"Let's go Gill," Cal urged, his hand possessively on her elbow, trying to pull her away. As soon as the last officer had gone through the door, Cal was there to find his wife, ignoring instructions to stay put until the situation was under control. The sound of the gun firing had made his balls creep up inside him in fear. He had rounded the corner so quickly he almost fell off balance. Kevin had shot Nigel in the shoulder, who was on the floor bleeding, but someone else had shot him, and he was also on the floor, dead it seemed; Cal must have missed that second gun shot. After Cal orientated himself with the room and where everyone was in it, he found Gillian over Nigel, his crying wife next to her, her hands covered in red, pressed against his shoulder. Cal had approached quickly, knelt down opposite her and met her eye grimly; she showed him grim resolve.

Cal was aware of voices around him, the confirmation of Kevin's death, the clearing of the other rooms in the office space, Nigel talking to his wife, Tania sobbing. Gillian didn't say anything and Cal didn't know what to say to her. Paramedics arrived and Cal intervened to pry her away when she seemed reluctant to get out of the way. He took her down the hall to the bathroom and washed her hands. Maybe that wasn't the right thing to do but he wanted to get her alone. He dried her fingers gently and she finally looked up and met his eye. She had murmured a 'sorry' and started crying and he pulled her against him quickly, relieved that finally, there was some emotion. He rubbed her back and soothed her.

Gillian was talking to Aiden right now. She had talked to Tania briefly before the paramedics had taken Nigel away to the hospital. The bullet had struck the fleshy part of his shoulder, a clean through and through, and with a bit of surgery he would probably be just fine. After he was wheeled away Gillian had talked to the two men who were clients and Cal was forced to hover around her, waiting. She seemed to be either ignoring him, or was too intensely distracted by taking charge of the situation. Finally, Cal decided to just take control. He should take her home. She was in shock, even if it was mild. He could tell by looking at her. She didn't need to be here anymore.

Gillian turned to Cal and he gave her hand a tug to encourage. "Come on," he coaxed. "We need to go and get the boys." Perfect excuse.

"I can't," she started. "I have to talk, make a statement." She checked her watch, which had smears of red on it. "But you should go," and now she seemed concerned, as if she had forgotten all about their children.

"Come with me. You can talk to these lot late-a." Cal looked over at Aiden and Aiden met his eye. They both looked to Gillian who seemed agitated again, like there was something important she had to do and didn't want to delay it any longer.

"How about I drop Gillian off at home after she's made her statement?" The detective suggested.

Cal wanted to drop kick him.

"There see?" Gillian turned to Cal. "It's fine."

"Fine," Cal grumped. He could see the blood on her clothes still and it had dried and crusted and it was not fine, it was not bloody fine. But he had to go and pick up their sons from school and he was going to be late as it was. He didn't want to go and yet staying was not achieving anything either. He was a spare part. All he could hope for was that Aiden was going to look after her and that she would be home soon. "Don't wear that," Cal turned back to her. He pulled off his sports coat and gave it Gillian to hold. Then he took off his shirt by undoing a few buttons at the top and tugging it over his head. He took off his undershirt and gave that to his wife too, a feeling of de ja vu. He put the shirt back on, reminded her to change, didn't point out that if she came home with her bloodied shirt on the boys would be asking questions.

"All right," Cal sighed, dressed again, ignoring Fox-Boycott, the traitor. "I'll see you soon then yeah?"

Gillian nodded and Cal noted the arousal in her eyes. He was confused and he figured she must be too. When he went to leave she stopped him and pulled him into a hug. "Thank you," she murmured against his ear, her fingers petting the hair at the back of his head. She gave him a quick kiss and moved away again and Cal was dismissed.

PJ

When Gillian got home, wearing Cal's clothes, he was there, waiting for her, by the door, cornering her before the boys could get to her and while it felt a little claustrophobic, she was also grateful. She needed longer to get herself together again. Going over her statement for the police had been tough, she relived it and the guilt was mounting.

"You all right?" Cal's eyes were soft and concerned. His hands reached for her and she slipped one of hers into both of his to stop him from getting closer than that.

Gillian nodded. "I'm going to go up and have a shower."

"Yeah, dinna's nearly ready."

"Ok," Gillian nodded, slipping her hand free as she walked around him.

The boys were sat up at the table when she came back down, in pyjamas this time, and were already eating. Cal was sitting with them but his place was empty. He looked over at her as soon as she appeared and she watched as he kind of jerked to stand but stopped himself; he wanted to smother and he was trying not to. Gillian sat at the head of the table and smiled and asked her sons how their days were; she listened as they told her about what they had got up to at school that day. She sat with six year old Owen and did his reading homework, helping him sound out the words he didn't know yet. Eleven year old Lewis helped Cal with the dishes and then the boys were allowed to watch a bit of TV before bed. And Gillian could feel Cal watching her, feel the need inside him to grill her on what had happened, but also his self-restraint, so they didn't alarm their children. Once they were in bed though, and they were alone, she knew she would have to talk; she just really didn't know what to say.

PJ

Cal tucked Owen in and leaned down to give him a kiss good night. He bade him good dreams and told him he would see him in the morning. He ducked out from beneath the overhanging bunk, careful not to hit his head again. "Good night Dad," Owen called.

"Night buddy," Cal echoed. He had already hugged and kissed Lewis so he headed for the door and pulled it almost closed. Lewis had his back to the room, so the light wouldn't bother him, while Owen faced it, so the light would show him there was nothing scary about to sneak up on him.

