CHAPTER NINE
~The Rescue Mission~
A few hours later, we made it back to Mirkwood. The orcs were invading the castle, but only one room. They seemed to be running back as quickly as they could. I saw that they were carrying that Laura girl away!
"Great, didn't even get to kill one of them," I said.
Just then, Gandalf, Legolas, and Aragon appeared behind us.
"We need help trying to save Laura can you help us?" asked Legolas. "Laura is my adapted sister and I need her saves."
"Umm... What?"
"My name is Legolas this is Gandolf and Strdier," he said. "Help us save Laura please."
"Well... I dunno, should we, Diesel?"
We should still try to save her, Diesel said. Even if she might be a Sue, she's still a human.
"Okay, we'll help!"
"Great thanks!" Legolas said. "I will go get the Elf armies stay here and wait." And then the three of them left.
When they came back an hour later, Legolas had a huge army of elves behind him. "Okay now well go save Laura," Legolas said. "To Mondor!"
Doesn't he mean Mordor? Diesel barked.
"The author must be a poor speller," I assumed.
"The arme of Milkwood shall save Laura!" Legolas shouted, and then the army began to march.
So the five of us, along with the elven army behind us set out from "Milkwood" to "Mondor", prepared to do whatever was possible to save Laura.
We finally got to the front gates of a huge castle in the middle of Mordor (apparently one can simply walk into Mordor) when Legolas yelled to the Dark Lord who was at the top of the gates.
"Let Laura go," he said.
"No," the Dark Lord replied.
"Um... no?" I asked. "Just... no?"
"No," he replied again.
"...Well, okay then."
Legolas turned to his allies - along with Diesel and me - and began to tell us his plan:
"Right lisson I'll will clim up to the cell and get Laura and you and the others will find a way in."
"Alright," replied Strdier (aka Aragorn), and then Legolas began climbing the castle walls to get in through a carved window near the top. The rest of us ran inside the castle.
"I'll will go and kill the Dark Lord and you and the others go and help Legolas," Gandalf said.
"Becareful," Strdier said.
"I will don't you worry about me," Gandalf replied before running down a dark hallway.
"I'm getting sick of the horrible speaking issues in this place!" I shouted in anger.
Yeah, it's getting old, Diesel agreed before running behind Gandalf. I ran in the direction of Legolas and Strider - oh I'm sorry, it's "Strdier" - to help them save Laura.
A while later we made it to the cell where Laura was being kept. Legolas knocked on the door and asked, "Laura are you in there?"
And then Laura said, "Oh Legolas you finally came!"
"Are you alright?" Legolas asked her.
And then Laura said, "No I am not alright."
"They bet you up and raped you also the Dark Lord gave you the posion."
Well, that's... dark, I thought.
And then Laura said, "How do you know that."
"When I was your age, they did the same thing to me," Legolas replied.
"Wait... WHAT?" I yelled. "You- she- I- SWEET MOTHER TOLKIEN this is messed up! That has to be the darkest retcon EVER!"
And then Laura said, "Can you get me out of here."
"Ok stand back," Legolas said. He then ran backwards to the opposite wall and ran into the door, knocking it over.
And then Laura said, "Wow."
Legolas got up from the floor quickly just as soon as a number of orcs pushed me aside and ran into the jail cell.
Legolas was looking over Laura, who was naked, covered in blood and scars.
"Why they did it to you not me?" Legolas said.
"Because she got a power and she can distoy all the bad guys," the orcs said... in unison, for some reason.
DisTOY you? I thought. So, she can stop you from being made into action figures? Not much of a Sue-per Power, if you ask me.
Legolas quickly pulled out his bow and arrows and began rapid-firing them at the orcs. I drew my sword and began hacking and slashing at the orcs around me (although they seemed more concerned with attacking Laura).
And then it just got wierd.
After a moment of fighting orcs, a bunch of swords appeared besides Legolas. "Strdier, is that you?" Legolas asked the swords.
"Yes it is," one of the swords replied.
I'd rather not repeat the words I said after that, since the Bowdlerizser app didn't seem to censor them. Aragorn - aka Strdier - was now a sword.
"HOW!? WHAT!? WHY!?" I shouted, hacking and slashing violently at orcs, rapidly cutting them up into small pieces.