On the Mountain. (On the trail.)
Nowhere to go, nothing to see
Except snow and snow and snow, and you and me
Freezing in this place, with so much space
Getting colder and colder, like we're chillin
Two lost nomads who will ever be missin
Some might interpret this
As just a karmic slap on the wrist
But I've just gotta say, it's a heck of a day to be us!
It's a heck of a day to not have a lift
And just walk and walk and walk and more snow drifts
We've got no kind of map
Nothing to shows us the way
And it's just talk and talk and talk with nothing to say
It's a heck of a day, heck of a day to be us!
It's a heck of a day to be us!
"…This is STILL the plan? We've been walking for like…FOREVER already! Ugh!" Doofenshmirtz complained and flopped himself into a thin sheet of snow on the ground. Instead of the soft, cool, landing he expected, he actually fell on a hard rock face first.
Perry just walked past him, unfazed.
Doofenshmirtz lifted his face from the snow covered rock, the ice water dripping from his fevered forehead. Aw man, was he getting sick? He couldn't just up and get sick out here! Oh, this was just perfect! …And Perry the Platypus would freak out again. The scientist didn't understand why the mammal got so worked up over him sometimes. What was so special about him? He was just human, nothing even close to special about him…But…He kind of liked when the platypus fussed over him. It was…nice…
He pushed himself up off the rock and up to his feet again, once again beginning to follow his nemesis up the seemingly endlessly snow mountain.
It seemed that the higher they got, the less snow there was around them. It was weird, and he thought it felt a little warmer too. The silence bothered him. Silence gave him time to overly think. Overly thinking brought flashbacks and painful voices. He usually talked to himself as reassurance that he wasn't crazy. Although that probably just confirmed that he was….
When they were lower on the mountain, all he heard were rushing winds and leaves rustling and the sound of his own thin breath. He saw piles and layers of snow for as far as the eye could see, and white covered trees.
Now, further up, he saw brown rock underneath his feet, the sun was shining, and the sky was clear. Snow visibly melted and depleted all around them. And birds were chirping….or squawking…? What kind of birds were those anyway?
Doof looked up, placing his hand above his eyes to shield the sun as he gazed upwards. Were those….vultures…? What kind of ski resort/snow mountain/volcano WAS this?
"Perry the Platypus, where are we going?" Doofenshmirtz asked meekly, sounding no less innocent than a mere child. He blinked as the platypus pointed, then rolled his eyes. "Well yeah, of course I know we're going UP! But up where…?" He narrowed his eyes as the platypus made another gesture. "UGH, YES! YES I KNOW WE'RE GOING UP THE MOUNTAIN, BUT WHERE, PERRY THE PLATYPUS, WHERE?"
"Shhh!" Perry hissed at him.
"Don't curse at me Perry! You know it hurts my feelings!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz moped, kicking a rock in front of him. He didn't realize that his frustration transferred to his foot muscles because that rock flew, and hit his nemesis right in the back of the head. He gasped, and covered his mouth with both of his hands.
The platypus lurched forward for a second, holding the back of his head and the slowly turning around, beak agape as he stared at the scientist in a shock.
Doofenshmirtz' eyes couldn't have been wider.
Perry pointed at him and chattered.
"No! …No! No! I didn't throw that at you! I swear!"
The platypus didn't look convinced.
"It was an accident, I tell you! I'm not joking! I didn't mean to hit you with that rock…! …Do you…Do you forgive me? Perry the Platypus…? "
…
(Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporateeeeeeeeeed!)
All Phineas saw was dark, and shadows, and shapes, in the unlit apartment house. He held his arms out to feel out in front of him. So far it was clear, that is, until he knocked something over.
"You okay in there Phineas?" Isabella called.
"Yeah. But it's really dark in here. I can't see a thing."
"Try to find a light switch." She instructed him.
"I am, but I can't find any walls."
"Try going off to the side and not walking straight. Odds are, there's going to be a wall either to the right or left of you."