Cal padded down the hallway to the bedroom he shared with Gillian. She had turned on lamps and closed the curtains and was in the bathroom brushing her teeth; Cal could hear the water running. He kicked off his shoes by the end of the bed, and peeled off his socks. He had stayed out of it but now he wanted to talk. He undid his work trousers. He'd had to call into the office on his way to get the boys seeing as his phone battery was dead. It wasn't completely unusual for him to disappear for the day without a lot of notice and his excuse was merely that he'd been caught up and his phone had died. A lie only by omission. Cal was pulling his shirt off when Gillian came back into the room.

She crossed to where he stood and pulled his mouth into a fierce kiss. Heat shocked through Cal instantly and he found himself grabbing for her as she pressed her body against his. She tasted like mint and her fingers gripped him hard on either side of his hips. A little voice started to say this wasn't right, that they should talk first, and he realised they had been there before; they had made this mistake before. He ripped Gillian away from him and her eyes were dark and her mouth swollen and she was panting at him. Fuck she made this hard. Pun intended.

"We can't," Cal huffed. Gillian reached for him again and he shoved at her hands, then gripped her wrists and pulled her tightly against him in an embrace. She started to protest and he shushed her harshly. "We can't do this again Gill. We have to talk."

She muttered something against his shoulder that sounded like 'I can't'.

"You have to," Cal insisted. "This is it Gill. This is that moment."

She went very still and then she nodded. "Ok," she turned her head to murmur against his neck. "But I..." It sounded like she choked on the word.

"I'll go first," Cal volunteered. Gillian was so very good at talking about things, but not when it came to her things. In that way, she was no different from him or anyone else. but she had promised him and this was the next thing they had to work on and here was the opportunity to do it. He quickly went on. "I was scared shitless Gill. Scared out of my mind. The only relief I got, the only thing that stopped me rushin' the room was the thought that I might make it worse for you if I..." Did something stupid.

Gillian's arms shifted so they were draped around his waist.

"But seein' you there and bein' able to talk to you. That helped a lot."

He felt Gillian go limp against him and he walked her backwards to the bed, sitting her down on the mattress. "I'm so glad you're all right," he smoothed back her hair from her face so he could see her, uninhibited, because she was his and he'd have it no other way.

She lifted her eyes to meet his. "I thought you'd be saying 'I told you so' right about now."

"No," Cal murmured and shook his head. "No 'I told you so's'. He wasn't your patient. It's not your fault he brought a gun to the office." He felt his throat close up a little at the thought... just the thought of what could have happened. But it wasn't like this was an everyday occurrence. Neither Gillian or Cal could have predicted it. And it would do no one any good to wrap up in cotton wool and hide.

"I could have stopped it," Gillian whispered.

"No you couldn't darlin'. You couldn't have."

"I could see, on his face, what he was agitated about, I could have said something, tried to talk to him."

"No," Cal insisted. "I heard him too. He was beyond reasonin' with. You couldn't have said anythin' he would have listened to."

"I was so scared, Cal," Gillian tried again. "I didn't want to get hurt. I didn't want to leave the boys. I kept thinking about them. I didn't want to die."

Cal shifted from sitting beside her to kneeling in front of her, on the floor, so she would look at him. "It's ok Gill. I'm glad you thought of them. You handled it betta than me. I would have wanted to jump in there and probably would have got myself shot."

"Then I'm glad you didn't," Gillian attempted a smile.

Cal tried one too but it felt a little strange. "I'm startin' to feel invincible Gill."

"What?" She choked out.

"No matta what happens, nothin' will keep us apart."

"That's," she started to dismiss and then she thought about it, Cal could see her mind swirl.

"Don't you even think of testing that theory," she warned.

"Promise," Cal uttered. He shifted up and she met him and they hugged fiercely. Cal squeezed her until he could feel her bones against his chest and even then it didn't feel close enough. He shifted to kiss her again and felt the need to cry. It was the relief he knew, but he still fought it back.

Gillian looked up at him, her eyes vulnerable. "I love you." Which was really: thank you for not telling me off, for not insisting I quit this job, for being there for me, for forcing me to talk, for looking after our sons.

"I love you too darlin'," Cal agreed. He kissed her forehead. "Bed ok?"

"Ok," Gillian agreed. She scooted away as Cal went to brush his teeth. When he was settled in bed they embraced again, taking warmth from each other against the cool sheets.

"You rememba when I lost my memory?"

"Yes," Gillian answered meekly.

"I always wonda-ed why, why I cut you out."

"Cal," Gillian tried.

"No," Cal cut her off. "I think I know why. Or at least now I feel like I have a theory as to 'why'. I've been thinkin' about it for a while. I think I was afraid of losin' you. Don't ask me how or why I would but... I think on some level I was scared I would be without you."

"So you forgot me before that could happen?"

"Somethin' like that."

"Pre-emptive strike," Gillian murmured.

"Yeah."

It wasn't a flawless explanation but at least it was one. It wasn't like Cal could get Rockwell or even Wu to back it up, but it felt right in his heart. And his instincts rarely let him down.

"Don't ever do that again. I'm not going anywhere."

Cal held her tighter and the emotion he was trying to ignore washed up over him again. As he pressed a final kiss to her forehead a tear snuck beneath his eyelids and trailed down the edge of his eye till it hit the pillow.