Disclaimer: I do not own the TMNT.

Don yawned as he exited his lab and he glanced at the living room, spotting Raph watching Leo sleeping on the couch. Raph sat in the armchair glaring at his brother's sleeping form. Don yawned again and headed for the kitchen. He needed his cup of Joe before he could even begin to get after Raphael about his wounds. Don sighed as he turned on the coffee brewer and retrieved a mug from the cabinet.

He watched the coffee drip inside the brewer with a lidded gaze.

"Donnie."

He stiffened at the sound of the papery thin voice.

"You saw it, Donnie… It's very real." It whispered. Don swallowed as a breath of cold air ghosted over the back of his neck.

"Raphael's death." It whispered.

Don screwed his eyes shut. He had seen it. Last night was reminiscent of the nightmare he had had. It wasn't precisely the same thing, but it was close enough to really strengthen his paranoia. If Leonardo hadn't intervened, Raph would have definitely died then and there. Just like his nightmare had foretold.

"Leonardo was the unforeseen factor, Donnie. He is the only reason that Raphael is alive. But he will also be the reason for his death."

Don's eyes snapped open. "What?" He breathed. He swiftly shook his head. It was just a voice. It was his paranoia playing tricks on him. But he couldn't deny its verity, or the disturbing truth of the nightmare. It was right. He shook his head again. There was no "it". He was just stressed out and his mind was overworked.

But why would he think that Leo's return would be the precursor of Raph… dying.

The brewer beeped at him and he shook his head before moving away from the dark recesses of his mind.

~.~.~.~

I steal into his room, sliding the paper door open, smirking and very pleased with myself. It isn't dark here. The flames on the candles flicker, making the shadows leap and dance. I move forward stealthily and cautiously, inching my way closer. A grin creases my lips as I am close enough to see his chest rise and fall. He is vulnerable and he doesn't seem to notice the danger creeping upon him. I move towards his bedside.

Something tells me I shouldn't do this. It's a weak voice, a whisper. My hate and passion quickly overpower it as I watch him. My father.

His hands are crossed over his chest and his eyes are closed. His whiskers twitch as he reacts to whatever dream he seems to be experiencing. His breaths are quiet and even. He is calm when so close to death. He probably never expected this. Especially not from me.

I lift my hand up, raising the needle filled with a dangerous toxin. I smirk again and ignore the weak voice whispering for me to stop.

"This isn't what you want! Please, stop!"

I slam the needle into my father's chest and inject the swift acting poison. My father's eyes snap open, taking in the sight of me standing over him with a murderous glint in my eyes. He doesn't have enough time to react though, as his body is thrown into convulsions. Froth begins to foam at the corners of his mouth as his jerking body twists and writhes. He falls unceremoniously to the ground, upsetting the bed and spilling blankets on the floor.

I grin as I watch him writhe and twist in agony before he goes deathly still.

"Father! No!" The weak voice suddenly screams. I smother it down swiftly. It will not ruin this moment for me.

"Hey, Leo. Wake the fuck up."

Leonardo's eye fluttered open and he winced as pain lanced through his head. He groaned and lifted a hand to shield his sensitive eye from the bright light that hung from the ceiling. It was another nightmarish memory. They always taunted him in his sleep, constantly reminding him of the horrors he had done. He winced as another lance of pain shot through his skull.

"Well, nice to see that you're awake, buddy. How was your vacation?" Raph asked loudly. He sat in the armchair in the living room, glaring at Leo's form on the couch. His abdomen was wrapped as was the left side of his face. His left eye was covered and he glared with his right eye. Leo groaned and covered his face, rustling his trench coat as he moved his arms over his head.

"Did you have fun, Leo? I see you've picked up on drinking."

Leo grumbled something under his breath and shot Raph a glare from underneath his arms. "Why are you talking so loud?" He mumbled in irritation.

Raph offered him a cruel smirk. "Why were you drunk?"

Leo grumbled again and rose into a sitting position. He glanced at Raph with a miserable expression before frowning as he tilted his head to the side. His one eye roved over Raph's wounds and hovered over the bandaged left eye. Raphael noticed the stare and his gaze narrowed.

"Whatcha' gawking at?" He snapped.

Leo slowly stood and turned away. "Nothing." He said bitterly as he made his way to the bathroom.

Raph swiftly stood up and winced as pain lanced through his side. "Hey! Get back over here and explain yourself!"

Leo snorted in derision and closed the bathroom door behind him.

He sounds different.

"Be quiet. We had a no talking agreement." Leo said as he opened cabinets and searched for headache medicine.

Come now, Leonardo. I have helped you and you have assisted me. Can we not remain amicable?

"I do what I have to because I have to. I don't do it out of the goodness of my heart." He replied as he read the label on the pill bottle.

Hmph. You could simply ask for me to remove the effects of your liquor induced problem.

"It's your fault I have this liquor induced problem."

I didn't consume it with abandon.