Phineas did what he was told, going off to the right to try to find a wall with a possible light switch. He walked, and walked until he walked right into something face first. Dazed, he couldn't catch himself as he fell with the thing.
A creak sounded from the metal bar he fell on and a distant sound of something somewhere being activated and then every light in the now visibly large room flickered before turning on completely. Phineas blinked. Well, that seemed to do it.
"Good job!" Isabella congratulated him once she walked over to where the boy was laying. She helped him up and frowned when she saw him looking down at the thing he fell on.
It seemed to be a lever of some sort, and from the looks of things, it was just an overly large and pointless light switch. It didn't look like it'd work again though, because it was bent and sparking.
"Ferb did you pack any tools with you?" Phineas asked and Ferb nodded, handing his brother a hammer. "Thanks bro." He said as he kneeled down next to the lever, holding the top steady with his hand and using the other the hold up the hammer.
"Watcha Doin'?"
"It's bad enough we're sneaking into some person's house, but it's even worse to break something that isn't yours and not do anything about it…"
"But Phineas, for all we know this guy…or girl, is mean! And pet napped our pets."
"That could be a possibility…but it's still rude to leave a mess for someone else to clean." Phineas said, and brought the hammer against the metal to restore its original shape, lastly, messing with a few wires to get the electricity to stop escaping. It worked and he got up again, thanking Ferb and giving the tool back to him.
"Well what do we do now?" Isabella asked them. She didn't mean to be so rushing, but she wanted Pinky back, and fast.
"I guess just look around and try to find clues." Phineas shrugged.
Isabella started peering around to see where she should start to look. "What kind of clues?"
"Anything I guess. Something that could help us in our search." Phineas trailed off as he started going through a box of unidentified machinery parts, while the other two children went through things that actually made sense to look at.
Ferb looked through files while Isabella looked at pictures and through drawers.
"Whoa!" Phineas gaped, pulling his head out of the box to hold up an odd looking tool "Is this a genuine sprigle-kronk? This guy had everything!" He exclaimed before going right back into the box.
"I found a photo album." Isabella handed it over to Ferb, kneeling beside the quiet boy as he held documents. "What'd you find Ferb?"
"Documents. Strange but disregard able." Ferb said, tapping the stack of papers on the desk to make them evenly lined up and neat. "Should we regard the album?"
"Well, let's see…" Isabella pondered as she flipped through the album. "There aren't really any pictures in the front section of the book….But in the back- Wow. That's really weird and convenient."
"What is?" Phineas wiped his hands on his shirt, joining them around the album.
"There's a picture of Perry in here."
"What? Let me see that!" Phineas took the book from her, and blinked at what she was pointing at. "Oh…Well that sure is convenient…"
(On the Road.)
"WE MUST STOP FOR SNACKS AND BEVERAGES."
"Ah!" Rodrigo groaned as he held the steering wheel. "We will never get there if all we are doing is stopping! We must be going at a constant rate!"
"Uh, I agree with Taquito over here." Khaka Peü Peü cut in from the backseat. "We should keep going or else we aren't going to arrive there anytime soon."
"My name is Rodrigo!" Rodrigo growled.
"I SAID WE SHOULD STOP." The Regurgitator repeated.
"Si?" Rodrigo asked, glaring behind him at the large villain "And I say we shouldn't!"
While the Spanish villain and the bodybuilding villain argued, Mitch, behind the driver's seat, stared out the window at the falling rain. He turned to Khaka Peü Peü who was sitting to his right. "Where does this… rain, come from?"
Khaka Peü Peü shrugged. "How should I know?"
Mitch turned back to the window, blinking at the falling rain water as it trickled down the glass. He once again turned back to the villain beside him. "I like your tights. They squeeze you in all the right places."
Khaka Peü Peü gave the alien this look, and backed up in his seat at the weird and freaky comment. He raised his hand and looked at Rodrigo seriously. "Can I sit up front now?" He accidentally scooted too far back and into The Regurgitator.
