CHAPTER THREE

~Sue~

We escaped the guards and ran away to Kokiri Forest, hiding behind a tree.

"Okay, remind me why we're here again?" I asked.

This is where the Spring Festival takes place! Wait, one moment, and he began patting the F.F.P.D. Whew, good. Just bought a new app for it: the Bowdleriser!

"What's that do?" I asked.

I'll explain later; just know that we'll need it, okay?

"...If I ask why, I'm certain that I'll regret it."

It was about five minutes later when we heard a voice behind us.

"Excuse me, but who are you?"

Both of us gasped and turned around to find a young girl with green hair behind us.

Saria, Diesel whimpered lightly, and walked over to her.

"What a cute dog you have here!" she said. Then she looked closer at Diesel, skeptically. "Are you... from this canon?"

"N-no... we're from Wizard101."

"...Never heard of it-"

"I know."

She began to walk closer to me. "Have you... I mean... have you met Jenna yet?"

"Yeah, we have."

"My name is Saria. Have either of you played Ocarina of Time?"

"Well, I haven't. Diesel has, though."

"Diesel?" I pointed to my dog, and she looked confused.

"He's sapient. Can't speak English, though."

"I see. Well, Diesel," she said as she got on her knees, "You need to find a way to defeat Jenna."

"Well, that should be easy," I said. "I've got two swords and a bow in my backpack. We came here to assassinate her, in fact."

"YOU CAN'T KILL A SUE!" Saria said, as if she was shocked.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because..." and she sat down, and motioned me to sit down beside her. "A Sue is... the author's representation of herself in a fanfic. But instead of being exactly like the author, she's different. She exists to bend and manipulate the story, forcing every character to obey her will and the plot to move how she desires... She..." And she began to cry. "She breaks the characters, makes them act outside of canon. It hurts... whenever a Sue is near..."

I began to cry, too. "I'm so sorry, Saria. I'll try to find a way to kill her."

"I just told you, you can't!" Saria said, sobbing softly. "What you have to do... is break her."

"Break her? How do I do that?"

"Reveal to the world and to her that she is a Mary Sue. Only a character outside of the fic can do it."

"How do I reveal that she's a Sue?" I asked.

"How did you get to this fic?" she responded, and Diesel pushed the F.F.P.D. to her feet.

"With that," I said.

She picked it up and began touching its screen. Finally, she turned it to me. The screen read:

Application: Sue Breaker

Function: Reveal Mary Sues in a second! Fix your fics superbly with this Sue Breaker app! If your character matches too many of these traits, this Sue Breaker app with tell you immediately!

Cost: 200g

"Well, that's convenient," I said.

Well, this IS a fanfic, Carlos... Diesel barked.

I looked at Saria's crying face once more, and back at the Device. "Two hundred gold is too low a price for your freedom," I said.

Saria smiled at me as I pressed the "buy" option on the Device's screen.

Well, that's good, because that Bowdleriser took 150 gold from your account, Diesel barked happily.

"...What was that, Diesel?"

"I just remembered! I never asked your name," Saria said to me.

"DarkCaller," I said to her. "Carlos DarkCaller."