"You just made me resort to it." Leo muttered under his breath as he popped several pills into his mouth before swallowing. "And now I'm back with my family. I wasn't ready to come back. But, because of your ninjas, I had to."

I no longer control them and you never had to come back here.

The pill bottle slammed down on the counter. "I wasn't going to let Karai kill them." He snapped, glaring at his reflection in the mirror.

You should have killed her last night. She was at your complete mercy.

"The other ninja got in the way. I wasn't going to kill him to get to her." Leo sighed.

But you would kill so many others without second thought. Is Leonardo finally growing a conscience again?

"Shut up." He snarled under his breath. "I'll do it again if you don't shut up."

Seeing as I prefer to be around, I'll comply this once. I will find a way to counteract it, Leonardo. When that happens, be prepared.

Leo sighed, feeling the dominating presence settle in his skull. He leaned on the countertop heavily and breathed in deeply. He was tired and irritated. The Shredder's voice was a constant grating and it had been his only companion in the time he had been gone. They had learned a great deal of each other during the time. Leo wasn't glad that he had spent so much time with him, but he admitted that he had needed to.

Even so, the Shredder tormented him every time he closed his eyes for longer than a blink with the death of his father.

He lifted his gaze up to the mirror and stared at his scarred reflection. Half of his face was scarred by a burn and the other half was missing an eye, covered only by a sewn shut eye-hole. He remembered how naïve he used to be. He remembered when his only worries were about fulfilling his duties of leadership, studying to be the "greatest ninja ever", and always trying to gain his father's approval. He closed his eye slowly. All of that changed. The chain of events all began because of one night—the night he wished he was human.

Leo could feel a strange rumbling sensation from the back of his skull and knew that the Shredder was laughing at him. Why not? It was funny in a morbid kind of way. He had gotten his wish and had become the Shredder: a human. But now, he was a turtle again and he was forced to endure the Shredder's taunting and tormenting. He hated it.

He hated it so much.

Leo straightened and grabbed the pill bottle before placing it back where he had found it. He closed the cabinet slowly, almost regretfully. There were several different types of medication in there that would swiftly bring him the solace he sought, and maybe in another time, he would take that comfort.

He untied his mask and slipped it off his features, gently setting it on the counter. He turned the handle on the sink faucet and waited for the sink to fill with water.

He couldn't take his own life. Not yet. His brothers still needed him. If he hadn't shown up when he had, Raph would have died. His brother almost died. It was Leo's fault. He knew that.

He splashed cold water in his face and his fingers ghosted over the empty socket of his missing right eye. It unnerved him to feel it hollow, even after having the injury for so long. He let the water drain before drying his face with a towel and slipping his mask back on. He removed his trench coat and folded it over his right arm. He didn't need it here. He had only used it to take shelter when it rained and when he couldn't make it to his makeshift hideout.

He opened the bathroom door to come snout to snout with Michelangelo. He blinked once in surprise before Mikey wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a hug. Leo, still surprised, stared at his brother for a moment before wrapping his own arms around Mikey.

"I'm sorry, Leo." Mikey whispered.

Leo's brows furrowed. "Why are you sorry?" He asked hesitantly. Mikey pulled away, his bright blue gaze looked up at his eldest brother. His blue eyes darted over Leo's scarred features and the older terrapin began to feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny. He knew he looked like something out of a horror show. One eye missing, half his face burned right off. Who wouldn't be scared at the sight of him? Even his brothers wouldn't be likely to stomach the sight. He remembered how Raph had reacted when he had first lost his eye.

Raph had almost vomited his last meal.

Mikey swallowed, drawing Leo's attention back to the present.

"I wasn't there when you needed me." He said. "Even though you helped me all the time and you saved me and you," He began.

Leo sighed and pulled his youngest brother close to him. "Mikey, it's not your responsibility to be there for me. I chose to walk alone."

"But I shouldn't have treated you the way I did, Leo. And you know that." He whispered back, burying his face in Leo's plastron.

Leo smiled then, a rare thing and he held Mikey out at arm's length. "That's in the past though, isn't it? I'm here now, right?"

Mikey frowned, but nodded.

"You did what you had to, Mikey, and I was… not myself at the time. It's best that you had kept me at a distance. I would've been kicking myself right now if I had inadvertently hurt you while you helped me. And we both know how self-destructive I can get, right?"

Mikey nodded again. "You went all Batman last time."

Leo raised a brow. "Batman?" Leo had never heard anyone compare him to Batman before. Usually it was either to Master Splinter or a rock. The rock came from him being "boring".

"Yeah, bro. You were acting like Batman." Mikey said with a grin. "Beating bad guys up and interrogating them by hanging them upside down! You were all like 'my arm's getting tired'." Mikey said, narrowing his eyes and frowning in imitation of his older brother.

Leo watched in mild amusement.

"Dude, you even had his voice!"

"I'd like to think that I had my voice."