The Regurgitator shoved him back into Mitch, with an angry shout. "I AM NOT INTO THOSE KINDS OF THINGS. DO NOT TRY IT."
"Hey!" Khaka Peü Peü complained as he was shoved, now leaning over Mitch with his hands on the window for support. "Trust me guy, I wouldn't try a thing with you…And that's a promise…"
"You just don't want to sit with me because I'm not from this planet!" Mitch whined, pushing Khaka Peü Peü back and burying his face in his hands and starting to sob into his gloves.
"I will turn this car back to where it came from!" Rodrigo scolded. "If you all do not shut up this very instant!"
Khaka Peü Peü was now being pushed back and forth between The Regurgitator and Mitch, as the two fought to move him. The scrawny villain was getting sick, looking green, he asked again. "Can I please sit in the passengers? Ugh…I think I'm gonna be sick…"
"EW GROSS. I WANT THE FRONT." The Regurgitator cried and began trying to get into the passenger's seat, repeatedly calling out shotgun as he disrupted the car in many ways. One of his oddly small feet hit Mitch in the forehead, and the other stamped down on Khaka Peü Peü's throat as the skinny villain silently struggled under the weight. In the struggle to get to the front seat, he kicked the back window open, ripped off the head rest to the driver's seat, pulled out some of Rodrigo's hair in that process, kicked a hole in the roof of the car, made the windshield wipers malfunction and kicked Rodrigo in the mouth. His thick framed shoulders were stuck in between the two front seats, The Regurgitator wriggled and thrashed around, pushing forward. He kicked and shoved his weight forward, and pushed and pushed, until his pants shifted and he was now mooning the backseat passengers.
Khaka Peü Peü and Mitch screamed, and clung to each other at the horrid sight in front of them.
Mitch whimpered, and turned his head. "Make it stop! Make it stop! Oh, moons were never so bright on my planet!"
Finally after some more struggling and unholy sights, The Regurgitator was successfully sitting in the passenger's seat, smiling to himself of his accomplishment.
Rodrigo sighed. "Well, you scarred the alien, intimately harassed the poo out of Khaka, and nearly killed us with crashing… but at least you got to the front like you wanted…" Rodrigo mumbled irritably, and muttered to himself. "Idiota…"
"It was nothing." The Regurgitator replied, oblivious to the insults, and smugly leaned his elbow on the steering wheel.
"Do you mind?" Rodrigo asked, clearly annoyed. Then he tried tugging on the wheel to get the large arm off of it. He shook with frustration, baring his teeth. "GET OFF OF THE WHEEL!"
"Huh?" The Regurgitator blinked, and moved his arm to reveal a large dent in the steering wheel.
Rodrigo's eyes went wider as he tried to turn the wheel again to find that it wasn't controlling anything anymore. He was now panicked, frantically turning and twisting the dented wheel, only for it to do nothing. "It does not work!"
"What do you mean it isn't working? It's a steering wheel! It has to work!" Khaka Peu Peu informed him, peering over to look.
Mitch pushed Khaka -who glared at this- to the side to peer over too. "Did you try turning it?"
"What do you think it is I am doing?!" Rodrigo yelled.
"There's no need to shout…" Mitch looked down. "We're right here…"
"He didn't mean it." Khaka Peü Peü pat the alien on the back.
"I CANNOT CONTROL THE CAR!" Rodrigo cried. And the car started to swerve side to side on the road, and it didn't matter how many times he tried to hit the break, that wasn't working either.
"That's not good." Khaka blinked.
"OH REALLY? WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE THAT IT WASN'T?!" Rodrigo angrily shouted. He could not die with so many idiots at once! He could not die like this! Oh! Was his mother right? Should he have been a lawyer? …Of course he shouldn't have! Curse her! He was running out of sanity and road. With a last desperate hope for survival from imminent doom, he unbuckled his belt and opened his car door. "BAIL!" He ordered and tossed himself out of the car.
