CHAPTER TWO

~My Inner Life~

After about ten minutes of walking, we came across an inn. They accepted my gold and Diesel and I got a room. It was nothing special, just a wooden room painted light grey with green curtains which matched the single bed in the center of the room.

Diesel immediately jumped onto the bed and began bouncing on it before curling up on the bed. I looked out the window and saw Castle Town from the second floor of the room. The townspeople seemed in awe of this merchant girl, buying her stuff like there was no tomorrow.

I got into bed with Diesel - that's not what I meant, and you know it! - and slept peacefully that whole night.

When I woke up, I saw Diesel with my magic spellbook* open, pulling things out of it like crazy.

"Diesel! What- what are you doing!" I said, looking at the floor now scattered with my robes, athames, amulets, and other items.

Looking for the Fan Fiction Portal Device, he replied hastily. Finally, he pulled out a small tablet-like object with a flashlight-like thing at the top. Aha! Found it! he barked as he began tapping the tablet with his paws.

"...You know that you're gonna clean all this up, right?" I said, pointing to the scattered objects all over the floor.

Yeah yeah yeah, I'll get to that. Right now, I need to find out what fanfic this is...

I sighed. "Why's that so important?"

I had a dream last night about that Jenna girl... I think I've heard of her somewhere before...

Finally, he barked at the screen of the F.F.P.D. in terror. M-M-My Inner Life! he barked wildly. Of all the Zelda fics to get caught into, this is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. ONE!

"What's so bad about it?" I asked. "And how can you get internet access on that thing? And in Hyrule, no less!"

My Inner Life is a horrible Zelda fanfic, about that girl we met yesterday. Jenna... she's a Mary Sue!

For those of you who don't know, a Mary Sue is a fanfic character that is - usually, but not always - depicted as always correct and perfect in every way. A Sue is defined by what she does to the story, not by her physical or emotional characteristics.

It wasn't long before I realized what Mary Sues actually do to the stories, however.

Diesel ran over to the window and looked out it. I followed him and looked out it with him. The residents of Hyrule... suddenly changed, as if they had become older.

Seven years older... Diesel quietly said. Just like in the fanfic... C'mon, we gotta end this fic fast! Diesel ran out of the inn fast, leaving me to clean up his mess...

About thirty minutes later, I ran out of the room to find a man outside the inn.

"Excuse me, sir, but have you seen a black and red dog running through here?" I asked him.

"Why, yes! Yes, I did!" he replied.

There was silence between us.

"Well... could you tell me where he went?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes! Yes, I can! The little guy went towards the castle!"

"Great, thanks!" I told him, and I began to run towards Hyrule Castle.

I finally caught up with Diesel as he was hiding behind a bush in the gardens of Hyrule Castle. I hid behind it with him.

Carlos, look over there, Diesel barked quietly.

"Where?" I whispered in reply.

Over there.

"Where?"

Over there!

"Over there?"

Yes, over there! Yeesh, are you blind?

"No, just a troll."

Grrr. Now, look, do ya see Link?

"Umm... Yeah, I see him! Oh, this is so cool!"

Yeah, I know, right? Well, look who's in front of him.

It was a pretty young woman, about 18 or 20 years old. She was looking into Link's eyes all romantic-like. "I can't tell who she is. Wait..." I began to look at her features closely. "Is that..."

Jenna, Diesel quietly barked. According to the F.F.P.D., Link is asking her out on a date right now.

"What?" I whispered. "How long have they known each other?"

Right now? About a minute, give or take.

"How on earth does Link fall in love with someone when he's literally just met?"

...Like you have any room to talk.

I sighed. "Well, you said earlier that we have to end this fanfic. Why?"

We can't escape until it's over...

I gasped in fear. "What! You never said that! You never said that!"

I figured it was obvious. Now, we need to find a way to end the fic and fast. The sooner we get out, the better.

"Well, why don't we kill the Sue?" I offered.

Diesel barked once in excitement. Hehehe... Never thought about that before...

"When would be a nice opportunity to assassinate her?"

I would suggest on the day of the Spring Festival.

"What's that?"

Well, according to my available information, it is a festival... held in Spring...

"Umm... no duh?"

Hey, I didn't write it!

"It doesn't matter anyway," I said. Suddenly, an elderly man dressed in orange royal clothing came into the garden.

"Jenna my dear friend, how have ye been?" he asked Jenna.

"Who's he?" I asked Diesel.

King Zelda, the king of Hyrule.

I snickered to myself. "King... Zelda? That's the best Jenna could do?"

Suddenly, a guard opened up the bush where we were hiding. "Hey, you there!"

I looked to Diesel, then looked back at the guard. "RUN!" Diesel and I said in unison.

And we ran out of there.

*My magic spellbook is a book that can contain multiple items in a single page (however, it is not infinite). It also contains notes on spells that I have learned and treasure cards, which are summon cards that I can use without having to say a spell's incantation.