria. I will send Max to pick you up tonight after I leave…I don't want you here when they come for me."
Maria gulped and nodded. Then she remembered he couldn't see her and said, "All right, I'll be ready."
There was a pause, and then the Captain spoke again, his tone more tender and intimate now. "Maria, there is one more question I must ask you. Undoubtedly, by now the children have told you of my engagement to Elsa."
Maria felt her heart become as heavy as lead and drop into her stomach upon hearing this. From the moment she had heard her beloved's voice again, she had forgotten completely of that engagement. Determinedly swallowing the lump in her throat, Maria said huskily, "Yes, this morning. Congratulations."
"Don't," he said so abruptly and roughly that Maria jumped a bit in her seat. "Please don't say that, Maria. I will not marry her, and I wish it had not taken me so long to realize it. I am breaking off the engagement before I leave, as it is only fair to her, myself, my children, and…Maria, my request is…when I come back, whenever that may be, I ask that you be there so we can talk. We truly need to talk, about things that can only be spoken face to face. Please, Maria, will you do that?"
If the Reverend Mother had suddenly taken the telephone and whacked Maria over the head with it, she would not have been more shocked upon hearing these words. The words were too wonderful, almost impossible, to be true. It took Maria a full ten seconds – longer than one thinks when one counts it out – to really let the words sink in as truth.
When she finally could speak, she spoke softly and with all of her heart: "Yes. I will."
A moment of silence at the other end of the line, then he spoke again. "We will sort everything out when we see each other again, Maria. I promise you that. And thank you again. Goodbye."
"Goodbye," she breathed. Then the line went dead. It wasn't until she hung up the phone that she realized tears were, again, pouring down her face.
Remembering the Reverend Mother's presence in the room, Maria wiped her face with the handkerchief again, took a deep breath, stood up, and faced her. She explained all that the Captain had told her and what she had agreed to on the phone just now. The Reverend Mother listened to every word raptly, and while she was both astonished and devastated by what she learned, she also felt a great sense of peace. For she knew, even if Maria didn't, that by doing this, she was going to live the life she was born to live now.
"You will go with all of the blessings we can give, Maria, and this family will be in our prayers always."
Maria smiled at the Reverend Mother, and then, very slowly, reached up and took off her wimple. She handed it to the older woman, and said, "Thank you for everything." This was the way she stopped being a postulant.
The Reverend Mother embraced her the way a mother embraced her daughter, and walked out of the office with her, determined to give Maria the best last day with the sisters that she, that they all, could give.