The Regurgitator, Mitch and Khaka Peü Peü blinked at the performance before The Regurgitator spoke over the roaring winds from Rodrigo's open car door. "HE SAID BAIL." Then he punched his door out before jumping out of the gaping hole of it.
Khaka Peü Peü gulped and scooted to the side of the car that shouldn't have a door from a previous accident, but did anyway. He pulled the handle and opened the door, gulping as he hung his feet over the edge of the speeding car. He gave one last look at Mitch before swallowing his fear and- for some strange reason- holding his nose before hopping out, his posterior scraping against the ground as he slid against it.
That just left Mitch, who blinked before scooting over to that same open door. He blinked again and lowered his foot to test the road with his toe as if he were testing a pool. Another odd gesture, before leaping out of the car door, tumbling on the sidewalk and landing on something soft but boney.
Khaka Peü Peü groaned under the weight of the alien.
"YOU CANNOT PUSH DOWN THE REGURGITATOR!" The Regurgitator shouted in triumph for surviving their minor dilemma.
Rodrigo lifted his head from off the ground, just enough time to see the car violently crash farther ahead. He groaned and slammed his head down on the pavement, grumbling at his loss. "My mother bought me that car…"
(Flynn-Fletcher Residence.)
"When was the last time you saw your sons Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher?" The police officer asked her and she sniffed, pushing herself more into her husband's supporting arms.
"Early this morning…a-at the table. Phineas was talking about singing…."
"Do you think that could have anything to do with his disappearance?"
"I don't think so…That wouldn't make any sense." Linda told the officer.
Lawrence "Officer, there must be something else. Our sons aren't the ones to cause trouble. They wouldn't just up and leave for no reason."
"But if they had a reason to, would they go somewhere without telling you?"
Linda thought, and then shook her head no. She knew her boys. They would never do something like this. She just wanted them back, and she didn't know what to do.
Lawrence thought more logically, and disagreed with his wife, nodding. "Well, I do believe if they had enough reason to, they would go off on their own…"
"What are you saying, Lawrence?" Linda narrowed her eyes at him. "That I don't know my own children? I know Phineas very well, and he wouldn't do something like this!"
"And I know Ferb." Lawrence told her. "And I taught him right and wrong and in between. Sometimes you must break the rules to do what is right, dear."
"And it was Ferb who probably pressured my son into running away!"
"Your son? Linda, we're a family. They are both our children now."
"What about Candace? Are you singling her out now?"
"You singled Ferb out a few seconds ago. I was just making a point that-"
"I want my children home and safe!"
"So do I, darling. But we have to pull ourselves together now. We'll never be together again if we are not together ourselves."
"You're right…" Linda agreed, turning back to the policeman in front of them. "Officer, I agree with my husband. They're smart boys, and if something is needed, they will do something about it. I just don't know where they could have gone."
"Ma'am? Are your sons happy at home?"
"Happy?" Linda questioned.
"Is this a nurturing environment they live in?" The police officer asked them. "Do they like living here?"
Linda was appalled "Of course they-"
"Have you ever hit your children? Perhaps brutally punished them in the past?"
"I never lay a hand on them! I would never hurt my kids!"
"Ma'am, if you don't calm down, I can't help you." The officer said, and sighed. He put away his notepad. "We'll do a follow up in the morning. Have a good night ma'am." He said and he and his partner exited the house, tipping his hat to them.
"This is ridiculous…" Linda sat down on the couch with an annoyed huff. "We love our children, and they know that…Why would they just leave like this?"
"I'm sure they had a reason dear…There had to be a reason." Lawrence sat next to her, comforting his wife the best he could, patting her on the back.
"Are we good parents?"
"Of course we are."
"Are we doing something wrong?"
"No…Well, at least I don't think we are."
"What if the boys weren't as happy as we thought? What if they were miserable?"