"Nah bro, it sounded like you'd been gargling gravel or something."

"I'll take your word for it, Michelangelo."

His brother grinned and moved past him. "Well, alright, thanks Leo. I'm gonna take a shower now, so I hope you didn't stink up the bathroom." He said before closing the bathroom door.

Leo sighed; at least Mikey was feeling a little better, though he couldn't say the same for himself. He turned back to the living area where he had apparently passed out from his late night drinking. Putting on the charade that everything really was back to normal—that he was fine—was taxing on his mind. He glanced up to his room and stared at it for a moment. He knew what was up there waiting for him, and he didn't know if that was going to make him feel any better or feel much worse.

"Hey, Leo, you mind answering my fucking questions?" Raph's voice called from the living area. Leo took a deep breath and walked back to the couch. He sat down and made himself comfortable before he raised his gaze to Raph's irritated features.

"My vacation, as you put it, was fine. But to say it was fun would be an overstatement." Leo began tiredly. "You know I've been through hell and back, Raph. I don't even need to answer the reason for my drinking last night. You already know why."

"Trying t'forget it by drinking won't do ya any good, Leo. But why the shell were you gone so long, damn it? We've been struggling without you!" He all but snarled the latter. "Mikey's been going through hell trying to find you, Don doesn't eat or sleep much, and me… I took all of yer responsibilities."

Leo watched him carefully, gauging his brother's reaction and already thinking of a response to give him. In all honesty, he hadn't thought of returning any time soon. He didn't want to. Scratch that. He wanted to, but he knew he couldn't, not with the voice of his mortal enemy haunting his mind every waking moment. There it was again, that rumbling sensation that told him that the Shredder found what he was thinking to be amusing.

Leo shook his head and returned his gaze to his brother. Raph saw something flash in Leo's face momentarily before his older brother covered it up again with his regal and calm demeanor. Raph stared at his brother. He could've sworn he saw something almost akin to misery in his brother.

"I didn't want to make any more mistakes, Raph. I felt out of control and unstable. What with everything that happened to us and… I just needed time to myself, Raph. I didn't know how to cope with it afterwards. You saw what he did. To me. To Mikey. To you. I couldn't take it." Leo said.

"And yer' fine now?" Raph asked. "I mean, do you feel better now?"

"Honestly, no. But, last night really opened my eyes. Eye." Leo corrected himself, meeting Raph's own amber eye. His brother stared at him.

"Leo, we thought you were dead."

The blue masked terrapin remained silent. He didn't know what to say to that. He hadn't thought his brothers would have thought he was dead. He thought they would just assume that he was taking some much-needed time to think or to try to set things right. Leo thought back to his sudden departure.

A scream and a broken door coated in his own blood. Of course that would make them worry.

He glanced at his brother. "I… Raph, I," He began.

Raphael held out his hands and shook his head. "Nah, don't start. I already know. I'm just… I'm glad t'have ya back Leo, but you should really talk to Mikey and Don."

Leo offered his brother another rare smile. "Thanks, Raph."

His brother immediately leaned back in the armchair and attempted to look tough, crossing his arms in front of his plastron. "Yeah, don't mention it. Can ya toss me the remote? I wanna watch some damn T.V. since I'm not allowed t'be walking."

Leo reached next to him, digging between the couch cushions and pulling the remote out before standing up and handing it to his brother. As Leo turned to head to the kitchen he heard his brother clear his throat. Leo frowned and turned but Raphael was already turning the T.V. on and flipping through the channels.

The blue masked ninja turned back and started for the kitchen only for Raph to clear his throat again. Leo paused and turned.

"Yes, Raph?"

"I ah, thanks, fer' not letting me die."

"Don't mention it." Leo replied to Raph's so eloquently worded gratitude. He turned and strode into the kitchen, running right into Donatello. Don stumbled back, his coffee cup slipping out of his hands. Leo swiftly caught the coffee cup in his right hand, bending low to do so and grabbed the edge of Don's shell, keeping him upright. Leo released his brother and straightened to his full height.

"Leo, you're awake." Don said with a blink.

"Yeah, here's your coffee." The older turtle said softly as he placed the mug in his brother's grip. "Don, I want to apologize for," He began.

Don shook his head and free hand quickly. "No, no, no apologies, Leo. You're back, you're safe, and that's what matters." He said with a smile.

"Don," Leo started again with a sad look.

"You also saved my coffee, Leo. It's all good. Just don't go running off again, okay?" Don interrupted with a cheerful disposition. Leo stared at him for a moment before smiling softly for the last time that day. "Alright. And don't worry, I won't be leaving any time soon."

Don nodded and headed into the living area. As soon as his shell was turned to Leo, his older brother's smile dropped into a grim line. Leo glanced upstairs before entering the kitchen to get a quick meal.

He wasn't ready to face what awaited him just yet.

A/N: An apology/catch-up chapter. We move on to the real underlying darkness in the next chapter.