CHAPTER FIVE

~Wedding Crashers~

"We are gathered here today to witness this man and woman being joined in holy matrimony," the preacher began. "This is a special time, a holy time when a man and a woman come together and are joined under the witness of God. May your marriage bring you long life and happiness."

He turned to Link. "Do you, Link, take this woman to be your wife, to love, to hold, to cherish, in sickness and in health until death* do you part?"

"Yes I do," Link replied.

The preacher then turned to Jenna. "And do you, Jenna, take this man to be your husband, to love, to hold, to cherish, in sickness and in health until death do you part?"

"Yes... Yes I do," Jenna softly replied.

"The rings please," the preacher said, gesturing for the ring bearer to bring over the rings. Jenna and Link were handed their rings and Link slid his ring onto Jenna's finger.

"With this ring I thee wed," Link said with passion.

Jenna then took Link's left hand and slid her ring onto his finger. "With this ring I thee wed," she said, looking deeply into his eyes.

The two looked back at the preacher. "If there is anyone who thinks this man and woman should not be joined, let them speak now or forever hold your piece."

BAM!

"OBJECTION!" I yelled.

The entire room gasped and looked around, seeing Diesel and myself, my finger pointed to Jenna as Diesel growled at her.

"And who, might I ask, are you?" Jenna said indignantly.

"Carlos DarkCaller, Ace Wedding Crasher!" I shouted awesomely**. "Diesel, now!"

Diesel tapped the Fan Fiction Portal Device's screen and a bright light came out of the end. Suddenly, the wedding chapel became a courtroom*** where I was the prosecutor, Link was the defense attorney, and King Zelda was the judge.

"I suppose... court is now in session?" the king said. "For the trial of my beloved daughter, Jenna Silverblade!"

The jury began applauding like nuts at the mention of her name.

"The defense is ready, your honor," Link said.

"The prosecution has been ready for months, your honor," I said.

"Does the defense have any opening statements?" the king asked.

"Well-" began Link.

"OBJECTION!" I shouted. "Your honor, the Prosecution makes the opening statements in court!"

"Oh... um, yes yes, quite right. Forgive me, mister..."

"DarkCaller. Carlos DarkCaller. And all I have to say for my opening statement is the following: Jury, do you all support Jenna?"

"YES!" the jury boomed.

"I see that she is unanimously liked in this fanfiction," I said. Link gasped when I said this.

"The defense would like to call a witness," Link said. "Saria of the Kokiri, to be precise."

Saria came out of the jury and onto the witness stand in the center of the room.

"Witness, please state your name and occupation," Link told her.

"Saria the Forest Sage, sir," she replied.

"Miss Saria, please give your thoughts on miss Jenna, please."

"Well, I think Jenna is an amazing person, and I'm soo glad that she and Link are getting married!" she said with a wide smile. "I intend on giving her baby my blessing of friendship! He or she will deserve it! Link definitely deserves someone like her."

Link smiled as she said this.

"When Jenna came to the forest, we welcomed her most highly. The people of the Kokiri Forest held a feast in her honor, and welcomed her as one of our own."

"I see. Thank you, Saria," Link said.

"You're welcome, Link," she said.

"Anything to say about her testimony, Carlos?" Link said.

Carlos! Diesel barked. What did she say about the feast? It wasn't "held in her honor"! It was for the Spring Festival!

He was right. "HOLD IT!" I shouted. "Miss Saria!"

"Y-yes?" she replied.

"You said that the feast you had was in Jenna's honor, correct? But in reality," I said as I banged my hands on the table, "it was FOR THE SPRING FESTIVAL!"

Saria winced in pain for a moment, as did Jenna. I could tell that I just broke a bit of her.

"OBJECTION!" Link shouted. "It was actually for Spring Night, the night before the Spring Festival!"

"SO? What does that matter? My point still stand, despite that detail, that the characters of this fanfic are completely centered around Jenna!"

"Um..." Link was speechless. "Uh... can I call another witness?"

"Absolutely, my dear son-in-law!" the king said.

"Thank you. I call to the stand Princess Zelda!" At this, Saria went back into the jury, and Zelda replaced her on the stand.

"Witness, state your name and occupation," Link said.

"Princess Zelda, princess of Hyrule," she replied. I noticed that she was holding an ornate box, decorated with triforce symbols.

"Princess, what is that in your hand?" I asked.

"It's a wedd-"

"OBJECTION!" Link cut her off. "This question is irrelavant to this case!"

"...Fine," I replied.

"Witness, please tell the court your opinion on Jenna," he said.

"Well, I have a rather high opinion of Jenna," Zelda said. "She's my best friend, and we're always in contact except of certain occasions, such as a few months ago when Gannondorf tried to take over Hyrule. Anyway, since Jenna is my best friend, I intended on giving her son or daughter the blessing of knowledge, and I brought this box as a wedding presen-"

"That's enough, witness," Link said, cutting Zelda off.

"OBJECTION!" I yelled. "The box in Zelda's hands has now become an important piece of evidence to her position as a possible Mary Sue!" I banged my hands on the table. "Witness, explain to the court what is inside of that box!"

Zelda gasped loudly. "O-okay..." and she opened the box to reveal a blue potato ocarina inside. "It's the Ocarina of Time. It was to be given to Jenna for a wedding present."

"Aha! I see now!" I said. "Miss Jenna Silverblade!"

"AH!" she shouted from her seat on the defense's side. "Y-yes?"

"All signs point to you being a Mary Sue! The romance with a main character! The royal treatment to a common merchant! And even being given the Ocarina of Time, a sacred magical object, as a wedding present!"

"NOOOOOO!" Jenna shouted.

"Admit it! Admit it to all of Hyrule! Admit that you're a Mary Sue!"

"!" she screamed. Suddenly, with a sound of shattering glass, the courtroom scene fell away and the wedding chapel returned.

"W-what was that?" Link said. "What... the heck just happened?"

"Besides a bad Ace Attorney parody? Your wife is a Mary Sue."

"Wife?"

"Yep."

Link looked at Jenna. She was crying with her head between her legs. "No, she's not my wife."

"No, you said 'I do'."

"But the old man never said 'man and wife'."

"...oh yeah. Forgot about that."

Jenna looked up at me with anger in her eyes. "You... you broke me? You broke my fanfic?"

"You were breaking them. All I did was break the illusion over their eyes."

"In... Nomine... Sclyina..."

"Um... what?"

"Maledicat... Tibi!"

"Me no sprechen Latin, okay? What did you just say?"

Suddenly, Jenna jumped up and her hands lit on fire. Her eyes were filled with hate as she smiled at me.

Carlos, I think she's mad, Diesel barked.

"I concur," I replied, a bit scared.

Enraged Silverlite

Jenna Silverblade

"Hey, what was that?"

Oh, I bought a Boss Subtitles app when I got the Time Skip app. Pretty neat, huh?

"Oh yeah, that's very cool- I mean RUN!"

*I picked a good day to be Death School in Wizard101...

**What do you mean, it's not awesome?

***If you haven't noticed by now, this chapter's a Phoenix Wright shout out.