"They were always smiling, Linda. And I don't see why they would be upset with us."
"You're right…They were such imaginative, loving boys. Phineas was always so happy, and smiling…." Linda smiled at the thoughts of her son's bright smile. It made her feel closer to him, then she thought of the other and frowned. "But not Ferb…"
"Pardon?" Lawrence asked and his wife continued, her voice full of fright.
"I've never seen Ferb smile."
"I'm sure he has when you weren't looking. I've rarely seen his expression change myself, but he is capable of smiling."
"But that's the thing Lawrence. He's never smiled around me, not once. What if I'm the reason they left?"
"Darling, even if that was true, that only explains Ferb. That wouldn't apply to Phineas. And they're both smart boys, surely if there was something wrong with you, they would find a better way to tell us."
"Wrong with me? You agree! You think I'm a bad mother!"
"No! No! That's not what I am saying. You are a wonderful mum, you must know that by now."
"Ferb doesn't seem to think so…"
"You don't know what Ferb thinks…And I'm sure he loves you just as much as Phineas."
"Has he ever said it? Showed it?" Linda snapped. "That boy has less expression than a brick! He barely speaks! How would you know if he's happy or unhappy?!"
"I know my son." Lawrence simply told her.
"And I know mine. And Phineas wouldn't just run away if he wasn't influenced by some scoundrel!"
"Ferb is a good boy, and I don't believe he is at fault for any of this."
"Are you saying Phineas is?!"
"No! I am say that we don't even know WHAT happened in the first place. We are jumping to conclusions here. We don't even know if they left on their own. They could have been kidnapped or worse."
"Well, that sure is comforting!" Linda stood, screaming sarcastically. "How could you say something so…so…horrible?!"
"Anything could happen Linda! That's all I'm saying!"
"Our children are out there somewhere, Lawrence! The least you could do is show some initiative!"
"Now they're ours?" Lawrence exclaimed. "Excuse me dear, but you were just pinning this all on Ferb a few seconds ago. I don't understand where you stand at the moment."
"Now you're wondering what side I'm on?"
"Linda I'm just trying to justify that-"
"Look Lawrence, it's been a long day. And I just want to go to bed."
"Oh…Alright. Goodnight dear…" Lawrence frowned, and started to follow her up the stairs.
Linda stopped him. "I think it's best if you sleep down here tonight."
"On the couch?"
"Just in case the boys come back, or if someone's found them….You'll be closer to the phone."
Lawrence nodded and didn't say anything more.
"Goodnight." Linda said to him before going up the stairs
Candace hid behind a dresser in the hallway as her mother walked past her. She watched her mom shut her parent's bedroom door, and heard her step-father give a sad sigh. She frowned and watched Lawrence spread out a blanket for himself before sneaking to her own bedroom where she collapsed on her bed. She let out a despaired exasperated sigh.
This was tearing her family apart! And those boys were so busted! This was all their fault! Why'd they have to go off somewhere and get lost? And what was worse was that there was no one to tell!
"Stupid boys…They are so buste-" Candace looked at her phone as it started to ring, the tune 'Ready for the Betty's' filling her pretty pink room. "Who would be calling me so late? It's like ten o'clock…Hello?"
"Candace!"
"Oh, hey Stacy." Candace greeted her friend, completely changing her slouched and depressed position on her bed to one more excited and perky. "What's up? Is Jeremy updating his status again? Is it referring or possibly have anything to do with me?!" She demanded crazily and raised her eyebrow. "My brothers? No, they aren't here. Why? …Search? What search?" Candace listened to what her best friend had to say.
"All the neighborhood kids are starting a search for Phineas and Ferb and Isabella. They've been missing for seven hours. It's a pretty big deal." Stacy said from her end, narrowing her eyes at her friend. "And since they're YOUR little brothers after all, I thought you should help out…or at least know about it. Because that's what LOVING sisters do. You know?"
"Wait, what do you mean Isabella? She's missing? Since when?"
Stacy sighed. "It figures that'd get your full attention, and not the fact that your brothers could be lying in a ditch somewhere dead."
"What'd you say Stacy?"
"Nothing…Nothing…"
"That's cool…Hey…I think I hear my mom crying downstairs again. I'll call you back…"
"…Of course…You inconsiderate mother-"
"Love you too, Stacy. Bye!"
"*Sigh*…"
"Mooooom! Mooooooooom! …..Mom?" Candace stopped calling through the house, pausing at the bottom of the stairs. She hid behind the rail. "Ms. Garcia-Shapiro?" She whispered, asking herself as she spied.
Ms. Garcia-Shapiro cried hysterically, her hair and makeup a mess. Her clothes were wrinkled and mascara and eyeliner streamed down her face with her tears. She sat on the couch across from Lawrence who tried his best to comfort her. It seemed like that was all he could really do for anyone at this point.
And Linda tried to verbally calm her, but it wasn't working. The woman just wailed, praying in occasional Spanish for her daughter's safe return.
"¡Ay dios mio! Mi hija, mi hija dulce!"
"Vivian, please! This isn't helping us get our children back! You have to listen to me and calm down, please!" Linda pleaded.
Lawrence scoffed at the irony, and got a glare from his wife, instantly shutting him up as he coughed it off.
Vivian calmed down, finally. Her cries quieting down to whimpers and small sniffs. "Phineas…" Ms. Shapiro said the boy's name in her accent. "He is gone too, and Ferb?"
"Yes." Linda nodded. "They're gone too."
"Do you think that they are together?"
"I have enough mind to believe so, yes. It couldn't be that much of a coincidence that the three of them are just gone like this separately."
Vivian sniffed again, accepting the tissue Lawrence gave her, and asked. "Do you think that they ran away? Were the boys happy at home? Aye, mi hija. She has been gone so long, I do not remember if she was happy…"
Linda was about to say something to Vivian but Candace chose then to make her presence known to the three adults.
Candace stomped out from her hiding place, outraged and fed up. "This is all ridiculous! This is Phineas and Ferb we're talking about here! They love to both torture and inwardly kill me by not getting busted when they're supposed to with their crazy contraptions! Why would they leave all that behind? Why would they not stick around to see me in pain for the rest of my life? You guys like seeing me in pain, and you wouldn't leave!"
"Candace, please. This isn't about you. Your brothers love you, as do your mother and I." Lawrence told his step-daughter firmly.
"Give it a rest dad!"
"Candace!" Linda scolded.
Candace kept talking. "This is just one big scheme of theirs! Phineas and Ferb wouldn't just run away from home!"
"What about Isa?" Ms. Garcia-Shapiro asked her.
Candace waved it off. "Oh please! Isabella would follow Phineas to the ends of the earth! …And besides, didn't Perry go missing? They could have gone off looking for him or something again like they do sometimes."
"Pinky!" Vivian cried. "Pinky is gone too."
"Yeah." Candace agreed. "So they probably went off looking for them together. Problem solved!"
Linda wasn't so sure. "I understand that they could have gone looking for them, but not coming back? That doesn't sound like Phineas. He at least would have called to let us know he was safe."
"Maybe something went wrong." Lawrence suggested.
"What do you mean?" Vivian asked.
"I mean…" Lawrence started. "What if something happened during their search that they weren't expecting?"
"Are you saying they could have been kidnapped?" Linda asked. "Is that what you think could have happened?"
"I guess that could have happened…" Candace trailed "I mean, Phineas and Ferb are popular. It could have happened."
"Popularity is one thing, Candace. Its liking someone for the right reasons" Linda told her daughter. "But no one could hate the boys, not even Isabella, enough to kidnap them."
"Mom…you have no idea just how popular Phineas and Ferb actually are…Or why for that matter."
"I know who my sons are, dear."
Candace shook her head. "Actually…You don't."